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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, one of my regular customers asked when we were getting married. I told him as much as I would love that, I didn't think my boyfriend would be very happy. He called me a "stuck up b*tch" and informed me he only comes to my line because he can always see through my shirt. He is 72. And married. FML

#20892597
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38503) - you deserved it (4257)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:27am - work - by peejay6831 (woman) - United States

peejay6831's comment about their FML

I wear a mandatory black polo at work that's easily a quarter inch thick, seeing through it isn't even possible! I just told him to have a nice day.. pretty sure he missed his meds

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Today, my grandma threw away my clear retainer thinking it was plastic from packaging. She has done this three times now. They cost 300 dollars to replace. FML

#20891969
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33454) - you deserved it (6635)

On 09/22/2013 at 7:30pm - misc - by peacechick71 - United States (Michigan)

peacechick71's comment about their FML

Hey guys OP here. To answer some questions, yes I have told my grandmother various times that I have a retainer, and that it looks like packaging and to not throw it away. I do keep it in a plastic case but I only wear it at night so when I am out shopping for her or walking her animals she snoops in my stuff. I have tried keeping it in my room to keep away from her but the door always "accidentally" opens and her animals find it and play with it because animals like the saliva taste on the retainer, it is then she thinks it's packaging and throws it away.

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Today, my husband refused to let our 7-week-old daughter have a pacifier, because he doesn't want her growing up to be a "whore." FML

#20891477
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41918) - you deserved it (4137)

On 09/22/2013 at 1:22pm - kids - by msmidnight1965 (woman) - Canada

msmidnight1965's comment about their FML

We have those orthodontic ones that help with oral development. They also resemble the nipple during breast feeding.

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Today, I found my brother wearing nothing but underwear. That would have been okay if it weren't my lingerie. FML

#20888568
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39842) - you deserved it (2687)

On 09/20/2013 at 12:37am - misc - by ImTheD0ct0r - United States

ImTheD0ct0r's comment about their FML

Hey op here. I loved all the comments. They were really funny. And I did throw away the lingerie. The worst part was it was my favorite pair so I was sad I had to throw it away.

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Today, I had to put up with a student who stubbornly insisted that King Solomon was, in fact, a Pokémon. FML

#20888068
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33211) - you deserved it (2530)

On 09/19/2013 at 6:23pm - work - by madden2014 (man) - United States (California)

madden2014's comment about their FML

OP here. For those of you who are curious, I work at a public high school teaching English. The class of interest here was my Advanced Placement English Literature and Composition class (made up of SENIORS). The issue came up because a sample practice objective test I passed out had referenced some biblical stories and a couple of students had questions on it.

He still thinks Solomon is in one of his Pokémon games.

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Today, the water went out at my house, so I resorted to taking some stuff and showering at my old dorm instead. While in the shower, I realized I'd stupidly forgotten to bring a towel with me. I had to spend ages drying my whole body with tiny paper towels instead. FML

#20887852
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32354) - you deserved it (12153)

On 09/19/2013 at 3:16pm - misc - by Schizomaniac - United States

Schizomaniac's comment about their FML

Lol sucks, op.

Oh wait...First off: Kali, fuck you.

Now that that's out of the way, I got into the dorm building by waiting outside for someone to come out, as my ID no longer works. I phoned my old roommate but he was still happily asleep. Everything leading up to the paper towel moment was pretty hectic. I was on the verge of being late for an important class and when I got to school, my normal parking lot was full. LSU parking is a biznitch. The scene played out pretty much how pistachiopanda described it. It was pretty dramatic.
On the plus side, "Make a Man Out of You" came on Pandora as I was driving to school. Silver lining.

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Today, a co-worker described, in vivid detail in the middle of the office, how he dribbles after peeing, and often has a burning sensation. FML

#20887509
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31916) - you deserved it (2291)

On 09/19/2013 at 5:55am - work - by out_of_my_head - United States

out_of_my_head's comment about their FML

The comments are hilarious! The guy in question is in his 60's, and is one of those one-up anything you say type people who talks all day. I already avoid him at all costs, this is just more reason to. Not sure why it burns, but I would assume something isn't right down there, and it's not something to brag about to coworkers! I will be lysoling my desk on a daily basis!

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Today, I helped my brother propose to his girlfriend of 5 years in the spot where they had first met. As he delivered his heartfelt speech, a sizable crowd appeared. When he got down on one knee, she punched him in the gut, yelled, "I never loved you", and ran away. Now he won't talk to me. FML

#20887080
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45862) - you deserved it (2824)

On 09/18/2013 at 9:45pm - love - by ElizaZee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

ElizaZee's comment about their FML

Hi, I'm the OP. Anyway, from what we've pieced together based on the accounts of family and friends, his girlfriend stayed with him for five years because she was a gold digger. My brother is fairly rich, and he always gave her expensive jewelry because he loved her so much. She would always wear the jewelry, but then it would mysteriously disappear after a few months. We suspect she was selling it, and basically using him. Also, we didn't think she stayed faithful to him, but he never listened. I guess she was off loving another man while my brother was unsuspectingly giving her jewelry that she could then sell. In other words, she's a bitch, and it's a good thing overall that she said no.

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Today, I realized I pay $160/month to get two texts a day. One from my bank telling me how much I have, one for my credit card telling me how much I owe. FML

#20885637
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32022) - you deserved it (5860)

On 09/17/2013 at 7:56pm - misc - by BeautifulChaos27 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

BeautifulChaos27's comment about their FML

Okay, first off, I am a women.

As for the fml, I was complaining that I pay such a high price to get those two texts a day and the occasional phone call from my employer to cover a shift. Expensive paper weight is what it is and I'm stuck in a contract.

With the debate on price, yes, very expensive. I get unlimited text as well as calling (god knows what for), and 1 gig of data which I never use up since I'm almost always in wifi. I do in fact have somebody on my plan with me but that only adds another 10 dollars a month to my bill. There's also insurance on both phones, considering they are smart phones and I'm a bit of a klutz. I know I could always shop around with other phone competitors but living where I do if you so much as want service in your home you have little choice.

Any more questions? :P

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Today, after getting back from a year-long world trip, I nearly fell on my knees and cried when I saw boxes of Twinkies at my local gas station. Finding out they were back was the highlight of the year. FML

#20885437
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33274) - you deserved it (6085)

On 09/17/2013 at 5:27pm - misc - by AwkwardPartyBear (woman) - United States (Florida)

AwkwardPartyBear's comment about their FML

I feel that I should have explained a bit further about the trip. A group and I went for charity causes (sort of like a Meals on Wheels world tour donation- just with a group). We could have shipped goods, but as someone said in the group, "it took out the adventure in the purpose". Although, we didn't explore as much as we meant to.. and instead donated/volunteered in different charity events throughout the year in different cities/countries. I'm happy among the fact that we helped the cause, but it was not much of a world-adventure as some FML commenters picture it. But I did buy a shitload of Twinkies and embarrassed myself hugging the boxes while crying rivers in the middle of the gas station.

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Today, I noticed that my new colleague never laughs. Instead she says, "LOL". I have to work with her every day. FML

#20884887
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37172) - you deserved it (2488)

On 09/17/2013 at 4:26am - work - by Jienaf (man) - Malta

Jienaf's comment about their FML

Hey guys! Can't believe this got posted! Some of the comments were hilarious, others were downright mean! Let me clarify something, which I believe would shed some more light on the story. She is a very sweet person and you wouldn't ask for a better colleague actually! I actually got round to tell her to stop saying LOL (as in, LOL not L.O.L hehe). That's where started laughing and admitted that she knew that it was annoying and did it on purpose to jokingly annoy her colleagues :) So guess the joke was on us after all :)

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Today, I met my birth mother. My dad won't talk to me, my mom won't stop crying and thinks I'm replacing her, and the rest of my family won't stop calling me a bitch. I'm 21, and I just wanted to meet the woman who pushed me head-first out of her vagina. FML

#20884879
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48800) - you deserved it (3279)

On 09/17/2013 at 3:57am - misc - by TaraBURGER (woman) - United States

TaraBURGER's comment about their FML

My parents still think that I'm trying to replace them. I don't think they understand that this woman is only technically my mother. She isn't my mommy and never could be.
I also found out I have a little sister, which is kinda cool. I haven't even told them about her. I'd get booted out of the family tree.
I tried to talk to my parents about it, but they just shut me down every time and pulled the whole, "Are we not good enough for you?" bullshit on me. I went on Facebook and found her right away. She's a very nice lady, but I still just call her by her first name. Like I said, she isn't my momma.

Also, I saw something on here about the real mom vs. biological mom debate. Personally, I think saying "real mom" is a bit weird. My real mom is the one that changed my diapers, read to me at night, and comforted me when I came home from school crying. I think biological mom is less offensive to adoptive mothers. I have and will never use the term "real mom" to describe my biological mother.

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Today, I bought a live lobster to have for dinner. When my four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly for finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML

#20883807
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41982) - you deserved it (7410)

On 09/16/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by meganmagee (woman) - United States (Georgia)

meganmagee's comment about their FML

don't worry. Mr. Shelly has taken residence my daughter's kiddie pool.

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