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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

#21439825
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28994) - you deserved it (2648)

On 07/10/2015 at 11:49pm - misc - by Julianapilikusplatosophophes (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML

#21438523
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25315) - you deserved it (1810)

On 07/08/2015 at 1:45pm - love - by welpwelpwelp - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML

#21436121
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21863) - you deserved it (6153)

On 07/03/2015 at 11:41pm - health - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I quit my job so I wouldn't have to work with this one complete fuck-wit anymore. I told him what I thought of him, and then walked away giving him the middle finger. Turns out, he is a regular customer at my new job. Everyone loves him and thinks he's awesome. FML

#21435181
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25751) - you deserved it (9667)

On 07/02/2015 at 12:49am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

#21434600
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26846) - you deserved it (4691)

On 06/30/2015 at 10:40pm - work - by stink - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while alone in the childcare centre I work at, one of the children farted bad enough to trigger my morning sickness. Because I was alone, I couldn't leave the room, which resulted in me throwing up into a 2-year-old-sized toilet, while 12 toddlers either watched or ran wild. FML

#21434454
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24347) - you deserved it (1710)

On 06/30/2015 at 4:26pm - work - by sickatwokr - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my husband asked me to buy a different brand of dish soap, as the one he was using wasn't working. After a quick look, I had to agree. The lemon cordial he had been using, while tasting nice, didn't really help clean the dishes. FML

Today, an old lady wearing a low-cut shirt with no bra underneath came into my line with some groceries. At some point while bagging her groceries, her wrinkled breast slipped out of her shirt. She didn't even notice. I wish to fuck I could unsee this. FML

#21432649
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28174) - you deserved it (2139)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was complimented on my improved performance over the last 3 months. My boss said he doesn't know what I've done to improve, but to keep it up. I'd only started looking for another job, and stopped giving a shit. FML

#21431603
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25757) - you deserved it (2202)

On 06/25/2015 at 3:06am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, at my sister's wedding, she and I had a plan that she would purposely throw the bouquet to my girlfriend, then I would propose in front of everyone. When the bouquet landed in my girlfriend's lap, she screamed, "Ew, no way" and threw it to someone else. FML

#21430908
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32222) - you deserved it (3449)

On 06/23/2015 at 10:48pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML

#21430061
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30684) - you deserved it (2506)

On 06/22/2015 at 10:41am - intimacy - by bonzo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, some asshat ran onto the road and tried and jump over my car as I drove by. He didn't make the jump. FML

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML

#21428771
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26549) - you deserved it (8778)

On 06/19/2015 at 9:06pm - misc - by jenpearl (woman) - Australia



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