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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I was using a wooden toothpick to try to get at some food that was firmly lodged between my teeth. The toothpick broke and now I also have a splinter of wood jammed in there too. FML

Today, I couldn't see my car in a crowded car park. I pressed unlock on my keys and saw the lights flash. As I walked over I also saw someone run from my car with an armful of my stuff. FML

#21498846
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24324) - you deserved it (6251)

On 12/01/2015 at 4:49am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light. I saw my neighbour and her new boyfriend crossing the road, then noticed as he started grabbing his crotch, but thought nothing of it. They both then pulled down their pants and urinated in the middle of the busy intersection. FML

#21498487
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22511) - you deserved it (1685)

On 11/30/2015 at 8:06am - misc - by tabbycacti (woman) - Australia

Today, my sister accused me of "leading on" her creepy best friend and said I should apologize to him for making him think he was going to get lucky. I haven't talked to the guy in over 5 years, except for one random encounter 2 days ago, where all I said was, "Hi, how have you been?" FML

#21498146
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21199) - you deserved it (1284)

On 11/29/2015 at 11:04am - misc - by lisa (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I realised there's a reason that no one talks to the weird guy from choir practice. I was nice to him a couple weeks ago and now he won't stop following me around the school and watching my group at lunch from behind a pole. FML

#21497720
89 comments

Today, I had to carry a 25kg bag of cement to an elderly customer's car because she refused to use a cart. "You're paid to work, so I'm gonna make you work." FML

#21497242
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23838) - you deserved it (3049)

On 11/26/2015 at 9:26pm - work - by I hate retail (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML

#21495827
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23699) - you deserved it (8813)

On 11/23/2015 at 9:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I walked in on my brother jerking off to a breast cancer awareness advert. FML

#21495359
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25879) - you deserved it (2687)

On 11/22/2015 at 12:12am - intimacy - by ugh, why (woman) - Australia

Today, I finally got to a point where I could ask my mother about how enthusiastically she used to beat me. First sentence out of her mouth was, "It didn't change your behaviour, but it did make me feel better." FML

#21491931
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24687) - you deserved it (2018)

On 11/13/2015 at 12:24am - health - by MeAgainDr... (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I found out that my "friends" only invite me to their parties when they need a designated driver. Apparently I'm "not fun" because I don't drink, which "ruins the party". FML

#21491190
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20908) - you deserved it (2511)

On 11/11/2015 at 9:38am - misc - by Neednewfriends (woman) - Australia

Today, one of my friends thought it would be funny to tell my psycho clinger of an ex that I still like her. It had only been a few months since she finally stopped stalking me. FML

#21491123
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22195) - you deserved it (1504)

On 11/11/2015 at 3:51am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was having sex with someone I've been casually seeing. He got all weird during it, and said, "That's a good girl". Once he left, I told my housemates about it. Now every time I do something nice for them, they respond, "That's a good girl". FML

#21490607
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24368) - you deserved it (7154)

On 11/09/2015 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by bianca131 (woman) - Australia

Today, my husband is sulking because he "can't" have sex with me. I've tried initiating things multiple times, but he keeps saying no, because I'm pregnant and he says it'd be exactly the same as having sex with his own kid. FML

#21489448
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26681) - you deserved it (2892)

On 11/07/2015 at 12:39am - intimacy - by sigh (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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