FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML

by kids shouldnt have hard sports equipment / 01/17/2016 at 8:48pm / Australia (South Australia) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2016 at 7:51am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I arrived at the kennels I work in to find the power disconnected and the water pump off. This meant I had to bucket water and carry it to keep over sixty assorted dogs and cats alive in temperatures over 90 degrees. The moment I finished, the power came back on. FML

by TooFlamingHot / 01/13/2016 at 9:08pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, at work a customer yelled at me, called me a 'fucking bitch', 'a fat whore', and, told me to lose weight because I wouldn't let her in the grocery store I work at to buy lettuce, after we'd closed. Lettuce for her lizard. FML

by midnightblade163 / 01/13/2016 at 7:06am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, after waking up to find a large spider outside my bedroom door and screaming, waking up my mum to kill it, she then sprayed it and went to pick it up. She then informed me it was made of plastic. My cat had got into the Halloween decorations from the spare room and decided to play. FML

by mutantprincess / 01/12/2016 at 5:48am / Australia / Animals

Today, the person I was driving behind put their car in reverse and backed straight into me. I was then yelled at and told, "I had my reversing lights on! Why didn't you move?!" FML

by Brayden / 01/09/2016 at 10:27pm / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Afterwards, my parents thought it would be a great idea to have my favourite meal. I got to watch them enjoy it. FML

by First World Problems / 01/08/2016 at 9:34am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, I hate my distant visiting family so much that after work I take a detour and sit in my car on an adjacent street, contemplating reasons not to go home. FML

by Labro9 / 01/07/2016 at 3:15am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my 5 year-old informed me she likes her "other mummy" more and wants to live with her instead. I need to have a long conversation with my husband. FML

by Xandriajoy10 / 01/04/2016 at 12:21am / Australia / Kids

Today, a friend who visited me a week ago with "allergy rashes" told me that it's actually scabies, and she hopes I didn't catch it from her. It takes 2-6 weeks for the symptoms to show and I can't use the medication for it anyway because I'm pregnant. FML

by itchyyet / 01/03/2016 at 12:52am / Australia (South Australia) / Health

Today, my boyfriend was so drunk at a New Years party that he approached me and asked me who I was. FML

by anon / 01/02/2016 at 10:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, while on a flight, I was walking back to my seat after going to the bathroom, when someone stuck their leg out, causing me to trip and fall flat on my face. All the guy could say was, "There's a thing called glasses. Fucking use them!" FML

by Puff301 / 01/01/2016 at 6:25pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went on a date at the park. Have you ever felt dozens of ants swarming up your legs and back? I have now. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2016 at 6:37am / Australia / Animals