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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

#21378507
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27336) - you deserved it (2068)

On 03/20/2015 at 5:23pm - misc - by ~__~ -

Today, after a 16-hour work day, I came home to my husband. I talked to him for about 10 minutes, then realized that he wasn't answering me but had his headset on and was talking on Xbox live. Not even playing a game, just talking. FML

#21377531
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29553) - you deserved it (3556)

On 03/19/2015 at 1:35am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Not for cheating or for flirting, but because I wear tighty whities. FML

#21376186
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28827) - you deserved it (18511)

On 03/17/2015 at 3:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, while walking my dog, we came across two men having a heated argument in the street. My dog decided the perfect place to poop was right next to them. He wouldn't budge no matter what. Meanwhile, one of the men pulled a knife, and I practically shat myself. FML

#21374140
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29689) - you deserved it (2440)

On 03/13/2015 at 11:30pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

#21371903
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35136) - you deserved it (3919)

On 03/10/2015 at 3:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I got the earlier bus to avoid my ex after a painful breakup. He had the same idea. FML

#21370976
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34404) - you deserved it (3713)

On 03/09/2015 at 3:52am - love - by sadex -

Today, I didn't get the promotion I interviewed for at work. A guy who's worked here for only two months did. My supervisor's reason: she doesn't think I'm going to amount to anything. I work at Home Depot to pay my way for college. FML

#21369624
62 comments

Today, my neighbor at my apartment building told me water from my sink was leaking into his apartment. He told me to call maintenance to fix it, but they won't help unless he calls. He refuses to, and I can't do my dishes without feeling like an asshole. FML

#21368266
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29168) - you deserved it (2678)

On 03/04/2015 at 9:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

#21364935
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25946) - you deserved it (2359)

On 02/27/2015 at 11:14pm - misc - by bobjope -

Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML

#21364034
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26906) - you deserved it (12545)

On 02/26/2015 at 4:17pm - misc - by MuteNToot (man) -

Today, it was the day my catheter was to be removed. The nurse removing it deflated the balloon, and then tried pulling it out. After me screaming in extreme pain, she found out she hadn't actually deflated the balloon all the way. She was trying to pull a small balloon through my dick hole. FML

#21362632
113 comments

Today, I decided to go all-natural and go to work without any makeup on. My boss swore I was on drugs, which I guess had absolutely nothing to do with the completely "random" drug test I had to take later in the day. FML

#21361118
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32084) - you deserved it (3119)

On 02/22/2015 at 3:36pm - work - by vaylosa (woman) -

Today, I looked my boyfriend in the eyes and said "I love y-" He cut me off with, "Babe, a blowjob's worth a thousand words" and held eye contact until I awkwardly excused myself. FML

#21361029
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33703) - you deserved it (3860)

On 02/22/2015 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by bugger -



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