FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I discovered my employer is advertising for a contractor position within my team performing basically the same role as myself. Except the pay is seven times more. FML

by YankeeDoodle / 03/04/2010 at 12:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride in a paddle-boat. He decided it would be fun to paddle near the fountain. The fountain decided it would be fun to shower me, him and all of our things in filthy, stinking duck water. I had to ride the bus home by myself. FML

by duckwater / 03/01/2010 at 1:43am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I went to a family funeral. Talking to my grandfather, trying the make chitchat, he says "You're gaining weight, aren't you?" FML

by livvlynette / 02/27/2010 at 5:15am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to yell out "Pass us the bong, Emma!" while I was on the phone to my mother. FML

by UnfortunateGirly / 02/26/2010 at 3:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I witnessed my roommate pop a blister with a skewer and casually place it back in the kitchen drawer, before wiping what seeped out with the teatowel. FML

by OMFG / 02/22/2010 at 5:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. I leaned down to get something out of my bag and hit my head on some protruding concrete. I said I was fine. Then blood came running down my face. FML

by erin1985 / 02/21/2010 at 7:31pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took the train to work. There was an older man standing behind me. Everytime I tried to edge away from him, he edged closer. Everytime the train rocked even slightly, his crotch made contact with my behind. It was an extremely bumpy train ride. I could also tell when he became hard. FML

by trainhump / 02/20/2010 at 5:54am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, while on my graveyard shift at an inner-city backpackers lodge, a drunk pissed in a dorm at 4am. I had to clean up after him, wash all the luggage that got dowsed, clean up 2 separate piles of puke, and help 3 drunken Brits back to their room while they abused me. I have a science degree. FML

by underachiever / 02/20/2010 at 2:29am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I was in a public restroom when someone took the toilet next to mine. Moments later, a used tampon rolls into my cubicle followed by an "Oops!" A creeping hand then promptly reached under to retrieve it. Both her hand and the tampon touched my bare toes. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2010 at 9:21pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, I was teaching a special techniques class for ballet and was focusing on pirouettes. I was teaching a group of 8 year olds, and one student could do perfect triple turns one after the other. I still can't do them, and I've been dancing for 15 years. FML

by JJ101 / 02/19/2010 at 6:52am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I got a reply to my Valentine's Day card that I sent to my girlfriend. I'll get the address right next time because her neighbor is really creeping me out now. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2010 at 3:25am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

by somuchforthat / 02/19/2010 at 2:38am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, I lost my virginity to an ultrasound probe. FML

by kaitlin / 02/19/2010 at 1:30am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy