FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I have a condition that, when I pull my foreskin back, it looks as if a rubber band has been put on it. The doctor told me the only way to fix it was to have me circumcised. My mum laughed, then asked him if he had a magnifying lens to do it. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2011 at 7:54am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I arranged to have some flowers delivered at work for Valentine's Day so that my colleagues will think someone likes me. FML

by alone / 02/14/2011 at 12:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I had to say a deep sincere speech on assembly in front of the whole college on the recent floods in Queensland. Instead of saying "We are Queenslanders, when we get knocked down, we get back up" I stumbled and said "We are Queenslanders, when we get knocked up..." FML

by knockedup / 02/13/2011 at 5:00am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my Dad thought "Joseph" and "Francis" were two people hacking our internet. They are actually the names of my laptop and iPod, which have now been blocked from using our modem. He can't figure out how to unblock them. FML

by Gem / 02/11/2011 at 5:59am / Australia (Victoria) / Geek

Today, to give the illusion that I have friends, I wrote an outrageous status on Facebook, and then pretended it was the result of a friend hacking my page, all in the hope that it would get comments, likes or at least some attention. Nothing happened. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2011 at 5:02am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally found out whether or not my boyfriend is cheating on me. Turns out he isn't. He is cheating on his wife, with me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2011 at 12:19am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy

Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2011 at 2:57pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I was walking to the shops when I saw my friend about 10 metres in front of me, waiting at the traffic lights, by herself. Jokingly, I shouted out "Who's that really ugly person waiting at the lights?" The girl turned around. It wasn't my friend. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2011 at 6:43am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, after hanging up the phone, I realised that telemarketers are my only form of social life. FML

by oxbonxo / 02/07/2011 at 3:38am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out about my parent's divorce over Facebook. FML

by MissCommunicate / 02/05/2011 at 10:36am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML

by nosleep / 02/04/2011 at 7:05pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up at 3am to go to work. This will be my new routine from now on. FML

by yawning / 02/01/2011 at 3:14pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I was going through the history on my computer. Apparently, while I was at school my mother used my computer, and I now know my mother wants to learn how to make her breasts look larger, amongst other things. FML

by LonelyBoy / 02/01/2011 at 8:05am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy