Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML

#14998091
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16226) - you deserved it (38348)

On 02/16/2011 at 12:55am - misc - by Jade -

Today, my Dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

#14998029
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48508) - you deserved it (3902)

On 02/16/2011 at 12:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend found an enormous rose arrangement in the back seat of my car. The flowers were from my fire chief to his wife. I forgot to deliver them. I now have to replace them since my girlfriend thinks I got them for her. The arrangement cost $225. FML

#14989370
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12172) - you deserved it (38776)

On 02/15/2011 at 10:30am - love - by Dj sMoZ! -

Today, I was in my car and stopped at a red light. A homeless woman then started to throw rocks at my car for no apparent reason. I drive a convertible. FML

#14987191
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29052) - you deserved it (4627)

On 02/15/2011 at 5:21am - misc - by nakcba -

Today, whilst nibbling on my husband's ear, I swallowed a lump of his earwax. FML

#14986533
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39764) - you deserved it (23186)

On 02/15/2011 at 3:34am - intimacy - by Emily Salt -

Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML

#14985221
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9914) - you deserved it (32090)

On 02/15/2011 at 1:25am - misc - by a fatty -

Today, I was posted with a very lonely gate-guard. From the second I arrived, I had to listen to him drone on and on, and now I know his entire life story. I was there for four hours. FML

#14932572
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22285) - you deserved it (3835)

On 02/11/2011 at 4:54am - work - by anonymous -

Today, I opened my car door on reaching destination and my dog escaped. I never found him. My destination was the vet's office to get him micro-chipped. FML

#14932385
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36196) - you deserved it (5652)

On 02/11/2011 at 4:02am - animals - by Jen -

Today, I cut my finger deep on an envelope at work and started bleeding profusely. When I asked my co-worker for a band-aid, she told me to get back to work and stop making up excuses to try and hit on her. FML

#14932173
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29970) - you deserved it (3650)

On 02/11/2011 at 3:27am - work - by alliwantisabandaid -

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

#14930837
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9066) - you deserved it (74893)

On 02/11/2011 at 12:51am - intimacy - by Zibby -

Today, I reported in for my first day at work. When I walked in they asked "Who are you?" I answered "Cassie, it's my first day today" with a huge smile. They'd meant to call and offer the job to the other Cassie they interviewed. FML

#14920871
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31241) - you deserved it (2229)

On 02/10/2011 at 9:55am - work - by theothercassie -

Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML

#14919566
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57509) - you deserved it (8094)

On 02/10/2011 at 5:58am - animals - by flattened -

Today, it snowed a lot and my friends and I went outside for a walk. Someone drove by and threw a snowball at me, hitting me square in the face. Surprised, I side-stepped only to end up losing balance and roll down a hill into a ditch full of prickly bushes. FML

#14918600
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28429) - you deserved it (3527)

On 02/10/2011 at 2:26am - misc - by onehitwonder -



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