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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

#21335981
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32464) - you deserved it (8491)

On 01/12/2015 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by con135 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

con135's comment about their FML

Needless to say she still makes fun of me for this, when she asks me for something she will say something like,"can you firmly grasp that soda and hand it to me?"

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Today, I had to go back to the restaurant I had just eaten at and beg for my tip back so I could afford my bus home. FML

#21334423
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27887) - you deserved it (9519)

On 01/10/2015 at 11:35am - money - by bensim64 - United Kingdom (Coventry)

bensim64's comment about their FML

Hi, as the author I just wanted to clear this up. I'm not cold or heartless, but I forgot my Oyster card (what you need to get a bus home in England) and had given my last bit of change for the tip! I was hugely embarrassed as I always tip (although not mandatory in Britain as in America; mostly because American staff are for more helpful and nice). However, as I do go there fairly often, I will obviously tip more next time!

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Today, three weeks after my sister took in a wounded porcupine from our backyard and let it roam about the house, I learned that it sheds quills from time to time. How did I learn this? By stepping on three of said quills hidden in the carpet. I still have only managed to pull one out. FML

#21334295
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28572) - you deserved it (2218)

On 01/10/2015 at 2:00am - animals - by dylerbiller - United States

dylerbiller's comment about their FML

Hi everyone. OP here. Hopefully I can clear things up for some people. The reason we didn't take "porky" to the animal shelter right away was because the closest one was a three hour drive away. He is there now safe and sound and I went to the doctors and got the other two quills removed. I actually posted this FML while in the Urgent Care waiting room for those of you who were wondering why I would go on here right after all this happening. Well, that's about it. My foot is a bit sore and I have vacuumed the floor 7 times just to be safe. But I'm alright. Thanks for all the support!

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Today, my boyfriend bought a new toaster. It not only pops up the bread when done, it also beeps loudly. It makes me scream in terror every single time. My boyfriend has now vowed to "Toast 'til the end of time." It's going to be a long year. FML

#21333867
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23941) - you deserved it (3700)

On 01/09/2015 at 10:33am - misc - by sayhey22 - United States (New Hampshire)

sayhey22's comment about their FML

It almost sounds like a broken fire alarm. It's a sketchy sound haha.
I've progressed to just jumping when it happens

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Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML

#21333638
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19922) - you deserved it (35022)

On 01/08/2015 at 10:45pm - intimacy - by EvilBubbles (woman) - Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain)

EvilBubbles's comment about their FML

Lol guys! This is my post and the anal sex argument was on and off all day. My laptop did an automatic audio test without my permission haha the whole class laughed about it today, all good.

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Today, a girl from class screamed at me in public for hugging the guy she likes. She threatened to take me out if I didn't "back off". That guy is my boyfriend. FML

#21333251
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39252) - you deserved it (2365)

On 01/08/2015 at 10:56am - love - by exuberant_orange (woman) - United States (Florida)

exuberant_orange's comment about their FML

Hey OP here, it's awesome this got posted! Follow up for some people with questions:
This girl came to my school while I was out on sick leave, so being she was in the same class as the BF and I; she got to know him before I came back. He told her he was taken but apparently since I wasn't actually there this didn't phase her. The boyfriend is rather creeped by this girl's psycho tendencies, and has tried to avoid her the entire time I was gone, when I came back we figured she would see us together and drop the crush. This backfired apparently. XD Anyhow my boyfriend and I found her and talked to her later and tried to calmly explain that we were together. She was quiet long enough for us to finish. She mostly seemed really embarrassed and actually apologized! Hopefully she'll stop sending me poisonous looks now. :p But all is (for the most part) well now. Thanks everyone!

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Today, the dry skin on my feet has gotten so bad that my boyfriend uses my feet to itch his legs when we're cuddling. FML

#21333189
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18458) - you deserved it (19772)

On 01/08/2015 at 7:52am - misc - by bailey_biz - United States (New York)

bailey_biz's comment about their FML

Hey, OP here. I lotion my feet multiple times a day. I also work at a place that requires me to constantly be on my feet. It's not like I don't try to fix it. I've had it for a long time now, I even have my own pedicure instruments and sugar scrub, but it doesn't help get my feet 100% smooth.

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Today, my father was playing with my son and his toy animals. He picked one up and said, "What is this? Some kind of African horse?" It was a zebra. FML

#21332893
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28499) - you deserved it (2283)

On 01/07/2015 at 7:52pm - misc - by Lily_Rain77 (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Lily_Rain77's comment about their FML

the best part wad when he looked at me afterwards and he realised what .he said.

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Today, I thought one of my flatmates was beating his girlfriend, so I barged in about to stop him. Turned out they were having really rough sex. FML

#21332517
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33560) - you deserved it (8486)

On 01/07/2015 at 3:31am - intimacy - by JefferyLillie (man) - United States (North Dakota)

JefferyLillie's comment about their FML

He and I both came from a bad back rounds. He turned some what out like his father. I've seen him him it women but never like beat them. We're as I turned out like my step dad.

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Today, I finally met my long-distance boyfriend of three years for the first time in person. After an amazing dinner and movie date, we went back to his house, only for him to dump me half an hour later. Not because I wouldn't have sex with him. No, his cat doesn't like me. FML

#21332217
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30927) - you deserved it (7410)

On 01/06/2015 at 7:32pm - animals - by dragonfyre73 (woman) - United States (California)

dragonfyre73's comment about their FML

OP here, as for all of you asking how we went three years without meeting each other, we meet in an online chatroom and became close friends. we knew each for about a year and a half before he asked me out. I was dubious as to how such a relationship would work, but it actually worked remarkably well. I personally am not the biggest fan of people or of physical contact, so having a boyfriend with whom I could only talk worked wonderfully for me. We did want to meet up in person sooner, but the travel costs along with more than a few family disagreements about the relation kinda made that a little bit difficult.
We actually got back together later in my stay and he says that it was a joke. considering that he's always had an awful sense of humor, it really doesn't surprise me. I just wish that he'd been just a /touch/ more considerate. As it turns our, he had realized that he'd left the ring box on his bedside table and wanted to keep the proposal secret so yeah.

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Today, I was working out on a horse farm. I slipped and fell on some ice, whacking my head on the metal gate in the process. As I was getting up, I accidentally grabbed the electric fence. FML

#21332095
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34322) - you deserved it (3197)

On 01/06/2015 at 4:06pm - health - by immaloser95 - United States (Michigan)

immaloser95's comment about their FML

OP here, and loving these awesome puns. I'm glad some of you get to laugh at my pain! :)
Let me explain my story. I've been working on horse farms my entire life. For those of you who don't know, an electric fence is for keeping the horses from knocking down the fences and escaping (not fun). They're very hard to see, as they run right the along the top edge of the fence, and especially hard to notice if you aren't looking for them. I've been shocked loads of times out of carelessness, but this time, it wasn't entirely my fault.
Here in Michigan, weather is about as bipolar as is gets. It was raining the morning prior to my fall, and it was snowing at the time, covering the ice. And no, I was not running. It is possible to slip on ice while walking.
I really wish there was a camera there. I feel like I may have just looked like a cartoon. It did hurt, but my boss and co-stable hand were laughing their asses off, and eventually so was I. I don't think they'll let this one go for a long time!

Oh, and as for the person who said I worked around exotic plants....wtf?

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Today, while at work at a call center, I got a call from an elderly man who needed a new credit card because he'd accidentally cut up his own card instead of his wife's. Trying to be funny, I said "Trying to keep her in line, eh?" Turns out his wife had just died. FML

#21330070
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29633) - you deserved it (19245)

On 01/03/2015 at 3:20pm - work - by kbug95 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

kbug95's comment about their FML

OP here!
Thanks for the support and all. The cardmember was actually really understanding about it. I immediately apologized, but he was really cool. Could have been a bad situation furshur. I'm glad he wasn't a grumpy old man!

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Today, I went on a first date, only for us to find the restaurant wasn't open on New Year's Day. My date suggested going to the mall instead. We drove in our own cars. Me: the mall, him: home. I waited for 40 minutes before realising he'd stood me up. Happy New Year to me. FML

#21328493
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34498) - you deserved it (2786)

On 01/01/2015 at 6:56am - love - by newyearstandup - Australia

newyearstandup's comment about their FML

Thanks for the support guys. To answer some of your questions....

The mall was suggested by him as we figured it was the only place we knew 100% was open. I don't think he suggested a closed restaurant deliberately. In my city it's touch and go what will be open on public holidays. We knew exactly where to meet - where all the restaurants are at the mall. And I did call and message a couple of times but received nothing back. He also deleted me from the dating site we met on. So it was a clear ditch. He knew what I looked like beforehand so dunno what it was!

And we basically just had a one minute conversation so doubt I could have pissed him off in that little amount of time! Very doubtful he was in an accident.

Definitely dodged a bullet I think. Hopefully this doesn't set the tone for 2015!

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