Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, my mother gave me a Christmas present for the first time in 15 years: a dog. Her 16-year-old, untrained, mean dog who wears diapers. FML

#21004159
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34677) - you deserved it (2124)

On 12/24/2013 at 9:57pm - animals - by Eri_Midori (woman) - United States (California)

Eri_Midori's comment about their FML

Hi guys, Op here! Wasn't expecting this to get posted so that's a pretty nice side to my situation :D
I enjoyed reading you guy's comments, and to some of you trying to defend the dog (Peanut) you have nothing to fear. I have been put in a position where I had to take care of Peanut every now and then, but only for a day or two while my mother was feeling un-responsible. So I know for sure that Peanut really is a handful. I mean, she needs attention 24/7, has to have her diaper changed (which is really gross!) at least 5 times a day, bites most people who try to touch her, smells pretty bad no matter how many baths I give her, and enjoys spreading her scent all over my apartment! I understand that Peanut is nearing her end in the next year or two, plus I feel bad that she hasn't had a stable home all her life which explains her bad behavior. I've also been a vegetarian since I was 6, and was the president of my high school's Animal Rights Club back in the day, so I don't plan on getting rid of Peanut or ending her life early.
The reason why my mother "gave me" peanut is because she is going through her mid life crisis and wants to travel the world without any obligations, like an elderly dog she adopted a year ago. My mother has always been flaky and unable to keep her word, and I'd normally understand since she really has nothing to lose. She isn't married (divorced my father when I was in 1st grade), hates her job, plus both me and my brother have already moved out and graduated from college. I know she didn't dump Peanut on my brother since he couldn't care less about the life of an animal, I just wished she could have tried to find someone else (or not have used Peanut as a lousy excuse of a Christmas gift since she knows I've conversed to Agnosticism) judging my current conditions. At this moment I recently got married to my Japanese hubby originally from Osaka Japan. I work as a language teacher which is quite flexible location wise, plus me and my husband are both still in our early 20's, so we were hoping to travel a lot and even move to Japan as soon as possible. However it's very hard to get a large pet like Peanut from America to Japan so that may be impossible. Not to mention my husband is slightly allergic to animals that shed! To top it all off we also have a non-shedding, dog hating cat in our apartment building that just so happens to NOT ALLOW DOGS. With all this in mind I don't really understand why my mother chose me as her new doggie's mama.
I talked to my husband who knows how "nutty" my mother can be and he was completely understanding. He apparently spoke with our landlord this afternoon who is also a very nice man and agreed we can keep Peanut for now, as long as she doesn't bark or disturb our neighbors. We also looked up that if we keep giving Peanut plenty of baths then her fur shouldn't bother my husband too much, after all she needs it too. Yuck! As for our cat, she's still young. So she just needs to learn to play nice with Peanut for a little while. Then maybe we'll get another cat after Peanut passes on to even things out a bit. For now we've got things all settled, it's just a little upsetting since I've been working so hard these past couple of years learning Japanese so that I could eventually move there with my husband, and now that we're finally ready to go it's not too great having an obstacle keeping us from going for now. We'll go as soon as we can though =) Sorry for this super long comment, and thanks for all of your advice!
Happy holidays!
-Eri

See all the comments including 13 other original poster's reactions

Today, my car was keyed, while I was still sitting in it. FML

#21003856
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36779) - you deserved it (5172)

On 12/24/2013 at 4:46pm - misc - by infinitegrace (woman) - United States

infinitegrace's comment about their FML

Hey! Let me start off by saying I'm a 5 foot tall girl and I'm not exactly frightening. Therefore it's not like me getting out of the car would have helped. And to those who said I should have drove off, I was in the passenger seat waiting on my mom so I couldn't exactly do that. And it happened so quickly too. I didn't recognize the guy and by the time I knew what had happened it was too late. Just another idiot trying to make trouble.

See all the comments including 7 other original poster's reactions

Today, my mom called to bestow upon me warm holiday pearls of wisdom: "I hope you aren't giving everyone your natural handmade eco-shit again. Gifts should be returnable. And have a price." FML

#21003248
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32396) - you deserved it (7854)

On 12/24/2013 at 1:50am - misc - by MymB612 (woman) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

MymB612's comment about their FML

I didn't realize I wasn't signed in when I posted that one. It's cool that got published!

I love making handmade gifts, I think it's so much more personal and intimate to make something for someone that you know they'll appreciate. And by the way, to the meanies, I am indeed broke right now but that wasn't why I made handmade presents (I was very comfortable financially last year and made homemade stuff anyway, it's about the time and effort I choose to put into them, not their monetary value).

Also, I am not trying to push my views on anyone, except maybe the belief that the more time and effort you put into something, the more it's worth. I'm an atheist lesbian by the way, and I still spent a month making gifts for a holiday I don't even believe in for my mostly uber-religious homophobic family, just because I know it would make them happy. So don't tell me about pushing my views on anyone, I respect their freedom of opinion just as I expect them to respect mine (not an easy feat in Lebanon, but I digress).
Also, no, I am not making them home-made manure or a frame with some stickers on. I made them balms and lotions, personalized to their needs. Odorless moisturizing cream for my pregnant cousin. Natural heating pad for my grandma with arthiritis. Shaving cream for my uncle who has super sensitive skin. Foot scrub for my brother who spends his work hours on his feet. Healing balm for cuts and burns for my cousin who spends his weekends camping and hiking. Stuff like that.

About my mom, the reason she gave me that ill-worded comment is because last year I had knitted a hat for my grandma, which turned out to be too small for her head (I had miscalculated), and also I had made a scented cooling pad that leaked a few days later, so she insisted that had I bought store-bought items there would be no problem. Yeah, she's like that. But hey, I understand this particular holiday is supposed to be about forgiveness, is it not? So I dealt with her as follows: I made her a gift anyway (Topical pain-relief cream for her sore muscles, she had a surgery last year and the muscles on her back hurt in the cold) but I didn't put it under the tree with the rest of the presents. She seemed so vexed and saddened. I went and talked to her and told her that I chose not to give her a present, since she doesn't appreciate the time and thought I put into them (and money, materials, hello). She apologized for her comment and said I was right and she was being mean because she had a very tough day and lashed out at me. Then she told me my presents for everyone were awesome, and I gave her hers. Made her doubly smile!

So, all is well that ends well I suppose. I made sure she knew that she hurt my feelings, and got aknowledgment and an apology. What more can I ask for?

Wow this post turned out huge, sorry for the eyesore :P

Thank for the hilarious comments and warm support. Made me glad to feel that people still remember what they are celebrating, and appreciate the thought behind gifts more than their monetary value.

Oh and for the couple of Lebanese peeps I saw in the comments, yen3ad 3laykon w 3a 3yelkon bel kheir :)

See all the comments including 6 other original poster's reactions

Today, I found out about my co-workers' new game. Whoever talks to me first loses. FML

#21003209
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35178) - you deserved it (2530)

On 12/24/2013 at 1:09am - work - by pompomkiwi - United States (Oregon)

pompomkiwi's comment about their FML

ha thanks for all the comments, I never thought that it would actually be published. To all those comments asking what I did, they were all mad because I was the only one who got a Christmas bonus, and this was only because I had way more hours put in then the rest of them. And too the comment who said I should try to get them to loose I'm gonna do that!

See all the comments

Today, after finals, my English professor left me less than one percent from an A. Why? All semester long, he took away points because my opinions did not match his. FML

#20998811
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38631) - you deserved it (2845)

On 12/20/2013 at 3:23am - misc - by opinionsarestill (woman) - United States (California)

opinionsarestill's comment about their FML

HI! I appreciate sympathy. I wasn't expecting it, but it makes me feel a bit better. Thank you. XD

It is (was) a college level English course (the last one I had to take for my GE requirements). I really did try hard in that class. I would ask him very specific questions and he would provide vague answers. His opinion on the material was never explicitly clear (considering every assignment we did was based upon a different work or subject). I'm not displeased about getting a B, it's just frustrating to be left so close to the next grade!

See all the comments including 6 other original poster's reactions

Today, my husband and I were arguing about him not communicating anymore. Instead of talking to me about it, he messages my mom to say, "I'm not mentally strong enough to handle her anymore." FML

#20996890
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36634) - you deserved it (4889)

On 12/18/2013 at 11:44am - love - by Iloverainbows10 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Iloverainbows10's comment about their FML

He wasnt always like this. Used to listen and talk. Now hands are just being thrown up in the air. Says he doesnt know how to handle fights.

See all the comments including 14 other original poster's reactions

Today, I found a job after two years of searching. I excitedly called my best friend to tell her the good news. She decided break her own news about how she quit yet another good paying job and found an even better one within hours. FML

#20995780
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37147) - you deserved it (3178)

On 12/17/2013 at 12:28pm - work - by MzZombicidal (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

MzZombicidal's comment about their FML

This actually happened a couple months ago, but I'm currently very happy with my new job (I work as a sales associate for my local grocery store, if you're wondering). I WAS very happy for my friend but I couldn't help but to be irritated at her luck of continuously quitting and finding jobs with ease (She works with elderly people).
I had been near the breaking point when I finally got the job. My best friend, however, has continuously quit jobs and gotten new ones in no time. We obviously work in different fields and, even though I seemed jealous, I was very happy to hear she was able to land on her feet after quitting her job.
We joke about it now and she apologized if she seemed rude and all is fine. :) I love the people I work with and am getting good pay. Win win!
We're both happy with our current positions and things couldn't be better!

See all the comments including 5 other original poster's reactions

Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML

#20995395
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41868) - you deserved it (3011)

On 12/17/2013 at 12:10am - misc - by NRFTW (woman) - United States (Colorado)

NRFTW's comment about their FML

A little more detail: This guy had wandered over from a party next door. It was almost 1 a.m., and during the holidays I work really late, so I came home, put my stuff away, and when I turned around there was a guy standing literally at my window, on my porch, pissing on my house. I walked out and started screaming at him (I know, probably not smart) to get the fuck off of my property. He said, "I'm just takin' a leak," finished his business, zipped up his pants, and leaned against the porch staring at me. That's when my brain caught up with what I was doing and I went back inside and called the cops. My porch runs the length of my (very small) house. The porch is open without a railing, and at this time there were also several other men sitting on my porch right under my bedroom window (closest to my neighbors yard). When I called, Weld County dispatch first told me that the police were "too busy" to come out, and I ended up on the phone with a cop. He asked if the porch was fenced (no) and if it could be seen from the main road (no). I stupidly thought he was trying to locate my house, as it is hard to find. According to the laws in my city, once you ask someone to leave your property and they refuse, it is trespassing. I told them multiple times to leave my property, and one of them had the nerve to tell me "I can sit where ever I want."

See all the comments including 5 other original poster's reactions

Today, my OCD has got so bad that I took over 10 pictures of my house's power outlets before leaving, just so I could view them later to reassure myself that no appliances were plugged in. FML

#20994636
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37506) - you deserved it (5340)

On 12/16/2013 at 1:16pm - misc - by Jen_NM - United States (Texas)

Jen_NM's comment about their FML

Thanks for all the comments, I've enjoyed reading them. Just for a little background, my biggest issue is my hair straightener. Years ago I left it unplugged and caused a burn to the countertop. Since then I obsessively check to make sure it's off, and now other things make me paranoid as well. OCD behaviors are strange, because you often know that you're being completely irrational.

Anyhow, I'm really trying to ease up and lately I've managed to get by with just the one picture to reassure myself that the straightening iron is unplugged. I do plan to get help if it progresses, but can't really afford it at this time.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I took my younger sister to see Santa for a photo. Santa insisted that I was in the photo too. I wasn't sure why he made such a big deal about it until he groped me while the photo was being taken. FML

#20993181
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40789) - you deserved it (2972)

On 12/15/2013 at 7:36am - misc - by shellz15 - Australia (Victoria)

shellz15's comment about their FML

Hi all, OP here! I hope you're all having a fantastic festive season with your family and friends :)!

I've read some interesting comments and just wanted to address a few things....

Firstly, I'm in my twenties and I'm midway through my law degree, so I'm quite aware of my rights (in australia for those of you who were unaware).

More importantly, I did deal with this properly. At the store we went to, there were several rooms and each had a different Santa to make the process a little quicker. This is good because it meant that no other child saw what happened.

When it did happen, I was pretty horrified but I kept my cool because I didn't want to alarm my young sister who was very excited to be there. After we left the room, I went up to the service counter and explained everything. The lady profusely apologized and I'm pretty sure this "Santa" was removed straight away.

Although it was a massive FML moment and I definitely felt violated, as long as this doesn't happen to anyone else, I'm happy to erase this from my memory and move on! I've been assured that this man has lost his working with children check and hopefully won't be bothering anyone again!

Warm wishes from Aus,
Michelle

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I have such an irrational fear of the noise my smoke detector makes when it goes off, that dying in my sleep from smoke inhalation or carbon monoxide poisoning sounds absolutely peachy by comparison. FML

#20990951
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29624) - you deserved it (5109)

On 12/13/2013 at 2:55am - health - by TheLadyOpal (woman) - United States

TheLadyOpal's comment about their FML

Aaaah! I finally got an FML published :D Awesome. Now to clear a few things up:

I have had an irrational fear of sudden loud noises my whole life. Not necessarily the noise itself - (although there are exceptions if it's particularly loud, like the smoke alarm), but the anticipation of the noise - one of the reasons I hated school was because I would sit in class and worry about whether or not we'd be having a fire drill that day. And I don't keep an alarm clock. I have tried to keep one in the past, only to realize that if I'm expecting an alarm to wake me up in the morning, I don't sleep.

I don't have a cell phone either, and I live alone, so to the smartass who suggested someone mess with my phone to set an alarm ring-tone, sorry to burst your bubble :P

And no, I don't actually WANT to die - I was just thinking about this the other day and saying to myself, would I actually rather die in my sleep than wake up in the middle of the night to a terrible noise and have to maybe evacuate my house and call 911 and probably dissolve into a sobbing wreck due to all the anxiety? No, death is not the better solution, obviously, but irrational feelings tend to disregard logic.

See all the comments including 5 other original poster's reactions

Today, while on my way to work, an elderly woman complimented me on my breast cancer scarf. I explained that my grandmother made one for all her female grandchildren before passing away two years ago. The woman then went psycho and almost strangled me in an attempt to steal it. FML

#20988922
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44248) - you deserved it (2401)

On 12/11/2013 at 1:25pm - work - by Whackgourd (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Whackgourd's comment about their FML

The old lady had accused me of lying before trying to take my scarf for herself. She even started screaming at me on the crosswalk before trying to take my scarf. I don't know if she was crazy or suffering delusions, but she claimed she was a cancer survivor and deserved the scarf. Thankfully, my grandmother, (she had knitted two dozen scarves) had figured out how to make them strong. My scarf is a little longer now, but it's still mine and the lady fell after losing the tug of war with me. I did outweigh her. I think she's okay, but I'm keeping an eye out every time I wear my scarf. Also, the only reason my grandma made the scarves was because she liked pink and was dying from her diabetes and bone cancer. But thanks for all the support and all the ironic statements.

See all the comments including 8 other original poster's reactions

Today, I saw the guy who helped me yesterday when I was lost by telling me which bus to take. He came up to me and asked me how it went. I told him that the bus went the exact opposite way I wanted to go. He laughed and said, "I know." FML

#20988867
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47497) - you deserved it (4488)

On 12/11/2013 at 11:56am - misc - by Lemurcat (woman) - United States (California)

Lemurcat's comment about their FML

I did not expect this to get published! Just to fill you guys in a bit, I did check the buses before leaving home since I just moved here the day before. I like to double check because my memory is poor so I did ask the bus driver, but she said she didn't go to that perticular bus stop (the bus stop near my house for those who are wondering, and yes, she did stop there, she was just confused because I didn't know the streets and was describing landmarks) and she kinda just blew me off. So I was standing around, confused like an idiot and this guy told me to take bus 6. He sounded like he was legitamently trying to help, and I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, so stupid me took his advice. However, I'm not the kind of person to confront people so, I just called him a dickhole and walked away. I wish I could tell you guys that I kicked his ass, but oh well. I did figure out the buses and I'm riding like a pro now. And I even got a booklet to help me if I'm ever lost again. :D

See all the comments including 7 other original poster's reactions



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: