FMLs submitted from

Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML

by WhyMe? / 03/01/2011 at 8:24am / Intimacy

Today, I found out that the co-worker I have been dating and falling for is the same co-worker that had been spreading rumors about me and getting me in trouble with my boss. FML

by j / 03/01/2011 at 1:26am / Work

Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML

by cockalicious / 03/01/2011 at 12:29am / Love

Today, I paid €100 to have a tube shoved down my genitals. FML

by regretter / 02/28/2011 at 8:07pm / Intimacy

Today, my assistant manager was arguing with a customer. I interjected letting the customer know that "we want everything to be copacetic." After the customer left, I received a write up for using "big words." FML

by Username / 02/28/2011 at 11:26am / Work

Today, after we'd let an author rent out our cabin, we read in the book of poems he wrote while staying that he'd described how he enjoyed sitting on our table naked. The same table we often eat off. FML

by Username / 02/28/2011 at 12:44am / Intimacy

Today, my shoulder was pulled out of its socket when I was helping a customer load a desk into his vehicle and he decided to answer his cell phone. FML

by jack / 02/28/2011 at 12:43am / Work

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not letting her keep the 75 cents that she stole from my truck. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2011 at 10:23pm / Money

Today, I went to see my banker. As we were finishing everything up, I leaned forward to sign something. As I went back to sit down, my 2 year old pulled the chair out from under me, and I crashed down to the floor. FML

by Gretchen / 02/24/2011 at 8:56pm / Kids

Today, I was paired up with a partner in my film class. He has an idea for a film: "Shoot an onion from all angles, light it on fire, and roll it down a hill". He was dead serious. I'm stuck with this guy for the whole year. FML

by Dean Heffern / 02/22/2011 at 9:28am / Work

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

by no name / 02/22/2011 at 7:25am / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a picture my husband had saved on the computer. It was of me, and he had named it "Fatter". FML

by just great... / 02/22/2011 at 3:38am / Love

Today, I had to fake fall down the stairs so my mom would stop texting and actually pay attention to what I was saying. FML

by anonymous / 02/22/2011 at 2:07am / Miscellaneous