FMLs submitted from

Today, while attempting to sneak out of my boyfriend's parents' house during my walk of shame, I fell down the stairs, spilling cherry coke all over myself, their walls, and the carpet. FML

by stairmaster / 04/05/2011 at 3:47am / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my boss I was too sick to come to work. He asked if I had a late night so I told him I stayed in. Apparently I ran into him at a bar last night and was too drunk to remember it. FML

by randa / 04/05/2011 at 3:30am / Work

Today, I got in a car accident on the way to work. I received an abusive phone call from my boss saying he shouldn't have to cover my lazy ass. I was driving to cover his shift because he was too drunk to show up to work. FML

by patch91 / 04/04/2011 at 10:03pm / Work

Today, I was watching Animal Planet while babysitting my 4 year-old niece. A really cute baby bunny came on and I called her into the room, only for her to see it get killed by a Bald Eagle. Now she won't stop crying. FML

by arbiter3 / 04/04/2011 at 6:13am / Kids

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to break down and cry because his mother hates me for unknown reasons. I walked in, gave him a long hug, and started sobbing. I then saw his mother. She was visiting him to complain about how terrible a person I am. FML

by terrible person / 04/04/2011 at 5:29am / Love

Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2011 at 1:26am / Health

Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML

by ravenskater / 04/03/2011 at 10:47pm / Kids

Today, my roommate thought it would be a good idea to show me his huge new tarantula despite knowing that I have extremely severe arachnophobia. I ended up killing it with a book and apparently now owe him $500. FML

by QWERTY / 04/03/2011 at 7:20pm / Animals

Today, I quit my job after I overheard my boss doing a 'hysterical' impression of me telling her about my dad's heart condition. FML

by dinomite / 03/26/2011 at 8:05am / Work

Today, I laid in bed all night texting my drunk boyfriend and drunk best friend. They were at two different parties, neither of which I was invited to. FML

by mylifesucks / 03/26/2011 at 3:05am / Miscellaneous

Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML

by ouch / 03/25/2011 at 10:27pm / Animals

Today, in front of my family, my brother's wife announced that she was pregnant with their first child. Everyone joked around and said I was next. Two weeks ago I found out that I'm sterile. FML

by dazzla08 / 03/25/2011 at 8:07pm / Health

Today, I went to the hospital as my girlfriends emergency contact. When I saw her, she was under a blanket because she had no pants. She had a seizure in a guy's bed and he brought her here. He's here and she wants us both to stay. FML

by tannerpaul / 03/24/2011 at 9:30pm / Love