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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I bit into a piece of homegrown lettuce from my garden. Apparently, I'm not the only one to enjoy my produce, because I took a bite out of a small caterpillar. FML

#21330219
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28711) - you deserved it (9354)

On 01/03/2015 at 8:42pm - misc - by Malina - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mum sat me down for a serious talk about not being home enough - not because she misses me, but because the family cat needs more stability in her life. FML

#21329522
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27419) - you deserved it (2192)

On 01/02/2015 at 7:11pm - animals - by cat co-parent - Australia

Today, I went on a first date, only for us to find the restaurant wasn't open on New Year's Day. My date suggested going to the mall instead. We drove in our own cars. Me: the mall, him: home. I waited for 40 minutes before realising he'd stood me up. Happy New Year to me. FML

#21328493
77 comments

Today, I had numerous calls from people saying they need a baby sitter, because "they know I wasn't invited anywhere". FML

#21328036
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28531) - you deserved it (2194)

On 12/31/2014 at 7:52pm - misc - by Yeah-It's-Just-Me - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

#21327810
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28988) - you deserved it (2384)

On 12/31/2014 at 1:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, my obsessive stalker of an ex found my girlfriend on Facebook and sent her a message saying just ":)". For some reason I'll never understand, she took this as a sign that I'd just slept with my ex. Now I'm single, and my ex is probably planning her next move. FML

#21324775
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31456) - you deserved it (2280)

On 12/26/2014 at 4:03pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML

#21323138
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30675) - you deserved it (2330)

On 12/24/2014 at 7:03am - misc - by jflac (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out I was the top ranking sales person for 2014. What did last year's winner receive? An all-expenses paid weekend holiday. What did I receive? A ham. I'm vegetarian. FML

#21321989
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34369) - you deserved it (3538)

On 12/22/2014 at 9:24am - work - by Bahhumbug (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I waited thirty minutes for a bus that stopped running three weeks ago. FML

#21321887
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26631) - you deserved it (5918)

On 12/22/2014 at 2:45am - misc - by Stupid - Australia (Tasmania)

Today, I noticed that even though I got all my Christmas shopping done a month earlier than usual, I forgot to put anything in the mail. FML

#21321340
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25949) - you deserved it (7346)

On 12/21/2014 at 3:51am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I took a late-night shower. When I got out afterwards, the bathroom door was ajar, and I could have sworn I heard the faint patter of footsteps in the kitchen. "It's probably the cat," I told myself. Then I went upstairs and saw my cat asleep on my bed. FML

#21320813
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31682) - you deserved it (2409)

On 12/20/2014 at 9:41am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mother-in-law asked for a copy of my son's death certificate so she could have her week-long island beach holiday classed as bereavement leave. FML

Today, I found out my Nan passed away. My boyfriend came over to comfort me, things got intimate and we ended up having sex. After he came, he chuckled to himself and said, "That one's for you, Nan". FML



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