FMLs submitted from

Today, my daughter asked me to take her to Victoria's Secret so I could buy her some "sexy clothes". She's 9. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2016 at 4:42am / Kids

Today, I realized that even though I'm marrying my fiancée in 2 weeks, I don't even love her any more. The only reason I'm doing it is because I don't want to upset her or her family, because they think I'm the best thing that ever happened to her. FML

by DoomsDay / 05/06/2016 at 10:23am / Love

Today, I found out my 35 year-old brother got divorced 18 months ago when my now ex-sister-in-law told me via Facebook messenger, and asked me to tell my parents, as both of them were too scared to do it themselves. FML

by Clauric / 05/03/2016 at 11:15am / Love

Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let up about it. I don't know how to break it to him that his penis is too small for me to suck and look upward at the same time. FML

by oh gee / 05/02/2016 at 1:01am / Intimacy

Today, I turned on my ceiling fan for the first time in months. I then watched as hundreds of furry spiders were flung across the room at high speed, in a circular pattern. FML

by Oops / 05/02/2016 at 12:21am / Animals

Today, after 10 years of frequent international air travel, I got my seat upgraded for the first time. Also, for the first time in 10 years, the airline lost my luggage. FML

by Bittersweet / 04/29/2016 at 12:19pm / Transportation

Today, I was teaching a friend to squat. While I was spotting him, he decided it would be a great idea to turn around. This wouldn't have been a problem, if he hadn't hit me in the face with the bar. FML

by Michael978 / 04/28/2016 at 11:40pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2016 at 4:25am / Health

Today, I asked my mom if she wanted to go wedding dress shopping with me today. She reluctantly said, "I guess". I showered, shaved and did my hair and makeup. When I came downstairs, she hadn't even brushed her teeth yet. "I'm just lacking motivation to go," she said. Glad you're so excited too. FML

by NotTheFavoriteChild / 04/03/2016 at 12:53pm / Love

Today, my boss tried to fire me for not emailing him a screenshot to prove my email wasn't working. FML

by Anonymous / 03/26/2016 at 2:02pm / Work

Today, my parents and in-laws are in a bidding war for the house next door, since we are about to have a son. We're not even sure if we want them living this close. FML

by anonymous / 03/23/2016 at 11:02pm / Kids

Today, I had to drive down to my parents' house. On they way down, I needed to fill up on gas but unfortunately I'd forgotten my wallet at home with all of my cash and credit cards. I then had to call triple A and explain to them in all seriousness how I ran out of gas at the gas station. FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2016 at 1:55am / Money

Today, I walked into the bathroom at work, only to witness a woman with her shirt pulled up giving herself a sink bath. FML