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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, as my boyfriend left my house, I gave him a long, tight hug. So tight that he threw up. FML

#21281782
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31638) - you deserved it (9202)

On 10/20/2014 at 3:11pm - love - by bstent - United States

bstent's comment about their FML

I honestly wasn't hugging him that hard.. We had just eaten and he's really skinny, so that probably had a lot to do with it lol

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Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML

#21281639
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30748) - you deserved it (3715)

On 10/20/2014 at 7:59am - work - by NateTheGreat132 (man) - United States (New York)

NateTheGreat132's comment about their FML

I was wearing gloves. When you open up a new carving block, there's TONS of meaty juice inside of there that you have to drain out. Some of it got inside my gloves.

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Today, while doing physical therapy exercises for my broken leg, I managed to throw my back out. Now I can neither walk nor sit up. FML

#21281586
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29641) - you deserved it (2543)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:00am - health - by cray12 - United States

cray12's comment about their FML

Thanks for making me laugh with some of these comments. The back thing is an old injury that flairs up every so often for a few days, it just had terrible timing.

As for the leg....well it's getting better pretty quickly (is 2 months quick for a broken bone?) thanks to my physical therapist and an awesome surgeon that pieced my broken tibia together. Now I just have to learn my lesson and not get on an ATV that my brother is driving ever again.

But on the bright side I get to laugh at all the FML's and get a couple of months off of work.

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Today, I learned that if you give a squirrel a cookie, he'll climb up your pants in search of more cookies. FML

#21280036
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31350) - you deserved it (7247)

On 10/17/2014 at 8:04pm - animals - by MegasaurusRex89 (woman) - United States (California)

MegasaurusRex89's comment about their FML

I did run, but I stopped when I saw another squirrel looking at me and that's when the first one caught up. Greedy and determined little bastards I tell ya! (I'm OP, by the way... And a girl.)

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Today, I rode my new motorcycle to work for the first time. As I accelerated, I felt a sharp pain in my neck. Apparently, poisonous spiders can actually get trapped inside motorbike helmets. Duly noted. FML

#21279771
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35209) - you deserved it (2912)

On 10/17/2014 at 11:24am - misc - by thelordofpies (man) - United States

thelordofpies's comment about their FML

Hey OP here, thanks for all the support guys. Luckily I didn't get into an accident. I was able to come out of the whole incident without a scratch but a massive itchy red welt. The doctor said I'll be fine in a few days time. :)

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Today, I watched from my office window as a couple maneuvered their car to squash a dead pigeon flat on the road. I then watched as they got out of the car, set up tripods and started taking photos of it. FML

#21277512
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35242) - you deserved it (2988)

On 10/14/2014 at 6:35am - work - by JenniferMay (woman) - United Kingdom

JenniferMay's comment about their FML

OP here... I can't believe this got published. After I posted it I realised it was kinda more 'fuck the pigeons life' well, not so much, since it was dead.

Basically I was on reception that day and I can see through the front door's window into the car park so I do tend to gaze out of it a lot. I noticed the dead pigeon on my way in but I was already running late so I didn't have time to pick it up or bury it. I promised myself I'd get it at the end of the day if it was still there... well as you can imagine, it wasn't :(

About 11am I saw this car pull into the car park. At first it went right around it, but a few minutes later I saw it reversing. Then one person got out of the car, went behind it and looked like she was signalling to the driver where to drive. I couldn't look as the car went over, I swore I could hear the cracks from where I was, it was awful. The driver then drove off of it and parked on the curb. I was so shocked i was just staring wide-mouthed as the driver got out with a huge camera bag and tripod. They then actually picked the main body of it up and put it in their car. It was all over in about 10 minutes, honestly the most disturbing thing I think I've ever witnessed.

Also, I'm loving all the bird puns. I guess that couple made a right 'tit' of themselves, eh? :P

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Today, an elderly woman was crossing the street and dropped her bag of groceries. I got out of my car to assist her, but she beat me repeatedly, yelling that I was "enforcing a stereotype". Sorry for trying to help. FML

#21277469
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33715) - you deserved it (2728)

On 10/14/2014 at 3:15am - misc - by I_AM_READING - United States (Alaska)

I_AM_READING's comment about their FML

OP here... I have no idea why she hit me instead of asking me not to help and still haven't a clue as to what stereotype it was. I was waiting for my father to come out of the store when I noticed her crossing the street when she just dropped the bags I came to help and she swung whatever was left in the bag at me till I left. I lucky didn't get hurt but I was kinda humiliated but as far as I could tell no one saw. I got a laugh telling my friends at school though so either way it just another funny story to tell.

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Today, it's my mom's birthday. Got the perfect gift, the perfect card and of course the perfect cake. Well, it was the perfect cake until my dog's ass crushed it. FML

#21276833
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34056) - you deserved it (4172)

On 10/13/2014 at 10:15am - animals - by Justified12 - United States (Massachusetts)

Justified12's comment about their FML

Hello OP here,
So, basically this is what happened:
As my dad is a pastor, we attend church as a family. I special ordered the cake and decided to pick it up, Sunday morning before going to church. The plan was to drop the cake off at my sisters house along with our two german shepherds since dogs aren't allowed in my church and I didn't want to leave them in my truck for health and safety reasons. So I picked up the cake, put both of the dogs in the back and placed the cake on the passenger seat. Halfway to my sister's house, it starts to get hot in the truck, so I rolled down the passenger window and of course what does every dog in the planet want to do if there's an open window? Stick his head out of the window. Afraid that he would jump out, I commanded him to "stop and sit and needless to say, as thankful I am that the cake was in a box, there was an obvious inevitable depression in it. Mom was too busy to notice since I bought her a kayak and a beautiful card. But lesson well learned. Thank you for the birthday wishes, and take care!

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Today, while waiting for a plane, a man in a wheelchair was struggling to get to baggage, so I helped him. I did so without realising that I passed through the "No Entry" gate. What did I forget? My phone, my ID, and my boarding pass. What do you need to get back to the plane? All of those. FML

#21276093
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33533) - you deserved it (5583)

On 10/12/2014 at 8:52am - misc - by epiclollipop (man) - United States (North Carolina)

epiclollipop's comment about their FML

Just an extra bit of info: I was with my parents at the airport, so I did make it back... after 45 minutes of going through security and announcing that I was an idiot on the intercom so my dad could save me.

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Today, I got married. It was a beautiful ceremony with all of our family and friends. Too bad it ended with us leaving the reception before dancing even started, since my groom couldn't stop bawling his eyes out from all the stress. FML

#21276028
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35468) - you deserved it (4211)

On 10/12/2014 at 3:46am - love - by mdwillow (woman) - United States (Alaska)

mdwillow's comment about their FML

OP here! Just to clarify, I was very understanding of his stress. We both actually suffer from anxiety so it was a hard day in general. This was going to be his first night moved out from his parents though and change is always hard. Once we woke up the next morning I showed him we got published and we were both excited! haha no hard feelings on either side:)

The honeymoon has been great. It's so nice to get away from everyone:) Thank you for all the kind wishes! We are both so excited to be married to each other as best friends.

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Today, a nurse asked my relationship status. I answered, "Married". She then asked if there was any possibility of me being pregnant. I hardly contained my snort, before responding, "No, you have to have sex for that." I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that it's true or her laughter. FML

#21275225
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38571) - you deserved it (5041)

On 10/10/2014 at 9:25pm - intimacy - by bluevix (woman) - United States (Virginia)

bluevix's comment about their FML

Thank you, we're working on it together. It isn't an easy process as it is difficult not to take his disinterest personal, and I have taken it personal (especially early on)... but when you are compatible with your spouse in as many ways as we are. Whilst I may enjoy the idea of sexual intimacy more than him, at least I have someone who loves me as much as I do them. We have plenty of activities we enjoy, but he is more of the asexual type that enjoys a good cuddle versus sex. Which I have learned to enjoy more as we continue on in our marriage.

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Today, I woke up to find that my acne has lined itself beautifully in a perfect 'L' shape in the centre of my forehead. FML

#21275221
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38233) - you deserved it (3198)

On 10/10/2014 at 9:17pm - health - by SeriousJoker72 - Canada (Manitoba)

SeriousJoker72's comment about their FML

Hahahahaha! Maybe I'll make that my Halloween costume!

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Today, my son was crying because he's afraid he might get Ebola. We live in Maine, and he's 16. FML

#21275168
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34267) - you deserved it (4664)

On 10/10/2014 at 7:27pm - kids - by MainePains (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

MainePains's comment about their FML

Hello, OP here! Apparently, the reason he has been crying is because the high school he goes to a lot of rumors are flying around- about Ebola coming to Maine. Thanks for the advice, but I have to say- a few of you are Maineiacs.

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