FMLs submitted from

Today, a man was struggling up some slippery steps with a pram, when his sunglasses fell from his head. I hurried to pick them up for him, as he had no free hands, but instead accidentally stood on them, snapping them in half. FML

by Emily / 03/03/2011 at 10:23am / Miscellaneous

Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML

by panda / 03/03/2011 at 6:20am / Animals

Today, while riding the bus to a really important job interview the child sitting next to me threw up in my lap. His mother then told him to wipe his mouth. He used my sleeve. FML

by elfy2 / 03/02/2011 at 9:49pm / Kids

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the bed, when he started to tickle me. I tried to pull away but he pushed me back down. I ended up hitting my eye on the corner of the nightstand. His comment was "this is why you shouldn't struggle." FML

by taiannalynn5 / 03/02/2011 at 6:43pm / Health

Today, at work I tried to help an old man by opening the door for him. He flipped me off because I was wearing a Kansas State University shirt. FML

by Ivan / 03/02/2011 at 5:10am / Work

Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML

by Noguestlist / 03/02/2011 at 3:16am / Love

Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML

by thelunarwolf / 03/01/2011 at 10:41pm / Love

Today, during a class, I noticed some racist statements and symbols on a table. While erasing them, I bent down to pick up my dropped pencil. I look back up to see a teacher, and got a suspension. FML

by assumed / 03/01/2011 at 11:47am / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that it's cute when a goat comes up to you and licks your face. That is, until you realize that goat was just eating poison ivy. FML

by a / 03/01/2011 at 10:00am / Health

Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML

by WhyMe? / 03/01/2011 at 8:24am / Intimacy

Today, I found out that the co-worker I have been dating and falling for is the same co-worker that had been spreading rumors about me and getting me in trouble with my boss. FML

by j / 03/01/2011 at 1:26am / Work

Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML

by cockalicious / 03/01/2011 at 12:29am / Love

Today, I paid €100 to have a tube shoved down my genitals. FML

by regretter / 02/28/2011 at 8:07pm / Intimacy