Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from

Today, I cut my finger deep on an envelope at work and started bleeding profusely. When I asked my co-worker for a band-aid, she told me to get back to work and stop making up excuses to try and hit on her. FML

#14932173
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29912) - you deserved it (3648)

On 02/11/2011 at 3:27am - work - by alliwantisabandaid -

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

#14930837
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9053) - you deserved it (74792)

On 02/11/2011 at 12:51am - intimacy - by Zibby -

Today, I reported in for my first day at work. When I walked in they asked "Who are you?" I answered "Cassie, it's my first day today" with a huge smile. They'd meant to call and offer the job to the other Cassie they interviewed. FML

#14920871
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31182) - you deserved it (2225)

On 02/10/2011 at 9:55am - work - by theothercassie -

Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML

#14919566
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54704) - you deserved it (7776)

On 02/10/2011 at 5:58am - animals - by flattened -

Today, it snowed a lot and my friends and I went outside for a walk. Someone drove by and threw a snowball at me, hitting me square in the face. Surprised, I side-stepped only to end up losing balance and roll down a hill into a ditch full of prickly bushes. FML

#14918600
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28366) - you deserved it (3523)

On 02/10/2011 at 2:26am - misc - by onehitwonder -

Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML

#14908129
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30275) - you deserved it (7082)

On 02/09/2011 at 10:53am - misc - by PrestonW -

Today, I got mugged. But luckily I had on my keyring the pepper spray that my husband had insisted I keep with me. Unlucky for me, my husband's co-worker, who borrowed my keys, emptied my pepper by spraying it on a brick wall one day when he was bored. FML

#14902184
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32514) - you deserved it (2798)

On 02/08/2011 at 10:27pm - misc - by Username -

Today, my "friend" put itching powder in my cast while I was sleeping. FML

#14897237
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30755) - you deserved it (2336)

On 02/08/2011 at 4:39pm - health - by scratchy -

Today, I was leaving school to get tested for peptic ulcers, because my stomach has been hurting for a few months. To wish me luck, one of my friends gave me a friendly punch in the stomach. I threw up blood. FML

#14893456
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45366) - you deserved it (2859)

On 02/08/2011 at 7:48am - health - by soccerscout7 -

Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML

#14892103
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8420) - you deserved it (28050)

On 02/08/2011 at 2:58am - work - by Shane -

Today, I found out the real reason why me and my boyfriend of four and a half months have "so much in common". He used to be my stalker, who followed me around in a black hoodie and always posted stuff on my Myspace as an anonymous person. FML

#14888727
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35549) - you deserved it (5734)

On 02/07/2011 at 10:22pm - love - by Hopeless -

Today, I told my new boss to wish his daughter a happy birthday on my behalf, as I overheard him saying it was today. Turns out she committed suicide three years ago. FML

#14886336
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39989) - you deserved it (7241)

On 02/07/2011 at 7:54pm - misc - by um -

Today, the nicest thing said to me all day was from my microwave that flashes 'enjoy your meal' when it finishes cooking something. FML

#14872504
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25630) - you deserved it (3324)

On 02/06/2011 at 9:05pm - misc - by bymyself -



FML's blog

  • FML's Question Time #2 : School
  • We tried this before and it went pretty well, so here's another blog section for everyone to have give their opinion on a popular but controversial subject. OK, we're not debating a…

Thursday 23 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: