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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I opened my car door on reaching destination and my dog escaped. I never found him. My destination was the vet's office to get him micro-chipped. FML

#14932385
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36064) - you deserved it (5640)

On 02/11/2011 at 4:02am - animals - by Jen -

Today, I cut my finger deep on an envelope at work and started bleeding profusely. When I asked my co-worker for a band-aid, she told me to get back to work and stop making up excuses to try and hit on her. FML

#14932173
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29859) - you deserved it (3644)

On 02/11/2011 at 3:27am - work - by alliwantisabandaid -

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

#14930837
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8455) - you deserved it (72334)

On 02/11/2011 at 12:51am - intimacy - by Zibby -

Today, I reported in for my first day at work. When I walked in they asked "Who are you?" I answered "Cassie, it's my first day today" with a huge smile. They'd meant to call and offer the job to the other Cassie they interviewed. FML

#14920871
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31111) - you deserved it (2221)

On 02/10/2011 at 9:55am - work - by theothercassie -

Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML

#14919566
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54620) - you deserved it (7770)

On 02/10/2011 at 5:58am - animals - by flattened -

Today, it snowed a lot and my friends and I went outside for a walk. Someone drove by and threw a snowball at me, hitting me square in the face. Surprised, I side-stepped only to end up losing balance and roll down a hill into a ditch full of prickly bushes. FML

#14918600
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27000) - you deserved it (3411)

On 02/10/2011 at 2:26am - misc - by onehitwonder -

Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML

#14908129
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30230) - you deserved it (7075)

On 02/09/2011 at 10:53am - misc - by PrestonW -

Today, I got mugged. But luckily I had on my keyring the pepper spray that my husband had insisted I keep with me. Unlucky for me, my husband's co-worker, who borrowed my keys, emptied my pepper by spraying it on a brick wall one day when he was bored. FML

#14902184
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30783) - you deserved it (2655)

On 02/08/2011 at 10:27pm - misc - by Username -

Today, my "friend" put itching powder in my cast while I was sleeping. FML

#14897237
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30702) - you deserved it (2336)

On 02/08/2011 at 4:39pm - health - by scratchy -

Today, I was leaving school to get tested for peptic ulcers, because my stomach has been hurting for a few months. To wish me luck, one of my friends gave me a friendly punch in the stomach. I threw up blood. FML

#14893456
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43557) - you deserved it (2722)

On 02/08/2011 at 7:48am - health - by soccerscout7 -

Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML

#14892103
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8404) - you deserved it (28000)

On 02/08/2011 at 2:58am - work - by Shane -

Today, I found out the real reason why me and my boyfriend of four and a half months have "so much in common". He used to be my stalker, who followed me around in a black hoodie and always posted stuff on my Myspace as an anonymous person. FML

#14888727
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35484) - you deserved it (5731)

On 02/07/2011 at 10:22pm - love - by Hopeless -

Today, I told my new boss to wish his daughter a happy birthday on my behalf, as I overheard him saying it was today. Turns out she committed suicide three years ago. FML

#14886336
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39928) - you deserved it (7234)

On 02/07/2011 at 7:54pm - misc - by um -



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