Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I heard a loud beep for over an hour. It didn't come from my phone or even an alarm of some sort. It was my son pretending to be a smoke alarm. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29603) - you deserved it (3042)

On 05/06/2015 at 3:25pm - kids - by Suicidal_Divide (woman) - United States (California)

Suicidal_Divide's comment about their FML

OP here. I really didn't think this would be posted. So here is a little background on what was going on. First off, my son is 9 years old and Autistic, he is higher fuctioning but does still does repetative (and sometimes annoying) things. This does not mean I love him any less he is still my baby. He started the beeping because his grandpa came home and settled in without going in an saying Hi, so he hid under a blanket in the entry hall and announced himself by beeping loudly. While this wasn't the best way of trying to get anyones attention, it happened. While it started out cute, it did get annoying after a bit, but I also knew that he would stop as soon as he got tired of his "game". Not everyone would put up with the beeping as long as I did, but he was not hurting anything so I decided to let my son have his fun since he was not hurting anything.

See all the comments including 9 other original poster's reactions

Today, the cops showed up at our door at 11 pm. Apparently, our neighbours thought I was being abused because they heard high-pitched screaming for 45 minutes straight. Little did they know our 6-month-old baby screams when she's happy. Loudly. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28479) - you deserved it (2118)

On 05/05/2015 at 5:00pm - kids - by Feronia (woman) - Netherlands (Zeeland)

Feronia's comment about their FML

It's not that I'm mad at my neighbours for calling the cops, honestly I would've done the same. I'm just upset about officers barging in and handcuffing my boyfriend without explanation. They tried taking him out of the appartment, still handcuffed, still no explanation. Until I started yelling at them to let him go and tell me what the fuck was going on they wouldn't give me a second glance.
And yes, child protective services were called, and they showed up a bit later. They didn't fully believe me when I said my partner has never laid a finger on me, and they insisted on regular counseling.
So now we have a counselor for an unknown amount of time, because they can't get it into their thick skulls that babies scream sometimes. And I live in constant fear, because if our daughter so much as scratches herself or bumps her head against the table we have a chance of losing her. Granted, a small chance, but a chance none the less.

Also, our schedules are different from most people because of our job, we mostly live during the night, so it's normal for our kid to be up at 11pm. We're looking for other jobs to fix that.

See all the comments including 5 other original poster's reactions

Today, I realised I've been depressed about my recent break up for longer than the relationship even lasted. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28330) - you deserved it (5231)

On 05/05/2015 at 1:09pm - love - by fleckney26 - United Kingdom (Leicester)

fleckney26's comment about their FML

Op here, first of all, thanks for the support. Mostly. It's not actual depression, just feeling rather miserable about it all, especially as many of my friends are all in happy relationships that I see every day.
We dated for just over three months, and I guess the main reason I'm still upset is that she was my first proper girlfriend, first kiss, and at the risk of sounding a bit too pathetic, my first love.
To those saying that I should get out and find a hobby, I do. I play the French horn in and out of school, and I'm in the Air Training Corps, which takes up nearly all my free time. The only problem is, she does exactly the same, so I still see her every day and we regularly have camps together, so it's hard to avoid her.
Saying that, we are still friends, and the break up was very calm, so there are no hard feeling between us.
Anyway, sorry for the long comment, and thanks for getting this posted!

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, my little sister came up to me holding up my phone. It wouldn't be so bad if she hadn't dropped it in the toilet first. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25837) - you deserved it (2420)

On 05/04/2015 at 11:39am - kids - by _Domster_46 - United States (Michigan)

_Domster_46's comment about their FML

Hi, OP here, to answer some of your questions she is 4 years old, and I did try putting it in a bag of rice glad to say it is working now!

See all the comments

Today, I clogged the toilet in the one-man bathroom at the corner store, with a line of about 5 people waiting outside. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27911) - you deserved it (4199)

On 05/02/2015 at 12:36pm - misc - by coolster5000 - Canada (Newfoundland)

coolster5000's comment about their FML

OP here, I find all of your "shitty situation" comments very unoriginal;) but funny all the same. I ended up just telling them I went in and found the toilet like that, but I'm not sure they believed me whatsoever.

See all the comments

Today, I failed a major exam. It wasn't because I didn't prepare for it, though. I failed because somebody sneezed during it and I said "bless you." Apparently, that's classed as cheating. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34186) - you deserved it (3333)

On 05/01/2015 at 7:34pm - misc - by blemarooney - Ireland (Dublin)

blemarooney's comment about their FML

Hi OP here. Thanks for all the supportive comments.

I got my mum to go in and complain to my school but they kept insisting that 'rules are rules.'

So maybe bless you secretly means the answer is C but I will certainly never bless anybody when they sneeze in the middle of an exam again.

See all the comments

Today, at my house party, I caught my boyfriend having sex with my best friend. His excuse? He wanted to be better in bed for me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34018) - you deserved it (2712)

On 04/30/2015 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by sianydiddle -

sianydiddle's comment about their FML

OP here! Can't believe this got posted! Let me shed some light on this.

This was a few years ago now, I was with this complete turd for a year, and it's safe to say he's an ex. He used me, and made me think I was going crazy when he used to stay out for whole weekends without so much as a text, and came back with hickeys. He used to tell me it was all in my head and I stupidly believed him.

With my 'friend', she was also his brothers girlfriend. His brother was with me when we caught them. She ran out of the house and never gave us an explanation, or an apology. She just ignored us, and to be honest, that suited me fine.

With him saying he wanted to be better for me, I had no frame of reference, so that was just a load of bullshit.

Silver lining in it all, I'm now with an amazing guy who treats me perfectly. My ex is still single from that day, no woman has been stupid enough to fall for him, which he deserves cause he broke my damn heart. Me and his bro are still friends. To all saying I should've joined them? No thanks, they seemed pretty contented with each other, which is great for them :)

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, a guy asked me for my number. Now I deeply regret giving it to him, because he won't stop sending me Bible quotes and pictures of Jesus. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29690) - you deserved it (6444)

On 04/30/2015 at 2:15pm - misc - by Iwtumn (woman) - Austria (Steiermark)

Iwtumn's comment about their FML

Good morning!
Thank you all for finally getting one of my FMLs published!
To answer the two big questions:
1. Why did I give my number to a stranger/random person/guy/... ?
Because he doesn't really seem like a serial killer and seems to have the whole package of good humour, brains and good looks and I had the hope thay maybe one day we could meet up and make some perfect little babies (or maybe just go and have a cup of coffee together). He is also not a (complete) stranger, we sit in the same lecture and have talked with each other in the past.

2. Why don't I block him?
Because I have the hope that all of this might be a drunk joke, since I know that he went out to party last night and some of the quotes kind of imply it (or maybe I am reading too much into them, I don't know). If it isn't, I still can do it later.

I like the idea of sending him something equally annoying back, should he continue to send them, I just have to find something suitable (I'm not really sure if I am willing to sift through the FSoG books to look for some good quotes and I don't want to start the whole science vs religion discussion, maybe I'll really go with the Shakespeare play... ).

See all the comments including 8 other original poster's reactions

Today, I realized that my new haircut makes me look like a movie star. Not Scarlett Johansson, no. I look like Lord Farquaad. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28706) - you deserved it (4085)

On 04/30/2015 at 2:04pm - misc - by henrylikestreats - United States (Arizona)

henrylikestreats's comment about their FML

All of these puns have me in tears, I swear. I am currently growing out my hair after cutting it all off to be donated. It has gone through every awkward stage imaginable, including the constantly-in-my-eyes stage, the is-it-long-enough-for-a-ponytail stage, and, of course, the mullet. After a few weeks of dealing with the mullet, I decided to cut it, and that is how I ended up with this mess. I have heard Shrek quotes everywhere I have gone since and I can't stop laughing at myself. Thank you for making my night, everybody.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, my mom announced my pregnancy to the entire family via Facebook with the post, "Just went from a MILF to a GILF in one moment of unprotected sex." FML


I agree, your life sucks (31383) - you deserved it (4526)

On 04/29/2015 at 4:33pm - intimacy - by Ixlovexwaffles (woman) -

Ixlovexwaffles's comment about their FML

I would have laughed it off had she made the post a week later, it's the fact that I told her specifically not to post anything or talk to anyone about it for at least a few days so I could announce it to everyone else. She knew I told her first. It's the fact that that is how it was announced.

See all the comments including 6 other original poster's reactions

Today, after recently getting my car fully serviced and fixed, the horn has decided to spontaneously beep. To stop the beeping I have to press the horn hard, making it look like I'm purposely doing it to piss people off. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26359) - you deserved it (2129)

On 04/29/2015 at 11:34am - misc - by lorb101 - Australia (Victoria)

lorb101's comment about their FML

I booked in next week to get it looked at- hopefully it behaves until then!! It just gets super awkward because I'm a 22 year old female and so not the usual candidate for a cheeky drive by beeping!! Thanks for all your concern guys!! Xxx

See all the comments

Today, my father tried to excuse his alcoholism by saying that his stomach stops working, and he needs to drink vodka to get it started again. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26281) - you deserved it (2040)

On 04/29/2015 at 2:37am - health - by TJRoy - Australia (New South Wales)

TJRoy's comment about their FML

He is Croatian, and he was sober. He 100% believes it's true and has said it on several occasions.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my fiancé called me 'thick' for not realising he'd been sleeping with his ex earlier. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31115) - you deserved it (2819)

On 04/28/2015 at 1:23am - intimacy - by Jennandco (woman) - United Kingdom

Jennandco's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here! Yeah hahah, it was just funny because literally 5 minutes before hand, I questioned whether he had, because I had my suspicions and he had a huge go at me for even suggesting it.

I'm basically 'thick' because I didn't figure that when we were arguing about his number of jobs, he said 'at least I'm not an unemployed prick' he was talking about his actual genitalia, rather than just his employment (we weren't having sex because I was still recovering from an operation because I had been really ill)
I didn't want to believe it because we had been on/off for 6 years and he really meant a lot, but then he showed me their messages discussing their sex just to hurt me further, but then expected me to get over it. So I guess then I kind of had to, huh?
But it wasn't the first time he had done that, first time I tried to get over it. Not this time.

See all the comments

FML's blog

  • FML with pics? That's FML Pics
  • They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. We reckoned pictures could be worth 300 characters, which is why we launched FML Pics. The name says it all, really: it's an FML app, only with…

Monday 3 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: