Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I learned that my parrots now can shit horizontally when I found the wall next to the cage covered in feces. FML

#20874135
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34473) - you deserved it (3493)

On 09/09/2013 at 5:30am - animals - by StefanKa - Poland (Mazowieckie)

StefanKa's comment about their FML

OP here, I know that and I let them out all the time but I just didnt expect to find shit between the wall and the cage, where none of them can enter.

See all the comments

Today, my mom was sharing the story of how I was born with the umbilical cord around my neck. My sister added that it was God's first attempt to kill me off. FML

#20872474
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51800) - you deserved it (3874)

On 09/08/2013 at 1:56am - misc - by vrossie_ - United States

vrossie_'s comment about their FML

Yea it was clever. I shared it to my Biology class and they all laughed.

See all the comments including 10 other original poster's reactions

Today, I was prank called yet again by someone asking for a game that was released over 10 years ago. The store I work at only sells modern titles, and I angrily slammed the phone down. My boss saw and fired me on the spot. FML

#20872359
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25665) - you deserved it (34990)

On 09/08/2013 at 12:22am - work - by rashpimplezitz - United States (California)

rashpimplezitz's comment about their FML

Hi everyone, OP here.

The game they were asking for, was, yes, Battletoads. Just another prank call. Many of you assume that the guy on the other end could have called me legitimately asking for the game, but really, it was the same person each and every time. They were just trying to be a jerk. Hell, you could hear their friends laughing in the background of the call.

Yes, I understand that it isn't right to behave like this in the workplace, but I was a bit stressed out (girlfriend breaking up with me, etc.) and I didn't really feel great that day. After some explaining to the boss about the whole Battletoads prank call phenomenon, I was rehired and just took a 3 day suspension. I promise you all that I will not behave in such a way ever again, and thank you all for your wonderful comments.

See all the comments including 5 other original poster's reactions

Today, while working at Home Depot, I was asked to cut some wire. When I asked her how much, she said, "From my computer to the wall". After explaining for a while that I didn't know how far that is, she left. FML

#20870052
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46593) - you deserved it (3169)

On 09/06/2013 at 10:12am - work - by tdawgg - Canada (Alberta)

tdawgg's comment about their FML

We sell electrical wire by the foot, she may have a more handy family member at home that need it, but she did come back an hour later and got 50 feet... I think her computers in the middle of her backyard. :P. sad thing is, we deal with these kinds of requests ever day... Retail sucks!!

See all the comments

Today, I realized that I have a rack and butt most girls would be jealous of. That wouldn't be bad if I wasn't a dude. FML

#20867980
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40855) - you deserved it (7832)

On 09/04/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by Python22 (man) - United States (Texas)

Python22's comment about their FML

OP here, for update 1 of a few. Basically, like #52 said, I believe that is the case. It's not so bad I can't go out in public (and for fat people they aren't big at all), but if they were on a average chicks body, they would be massive. As for my trunk, yeah.... I'm 5'-10, so it evens out.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML

#20867208
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49046) - you deserved it (3835)

On 09/04/2013 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Palindromesque - United States (Washington)

Palindromesque's comment about their FML

Hi all, OP here! I'm crying with laughter-you all are hilarious, seriously!

To respond to some questions-I discovered my roommate's predilection for silverware and kitchen implements when I poked my head into her room to tell her something and saw an open drawer with a good collection of my utensils. She was actually quite forthcoming, and explained in jaw-dropping detail some uses for a number of them.

We've agreed that she can go ahead and keep what she's "used," and that she'll replace the implements now and in future...no cross contamination, she promises.

Overall, I'm glad she's sensually creative, so I don't feel the need to resort to hot sauce or splinters! I just fear for the next time she's browsing in the kitchen-I may not be able to scramble eggs for breakfast.

See all the comments

Today, I started my new internship at a vet clinic. By the end of the day I had: been peed on, scratched, forced to stuff a dead dog into a plastic bag, thrown up and almost passed out. I need to rethink my future career. FML

#20867167
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35780) - you deserved it (8555)

On 09/04/2013 at 3:30am - animals - by VetStudent - United States (Colorado)

VetStudent's comment about their FML

Ha! I can't believe this actually got posted!! I had just gotten home from my internship and wanted to vent anonymously. How funny.

It is overwhelming, but I'm going to stick it out. I've learned my lesson: do not go in sick or with a full stomach.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I got my wedding photos back from my sister, a "professional" photographer who offered to do our wedding as a gift. It turns out that not only did she not catch most of the ceremony or reception, but all of the outdoor photos feature a large garbage bag in the background. FML

#20867164
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32965) - you deserved it (4602)

On 09/04/2013 at 3:23am - misc - by Dreamcatcher1229 (woman) - United States (California)

Dreamcatcher1229's comment about their FML

That's fair. The back story is that I said yes to her offer because her other work is actually quite good. Her other wedding photos for previous instances looked beautiful, and that's how I assumed mine would turn out. I take responsibility, my husband and I shouldn't have assumed anything. I found out after the wedding that she doesn't like him much to begin with, soooooo I guess putting two and two together I can reasonably say that her distaste has something to do with the shotty and neglectful work.

To answer a previous question here, forgive me for not answering the asker directly, the shots we ened up with for the ceremony itself were one of the first kiss, one of our intro as a married couple, and several blurred shots of mostly the audience with a hint of ceremony at the background. She did get my brother walking me down, but not of the beidesmaids and groomsmen. And mind you, she and I DID discuss in advance what events and who in the party we wanted pictured, as well as my request to catch as much of the reception as possible. We had a lot of friends and family travel from far away, and I had asked for more pictures of everyone together, mingling, and enjoying themselves.

And thank you to whomever suggested we retouch some of the pictures, we've actually been working on that project and it's going well so far.

So all in all I'd like to say that while I was disappointed in the outcome and the sad realization that my sister and I don't have the best of relationships, My husband and I are happy regardless and, thanks to other guests, still ended up with some good pictures. Also, a friend filmed the ceremony itself from beginning to end, so we're going to try to get some stills from that.

This is a good lesson in perspective, I guess. Yeah, the situation ended in an FML for one particular detail, albeit an important one, but hey, at least my husband didn't bail out at the altar, or I didn't throw up or something. :-P

Okay, sorry for that novel. lol Carry on!

See all the comments including 5 other original poster's reactions

Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail after he punched a convenience store clerk in the face for running out of Cheetos. FML

#20867149
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39968) - you deserved it (3421)

On 09/04/2013 at 3:00am - kids - by ven980 - United States (Oklahoma)

ven980's comment about their FML

Hey OP here. I just wanted to add a little detail to this story. My brother had just come from a bachelor party and was very drunk so he called me for a ride. He punched the clerk because he was rude to us and yes I did leave him there overnight

See all the comments

Today, my boyfriend got offered a job at Abercrombie. The first thing he asked was "they only hire hot people, right?!" Now he won't stop telling me how lucky I am to be with such a hot guy. FML

#20866062
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44294) - you deserved it (5886)

On 09/03/2013 at 1:13pm - love - by Misaki18 - United States

Misaki18's comment about their FML

Yeah he thinks he's better than me , I feel like a Cinderella after midnight while he's the prince. He's always bragging about how good looking, smart, and charismatic he is and now it's worse. -_-

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I found out that Cheetos are flammable, as is my hair. FML

#20863645
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28908) - you deserved it (9299)

On 09/01/2013 at 8:47pm - misc - by ClaireWinchester - United States (California)

ClaireWinchester's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here (: I was so excited to hear that this got published!! Thank you for all your feedback, even the ones saying I deserved what happened. I believe due explanations are in order. First of all: I wasn't the one who lit the Cheetos on fire, that was courtesy of my older brother. He saw a post on iFunny saying that Cheetos are flammable, so, naturally he felt the need to see which flavor of Cheetos burned the fastest. He then he ran into my room to show me his discovery, waving a flaming Cheeto around proudly. I'm assuming you can guess what happened next.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML

#20862981
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46398) - you deserved it (3281)

On 09/01/2013 at 10:25am - work - by NotGabe - United States (Texas)

NotGabe's comment about their FML

OP here. Looks like I caused some confusion, so let me clear it up. In the US, the changeable tops of a bottle are called nipples. Basically, a female customer gave my tits a twist.

See all the comments

Today, my parents told me that I had been accepted into my top two colleges, but they didn't show me the letters because they were worried that if they spent money on tuition, they wouldn't be able to keep BOTH of their brand new Mercedes. FML

#20862881
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51807) - you deserved it (3212)

On 09/01/2013 at 6:40am - money - by jfanous (man) - United States (California)

jfanous's comment about their FML

haha, yeah i'm the OP. didn't know you need an account to comment...but I just wanted to clear up something. I didn't want my parents to pay, a simple "you got in" would have been nice. I was planning on doing ROTC and letting Uncle Sam handle my tuition.

See all the comments including 7 other original poster's reactions



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: