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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I discovered that spicy ground beef bits are the perfect size to become lodged in one's nasal cavity when vomited back up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20614) - you deserved it (1747)

On 10/04/2015 at 2:11pm - health - by steam_engenius (woman) - United States (Nevada)

steam_engenius's comment about their FML

I didn't close my mouth while vomiting...The ground beef just kinda made it up there somehow.

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Today, thanks to the terrible carpool planning of one of my friends, I had the pleasure of driving both of my ex-boyfriends to homecoming. Neither one of them knew that I had dated the other, but they sure do now. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20858) - you deserved it (3679)

On 10/04/2015 at 1:51pm - love - by badplannning (woman) - United States (Illinois)

badplannning's comment about their FML

OP here. My friend only knew I had dated one of the guys, but admittedly made me drive with him on purpose just to screw with me (I also think she wants us to get back to together). Driving with both of them just happened to be some bad luck, and I didn't have a chance to tell my friend about the awkward situation until afterwards. As far as the guys go, I didn't cheat on either one; I just never discussed my relationship with the first guy when I dated the second guy. It overall wasn't THAT bad of a ride, just incredibly uncomfortable with lots of questions and some sarcastic comments from both of them. It was like something out of a sitcom honestly

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Today, I woke up in the elevator of my apartment building in the middle of the night, without my keys, phone, or shoes. Turns out I have been sleepwalking. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22628) - you deserved it (1589)

On 10/03/2015 at 7:01pm - health - by YumeWolf - Netherlands (Utrecht)

YumeWolf's comment about their FML

Hi guys, OP here.
Thanks for some of your funny comments, they made me laugh!

To answer some questions, no, I do not sleep commando, yes I had pants on and no I wasn't robbed.
I had a friend over, who stayed 'till pretty late (around 5 AM), so I was extremely exhausted. So exhausted that I fell asleep with my sweatpants still on, as I normally sleep without pants (so I was very lucky).

I woke up about 30 minutes later, in the elevator. I had locked myself out, naturally, but luckily my friend lives in the same apartment building as me, and she had a spare key. I'm glad she opened the door when I rang her bell at 5:45 in the morning.

I never had problems with sleepwalking before, and I haven't sleepwalked since. I hang my keys on the doorhandle every night, so that if I somehow manage to turn the lock and open the door, the keys will slide right off on top of my feet. That should wake me up if it ever happens again!

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Today, my boyfriend fed a "random mushroom from the woods" to my rabbit. It then had a violent seizure and died. He claims it must have been from "natural causes". FML


I agree, your life sucks (26761) - you deserved it (1886)

On 10/03/2015 at 6:59pm - animals - by FacePalmPower (woman) - United States

FacePalmPower's comment about their FML

Hey OP here! Yes, it was a very stupid move he made, but it WAS an accident! He got the mushroom confused with another which he thought was safe! Although I am very sad, I now have a strict "No feeding the rabbits!" rule! So my other 5 buns should be safe. He was also the rabbit my mother got me before she moved out of state for good so it's even sadder. And no I did not dump him, we've been together for 3 years and although I was pissed for a day or two, I forgave him because I know he wouldn't hurt my rabbits on purpose, he knows they are all like my little children! All of your comments cracked me up though so I'm glad I could get a laugh out of a sad situation. Thanks guys, you rock!

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Today, I was mistaken for a prostitute after I got into the front seat of an elderly man's car. The man was my grandfather, and he was taking me to a doctor's appointment, since I wasn't going to be allowed to drive home after it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23197) - you deserved it (2017)

On 10/02/2015 at 3:08pm - misc - by Catlover234 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Catlover234's comment about their FML

Hi, OP here, I created an account to better explain what happened.

This actually happened a few months ago. I was at the beach with some friends and didn't have the time to change out of my swimsuit when my grandpa showed up. We only took one car and the beach wasn't very far away from my grandparent's house, so my grandpa agreed to pick me up from the beach and take to my eye doctor appointment. I couldn't drive home because I was getting drops in my eyes. Some very loud girls in their late teens/early twenties saw me get in the passenger seat, pointed at me and said "She's a hooker!" loud enough for me to hear. My grandpa's hard of hearing, so he didn't hear it. I was dressed in my swimsuit like pretty much everyone else on the beach. Everything else was in my beach bag.

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Today, after months of running up four flights of stairs to what I thought was the only male restroom in the building, I found another one. It's always been just around the corner from my desk. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21794) - you deserved it (9694)

On 10/01/2015 at 10:43am - work - by fleckney26 - United Kingdom

fleckney26's comment about their FML

OP here. All your comments have me in fits of laughter, and yes I do seem to have gained quite some leg muscle! For those asking why I hadn't seen the other toilets, it's because I thought the only thing around that corner was the post room, so I've never had a reason to go around there to find the other gents. Although I don't work in an office with all women, most are, and the issue of toilet placement has never come up when taking to the men. And before anyone else says about it, we do have lifts, but our boss gets annoyed at us if we used it.
Thanks for getting this posted!

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Today, I started my new job. Not even 2 hours in did some old man ask me where I live, what's my number, and if I was interested in being with him and his friends. This guy is at least over 50 and works with me. I left my old job because some old men kept asking the same things. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24858) - you deserved it (2056)

On 10/01/2015 at 6:46am - work - by Mindersss (woman) - United Kingdom

Mindersss's comment about their FML

Hey! wow this was actually posted. I work in an apprentice, I do business and admin. I am only 19 years old.
I have taken it up with my office manager and HR. These guys are just creeps and have been told to stay away from me.
For those who say "well you must be doing something" I am not. I dress in jeans and a top, nothing is on show, and even if it was, it does not give them the right to ask where I live and that.
I have never given out where I live.
I actually have a boyfriend, and if they ask me out, I do tell them, but even if I was single it is none of their business.
Thank you to everyone who did back me up, and to those who are saying I must be doing something, please just leave, I do not have time for your comments.
I am not to blame here, the guy was, he is married, (could tell from the ring on his finger) and if he has kids, he should be so ashamed!
I am only 19!

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Today, I made some brownies to take over to my dad's place for his party. He started yelling at me when I told him I'd added a special ingredient for taste, demanding to know what I had slipped them. Cinnamon. It was cinnamon. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23819) - you deserved it (3122)

On 09/30/2015 at 2:49am - misc - by WolfAvenge - United States (Arizona)

WolfAvenge's comment about their FML

I did tell them before they ate it, I was handing over the plate to him as I told him what was in it. I would never give someone food without them knowing what was in it in case they were allergic; he just over reacted. I've never done drugs or was an issue child in the past so I'm not sure why he thought I put something else in them! Needless to say they loved the brownies once I convinced them it was just cinnamon.

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Today, my dad introduced me as his pet orangutan. I'm a redhead. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22716) - you deserved it (2486)

On 09/28/2015 at 4:25pm - animals - by philosophicallll (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

philosophicallll's comment about their FML

I know he was kidding. My dad has an amazing sense of humor and I love him very much, but unfortunately for him, the person he was introducing me to doesn't have a sense of humor at all.
She now glares at my dad and yells at him whenever he makes any jokes about me.
So karma did happen, no revenge needed.

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Today, I noticed I spend so much time with my cats that I tend to hiss at things that scare me or that I don't like. I'm turning into a cat. FML


I agree, your life sucks (19932) - you deserved it (9290)

On 09/27/2015 at 11:07pm - animals - by DSCC - United States (Ohio)

DSCC's comment about their FML

Op here I happen to take regular showers and I have a boyfriend I've been with for 5 years so just because I may be a crazy cat lady does not mean I am single or smelly have a good day sir :)

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Today, my cat still loves me too much. He schedules his dumps for when I'm doing my makeup in the bathroom so he can stay with me. I either have to suffer the noxious odor or be late for work. This is a daily thing. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20220) - you deserved it (3056)

On 09/24/2015 at 1:53pm - animals - by oh_lordy_me (woman) - United States (Illinois)

oh_lordy_me's comment about their FML

OP here! I would love to move his litter box but in a one bedroom apartment it's pretty useless, unless I want the smell in the bedroom or living room/kitchen! As for shutting the door, I probably should! Took me a little while to realize what he was doing, since this is a recent habit of his. The little turd (pun intended) used to chill with me as I was getting ready and him meowing outside of the door is annoying as hell.

But, yeah, all in all, I vacate the premises for a few minutes, light a candle and all is good :)

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Today, my married life pretty much consists of punching myself in the penis until my libido goes down, since my wife has physical ailments that prevent her from even wanting to have sex. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26162) - you deserved it (2805)

On 09/24/2015 at 7:49am - intimacy - by scoobysnarks (man) - United States (North Carolina)

scoobysnarks's comment about their FML

OP here.

Look, there are LOTS of choices I *could* make, many of which have been offered here. There's nothing inherently wrong in a lot of the suggestions - they're just not suggestions I'm interested in following, honestly.

I love my wife. I don't love anyone else; finding another outlet or a replacement for my beloved just isn't something I'm interested in.

It's not that she's unsympathetic, necessarily, as much as it's just not something she can do or address; she has her own issues, and they're a big deal to both of us. I can't talk to her about it, because of her issues - it's just too much pressure on her, and I'm not willing to put that on her. I'd far rather bear the burden of my own problems than put them on her.

Thanks for the empathy and comments.

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Today, my boss interviewed a prospective employee, my ex-girlfriend. My psycho ex, a kleptomaniac, thinks she's qualified to be a Security Guard. Her background check agrees. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21958) - you deserved it (1401)

On 09/23/2015 at 2:44pm - work - by wandering_soul - United States

wandering_soul's comment about their FML

OP here! Seeing how the background check was clear, I guess the year and a half she spent locked up in an asylum was sealed. She's genuinely psychotic, and it's not some bad breakup kind of hate.

As for the job, she was denied based on the results of her MMPI(a psych evaluation test), which were not disclosed. When I applied, I hated that thing, but now I'm kinda glad we have to take it.

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