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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML

#13787466
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48829) - you deserved it (17796)

On 11/10/2010 at 5:28am - health - by youreajoker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mother keyed my car because I wouldn't invite her into my home and get her a cup of tea, so she could continue screaming that she was going to kill me while I tried to feed my 4 month old daughter. The last time I got her a cup of tea she threw it in my face. FML

Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML

#13771276
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32660) - you deserved it (2456)

On 11/08/2010 at 10:36pm - money - by Jen - Australia

Today, I discovered I am the "before picture" in an internet weight loss advert. FML

#13766366
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44284) - you deserved it (8545)

On 11/08/2010 at 4:11pm - misc - by beforegirl (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was told that I look like a cross between Roger Federer and Neil Patrick Harris. Apparently I have a big forehead and a squished face. FML

#13762185
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18922) - you deserved it (2941)

On 11/08/2010 at 5:32am - misc - by facingit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was holding on to a shirt that I planned on buying, when an elderly man bumped into me. The shirt fell out of my hand, and slid just out the door. I went to the counter to explain what happened. Everyone accused me of trying to steal it anyway. FML

#13757494
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24097) - you deserved it (2807)

On 11/07/2010 at 9:25pm - misc - by Telinaa (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML

#13736205
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27417) - you deserved it (4990)

On 11/06/2010 at 7:45am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend started his first day of work. After saying our goodbyes, I went into our bedroom to get changed, picked up one of my blouses and found a camera, still recording. I guess someone has major trust issues. FML

#13729555
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27949) - you deserved it (3791)

On 11/05/2010 at 7:36pm - love - by distressed (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after moving house, changing my number, my email, and beginning legal action to get away from a girl who was stalking me, I decided to go to the movies to relax. As soon as I got in my seat, that same girl walked into the nearly empty theatre. She sat next to me. FML

#13723810
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36946) - you deserved it (2791)

On 11/05/2010 at 5:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I heard a loud-speaker announcement in my college that someone had left their car in the car park, still running, with keys in the ignition. I laughed at that person's foolishness until I realised it was mine. FML

#13686426
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6825) - you deserved it (34351)

On 11/02/2010 at 9:44am - misc - by hannibal - Australia

Today, I discovered that the upside of losing weight is that men have started hitting on me. The downside? They're all twice my age. FML

#13684302
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25574) - you deserved it (3982)

On 11/02/2010 at 2:50am - love - by stillyoung (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to explain to my mother that it is inappropriate to hit on my boyfriend when his parents are over for dinner. FML

#13673860
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32081) - you deserved it (2492)

On 11/01/2010 at 11:00am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

#13661699
377 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66600) - you deserved it (9393)

On 10/31/2010 at 9:30am - intimacy - by Tai - Australia (New South Wales)



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