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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML

#17279382
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29947) - you deserved it (4537)

On 07/27/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, someone came over and told my mother, "I'm your son's friend Morris, I need to get something out of his car", so she gave him the keys. I have no friend called Morris, and now I don't have a sound system either. FML

#17266001
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40657) - you deserved it (3290)

On 07/26/2011 at 9:35am - misc - by ceetee - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML

#17252613
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35554) - you deserved it (3446)

On 07/25/2011 at 10:10am - misc - by Bec (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my new mailbox key finally arrived. Not at the front door as I requested, but in the mailbox. FML

#17211287
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37511) - you deserved it (2758)

On 07/22/2011 at 12:20am - misc - by MailMaster (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML

#17207646
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31238) - you deserved it (15290)

On 07/21/2011 at 7:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was sitting waiting for my train for a long while. When it finally came, I had pins and needles in my foot. When I got up, I fell and unsuccessfully stumbled towards the train. The doors closed and it left without me. FML

#17201345
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30044) - you deserved it (4390)

On 07/21/2011 at 6:43am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina looks like an old man in a hat. It's OK though, he said it was a nice hat. FML

#17187875
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42001) - you deserved it (5640)

On 07/20/2011 at 5:17am - intimacy - by growlr - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after being in love with one of my best friends for ages, he took me on a date. We then went back to his place and we made love. Afterwards, he told me he wanted to show me something and led me outside. He ran back in and locked the door. It's a two hour walk home. FML

#17174791
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56883) - you deserved it (7168)

On 07/19/2011 at 7:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML

#17134448
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43287) - you deserved it (4606)

On 07/16/2011 at 9:28am - kids - by Rejected (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML

#17063705
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33411) - you deserved it (12197)

On 07/11/2011 at 5:25am - kids - by Mothering (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML

#17063070
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61547) - you deserved it (3179)

On 07/11/2011 at 3:42am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my daughter announced on Facebook that she is directly descended from extra-terrestrials. That would be okay - except she's 25 and believes it's true. FML

#17060608
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29508) - you deserved it (4328)

On 07/11/2011 at 12:23am - kids - by MotherofET (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my daughter asked why there was an X marked on a telephone pole. I told her they were going to remove it. She started crying and saying, "They can't kill the tree!" She is 16. FML

#17036042
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33531) - you deserved it (7202)

On 07/09/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by anon - Australia (Victoria)



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