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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I yawned so hard that I dislocated my jaw completely, then had to ask to be excused from class in front of 30 people with my mouth hanging open. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23377) - you deserved it (1849)

On 11/12/2015 at 8:11pm - health - by 4lphab3t4 (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

4lphab3t4's comment about their FML

Op here. Well folks, after an interesting chat with a Doc, turns out I don't have TMJ or EDS. I just eat way to much fucking chewing gum, and, after so much, my jaw was slightly moved out of place. So when I yawned, it fell out of place completely, thus the dislocation. FML again, I guess

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Today, I went to a salon to have my eyebrows waxed. During the application the woman sneezed. The wax is not water based, so no matter what they tried, it would not come out of my eyebrows. I now have to decide whether leave the noticeable brown wax in my eyebrows or wax them all off and draw them in. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21951) - you deserved it (1826)

On 11/11/2015 at 8:12pm - misc - by lat187 - United States

lat187's comment about their FML

Top comment wins: I now have two mustaches on my face!!

She sneezed away from me, thankfully not in my face. I felt the wax go everywhere. For some reason her gut reaction was to put the waxing paper on my eyebrow. Which made things a lot more difficult because they couldn't get to the wax. So they had to pick at the paper and peel that off the best they could. They tried warm compresses, and I'm not sure what different solvents they tried, but they did not work. My eye/face was getting so irritated I finally just told them I needed to leave. My friend helped me with baby oil which after a lot of patience worked. I'm still missing some parts. Thankfully they already called to offer me some various complimentary services.

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Today, I finally overcame depression-induced writer's block. I was typing at a good speed and before I knew it had over a thousand words that I was reasonably proud of. Then I woke up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23746) - you deserved it (1787)

On 11/11/2015 at 6:23am - misc - by blackonblight - United States (New Hampshire)

blackonblight's comment about their FML

Hey guys. Sadly, the only things that stayed with me were a snippet of dialogue, entirely out of context. Like most dreams, it was more the idea of writing that was played out for me, the movie scene version. I felt the pride, the mental exertion, but chances are the dream didn't have any real writing in it. Just that word count at the top and the line "Those eyes looked in on me and all I was. They saw me, and they saw nothing. So now, they will see nothing. Forever."

And the resulting crash from discovering it was all a dream is actually worse than the block itself. I'm not giving up, not by a long shot, but I doubt I'll be getting that story back, if it ever existed.

But hey, I got an FML out of it!

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Today, while changing the litter in the cat box, the brand new carton ripped open, spilling all twelve pounds of cat litter over my kitchen floor. Both cats promptly rushed over and began frantically urinating all over it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24549) - you deserved it (2509)

On 11/10/2015 at 8:24pm - animals - by misfitunfit (woman) - United States (Texas)

misfitunfit's comment about their FML

OP here. The carton of new litter was in the kitchen with the rest of the groceries I had brought in. Litter box is in the laundry room off the kitchen and it broke on the way there. woops!

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Today, at a bar, I overheard two attractive men speaking in French. I went over and tried to introduce myself with what little French I know. They looked at me like I was crazy and then said in English, "What are you doing?" Turns out they weren't speaking French. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20943) - you deserved it (9648)

On 11/09/2015 at 3:17am - misc - by TwirlyWhirl - United States (Ohio)

TwirlyWhirl's comment about their FML

Hey everyone, OP here. This actually happened a few months ago when I was studying abroad in Dublin, Ireland. Yes, I had already had a few drinks. I was also with several other study abroad students who were from Spain and Italy and everyone unanimously agreed that the two men were speaking French. It probably didn't help that we weren't very close to them and it was loud in the bar. The two men were actually from Denmark and they were speaking Danish. I definitely learned my lesson never tried to do anything like that again.

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Today, I finally got a good seat on a plane. I don't know what the man next to me had eaten, but I was trapped for two hours next to him as he let out silent, deadly egg farts the entire trip. There was nowhere to escape. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22902) - you deserved it (1494)

On 11/08/2015 at 11:31pm - misc - by AwkwardFireFly - Canada (Manitoba)

AwkwardFireFly's comment about their FML

OP here! Just had to clarify - the seat was a free upgrade due to problems with the previous flight I was supposed to get. Comfortable roomy upgrade.
I feel bad if it was a medical issue and did my best not to let it show on my face - however that was not a fun smell for two hours :(

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Today, I got married. The minister pronounced us husband and wife using our first names. Except he used my husband's ex-wife's name. I happened to glance at my mother-in-law who was almost in tears from laughing so hard. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25900) - you deserved it (1594)

On 11/07/2015 at 8:12am - love - by jellenwood - United States (Texas)

jellenwood's comment about their FML

OP here! So, this was several years ago. Apparently his family didn't want want him to marry me and never wanted him to divorce his first wife. His father is the one who performed the wedding. He called me the wrong name several times during the ceremony. I don't know if he did it on purpose or not. Friends later tell me it wasn't just his mother that was laughing but many members of his family but I just couldn't hear them. H

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Today, my boyfriend called. He said he would sing me a song, like I'd wanted for a long time. I was excited, but surprised at his song choice. He sang 'Locked Away' by R. City ft. Adam Levine. Turns out, he was calling me from jail. He thought this was romantic, and expected me to bail him out. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24172) - you deserved it (2417)

On 11/06/2015 at 2:39am - love - by ishred1111 - Canada (British Columbia)

ishred1111's comment about their FML

Thanks for all the funny comments! They made me feel better when I'm not actually feeling that great, considering what my boyfriend turned out to be like....
Speaking of which, I totally agree with most of you. Yes, I hung up on him and no, I did not bail him out. I think his sister did in the end.
His fate and what he actually did to get arrested are unknown to me, honestly I just knew we were done the second he finished the song and then said 'so, babe, can you bail me out?'
Never thought he could be like this. Very disappointed in him. But still thoroughly impressed at his singing (he recited it perfectly). :) thanks guys!!

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Today, I was walking my dog when I saw a man trying to get a screaming little girl into a van. I called 911 and ran over yelling at him. His wife then got out of the van and explained the girl was their daughter and they were just trying to make her go to school. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23717) - you deserved it (3993)

On 11/05/2015 at 2:21pm - kids - by cutsiecurliee (woman) - United States (California)

cutsiecurliee's comment about their FML

Hey guys OP here! I asked the little girl if that was her parents and she nodded but 911 told me they were still sending an officer to be 100% sure that everything was accurate. The parents completely understood and were totally fine because they were glad I cared and took action. :)

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Today, I broke up with the guy I was seeing because he has a bad temper. He refused to believe me and decided that the best way to prove me wrong was to completely destroy my newly built house, inside and out, while I was at work. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24297) - you deserved it (1560)

On 11/04/2015 at 10:36pm - love - by hi_im_ughlee (woman) -

hi_im_ughlee's comment about their FML

Hey, guys! I'm OP. I'm glad most of you are supportive about this! Charges have been filed and he will be sued for all damages. He actually did break in, and he broke all the windows and doors, smashed all the lights and mirrors, took a hammer to the brick outside and the walls inside, and destroyed my deck. I had mini cameras installed to make sure no one would steal anything while the house was still being worked on, so I've got irrefutable proof that it was him and slowly but surely he will be brought down.

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Today, my boyfriend discovered that if you mix beer, an axe, shotgun shells and bad judgment, you get a rather expensive hospital stay. FML


I agree, your life sucks (19221) - you deserved it (2602)

On 11/04/2015 at 1:57pm - misc - by ncbb5 (man) -

ncbb5's comment about their FML

Hey, op here. I was supposed to spend the day with my boyfriend but I got called to work. I told him don't do anything stupid. We know how that turned out. Anyway he's fine now just whining like a baby.

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Today, I was working at a movie theater when I was called to clean what can only be described as "Dog Shit Surprise" out of a theater. FML


I agree, your life sucks (19917) - you deserved it (1351)

On 11/03/2015 at 10:24pm - work - by superspy3214 - United States

superspy3214's comment about their FML

OP here, first of all I'm still in school making A's in my honors courses and secondly it was neither human nor dog shit, apparently a guy brought his kid into the theater to see Paranormal Activity and the kid got so scared he threw up then dumped his popcorn and mozzarella sticks on the ground

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Today, I learned the hard way that my boyfriend lied about getting a vasectomy before we met, in spite of knowing how phobic I am of pregnancy and kids. His defense? "I figured you'd change your mind someday, because all you chicks love babies." FML


I agree, your life sucks (27040) - you deserved it (4075)

On 11/03/2015 at 10:23pm - health - by nocongratsneeded (woman) - United States (Michigan)

nocongratsneeded's comment about their FML

Hi all, this is the OP. Obviously, he's my ex, even though he doesn't seem to realize it yet to judge by the texts and phone calls. To give a little more background, we'd been together for almost three years. We were talking about moving in together (but not getting married, I've seen too many of my friends get divorced already). To really prove that the universe hates me, he and I were still using condoms, because I am that freaked out about pregnancy and I can't take hormonal BC. This is the first time ever I've had one break.

I'm sure I'm going to catch a lot of flak for this, but I have scheduled an abortion for the end of this week. It's not a human or a potential one to me, it's just a burden and reminder that former relationship was based on a big fat lie. Plus, being pregnant makes me even more anxious than the thought of being pregnant ever did, and I was full-on tokophobic before. Every time I think about having my body being overtaken by some disgusting little alien creature, my heart starts pounding and I get dizzy. I don't know how many times I've thrown up on cue just thinking about it, and it's not from morning sickness. I also really, really, really dislike babies, contrary to my ex's assumptions. I had one shoved at me when I was a teenager, and I nearly dropped it because everything about it terrified me. I don't think it's a good idea to just hope that those maternal hormones kick in and make me suddenly like kids when I haven't since as long as I can remember. congratulations needed, and no pro-life or pro-adoption rants, either. If you'd find it in your heart to suck it up and make the best of this situation, good for you. The best situation for me is to put everything about this horrible experience behind me as soon as possible.

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