Yay, it's 2016 and it's the first Best of the Worst of the year! This year has started with a bunch of sad deaths, and it uncharacteristically begins with the month of January, so we're here to cheer you up on what is known as Blue Monday. We've prepared a bunch of posts from the bottom of the FML mailbag that are bound to slap a smile on your face. Let's get straight to it!
For the people who have never seen this column before: we get sent loads of FMLs, each day, every day. We only publish a few a day due to the fact that a lot are simply too bad. And not in the Michael Jackson meaning of the word. In amongst those, we also get weird stories, if you can call them stories. That's what we post in this column. This is a collection of the best of the worst FMLs that people have sent in to us. Check this month's selection!
Holy non-sequitur Batman!
Today, I was blowing my nose and a knife flew through the air and stuck into my nose, my dog has cancer FML
Today, I woke up and looked at my Dick. To my surprise there was fuzz there! I was excited and smiling until it blew away… I hate lintballs. FML
Today, a gay man saw the cross necklace I was wearing and tried to beat me up. I defended myself, and he ended up in the hospital. Guess who is being accused of hate crime. FML.
i took a bite of an oatmeal raisin cookie that i thought was a chocolate chip cookie…this is the only reason i have trust issues
LOL WTF indeed
Today, I get so shitface that I fuck a girl with Down syndrome man yo yo lol wtf. FML
Today, I had an Interview at Microsoft. After interview, they asked if I have any question for them. I asked with weird smile, “which browser do you use at office? Internet Explorer really?”. I don’t think that was well received question. FML
Today, On my way to a 4500$ job offer a man cut infront of me by a robot,i decided screw this shit and go out and keyd his car.As i walked back he called me a bi*** so i threw a rock that i found through his window and drove off….i later got to the place and there he was…i said nothing and left!
Today, Today, I found out that thoughts,do indeed,do become things….i was lying on my bed while imagining someone jumping onto thier pillow nkt know their was a needle inside and dying(#1000waystodie)i luaghed then i turned over onto my pillow and noticed a 12cm needle piercing my ass!!!#LMAO
Today, I realised Nike is not a lie……My mom asked(TOLD) me to wash 1 of our 2 cars so i asked:“which 1?” so she replied “make it both” OMW,So much for a relaxing saturday…..Now u know “JUST DO IT” is not just a phrase…. #NIKEFORDAYS!!
Today, I had a dream about my bestfriend getting fingered with a sausage by her boyfriend. My boyfriend was in the background eating salad. My bestfriend kept asking me why i was looking so weird. It was so awkward. FML.
That's it for this month. We'll be back in February for some more bat-shit insane FMLs, because there's plenty more in our backlog. You can probably see some yourself by using the "Moderate the FMLs" feature on our website/app. As usual, these all have been collected from the website right from the very beginning, so don't bother trying to send in your own weird ramblings to try and get them published in here, it won't work. Take care!
Bonus track: Another important message, which tells it like it is. Only badly.
Takes one to know one
Today,i realized half of the people trying to post fml’s,dont know how to spell or make sense.fml