FMLs submitted from

Today, while on my driving test, the guy told me to pull over and do a U-turn. A few minutes later, he asked me to do another one. After the test, he said I'd failed because the second U-turn was illegal, and I should have refused to comply. I didn't know they're even allowed do that. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2015 at 6:58pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend's dad called me a whore and said I'm trying to use his son and "steal" his virginity for my own needs. My boyfriend has had sex with over 10 girls and I'm a virgin. FML

by virginwhore / 01/18/2015 at 1:29am / Intimacy

Today, I got banned from my school library after I ran after a guy who stole my bag. FML

by Skazzy3 / 01/14/2015 at 5:04pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2015 at 3:44am / Kids

Today, I finally noticed after months of having the same cover photo on several websites, that it looks like I have a bushel of armpit hair due to a shadow. FML

by pits / 01/04/2015 at 11:30pm / Geek

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd come over and help me move a heavy dresser so I could paint the wall behind it. After an hour of waiting for him, I decided to move it myself. He finally arrived, not ten minutes after I broke my toe when I accidentally dropped the dresser on it. FML

by ko / 01/03/2015 at 12:53pm / Health

Today, I was playing what became an extremely intense game of hide-and-seek with my best friend's sister. I finally found the perfect place, so I slid down into the bath and began to cover myself. She popped up out of nowhere and said, "FOUND YOU!" I got so scared that I punched her in the face. FML

by angryman / 12/28/2014 at 4:07am / Kids

Today, thanks to some asswipe drunk driver fleeing the cops the wrong way down a one-way street, I've now had my third wreck this year. My insurance premium's now higher than Bob Marley in a weed factory. FML

by financially_wreckd / 12/20/2014 at 7:53pm / Money

Today, I told my boss I have a sore throat. He replied, "Well, don't take it so deep next time." FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2014 at 1:29pm / Work

Today, my boss commented on the fact that I don't usually wear makeup, then told me it would be much appreciated if I'd change that. FML

by sarahc_c / 12/08/2014 at 4:17am / Work

Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML

by Red / 12/04/2014 at 11:31am / Love

Today, during a moment of silence in front of the entire high school during my band concert, I managed to hit the stand with my flute, and loudly scrambled to catch it before it fell over. I've never had so many people look at me. FML

by Silverfeathery / 12/01/2014 at 9:06pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I realised I was far too attached to my duvet. Literally. I just got a large tattoo on my back, and my duvet somehow stuck to my skin during the night and formed part of the scab. I now have the joy of deciding whether to tear it off fast or peel it away slowly. FML