FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

by confused / 09/28/2011 at 12:55am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, my fiancé told me his ex-wife was 5 weeks pregnant. I was happy for her, and glad she had finally moved on. Until I found out who the father was. They're moving back in together, for the baby's sake. FML

by xOdaatx / 09/26/2011 at 9:01am / Australia / Love

Today, in a desperate attempt to get my business "out there", I dropped a few of my cards on a station floor. I got a call, even a quote. A $500 fine from the transit for public littering. FML

by Sam / 09/26/2011 at 7:46am / Australia (New South Wales) / Money

Today, I cleared out the messages in my voicemail. Of the 50+ messages, most were from my mother wanting to know when I'd be home. I'm 27. FML

by Nudge23 / 09/26/2011 at 3:26am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, after months of grueling training and countless early mornings, I finally began the race I had been preparing for over the past year, only to slip and break my leg in the first 450 meters. FML

by jc2011 / 09/25/2011 at 3:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, while resting in bed, I felt a slight tickle on my neck. Thinking it was a cockroach, I panicked and flung it across the bedroom. Turns out it was my brand new necklace, which is now broken into dozens of pieces. FML

by deee21 / 09/24/2011 at 4:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was expecting my period. To avoid the embarrassment of everyone in the office finding out, instead of putting tampons in my bag, I hid one in my bra. It fell out while I was coming back from lunch. I am now known to all as "The Tampon Dispenser". FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2011 at 9:55am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FML

by PC Jones / 09/20/2011 at 10:56am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I realized just how much my bad sex life has started affecting me, when after not being able to climax from masturbating, I instinctively faked an orgasm. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2011 at 6:39am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML

by Help / 09/16/2011 at 12:20pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML

by Cooper491 / 09/15/2011 at 5:22pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got kicked off the train because I refused to stand for an old lady who wanted to sit down. There was an empty seat right next to me. FML

by Godsfavourite / 09/14/2011 at 1:42am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after being cut out of the car, on the way to hospital in the ambulance, we were involved in another accident. FML

by skitzobiatch69 / 09/13/2011 at 1:07pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Transportation