FMLs submitted from

Today, I spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn I got yesterday from spilling a very hot cup of tea. FML

by foolmetwice / 05/16/2011 at 10:28am / Health

Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML

by bugnose / 05/16/2011 at 2:26am / Animals

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

by phoenix101 / 05/16/2011 at 1:40am / Intimacy

Today, I had a mumbled conversation with myself in a supermarket aisle about whether or not to buy a bottle of bourbon. Nothing screams "pathetic loser" like an alcoholic in denial having a debate with himself out loud near strangers. FML

by Andre / 05/16/2011 at 12:37am / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized my 3 year old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year old father. FML

by blewidstepr / 05/15/2011 at 11:40pm / Kids

Today, I was wondering why I was getting strange looks all day at work. When I got to a mirror after my shift, I noticed a booger hanging out of my nose, which was visible only when I smiled. My job involves greeting people all day with a huge smile. FML

by Smile No More / 05/13/2011 at 8:27am / Work

Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML

by Username / 05/13/2011 at 4:13am / Transportation

Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML

by eenkoekje / 05/13/2011 at 3:20am / Kids

Today, I saw my dad chugging a beer in the garage. Why is that so bad? He was hosting an AA meeting in the basement. FML

by Eric / 05/12/2011 at 10:19pm / Health

Today, my boyfriend turned down a shower with me because he didn't want to get his hair wet. FML

by Georgia / 05/12/2011 at 9:02pm / Intimacy

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

by Username / 05/12/2011 at 7:09am / Love

Today, I got a paper cut from a 'get well soon' card. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2011 at 3:54am / Health

Today, I called a possible employer I had an interview with about a week ago to see if I had got the job that I have already been trained for. Her response? "Are you sure I interviewed you?" FML

by Username / 05/12/2011 at 2:17am / Work