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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was playing what became an extremely intense game of hide-and-seek with my best friend's sister. I finally found the perfect place, so I slid down into the bath and began to cover myself. She popped up out of nowhere and said, "FOUND YOU!" I got so scared that I punched her in the face. FML

#21325704
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28629) - you deserved it (7173)

On 12/28/2014 at 4:07am - kids - by angryman -

Today, thanks to some asswipe drunk driver fleeing the cops the wrong way down a one-way street, I've now had my third wreck this year. My insurance premium's now higher than Bob Marley in a weed factory. FML

#21321099
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31588) - you deserved it (2738)

On 12/20/2014 at 7:53pm - money - by financially_wreckd (man) -

Today, I told my boss I have a sore throat. He replied, "Well, don't take it so deep next time." FML

#21314442
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32415) - you deserved it (5315)

On 12/09/2014 at 1:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my boss commented on the fact that I don't usually wear makeup, then told me it would be much appreciated if I'd change that. FML

#21313609
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29199) - you deserved it (2943)

On 12/08/2014 at 4:17am - work - by sarahc_c (woman) -

Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML

#21311373
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30241) - you deserved it (12832)

On 12/04/2014 at 11:31am - misc - by Red (man) -

Today, during a moment of silence in front of the entire high school during my band concert, I managed to hit the stand with my flute, and loudly scrambled to catch it before it fell over. I've never had so many people look at me. FML

#21309681
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25909) - you deserved it (3127)

On 12/01/2014 at 9:06pm - misc - by Silverfeathery -

Today, I realised I was far too attached to my duvet. Literally. I just got a large tattoo on my back, and my duvet somehow stuck to my skin during the night and formed part of the scab. I now have the joy of deciding whether to tear it off fast or peel it away slowly. FML

#21306764
65 comments

Today, I went to the doctor's with my pregnant sister, only to find out she still weighs less than me. FML

#21303583
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28083) - you deserved it (7122)

On 11/21/2014 at 10:26pm - health - by alli67 -

Today, the girl I'd been dating online for 6 months told me she was a guy. I said it was alright, and that I was still in love. Then she confessed she really was a girl, and was just trying to make me dump her so she wouldn't be the "bad guy". FML

#21303306
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36021) - you deserved it (6538)

On 11/21/2014 at 1:18pm - love - by Recluse (man) -

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

#21295420
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37702) - you deserved it (4676)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I spent all day making preparations and buying food for my upcoming birthday. It's not for a party, though - none of my friends wanted to come. I'm preparing for the launch of the new World of Warcraft expansion. FML

#21295219
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31009) - you deserved it (6542)

On 11/09/2014 at 2:51am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I confronted my boyfriend after I found him cheating on me with my best friend. It ended up with me apologising for spying on him. FML

#21293948
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33544) - you deserved it (15823)

On 11/07/2014 at 7:28am - love - by Turnaround (woman) -

Today, I witnessed a hit-and-run. I used my phone to write down the license plate for the police. However, I didn't notice that my phone had autocorrected the number. FML

#21291857
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34909) - you deserved it (3864)

On 11/04/2014 at 9:01am - misc - by fuckshit (man) -



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