The beach is a tough place to hang out if your body doesn’t live up to society’s tough standards. Thanks, fashion magazines, you’ve made us all paranoid about our butts and bellies. The beach is usually full of perfect people, with perfect lives, living out perfect Frisbee competitions with their perfect friends, while we get sand in our crotches, sandwiches and eyes. Legendary stand-up comedian Bill Hicks had this to say of the beach:
“It's where dirt meets water, alright? (…) I've got a bathtub and an imagination; I'm staying indoors this summer. That way I can listen to music that I like. Maybe I'm just jealous man, everyone at the beach is perfect, you know; tanned skin, white teeth, I've got white skin, tanned teeth.”
So, there’s sun, sand, implied sex that we’re not having, and beach balls. Too many beach balls. The only thing cool about the beach was the Beach Boys, and most of them looked like they never went to the beach. So boo to the beach. Those perfect people are probably idiots anyway. Yeah, let's all make sweeping generalizations based on looks, that'll make us feel better.
Here at FML, we’ve reluctantly been to the beach. We came back with some stories that we caught in a small net, bought from some shady shack by the road that they always seem to have, and the Video Guys have made some of them into a short film. They look good on the beach in this, though. That’s probably due to the tons of special effects involved in the making of this video. We hope you enjoy watching it as much as they enjoyed making it.
Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…