FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I found out the hard way that my girlfriend lied about being on the pill four months ago. FML

by Daddy. / 02/17/2010 at 3:15am / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yells at the top of her voice 'stop following me you freak'. I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML

by Timv86 / 02/16/2010 at 3:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were out shopping. As he was trying on shirts, I told him that the particular shirt he was wearing looked ugly. He turned around, sighed, and said "You think? Well, your face is ugly, but you don't see me complaining about it." He was serious. FML

by AnnaNick / 02/13/2010 at 9:19pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, when setting up for a rehearsal, my eldest teacher was standing next to me. My music teacher announces that it will be a tight fit and hard for everyone to fit in the area. The old teacher next to me leans over and whispers, "I'd like to fit in your tight area." FML

by pinky / 02/12/2010 at 12:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting on the train wondering what that putrid smell was. As I got off the train I realized there was vomit all over the back of my seat. FML

by kstaa / 02/10/2010 at 6:47am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML

by utensils123 / 02/09/2010 at 1:40am / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

by wallbanger / 02/07/2010 at 7:31am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to a female friend online. She was typing out a story bit by bit about how awful she was feeling after being teased. I was responding with "So, so true" but because of my slow typing it appeared after she wrote, "Doesn't help being fat." FML

by Oops / 02/06/2010 at 3:17am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

by Isabell / 02/06/2010 at 12:31am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I was in my drama class and I was standing behind the curtains. My friend accidentally bumped me into the bin that was hidden behind the curtain. Everyone heard me fall and they opened the curtains. My butt was stuck in it and my knees were in front of my face. No one helped. FML

by JD / 02/05/2010 at 8:20pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the phone to my boyfriend in England. I live in Australia. What did he talk about for 15 minutes straight? Mafia Wars on Facebook and how far he had got. FML

by MafiaWarsWidow / 02/04/2010 at 8:35pm / Australia (Victoria) / Geek

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. My mother turned to me and said, "Wait you're actually gay? I thought you were just saying that to piss off your father." I came out to her when I was 16, and have confided in her about my past relationships. FML

by EchoDearEcho / 02/04/2010 at 9:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I ran into my ex's family, and found out they are going to Europe. Funnily enough, so am I. Even funnier is the fact that we are going on the same date, at the same time, on the same flights, and the tour starts on the same day in the same place. FML

by jacques / 02/02/2010 at 9:08am / Australia (Queensland) / Holidays