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Illustrated FML (333) - About FMyLife (86) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (18) - Books (9) - Special guests (8) - Competitions (6)

FML Pics : Another Top 4 of your pics

They say that a picture is worth a boring bunch of words thrown at you by a corporate robot. That's true. Corporate robots are the worst. Anyway, the FML Pics app is still being downloaded all over the world! We've even got users in the southern hemisphere, and rumoffffffur has it that the singer Adele used it on her latest album (probably not true though). Everyone can fffffempathise with the crapness of the situations, a lot of us have blown a gasket in a supermarket parking lot; a lot of us have put our feet through a pane of glass while off our faces on PCP. Or maybe that's just us.

As previously, the FML app has been adding to its catalogue of pics. People have been taking more and more pictures with the app, editing them, adding the FML logsfsdfdsfsdfdo, text, writing captions, voting and commenting on each other's pics… Just like the FML app, but with pictures.

Last time, we had a hit parade of our favourite user submissions so far. We've created what we called the FML Pics Top 4 Best Pics! We mentioned that a Top 4 was weird. So, this time, it's still a Top 4. Because FML is weird and wonderful, and we don't give two hoots what people think. So here's this month's Top 4, featuring the actual FML Pics user's caption underneath each photo.

 

#4: So that's why they don't pay tax

"Look how well my IKEA bed was made. Flimsy cardboard."

 

#3: Scratch cards, not smash cards.

"Smashed the lottery case at work while putting away items."
 

#2: The Built to Spill remix album

"Bought a new seal joint, forgot to fit it, switched it on anyway."

 

#1: The saddest of them all

"Was feeling single as fuck so I decided to hold hands with mannequins
and take pictures.
"

 

So, what can you do now? Get the FML Pics app for your iPhone or iPad by clicking on the icon below of course, and then join in the fun. It's free of course, it's easy to use and we're here for any questions you may have about it. Oh, and no point using pictures from imgur or anywhere else. It's for your own pictures, not other people's.


DOWNLOAD FML PIC
S

We'll be posting more Top 4 pics in due time, so get snapping, you may be featured soon!

#1572 - About FMyLife - On 01/26/2016 at 9:31am by Alan - 0 comments

Lamisseb's illustrated FML

Hello everybody! So, who died this week? That’s the question that everyone seems to be asking. We had some complaints that some FMLs treat diseases and death in dark humour fashion. Is this kind of topic not entitled to coexist with regular jokes on FML? Can we laugh at everything? Stay calm. You will never see sexist or racist jokes on FML. But we can laugh at death because as Pierre Desproges said: “Doesn’t death to laugh at us? Is death not a practitioner of dark humour? " Offended by dark humour, but seeing no evil in sexism and racism is in no way FML’s style. This week’s illustrator knows a lot about dark humour and funeral jokes. Let's check him out right away.

LAMISSEB'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"I love the long cookies you dip in glasses of milk. It's a lot less nice to do it with branches of celery."

Self portrait Sébastien by Lamisseb
 


Here we go for the illustrator of the week called Lamisseb. It's a strange nickname that hides a certain Sebastian. Let's find out together.

His info:
Age: "34, but it changes every year so I'm not sure."
Location: La Rochelle
Webite: His blog
His illustrated FML: The one with the divorce

It's always nice to receive emails from talented and funny people. Sébastien contacted us some time ago with a very enthusiastic email, and looking at the content of his blog, we jumped for joy in our the office because we had found a new gem. Yes, yes, we did. Clear drawings, lines as proud as a morning breeze on a Welsh beach, and funny dialogue. All we need here at FML. At first, I was a bit puzzled due to his nickname because I mostly saw "miss" in it, and I thought he was a girl. We exchanged a few emails and via these exchanges we have brought the world the wonderful illustration that we present to you here today. Certainly my creative contribution to the illustration itself was quite small, the glory goes to Sebastian for his legwork and his talent. Now comes the difficult task of establishing who is behind this talent. Who is this dude, since we have established that it is a dude?

So who are you, and what do you do in life, Lamisseb? "Pasta with tomato sauce, hide and seek games with my children and comics. This last element is what I do to feed my family, I dream of making a living from the first two activities."

Already making a living out of comics, that's a good start. It’s not any old scribbling doofus with a pencil that can get to do that. No offence to the unemployed artists I get in this columns.

What do you enjoy about all this? What do you miss? "I like to draw things to tell stories and make people laugh, that’s it really. I like to find a funny idea and put it into pictures. I like to enjoy life as it is and, in that sense, I want for nothing. I have dreams, though, loads! As in publishing news-related drawings in newspapers, make a humorous science fiction comic or parachuting off a stool."

He lives off his passion, he wants for nothing. I'm already starting to hate this guy.

Tell us you were at school you slapped about a bit, and your whole school career was a total sham? "I went to school and then I became a heart surgeon at the age of 12. My parents then insisted that I get a “real job." That's when I decided I start off in comics." Parents, always there to spoil the mood. Amirite, teens?

What are your plans ? “I’m working on the sequel to my dark comedy series "Et Pis Taf!”. In each of them someone dies stupidly, death and stupidity are two inexhaustible topics that go together very well. Volume 2 is due in 2016. I’m also working on a new project with The Noeils, my little favourite characters." We can see that by browsing your blog, those little eye guys (see opposite) are everywhere. Go take a look at his blog, it's really good. Come on, hop hop hop. Do it now

 

What are your inspirations, is there someone, an event or something that made you want to get into drawing? "I met Fane when I was a kid, author of the series ‘Joe Bar Team’. Seeing his studio and his boards in progress, hearing him talk about this job with such passion and kindness... I was already doing comics at the time but I honestly don’t know if I would’ve carried on without meeting him like that. I would love to see him today." Fane, if you are reading this, you know what to do.

Tell us what you love in life, your passions, your hobbies, your vices, your little pleasures of everyday life? "I like simple and accessible pleasures like caviar battles with a spoon or piloting fighter jets..." And what do you like listening to / watching / reading? “Do you have all day? In no particular order or completeness: the classic Count of Montecristo, the TV shows Daredevil, the movie Nightcall, "Happiness, desperately" by André Comte-Sponville, or the last comic opus, which is as excellent and always as addictive of The Walking Dead." Any other comic book artists you care to mention? "I do industrial espionage on blogs by Ben Dessy (Macadam Valley) and Le Cil Vert. I also monitor some cartoons that are published on Facebook by the excellent Lasserpe, Deligne, Na and Pierre Samson." Noted. I really have to look into The Walking Dead, zombies annoy me in general, except in Dead Set (but only because it’s a Charlie Brooker thing). Next.

A personal FML perhaps? “Returning from a bachelor party with a tooth missing, having to explain to my wife that no, it wasn’t just to "be just like in the movie The Hangover"." Hmmmm. A few more details about the events leading to the tooth and the extraction would have been welcome. Maybe in the next illustration. Given the quality of this week’s, we hope you’ll come back soon to do another! The door is always open!

And finally, do you have any advice for budding new artists? "Start with 500 pushups, newbie!” Yeah, you need to knock these young whippersnappers down a peg or two, you're right.

Yep, that’ll do for this week. It’s almost cocktail o’clock! I warmly thank Lamisseb for taking part in this whole shebang. Perhaps he’ll be back one day with some other illustration. Here at FML we’re hot to trot, to use an expression that hasn’t been used since 1963. Until that happens, I’ll leave you with one member of the FML team in the snow, and me I when I try to do the splits. See you next week for further illustrations, be groovy, be excellent to each other and don’t fear the reaper

What about you then? Think you have talent and want to participate in an upcoming illustrated FML? Send us an email to contact@fmylife.com not forgetting to give us the address of your blog, or just some of your works.

#1571 - Illustrated FML - On 01/22/2016 at 3:46am by Alan - 4 comments

The Best of the Worst #21

Yay, it's 2016 and it's the first Best of the Worst of the year! This year has started with a bunch of sad deaths, and it uncharacteristically begins with the month of January, so we're here to cheer you up on what is known as Blue Monday. We've prepared a bunch of posts from the bottom of the FML mailbag that are bound to slap a smile on your face. Let's get straight to it!

For the people who have never seen this column before: we get sent loads of FMLs, each day, every day. We only publish a few a day due to the fact that a lot are simply too bad. And not in the Michael Jackson meaning of the word. In amongst those, we also get weird stories, if you can call them stories. That's what we post in this column. This is a collection of the best of the worst FMLs that people have sent in to us. Check this month's selection!
 

Holy non-sequitur Batman! 

Today, I was blowing my nose and a knife flew through the air and stuck into my nose, my dog has cancer FML

Tinfoil

Today, I woke up and looked at my Dick. To my surprise there was fuzz there! I was excited and smiling until it blew away… I hate lintballs. FML


Nice strawman

Today, a gay man saw the cross necklace I was wearing and tried to beat me up. I defended myself, and he ended up in the hospital. Guess who is being accused of hate crime. FML.


Mountains, molehills…

i took a bite of an oatmeal raisin cookie that i thought was a chocolate chip cookie…this is the only reason i have trust issues


LOL WTF indeed

Today, I get so shitface that I fuck a girl with Down syndrome man yo yo lol wtf. FML


Weird

Today, I had an Interview at Microsoft. After interview, they asked if I have any question for them. I asked with weird smile, “which browser do you use at office? Internet Explorer really?”. I don’t think that was well received question. FML


Robot wars

Today, On my way to a 4500$ job offer a man cut infront of me by a robot,i decided screw this shit and go out and keyd his car.As i walked back he called me a bi*** so i threw a rock that i found through his window and drove off….i later got to the place and there he was…i said nothing and left!

Thoughts

Today, Today, I found out that thoughts,do indeed,do become things….i was lying on my bed while imagining someone jumping onto thier pillow nkt know their was a needle inside and dying(#1000waystodie)i luaghed then i turned over onto my pillow and noticed a 12cm needle piercing my ass!!!#LMAO


Product placement

Today, I realised Nike is not a lie……My mom asked(TOLD) me to wash 1 of our 2 cars so i asked:“which 1?” so she replied “make it both” OMW,So much for a relaxing saturday…..Now u know “JUST DO IT” is not just a phrase…. #NIKEFORDAYS!!


Sausage fingers

Today, I had a dream about my bestfriend getting fingered with a sausage by her boyfriend. My boyfriend was in the background eating salad. My bestfriend kept asking me why i was looking so weird. It was so awkward. FML.

That's it for this month. We'll be back in February for some more bat-shit insane FMLs, because there's plenty more in our backlog. You can probably see some yourself by using the "Moderate the FMLs" feature on our website/app. As usual, these all have been collected from the website right from the very beginning, so don't bother trying to send in your own weird ramblings to try and get them published in here, it won't work. Take care!
 

 

Bonus track: Another important message, which tells it like it is. Only badly.
 

Takes one to know one

Today,i realized half of the people trying to post fml’s,dont know how to spell or make sense.fml

#1570 - About FMyLife - On 01/18/2016 at 9:45am by Alan - 47 comments

S-Kro's illustrated FML #3

Hi everyone! What a weird time to be alive. Even weirder time to be dead. Lemmy, Bowie… A lot of talented people are popping their clogs one after the other. It's quite sad, but let's not dwell on these sad events, let's look to the future. It's going to be hard while considering the Black Eyed Peas are about to release new songs. Bygones. Anyway, we're welcoming back a regular contributor to this column, with a scientific take on FMLs. Sit back, enjoy the interview and illustrations, and all should be fine. Here we go.

S-KRO'S ILLUSTRATED FML #3

"Sometimes, it feels like the hero of the movie The Martian is really really lucky."

Self-portrait S-Kro by S-Kro
 


This week is the third installment of our love story, or friendship. We still not sure which. This is the series we’re trying out with S-Kro, who explains all things scientific in an easy to understand way.

His info:
Age: "35 according to my arteries, 17 according to my maturity."
Location: Internet
Website : His blog and his Facebook page
His illustrated FML: The one with natural science


We do not know S-Kro’s real name. I think it's a pun, but I'm not sure. I ran into him during a conversation on Facebook, and I offered him to come and do something for us on FML and he agreed. He not only accepted, but he has also done several excellent illustrations, which we will progressively post these coming months! All have a common thread: the scientific explanation of the world around us, and in our case, an application to the stories contained on VDM. The idea is launched with an explanation of speed cameras and the way they work, which is so annoying for distracted or reckless motorists drivers. Yes, you know who you are. We've all been there. They speed is limited to 50 but without paying attention, we’ve ended up doing 110, the windows wide open, playing hardcore techno... Or is that just me?


Who is behind the nickname then, and what does he do? "Analyse things to solve stuff and give advice that in the end no one will pay any attention to.” I don’t know why, I immediately had in mind the image of a hamster on its wheel, constantly turning, going nowhere… And what does he need in life? “Drawing classes, but people will have quickly noticed that.” Erm, no, not particularly. Too modest, mate!

What do you enjoy in all of this? "In drawing, the feeling of creating stories and worlds is quite exhilarating, the sensation of leaving a trace at the bottom of humanity’s underpants. The creative process, which some psychoanalysts think allows us to fight against the anxiety of human beings confronting death and... well... it’s getting boring now, isn’t it?" Oh no no, not at all!
 

Where did you go to school and learn all this stuff? "I did my schooling quietly, maybe a bit too quietly. I worked just enough to get to the next level. If I’d had teachers (maths and science in particular) that had given me a taste for science, I would’ve been working in different areas. Let’s just say that my comics and my research have helped me catch up for lost time."
We really do need people who are able to explain things as clearly as S-Kro does, these comics really are a sort of public service!

What are your plans? “Getting my comics “Clever things explained by an idiot” published. I’m also taking part in the fanzines belonging to my buddies Pinworms, Reuketeupeuh, El Guapo or Egoscopic, it’s a good laugh.” This is a great idea, getting the comics published, they’re really good. I especially liked the one about the guy growing a beard and getting asked if he was a hipster or a terrorist or dirty or any of that bullshit that I had to put up with last year when I started growing a beard out of sheer boredom. I went through exactly the same thing. So thanks!

What are your inspirations, is there someone, an event or something that made you want to get into illustration? "From my great grandfather to my father, I have always seen people draw or paint, I don’t think it helps to have a normal life and it explains a lot." And do you have heroes in life? "In the sense of exemplary characters, I would say guys like Nikola Tesla, Richard Feynman or as Stephen Hawking, but he’s crap at basketball." Claaaaaassy!

Tell us what you love in life, your passions, your hobbies, your vices, your little pleasures of everyday life. "My hobby is drawing, reading boring stuff and less boring stuff, my friends, my sweetheart ... and farting in my bath." Ah, taking a bath. I miss that. I only have a shower at home. How lucky. Uh, well, yes, and how about your taste in music, books and comics, what you do you love right now? "If I had to keep a book, only one, it would be “A short history of nearly everything" by Bill Bryson. For comics, I read so much that it's hard to make a choice, especially since there's some of my friends in the comics, if I forget any of them, they’ll sulk." Yes, you’d better not then. But even so, let’s try to see if there are some artists whose blogs you check out regularly, just in case. So? "I don’t have time to visit blogs, there’s too many.
But the artists who influenced me the most would be Maester and the late Coyote. I love Mo CDM, Eric Powell, Scott McFarlane too, to name but a few, the list would be very long otherwise." Everyone says that. Then again, if you asked me who my favourite musicians were, or which sort of sandwich I like…

A personal FML perhaps? "Once I was with a buddy and there was this girl I wanted to hook up with. I don’t know why but on TV there was a report about the lack of space in apartments when you’re in a wheelchair. I had this very drunken guy observation  and I said something like: "I don’t see what the problem is, if you fold them up with the chair, that won’t take up much space." She stood up and left the room and then I learned that her father was in a wheelchair..." My theory is that the way to test future-ex partners to see if it’ll work out is their potential to warm to our shitty sense of humour. She, sadly, didn’t make the cut. You didn’t miss out on anything.

And finally, do you have any advice for new artists? "Don’t do it, you poor unfortunate soul!”

Right, that will do for this week! Thanks S-Kro thanks for taking part again. We’ll see him again one day with another scientific illustration. I can’t tell you when it will be, it’ll be another surprise. In the meantime, I’ll leave you with a dog with half a lemon and how not to exit a motorcycle. See you next week for a different artist, so until then, be excellent to each other!

How about you? Think you have talent and want to participate in an upcoming illustrated VDM? Send us an email on contact@fmylife.com, not forgetting to give us the address of your blog, or just some of your works.

#1569 - Illustrated FML - On 01/14/2016 at 11:35am by Alan - 3 comments

Monsieur K & Myster B's illustrated FML

There's a saying that goes something like those who ignore the past are condemned to repeat it. Something like that. This is why television channels seem obsessed with M*A*S*H* re-runs. You can't change the past, but you can imagine what it would be like if you could go back in time and mess about with it. Many people annoy others with their theories on what they would do and where they would go if they could go back in time, usually at parties. No one wants to know how you would kill baby Hitler. And if time travel was ever invented, we would know because people would've shown up by now. Anyway, this week's illustrators know a thing or two about fiddling about with the course of time. Let's check 'em out.

MONSIEUR K & MYSTER B'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"Who are our heroes? Well, erm... Ourselves! We are the Magni-fi-cent! (private joke, sorry)."

Self portrait MK and MB by MK and MB
 


This week, it's the welcome return of Monsieur K. and Myster B. who have already graced our shores a while back. Their previous illustrated FML can be viewed by clicking here

Their info:
Ages: 81 years old between them
LocationBéziers, France
WebsitesMonsieur K. and Myster B.
Their illustrated FML: The one with the recycling


So, how are these two crazy comic book dudes? As we've already had them on FML, I'll suggest you check out their previous interview by clicking here. I'm still going to ask the usual questions for those of you who are too lazy to click on the link, because I need a minimum amount of words to fill up the article to go with the illustrations contained within. And these guys are also here to tell us all about their news. Because they have some. Yes they do. Honest. 

So, what do these dudes actually do? "We like making people think we are autistic parasites, until they discover the fruits of our work (and thus our genius)." Hey, that reminds me of someone. Magic mirror, when will my genius be recognised by MENSA? Boohoo. 

What is it that you enjoy about what you do? "We like ending up together in a different space-time, imagining stories together and actually creating them. We're on the same wavelength, but we also have our differences which go together well." And what is missing from your lives, workwise or other? "Nothing, thanks :)" Ah, that's rare. Usually I get told that a graphics tablet is required, or a social life. Well done. 

Were your school days particularly brilliant? "Our respective school and professional careers are very up and down. Let's just say that we didn't make a career out of anything. The world of comic books was waiting for us, to put it in simple terms…" 

Is working in tandem a pain in the butt or a heap of fun? "The way we work is a game of ping pong. One of us (usually B) sends the first idea, on which the other rebounds, and so on, until K draws and B inks. We complete each other in an ideal way." 

Where does this ideal work take place? "For K it takes place on his desk, for B if possible outside in the sun. But when we meet up to work, it's by the fire, at B's place (even if it's not lit during the summer)." 

OK? let's talk news. That's why we're here. Tell us what's coming out, or what's just come out, I'm not sure. “Our big news is the second tome of Anachronic Chronicles comme "Jerusalem". It's the sequel of the time travel story of 3 characters who are passionate about the big mysteries of our history, who create myths by trying to solve them. After the beast of Gévaudan, Phil, Frantz et Bernard are now following the footsteps of Jesus Christ. You can order it by clicking here." Now, of course, it's in French as you can see from the cover to the left. But if you want to learn to speak French, what better way than with a great comic book? So order it now, if not just for the great artwork!

Following this monument, what are your plans? "Monsieur K and Myster B have several projects on the go, but the biggest is of course the third tome of the Anachronic Chronicles. An exclusive for FML: the myth explored in the upcoming opus will be the Arthurian legends! In our outboxes is also a certain Jack the Psychopath, who will soon be making an appearance in the comic book world." That's quite a lot of projects. My only project is to think about what I'm going to have for lunch. Pasta or fries. Decisions, decisions. 

What are your everyday pleasures, together? "Monsieur K loves to pick his nose and MysterB likes to say to him: "D'you want mine?" when he's not already stuck it in there without warning." I know certain people in the FML office who have the same sort of intimacy. It's very touching. No, I'll give no names. 

Do you have a personal FML to share, together? "Our last common FML was when we received 50 printed copies of the first tome of the Anachronistic Chronicles and the colours were saturated. The box is gathering dust, but we get scared every time we receive new editions." Ouch. 

Finally, any advice for budding artists?
Monsieur K: "Draw, lazybones!"
Monsieur B: "Yes master! Right away master!"

That'll be it for this week! Thanks to our two friends for their second appearance on these pages, come back and see us whenever you feel like it. When tome 3 comes out for example. Next week, we'll be talking to a Meninist who draws powerful drawings that explain how hard it is to be a straight white man these days and... Sorry, I can't keep a straight face when typing that sort of horsehockey. Next week, I'm not sure what's going down. We'll cross that bridge, etc. I'll leave you with a merciless attack and a cat's tongue. Be excellent to each other, and see you next week!

What about you? Think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML? Send us an email to contact@fmylife.com but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away

#1568 - Illustrated FML - On 01/08/2016 at 6:42am by Alan - 6 comments