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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

#21119041
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33769) - you deserved it (8745)

On 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by sexual parrot -

Today, my family and I went on a hike to a local abandoned gold mine, with the hopes of being able to explore the caves. What we didn't expect was four miles of treacherous, rocky, near vertical trails that led to the mine. Once we finally got there, exhausted, it was blocked off for safety reasons. FML

#21112302
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29679) - you deserved it (9942)

On 04/13/2014 at 9:57pm - misc - by bummed -

Today, I witnessed my psycho neighbor put her cat in a cage, cross into my backyard, and set the cage down before returning to her house. She then called the cops and claimed I'd stolen her cat. The cops didn't believe my side of the story for a second. FML

#21106030
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42418) - you deserved it (2574)

On 04/06/2014 at 3:37pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, after years of frustration, I got a t-shirt printed that says, "I am a girl". FML

#21097950
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33703) - you deserved it (4748)

On 03/27/2014 at 6:34pm - misc - by mookiemookie01 (woman) -

Today, I had a text message when I woke up. I was excited as I usually don't get texts from people. Turns out it was from T-Mobile. They text me more than actual people do. FML

#21091718
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35891) - you deserved it (4237)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:15pm - misc - by skrumpp (man) -

Today, I had to explain to my husband that it's biologically impossible for cats and dogs to cross-breed, and that his "brilliant idea" of getting ours to mate is just plain disturbing. He still doesn't believe me. FML

#21084031
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34094) - you deserved it (3518)

On 03/11/2014 at 2:51pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, it was snowing. After answering a call, I put my phone into my jacket pocket, and hurried across the road. I quickly realised my phone hadn't slipped into my pocket after all, and I turned around in time to see a snowplow go by. I couldn't find my phone in the snowdrifts. FML

#21081494
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37456) - you deserved it (5521)

On 03/08/2014 at 4:43pm - misc - by shoopbadeewoop (man) -

Today, I went to an auction for the first time. When the run-down house I wanted to bid for came up, I opened bidding at £12,000 and surprisingly won. Feeling pleased, I turned to the person next to me and said, "Lucky me!" She replied, "Yes, lucky you!" and then under her breath said, "Cockhead". FML

#21080041
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34039) - you deserved it (7887)

On 03/06/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I taught my 12-year-old brothers that showering cannot be used as a substitute for deodorant, and that they should use both. One of them was almost in tears. FML

#21077693
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34760) - you deserved it (3807)

On 03/04/2014 at 8:37am - kids - by :/ -

Today, my roommate pranked me by putting blue food coloring in the shower head. I have class in 20 minutes and look like a smurf. FML

#21076785
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37618) - you deserved it (3241)

On 03/03/2014 at 11:30am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I was told I pull the "whole grunge look" off quite well. I don't dress "grunge", nor was that my intention. FML

#21071401
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28929) - you deserved it (4365)

On 02/25/2014 at 4:59pm - misc - by ashleylynn17 (woman) -

Today, I was let go from work because they need "younger people". I'm 19 and I work at a flower market. FML

#21067284
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37983) - you deserved it (2578)

On 02/21/2014 at 2:02am - work - by Anonymous -

Today, my husband cracked a "rectum? damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

#21062405
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36559) - you deserved it (3841)

On 02/16/2014 at 12:30pm - misc - by shanti (woman) -



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