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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, while I was leaving the grocery store, I realized my ignition key was missing from my pocket. After searching the car and retracing my steps, I walked all the way home. Later, when we went to retrieve the car, the key was sitting in plain sight on the passenger seat. FML

#20067730
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5307) - you deserved it (17533)

On 09/11/2012 at 4:41pm - misc - by stadams1024 - United States (Michigan)

stadams1024's comment about their FML

I am the OP.

Let me explain the situation more in depth since I only had 300 characters to do so before.

My husband had lost his car keys, so I gave him my set and I took the spare lock key and the spare ignition key. I needed to get some groceries and he was at work, so I just went. Before I got out of the car to go inside, I put the keys in my sweatshirt pocket and got out. I got my groceries and came back out to the car, and yes it was in the same spot. I reached in my pocket to pull out my keys and only the lock key was there. I unlocked the car and immediately searched both the front seats, under the seats, in the cracks between the seats and even the back seat. I looked under the car and in the ignition too. I retraced my steps in the store three times and then checked my car again. I asked the service desk if anyone turned in a loose key, but no one had. I called my husband but he couldn't leave to pick me up, so I walked 4 miles home. The walk itself wouldn't have been so horrible had I not broken my foot a few months ago; it still bothers me, and there weren't any sidewalks half the way, so I kept twisting my ankle in holes in the ground. After my husband came home from work, he took me back to the store with his keys and I drove home. It wasn't until a week or so later that I actually found the key in the passenger seat, close to where the back of the cushion and the seat of the cushion met. There is no way I could have missed it when I searched for it and I had driven it a handful of times between the incident and when I found it. It literally appeared out of thin air and it still baffles me.

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Today, I was trying to pass a lady with a stroller, when she nearly fell. I used my ninja-like reflexes to catch her. Too bad my ninja-like reflexes didn't block the punch that she delivered to my fap-stick for apparently being a "pervert" for saving her. FML

#20066689
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19018) - you deserved it (1987)

On 09/10/2012 at 8:42pm - misc - by CaptainSaveAHoe (man) - United States (California)

CaptainSaveAHoe's comment about their FML

so I planned for her to slip so I could mug her? the amount of logic in this comment is astounding.

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Today, I realized that my manager and I have synchronized menstrual cycles. She gets extremely bitchy, and I get extremely vulnerable and emotional - she yells at me and I burst into tears. FML

#20065261
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21263) - you deserved it (1593)

On 09/09/2012 at 8:39pm - work - by darawbs - United States

darawbs's comment about their FML

Haha I'm glad I entertained you.

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Today, for the third day in a row, my 10-month-old is refusing to eat any of the meals that I prepare for him. He will however eat anything semi-edible lying on the floor, cat kibble included. FML

#20061876
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15307) - you deserved it (1715)

On 09/07/2012 at 2:19pm - kids - by amusedslovenia (woman) - Slovenia

amusedslovenia's comment about their FML

OP here...

My son is 10 months old. I'm really at my wits' end. He had been a good eater from the start, unlike his older brother who I couldn't get to eat anything either. I set out to feed my kids all organic, home-made, fresh and so forth. I gave up with my first after having spent literally hours a day preparing healthy, nutritious and yes, tasty foods that he wouldn't touch beyond a spoon or two.

My two year old grew fine on very little food and now eats the same we do. My younger. however, is tiny for his age - he wears clothes for 3mo (but developing normally, thank God, and the pedi's not concerned). I can only get him to taste a spoon of something and then it's over. But anything he picks up from the floor (bread crumbs, and yes, cat kibble (food), he will eat. And scream when I take it away from him.

Maybe he's on a strike or teething or... I don't know. Maybe I should start placing food on the floor for him LOL.

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Today, the acne on one side of my face has flared up at the corners of my mouth, making me look just like The Joker. FML

#20060412
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21158) - you deserved it (1869)

On 09/06/2012 at 12:54pm - health - by onorexveritas - United States (California)

onorexveritas's comment about their FML

it sucks ass lmao but its kina funny to look at xD

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Today, I'm so broke that I hand-washed my socks with a bar of soap that I stole from work. FML

#20058884
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21504) - you deserved it (2245)

On 09/05/2012 at 2:27pm - money - by Lauraborealous - Canada (Alberta)

Lauraborealous's comment about their FML

for those saying that I should have stolen laundry soap or similar, i work at a restaurant, this wouldn't be possible

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Today, I found out that the "vines" I was cutting down this morning were actually poison oak. I can only see out of one eye, and I'm virtually unrecognizable due to the facial swelling. FML

#20052545
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14997) - you deserved it (2435)

On 09/01/2012 at 1:37pm - health - by merissa22 - United States (Illinois)

merissa22's comment about their FML

nothing like a shot in my ass after trying to sum up the courage to go out in public won't help

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Today, my dad wants me to spray a wasp nest, because I'm the fittest family member and can run the fastest. The wasps are already angry, and I'm allergic to them. FML

#20052266
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21695) - you deserved it (1382)

On 09/01/2012 at 10:09am - health - by iliveintexas - United States (Texas)

iliveintexas's comment about their FML

Hey everyone, in case you're wondering, I have NOT sprayed the nests yet (my dad has informed me there are around 10 nests), but I will be sure to record it, because I am an idiot.

PS: Thank you all for the helpful comments, I am aware that I should wear long pants and a long shirt. However (for my favorite comment), in Texas, it is hard to find a cheap steel-forged suit of armor, as well as to craft one.

More soon, David (iliveintexas, and author of this FML)

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Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML

#20050167
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26168) - you deserved it (4750)

On 08/30/2012 at 10:45pm - intimacy - by Geckosrock99 (woman) - United States (California)

Geckosrock99's comment about their FML

OP here. First of all, I'm nineteen. The ninety-nine in my username is just a random number. Not my birth year and not the number of geckos I have (or rather, used to have.)

The vibrator wasn't running low on batteries. I had just changed them and, unfortunately for me, it was dying for good.

I've had my fear of clowns since I was seven, because of that "IT" movie, so hearing that noise in the dark was pretty scary.

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Today, I received a call from my future sister in-law, telling me that she and her future husband had decided to hold their wedding ceremony on my birthday. I was told not to celebrate my birthday, as it would "take away the attention to the true meaning of the day." FML

#20047374
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29054) - you deserved it (1532)

On 08/29/2012 at 1:32am - love - by SuzyTurquoiseBlu (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

SuzyTurquoiseBlu's comment about their FML

Well, they aren't really liked in the family and I think that its both really rude and sad of them to try and piggy-back their special occasions with mine.
My sister in-law and her fiancee got engaged in the waiting room while I was in ACTIVE labour with my daughter and got pissed off that everyone wasn't falling over themselves to congratulate them.

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Today, there's a cricket in my apartment. I don't know if I'm more annoyed by the fact that it somehow got up three flights of stairs to get here, or that my cat is so excited about it that he's jumping on me and howling in my face to announce the cricket's presence instead of killing it. FML

#20045602
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16403) - you deserved it (1611)

On 08/28/2012 at 12:49am - animals - by calivianya (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

calivianya's comment about their FML

Just so you guys know, I have a whole lot of furniture. I'm pretty sure the cricket was hiding under one of the pieces of furniture, but every time I got near my couch, ottoman, armchair, side table, or bookcase, it stopped chirping. It was pretty hard to tell where it was coming from!

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Today, I found out that my crush didn't remember calling me beautiful, telling me he liked me, or any of the other romantic things he said to me while drunk last night. He did however remember me promising to bake him cookies. FML

#20040473
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20201) - you deserved it (2497)

On 08/25/2012 at 2:53am - misc - by coolcocoxxx (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

coolcocoxxx's comment about their FML

For anyone wondering, he didn't get the cookies. And it was before he started flirting with me... His birthday was coming up soo

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Today, I had a hard time taking a dump. Before flushing, I noticed two pennies and a dime incrusted in my turd. It seems that yesterday, while drunk, I swallowed some change. FML

#20036992
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5676) - you deserved it (25865)

On 08/23/2012 at 2:54am - money - by chrisbravo - United States

chrisbravo's comment about their FML

OP replies:

It was a hell of a night. It "changed" my life.

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