Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Blog main page | RSS feed | All posts

Illustrated FML (295) - About FMyLife (48) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (17) - Books (9) - Competitions (6) - Special guests (6)

Cyanide & Happiness' month: part five

As that rubbish band from the sixties droned on about, this is the end. For a whole month, FML had the pleasure of having the Cyanide & Happiness guys over to stay, the month of May is almost over, so let's have a little more fun shall we?
Sure, it's a great plan. Why do we still see those faces here? Did you think that there were only 4 guys running Explosm? Nay forsooth My Lord, there's a fifth one, and he's as crazy as the others. Enjoy my friends.


-What's your name and surname?
-Chase Suddarth, but my friends call me "Sir."

-How old are you?
-I am twenty three and two thirds. My training wheels came off last week!

-Where do you live?
-I'm located in Arizona, but I wouldn't call that living am I right people? Because it's hot. It's fucking hot. Don't live here.

-What do you do for a living?
-I animate to bring home the bacon. When I'm not working with the Explosm guys on the animated Cyanide and Happiness shorts, I'm panicking over a weekly deadline at College Humor. Animators have it rough, let me tell ya. While most people focus on petty problems like feeding their kids and basic sanitation, animators are facing the tough questions. Is it funnier if we don't show the flaming monkey on screen? When sucked into a jet engine, how much blood is too much? How many veins is too many? These are all examples of how important my job really is. And for shits, I've animated the following cartoon characters having sex.
-Scooby Doo and Daphne
-Wilma and a live-action guy (It got cut!)
-George Jetson and Rosie
-Ganondorf and Zelda
-Iron Man's mask and Pepper Potts
-David Hasselhoff and David Hasselhoff

-What's your story? (School, job...)
-I was once a poor, poor child. My mother died giving birth, I never knew my father. It was a grim start for ol' young Chase. Sister Mary tells me I was minutes away from death when she discovered me. I was taken back to the monastery where I was cleaned and fed for the first time. It wasn't long before she and the other nuns discovered my birthmark, changing my life forever. For the next 13 years I became trained in the art of popeing. The lord was the only family I needed, especially since "Sacred Chosen One" pays pretty damn good (God bless the collection plate!). Being next in line for Pope has its advantages! There's a lot more to it than walking onto a balcony and waving. You think the hat is that big to look fancy? It's the single most advanced piece of technology in the world. The pope-mobile has more in common with the batmobile than just a cool name. Nuns, Priests, and Cardinals all had to do as I said. If you haven't seen a nun pummeled in joust by Laser, you haven't lived. That kind of power leads to some dark places too... I'm not going to say what happened, but I hope you can one day forgive me Cardinal Richards. It went too far, I know that now. Anyway, around my 13th birthday I discovered I had the ability to think. So, naturally, I left the church. You'd think it would be rough for a 13 year old to live on his own, but I had prepared for this. One quick trip to NASA allowed me to sell the Pope's space plans that bought me the mansion I live in to this day. It was here that I discovered television. I decided to finally be happy and join the Simpson family. After finding out the Simpsons were a fictional family, I fired my cleaning staff and decided to make my own cartoons. They sucked, so now I make other people's cartoons. Sometimes I still think about returning to the monastery and finishing my training. I mean, at least if I were pope I wouldn't be covering up a bunch of kid fucking.

-What are your projects?
-I love working on David Forgets in my free time. It's a live-action series David Sapp and I created that lets us go pretty crazy creatively. David is a beer loving man-child who lives with his good friend Chase, who is large and absolutely hates David. We have a lot of fun mixing stupid and zany with dark and tragic. For the few fans that still exist out there, we're working on it as much as we can in our free time! It's frustrating to not have the time to work on it regularly, but we're dedicated to the idea and we fully intend to see it through ( is about 70% ready!). You might recognize David and I as the blue guy and the green guy (respectively) in Beer Run. David brings his amazing scream back in Speed Racist and you can hear me as Sad Larry's cocky tie-wearing friend.

-Can you tell us about your role in Cyanide&Happiness? (How did it start, etc...)
-I showed some comics to Chris Wilson (He changed it to Kris after he became a big shot) many years ago. He told me they were "alright," and then the bastard disappears. I think, "huh, I guess he was a big jerk after all," and go about my days. I even toyed with a few different stick figure styles while I honed in on my comic brilliance, so you know what Mr. Big Shot Wilson does? He gets some of his asshole, rat bastard friends to sign their names on my comics and they start making it big through MySpace. After being legally silenced by those sons of bitches for 3 years they decided to pay me and now we're friends.

-What inspires you (artists, movies, etc...)?
-Good comedy writing and performances. Some of my favorites are The Simpsons, George Carlin, Conan O'Brien, Tenacious D, Arrested Development, Futurama, Always Sunny, The Office (USA, sorry but Steve Carell is the best!), 30 Rock, South Park, Kenny Vs. Spenny, Rocko's Modern Life, and probably 200 more I'm forgetting.

-What makes you laugh the most?
-I once saw an elderly man slip and fall backwards on the sidewalk. Out of everyone there I laughed the most.

-Why did you choose this FML?
-I've never seen a girl naked and I thought it might be fun to draw.

-Do you have your own FML anecdote that you can share with us?
-I was taking a shit on my solid gold toilet when I ran out of hundreds. I had to finish wiping with my Forbes magazine and what's worse is my Rolex fell into the bowl when I went to flush! I mean, it still worked after Rosalita took it to the cleaners, but still! FML.


What? Naked girls really exist? Anyway, thank you for your participation Chase!


Once again, don't forget to visit Explosm:

#470 - Illustrated FML - On 05/28/2010 at 9:15am by - 16 comments

Cyanide & Happiness' month: part four

No intro today. Why? Bee-cause.


-What's your name and surname?
-I bear the unfortunate moniker of David McElfatrick. My second name is such because the English couldn't be bothered to pronounce the Irish version of my name when they came over to Ireland hundreds of years ago, so instead called my family this instead. Kinda like calling a T-Rex a T-Rex instead of Tyrannosaurus Rex, except a lot more stupid.

-How old are you?
-As of the date I write this, 25 years of age.

-Where do you live?
-I am currently hovering between the green pastures of north Ireland and Dallas Texas, like a sort of mayfly. I think if you were to point out an approximate 50/50 location, I'd be on some iceberg in the mid-Atlantic. Basically, I was born and raised in the small town of Coleraine, Ireland, where I resided for 22 years of my life before moving to the city of Belfast. However, in the last couple of years the call of the USA has been far too great for me to ignore and I have spent a lot of time in Texas working with Rob on Cyanide & Happiness stuff. As of the time of writing this, I am planning on expanding my horizons and stomach girth a lot more in Texas.

-What do you do for a living?
-Cyanide & Happiness, of course! I both write and draw comics for C&H along with the other guys, as well as help write and produce the C&H animated cartoons. We get to go to conventions and shake people's hands. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Except maybe a Klondike bar.

-What is your story?
-I've spent nearly all my life living in the emerald island, where I learnt to dislike people enough to want to sit on the internet all day and draw bitterly twisted comics instead of do normal things. By the time college came I'd met Rob, Matt and Kris and before you know it we were making C&H! I was in college when C&H became immensely popular, so by the time I left I was able to make a living from working on the franchise. Isn't that nuts? I'm very grateful.

-What are your projects?

-Well aside from stuff like the C&H books (the second we've just completed) and the comics, most of my input comes from the creation of the C&H animated shorts. We've got a lot more for you on the way! I'm also in the early stages of working on a brand new, more traditional-style comic with the talented head of Ross Nover (writer of "The System"). With that I'm looking to spread my artistic wings a lot more. Kinda like a dragon with a pen.

-Can you tell us about your role in Cyanide&Happiness?
-I'm one of the four writers and artists for the comics. I started drawing comics soon after the other guys did way back in 2005, although it wasn't until early 2006 that I started drawing as many as the other guys. I also draw a good 80% of what you look at in the C&H animated cartoons, providing most of the background art and set-pieces you see in them.

-What inspires you?
-A lot of the influence behind my drawing style comes from old UK children's comics such as The Beano, The Dandy and The Topper. A particular favourite of mine was a strip called The Bash Street Kids. A lot of the characters in those comics were just non-apologetically absurd looking, and I think it has translated into my work.

-What makes you laugh the most?
-Birds. Anything that can have a beak and still pull a ridiculous face is noteworthy in my opinion. Fat people falling. Also, the screaming the old man performs in this particular video: . The most well told joke on the planet isn't as funny as something like this.

-Why did you choose this FML?
-This one brought immediately mind the disappointment I felt when a friend set me up on a date last year, claiming my would-be suitor was "gorgeous, funny and fantastic." She ended up eating most of my steak as well her own with her mouth wide open, which of course I had to pay for. She then spent the following month texting me upwards of eight times a day, getting angry if I didn't reply within 2 minutes. I think a golden retriever would've been more desirable, to be honest.

-Do you have your own FML anecdote that you can share us?
-Too many. One time at a comic convention, I thought to myself "being a popular webcomic author sure is glamorous." Then I looked up from the table I was sitting at to find a 400lb ginger kid in a bee costume dripping sweat on me. FML.

Clic to see the illustrated FML !


I agree, your life sucks. Thanks for your participation Dave !
Next week it's.. Chase's turn!

Get your cyanide shot right here guys:

Update: we met Matt Melvin in L.A. last Sunday. He is fucking tall and really nice. We had a great time and he had a great steak. Guys, you HAVE to watch some Cyanide & Happiness' movies too, they're full of protein -> enjoy!

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to including a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with LALALA Alice, who will tell you what you have to do!
#463 - Illustrated FML - On 05/21/2010 at 4:30pm by FML Team - 6 comments

Cyanide & Happiness' month: part three

Bonjour tout le monde ! Yes, today we're half french because it's the Cannes Film Festival week, so sunshine, movie stars and champagne are all part of our daily routine. With our feet in the sand and our sunglasses balancing on our sunburned noses, we're ready to interview another member from the Cyanide&Happiness crew. Commençons !


-First of all, who are you ?
-Kris Wilson. Spelled with only 1 k, not 3.

-How old are you?
-I was born in 1988, so I'm currently 21 at the time of this interview.

-Where do you live?
-I used to live in Wyoming. I hitched up my covered wagon and chased the horizon to Colorado a week ago.

-What do you do for a living?
-I draw and write ridiculous cartoons for fun. It somehow became what I do for a living.

-What is your story?
-I grew up in a town with a population of 150 people. I started drawing Cyanide & Happiness when I was 15 and got them onto the internet by the time I was 16 with the Explosm folks. I already had a career going before I graduated, so luckily I didn't waste money on being a college student on the prairie.

-What are your projects?
-I mostly do the C&H thing as of now. I do a lot of writing for the animations, along with a handful of side projects that I can't officially mention or bring to the surface yet. Hopefully they'll be in motion before I start a senile attempt at serial killing. Stay tuned.

-Can you tell us about your role in Cyanide&Happiness?
-I started off the nonsense when I was in highschool. I basically began drawing a foundation of stupid looking characters to knock off some stupid ideas I had. Rob enjoyed them and started sending me some of his own fanwork. He and I went back and forth making them before Matt and Dave joined for the fun of it.

-What inspires you (artists, movies, etc..)?
-Talking nonsense with people and thinking of ideas is an everyday inspiration. Everything from thinking of inventions to how I'd raise a kid are prime brainfood, as I'd imagine it would be for a lot of creators.

-What makes you laugh the most?
-Bear Traps. Any scenario involving bear traps catches my attention

-Why did you choose this FML?
-Any couple could relate to the conversation and to the fact that everyone in the world is gross.

-Do you have your own FML anecdote that you can share us?
-I'm the only Explosm artist that has received both naked photos AND death threats. Or both in the same email. FML

Clic to see the illustrated FML !

Lucky you. We're now jealous. Anyway, thank you Kris for your participation !
Next week it's Dave's turn!

Get your cyanide shot right here guys:

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to including a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with egg-shaped Alice, who will tell you what you have to do!
#456 - Illustrated FML - On 05/14/2010 at 7:57am by FML Team - 12 comments

Cyanide & Happiness' month: part two

Hey guys, we're glad to be back! Today we're welcoming another member of the awesome Cyanide and Happiness team. Stop what you're doing right now, turn off that Miley Cyrus' "song" you're listening to, stop being boringly nice and be prepared to once again enter a wonderful world of unique (and cruel) humor.


- Hey mister, can you present yourself to the FML world?
- Rob DenBleyker. My stage name is Wobblez DenBonkers.

- How old are you?
- I'm 24! But it might be better to say I was born in 1986, since this article will be up forever and people reading it 10 years from now might get the wrong idea! Not that being perpetually 24 is so bad.

- Clever move. Where is your computer (a.k.a: where are your bed, fridge and television; a.k.a: where do you live)?
- I live in Dallas, TX. It's pretty alright.

-What is your job?
-Full time "cartoonist" and more recently, animator. Sometimes I answer interviews.

- Brilliant interviews, you can say that. What is your story?
- I've been drawing comics for as long as I can remember. I used to draw full comic books in 4th grade and get my parents to take them to Kinko's, and then I'd sell/give copies to my classmates. I eventually went to college to study animation, but luckily Cyanide & Happiness took off before I graduated so I didn't have to find a job as an animator (which is apparently pretty hard these days!)

- Do you have any projects?
- Right now I'm one of the four dudes who writes/draws Cyanide & Happiness, and I play a large part in producing the animated shorts. Apart from Explosm, I'm starting a new site dedicated to something I call "Interactive Stories", where the reading audience guides the narrative by yelling at me in all caps. The new site is and will be up fairly soon. I'll also be writing a new occasional comic at StoryDump.

-   Cyanide&Happiness, thanks to which you and the guys are our special guests. Can you tell more about your role in all of it?
- It all started with Kris in late 2004 (he can tell you more about that when it's his turn). He started doing them for fun, and then I started making tributes to them. When we created Explosm in 2005, Kris and I decided to keep the comics going daily for as long as we could. Shortly thereafter, Matt and Dave (two of our long time collaborators) joined the team. We kept at it even though there were just a few dozen people reading it. Eventually a lot of people started reading it, for some reason. And that's where we are now.

- And now, what inspires you?
- When it comes to writing, being silly with friends is more inspiring to me than watching or reading anything comedic. When I watch good comedy I just feel jealous instead of creative. I think the funniest stuff comes from everyday life and how people treat each other. I'm definitely inspired by other cartoonists though. Right now some of my favorites are Amazing Super Powers, Antics, Chainsawsuit and Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. There are many, many more though.

- What makes you laugh the most?
- Dogs. Animals in general, really. They're always pulling stupid faces and have no clue what's going on around them. That's funny to me. I don't know why.

- Why did you choose this FML?
- I'm just hoping the author sees this comic and feels terrible all over again.

- Do you have your own FML anecdote that you can share us?
- Nope. My life is awesome.

.... Right, of course. Anyway, thank you Rob, this cyanide shot was just perfect.
Et voilà. Kris will be here with us next week, you don't want to miss it!

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to including a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with Alice, blahblah , who will tell you what you have to do!
#449 - Illustrated FML - On 05/05/2010 at 3:29pm by FML Team - 17 comments

Cyanide & Happiness' month: part one

Yes, it's Cyanide & Happiness month on FML. Every Saturday we'll be featuring a (brilliant) guy from this (awesome) webcomic. We hope you like your humor dark and bitter, hang on tight to your chair and get ready to experience something you never tasted before: funnier than charades, sexier than sex itself, Matt Melvin's interview!


-What's your name and surname?
-Matt Melvin.

-How old are you?
-I just turned 26, which is such a boring age. At 21, you get to drink. 25, you get to at least rent cars. At 26, you just get more cynical about your age.

-Where do you live?
-San Diego, California.

-What do you do for a living?
-I'm a writer/cartoonist. I get to make people laugh for a living. It's kinda great.

-Chapter one: Matt's life :
-About five years ago, I was going to school for graphic design and working as a web designer. At the time, some internet friends and I were doing a daily comic strip as a fun little hobby. Over time, it started getting more and more popular, and I found myself focusing less and less on school/work and more on the comic, until one day I quit my job and stopped taking classes to focus on the comic full time. Today, the comic is our full time jobs. I've since gone back to class to finish my degree. One more month to go!

-What are your projects?
-Ever since C&H sort of kick-started this weird little career, I've started to branch out a bit. I started another site,, where I do single panel comics, reviews of movies I haven't seen, articles and more. It's basically where I get to do everything I can't do with C&H. Also, I just published my first book, "Dracula is a Racist" (click here for more informations) , a mock-informative guide about vampires. It's been a long process, but it's great to see it come to fruition. Being able to walk into my local bookstore and see it sitting on a shelf is just amazing.

-Can you tell us about your role in Cyanide&Happiness?
-It began as just a hobby, but over the years it got started getting more and more popular. We always had high aspirations for it, but it's surpassed those by miles. We all write and draw the individual comics. I also run the site and handle a lot of the business stuff. From a visitors point of view, there might not look like much goes on behind the scenes, but it's actually a lot of work. Especially since we've been putting a lot of focus into animated shorts.

-What inspires you ?
-I adore Keith Haring's work. He really epitomizes the power and beauty of simplicity. His work was so simple, but also has so much meaning and strength behind it. As for comics, it may seem counter-intuitive, but I was never a big comic book person. I have, however, always been a big fan of The Far Side by Gary Larson and Life in Hell by Matt Groening. I think other webcomics inspire me a lot too. I've been a fan of Toothpaste for Dinner and Natalie Dee for a long time. I'm also a huge stand-up and sketch comedy nerd. I really like Louie CK, David Cross, The Kids in the Hall, UCB and a whole lot more.

-What makes you laugh the most?
-I think live performances do it for me. Like I said, I love stand-up and sketch comedy. While you can listen to records comedians put out or watch sketch comedy on TV, there's just something that the live environment brings to the performance that really just hits you somewhere deep inside.

-Why did you choose this FML?
-I liked being able to invent this horrible backstory to an otherwise innocent accident. From the poster's perspective, it really was an accident. But I like to think this horrible teacher just had enough of his student and lit him on fire.

-Do you have your own FML anecdote that you can share us?"
-Today (not really, it was a while ago), I was rear ended on the freeway. I pulled over to inspect the damage and talk with the other driver, but she just kept driving right past me. She was fleeing the scene! I tried to get back into the lane, but nobody was letting me in. Why? My turn signal was now broken. FML.




Thank you for your participation Matt, Cyanide never tasted so good !
That's it for today guys, next week we're welcoming Rob DenBleyker !


Matt's website you need to visit if you want to laugh:


If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to including a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with Alice, who loves you, , who will tell you what you have to do!

#442 - Illustrated FML - On 04/30/2010 at 2:46pm by FML Team - 20 comments

Caleb Taylor's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #14
  • We're back! Hooray! It's the month of May and time once again to dig around the FML postbag to see what wonders of the English language we can find. Like a sculptor making a statue out of a block of marble,…

Wednesday 20 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: