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Today, while on a first date with a guy who turned out to be twice my age, we were playing video games at the theatre before the movie started. Suddenly he falls face first while having a seizure. The EMT asked if my "dad" had a history of epilepsy. FML

#16030351
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21042) - you deserved it (30525)

On 05/03/2011 at 8:15am - love - by cbolig -

Today, I met my new neighbors when they backed into my parked car. FML

#16030306
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30588) - you deserved it (2699)

On 05/03/2011 at 8:04am - misc - by Mayshod -

Today, after teaching my 4 year old son about the concept of "Stranger Danger," we had gone to a park full of people. When I walked up to him to tell him we had to leave, he ran, screaming "Stranger! Don't touch me!" FML

#16028300
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38058) - you deserved it (7623)

On 05/03/2011 at 1:01am - kids - by armywife980 -

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of 'whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back.' Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

#16016307
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41016) - you deserved it (10293)

On 05/02/2011 at 4:34am - intimacy - by ohtheshame -

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

#16009360
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16534) - you deserved it (48404)

On 05/01/2011 at 8:21pm - animals - by Cassie -

Today, my mom informed me that she doesn't wash my clothes anymore. Instead, she sprays them with Febreze to "save money". FML

#16009098
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37104) - you deserved it (7892)

On 05/01/2011 at 8:01pm - misc - by dirtyclothess -

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

#15962479
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48495) - you deserved it (5091)

On 04/28/2011 at 11:53am - animals - by Cecilly2010 -

Today, I bought my boyfriend a gold watch for our 2 year anniversary. He bought me a jar of Nutella. FML

#15961473
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40867) - you deserved it (9379)

On 04/28/2011 at 9:16am - love - by nuttedthefout -

Today, I once again told my son he needed a job and a girlfriend because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML

#15960842
375 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31952) - you deserved it (44626)

On 04/28/2011 at 7:07am - kids - by oldmama728 -

Today, my football coach thought it would be a good idea to get drunk, run to the other sideline, and scream, "WELCOME TO SPARTA, BITCH!" This would've been funny if he weren't also my dad. FML

#15960632
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38673) - you deserved it (4050)

On 04/28/2011 at 6:28am - misc - by spartanson -

Today, I was taking a dump in a porta-potty at a fair. I had the runs really bad. All I have to say is that it's tough to take a shit that seems never-ending while other people outside are bitching at you and hammering on the flimsy door. FML

#15946238
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35366) - you deserved it (3702)

On 04/27/2011 at 6:50am - health - by c.m.g. -

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend and told him how smitten I was with him. He responded by giving me a wedgie. FML

#15945280
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30479) - you deserved it (6880)

On 04/27/2011 at 2:54am - love - by :( -

Today, after shopping alone at a grocery store, I was taking my groceries back to my car when a kid grabbed one of my bags and ran. Deciding not to risk leaving the rest of my groceries stranded, I didn't chase him. Later, I realized that was the bag my credit card was in. FML

#15943696
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32970) - you deserved it (16755)

On 04/27/2011 at 12:21am - money - by uncbballwins -



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