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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I went on my first date in over 4 years with a smoking hot guy. The big event was a trip to Target. I work at Target. He took me to my workplace for our date. And they say romance is dead. FML

#21345533
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27862) - you deserved it (2473)

On 01/28/2015 at 8:51am - love - by anonpbc (woman) - United States (Kansas)

anonpbc's comment about their FML

OP here. To clarify for the haters, I do know what a date is supposed to be, I'm not an idiot. We had been planning to meet up for weeks. The date was lame, hence why I posted to FML. But it was definitely intended as a real date, accompanied by dinner and shopping a few other stores. No errands were ran, No groceries or Tp was purchased. I visited a few coworkers & he picked up a few electronics items. and no I didn't buy it or use my employee discount. It was my day off & he knew it was my workplace.

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Today, I was talking to a girl. It was going pretty well until she said, "LOL." What's so bad about that? We weren't texting. FML

#21345280
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25137) - you deserved it (4660)

On 01/27/2015 at 8:32pm - misc - by MyUsernameisEpic (man) - United States (Florida)

MyUsernameisEpic's comment about their FML

Okay, so this is my FML.

The girl is 15, and we have classes together in school. I didn't really mind that she said it, but it was funny. That's why I decided to share it on here, and it actually got posted! Anyway, back to the story. We were talking in class about something and I made a joke and she started giggling and then, she said, "LOL!" Like, "el-oh-el". Also, I should mention that I wasn't flirting with her or anything. I'm not pursuing a relationship with her, but if I was, I wouldn't completely freak out and change my mind because she said lol. That'd make me a judgmental prick. That'd be pretty screwed up of me. Lastly, I'd like to say that I am friends with her, and just because she said lol, that doesn't mean I think she's stupid or anything.

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Today, I was getting a haircut. During the haircut, the barber cut her hand. She hesitated for a minute then continued to run her hands through and cut my hair with her bloody fingers. FML

#21345207
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27716) - you deserved it (1930)

On 01/27/2015 at 6:06pm - misc - by Animaldude55 - United States (California)

Animaldude55's comment about their FML

I am the OP. Basically it was near the end of the haircut when this happened so I didn't have time to say anothing. Just to add a few more details, she tried putting on a bandaid but it didn't work, rubbed her fingers on a towel I saw blood.

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Today, I found out my girlfriend is bulimic. Like that wasn't bad enough, I found out because she spent all of our rent money on food. FML

#21345004
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25430) - you deserved it (3104)

On 01/27/2015 at 9:07am - health - by nicktrelos (man) - Greece

nicktrelos's comment about their FML

I'm not making it about myself - I'm not happy with the money loss, of course, but 350€ is nothing compared to how much I care. I meant it in a "that's devastating, and this sucks too" way if that makes sense?

Thank you all so much for your support. We've been together for years, and she's my best friend in the world. It's hard to believe I never noticed the signs.

The rent will be taken care of, right now getting her help is the most important thing :) I'm going to support her every step of the way. I've been learning about eating disorders all weekend (event was actually from Friday), and I can say for sure it wasn't a matter of being selfish. She's sick. That's not her fault, it's everyone else's for making her feel worthless.

You're all incredibly sweet! A bit sour about the jokes, but that's okay, haha. I never take anything seriously myself.

We can get through this :)

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Today, I mentioned to my girlfriend that I'd sent in a job application after she went home. In front of her parents. Who thought she'd stayed the night at a friend's place. FML

#21344632
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21753) - you deserved it (8054)

On 01/26/2015 at 5:30pm - misc - by TysonY2 (man) - United States (Idaho)

TysonY2's comment about their FML

CLARIFICATION:
(Yes I am the op)
Yes, she stayed the night at my house. We are both 18, and have been dating for 4 years. Her parents had been assuming we had been "fooling" around for quite some time, so they weren't really per say SHOCKED when it slipped my mind. We both live with our parents, but my mom left for the night.

The reason it slipped my mind was because she was the one who told me there was an opening (she saw a sign as we were driving back from getting coffee the morning after), so to my stupid ass brain attributed her directly to applying in the first place.

Her mom laughed, and her dad remained silent. Her little brother also remained silent.

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Today, a weird friend of my father's decided to visit us. Our house isn't very big, so when he went to the bathroom, I could hear everything. He didn't wash his hands after a massive dump, and when he came out of the bathroom he patted my face. FML

#21344428
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28975) - you deserved it (2030)

On 01/26/2015 at 6:29am - misc - by texasrose921 - United States (Illinois)

texasrose921's comment about their FML

Hi, I wrote this FML. Have any of you ever seen an older friend of the family you haven't seen in a while? They've most likely said something like, "Oh, how you've grown!" Or given you a compliment, and then given you a hug or patted you on the head. That's what happened with this guy. He was commenting on a compliment my dad gave me, and decided to pat my face, like a much older uncle would. It wasn't in any weird, predator way. But it was gross. And yes I scrubbed my face with anti-bacterial soap right after.

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Today, I found out that, due to the walls at my uni dorm being ridiculously thin, my entire flat overheard me lose my virginity. Spanking and all. FML

#21344108
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27689) - you deserved it (8354)

On 01/25/2015 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by Orgasmataz (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Orgasmataz's comment about their FML

OP here! We did have some music playing actually...I don't think my flatmates will be listening to Jake Bugg for a while haha

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Today, I made a joke that my boyfriend was going to end up sending me into premature labor. Later, I went into labor for real. My boyfriend thought I was faking and refused to take me to the hospital. FML

#21342125
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30980) - you deserved it (7420)

On 01/22/2015 at 6:32am - health - by unsuspectingmom - United States (Michigan)

unsuspectingmom's comment about their FML

Baby was 3 weeks before term, but is doing fine. Sophia Grace, 7 lbs 2 oz

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Today, my boss told me that as funny as it is, it is inappropriate to mock customers with my "fake" Scottish accent. I don't, he refuses to believe that I speak with a Scottish accent. FML

#21337885
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31530) - you deserved it (2060)

On 01/15/2015 at 9:38pm - work - by hegchog12 (man) - United Kingdom

hegchog12's comment about their FML

What makes this FML worse is that I still live and work in Scotland. I brought it up with my boss, turns out he thinks it's "disrespectful" to put on my "fake" accent after the referendum. I really must look for a another job. I don't want to offend anyone but Im one of the few people in the Scottish highlands that don't speak the "queens English".

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Today, I had lunch with my parents. I'm an Asian guy who married a Puerto Rican woman and we just had a boy. My dad looks at my son, then looks at me and says, "You ruined the bloodline." FML

#21337747
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33212) - you deserved it (2780)

On 01/15/2015 at 5:24pm - kids - by Northshore75 (man) - United States (California)

Northshore75's comment about their FML

I'm the guy that submitted this FML. I didn't think this topic would gain so much traction but I don't feel so alone and I do appreciate reading your comments good or bad. Yes, my parents are "racist assholes". Both of them immigrated into the U.S. in their teens. Currently in their 60's/70s respectively, I cannot fathom why they continue to harbor such hate but here is the kicker. I'm not pure Chinese. I'm part Chinese and Japanese. The Japanese is from my mother's side. My father rants about how much he hates the Japanese. Further, my grandfather was a medic for the Army in WW2 so that adds more fuel to the fire. So how in the hell did he get around to marrying my mother? Of course my father has no answer for that. The racism is only scratching the surface. It's the Asian tiger parents sort of mentality of romanticizing and demanding perfection from their offspring. Check out Amy Chua's book if you don't believe me. All I can do is press on in life and not repeat the same mistakes my parents made because I don't want my own son labeling me "asshole".

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Today, I found myself wondering if my sister's jaw makes the same clicking sound when she's giving head as it does when she's eating food. FML

#21336245
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24125) - you deserved it (8114)

On 01/13/2015 at 3:23am - misc - by Goth_Hawk - United States (California)

Goth_Hawk's comment about their FML

I'm OP, she does have a jaw issue, and the doctors have said they would have to break her jaw to fix it. I thought about it because it was 3am and the thought of her chewing came to mind as I was reading some of the dirtier submissions on FML. It was so jarring that I had to post it.

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Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

#21335981
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32058) - you deserved it (8535)

On 01/12/2015 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by con135 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

con135's comment about their FML

Needless to say she still makes fun of me for this, when she asks me for something she will say something like,"can you firmly grasp that soda and hand it to me?"

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Today, I had to go back to the restaurant I had just eaten at and beg for my tip back so I could afford my bus home. FML

#21334423
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27942) - you deserved it (9528)

On 01/10/2015 at 11:35am - money - by bensim64 - United Kingdom (Coventry)

bensim64's comment about their FML

Hi, as the author I just wanted to clear this up. I'm not cold or heartless, but I forgot my Oyster card (what you need to get a bus home in England) and had given my last bit of change for the tip! I was hugely embarrassed as I always tip (although not mandatory in Britain as in America; mostly because American staff are for more helpful and nice). However, as I do go there fairly often, I will obviously tip more next time!

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