FMLs submitted from

Today, I'm on crutches due to hip surgery. I went to the fridge to grab a bite to eat, but quickly realized if I wanted anything, I would have to eat there. I can't carry anything. Cold leftovers here we go. FML

by Tmth / 05/25/2016 at 6:24pm / Health

Today, while playing basketball with my new coworkers, I managed to get the ball stuck between the hoop and backboard. In trying to free it, I also got a traffic cone stuck and ended up having to drag a large ladder across the court while everyone watched. FML

by awkwardballer / 05/24/2016 at 12:53pm / Work

Today, I tried to change my usually stoic behaviour and be friendly to a coworker. Now she is convinced that I finally went insane and intend to murder her. FML

by Anonymous / 05/24/2016 at 10:05am / Work

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML

by seththing / 05/21/2016 at 11:49pm / Transportation

Today, after many days of messing around with wording and pictures, a huge and expensive printed card order came in to the office. I spelt the first word wrong. I can't get a refund. FML

by smidgit / 05/19/2016 at 1:32pm / Work

Today, a very attractive man asked me out on a date, and I said yes. He is tall, charming and a very good kisser. I'm sure the woman he heavily made out with after I left would agree. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2016 at 11:48am / Love

Today, I found out my whole family has been mistakenly using the same toothbrush for over a month. FML

by aggghghgh / 05/14/2016 at 4:51am / Health

Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML

by mcginnismr / 05/13/2016 at 6:57pm / Health

Today, I met with a student in office hours to discuss an assignment when my nose started bleeding. I didn't know at first, so I blew my nose and an inhuman amount of blood sprayed out the side of the tissue all over my desk, the wall, and the student's paper. It looked like a murder scene. FML

by the bleeder / 05/13/2016 at 1:05am / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad and stepmom came back from a very expensive two-month trip across the world. When they got home, they had more gifts for their cat than for me. FML

by Oreo / 05/10/2016 at 4:58am / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter asked me to take her to Victoria's Secret so I could buy her some "sexy clothes". She's 9. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2016 at 4:42am / Kids

Today, I realized that even though I'm marrying my fiancée in 2 weeks, I don't even love her any more. The only reason I'm doing it is because I don't want to upset her or her family, because they think I'm the best thing that ever happened to her. FML

by DoomsDay / 05/06/2016 at 10:23am / Love

Today, I found out my 35 year-old brother got divorced 18 months ago when my now ex-sister-in-law told me via Facebook messenger, and asked me to tell my parents, as both of them were too scared to do it themselves. FML

by Clauric / 05/03/2016 at 11:15am / Love