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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML

#21371044
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33730) - you deserved it (3360)

On 03/09/2015 at 8:15am - health - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my son was at a birthday party. After eating a plate of cake, he loudly asked the birthday boy's mum if he could have sloppy seconds. I don't know where he heard that phrase, but the other kids' parents shot me very dirty looks. FML

#21369892
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29334) - you deserved it (3104)

On 03/07/2015 at 11:59am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML

#21369803
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29686) - you deserved it (5992)

On 03/07/2015 at 7:14am - animals - by farksh (woman) - Australia

Today, I saw my boss heading my way at work. He has a "no food in the office" policy, so I quickly scarfed down my pop-tart. I ended up choking on it so hard that I threw up. FML

#21369280
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24458) - you deserved it (18850)

On 03/06/2015 at 12:41pm - work - by f*ck (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, at a music festival, some douche unzipped the back of my skirt, exposing my Ninja Turtle undies to everyone before running off. FML

#21369215
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32909) - you deserved it (4962)

On 03/06/2015 at 9:03am - misc - by no touching - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML

#21365080
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37685) - you deserved it (2517)

On 02/28/2015 at 4:04am - health - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I am still finding glitter in my ass crack after a concert last night that had a confetti cannon. Thanks Marilyn Manson, I feel so metal now. FML

Today, I got pulled over for speaking on my phone. I accepted the fine because I was too ashamed to tell the cute officer that I was actually trying to pop a huge pimple on my cheek. FML

#21363177
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25946) - you deserved it (12590)

On 02/25/2015 at 5:33am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was off from school because of an extremely bad barking cough. My neighbours called the police because apparently my cough sounds like someone torturing an animal. FML

#21359104
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31581) - you deserved it (2237)

On 02/19/2015 at 8:46am - animals - by Animal cruelty (man) - Australia

Today, I went to an ATM intending to withdraw $150. I approached the machine, inserted my card, typed in my pin and followed the prompts. When my card came out, I removed it, put it in my pocket and drove off. FML

Today, after being with the company for over 3 years, I realised nobody really knows my name. This was after my boss was walking around a new staff member and couldn't introduce me. Neither could my colleague, who's been sitting next to me for the last 6 months. FML

#21358494
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33451) - you deserved it (3792)

On 02/18/2015 at 7:35am - work - by lonergirl - Australia

Today, I received a bunch of flowers from my 'lover'. This would be fine except that I don't have a lover, and my boyfriend now thinks I'm cheating. FML

#21357201
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34904) - you deserved it (2843)

On 02/16/2015 at 7:57am - love - by anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML

#21356993
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35578) - you deserved it (2404)

On 02/15/2015 at 10:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)



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