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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, my mom announced my pregnancy to the entire family via Facebook with the post, "Just went from a MILF to a GILF in one moment of unprotected sex." FML

#21401833
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33381) - you deserved it (5210)

On 04/29/2015 at 4:33pm - intimacy - by Ixlovexwaffles (woman) -

Ixlovexwaffles's comment about their FML

I would have laughed it off had she made the post a week later, it's the fact that I told her specifically not to post anything or talk to anyone about it for at least a few days so I could announce it to everyone else. She knew I told her first. It's the fact that that is how it was announced.

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Today, after recently getting my car fully serviced and fixed, the horn has decided to spontaneously beep. To stop the beeping I have to press the horn hard, making it look like I'm purposely doing it to piss people off. FML

#21401709
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26903) - you deserved it (2177)

On 04/29/2015 at 11:34am - misc - by lorb101 - Australia (Victoria)

lorb101's comment about their FML

I booked in next week to get it looked at- hopefully it behaves until then!! It just gets super awkward because I'm a 22 year old female and so not the usual candidate for a cheeky drive by beeping!! Thanks for all your concern guys!! Xxx

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Today, my father tried to excuse his alcoholism by saying that his stomach stops working, and he needs to drink vodka to get it started again. FML

#21401572
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26695) - you deserved it (2083)

On 04/29/2015 at 2:37am - health - by TJRoy - Australia (New South Wales)

TJRoy's comment about their FML

He is Croatian, and he was sober. He 100% believes it's true and has said it on several occasions.

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Today, my fiancé called me 'thick' for not realising he'd been sleeping with his ex earlier. FML

#21400979
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31204) - you deserved it (2823)

On 04/28/2015 at 1:23am - intimacy - by Jennandco (woman) - United Kingdom

Jennandco's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here! Yeah hahah, it was just funny because literally 5 minutes before hand, I questioned whether he had, because I had my suspicions and he had a huge go at me for even suggesting it.

I'm basically 'thick' because I didn't figure that when we were arguing about his number of jobs, he said 'at least I'm not an unemployed prick' he was talking about his actual genitalia, rather than just his employment (we weren't having sex because I was still recovering from an operation because I had been really ill)
I didn't want to believe it because we had been on/off for 6 years and he really meant a lot, but then he showed me their messages discussing their sex just to hurt me further, but then expected me to get over it. So I guess then I kind of had to, huh?
But it wasn't the first time he had done that, first time I tried to get over it. Not this time.

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Today, due to awkward circumstances, I am living with my ex-girlfriend and her new girlfriend. FML

#21400544
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32380) - you deserved it (3740)

On 04/27/2015 at 10:20am - misc - by Junkiegamer - United States (Texas)

Junkiegamer's comment about their FML

Hey it Op, for one I am a male. The break-up wasn't fun, but it wasn't horrible. We lived together before hand because we go to college together and I offered to let her new girlfriend stay here, because she had nowhere else to go. I'm not sure what the word is but my ex loves people for who they are, gender doesn't really to her

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Today, while with a large group of friends, my best friend started talking about my struggles with dating and intimacy. I quietly asked her to stop talking about it, as it was personal and I wasn't comfortable with everyone else knowing. Her response? "Um, it's really none of your business." FML

#21400049
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34710) - you deserved it (2790)

On 04/26/2015 at 2:49pm - misc - by guitarki (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

guitarki's comment about their FML

Hey, OP here. I made an account so that I could comment. When it happened, there was nothing I could say to her to make her stop. I asked her several times to please stop talking about it, and I was so embarrassed, but she wouldn't listen to me. I ended up just getting my stuff together and leaving. I'm not very close to the people in the group, so I felt uncomfortable with being so exposed to them. I talked to her afterwards in private and told her that it was really uncool of her to keep talking about it when I asked her to stop. She claimed that she didn't think it was that big of a deal, since when I told her at the time, I didn't say that it was meant to be a secret. I guess I just never thought to let her know that I didn't want her to blab to everyone about my personal issues. She also made sure to clarify to me that when she said it wasn't any of my business, she meant that it was not my conversation to butt into, even though I was literally right beside her. This incident made me realize that she really isn't a very good friend to me. She has never acted this way until recently, so I never thought to avoid telling her things. I do know that I'll definitely not be confiding in her anymore though.

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Today, I was bitten by a therapy dog. FML

#21399578
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29731) - you deserved it (3266)

On 04/25/2015 at 4:42pm - animals - by queengarmin (woman) - United States (California)

queengarmin's comment about their FML

OP here! Just to clarify, I didn't intentionally antagonize him and he didn't intentionally bite me. I was playing with my neighbor's retired therapy dog, and whilst trying to pull a toy from his mouth, he chomped down on my finger. It was most definitely an accident, and though it hurt like hell, we have forgiven each other and we're friends again. And I've learned my lesson about watching my fingers while playing with a dog.

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Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house while he was at work, and put on his pants to make some tea. As I took my hot tea and laptop upstairs, the pants slowly started to fall down. I had to keep climbing with my pants around my knees, and shuffle awkwardly past my boyfriend's father. FML

#21399154
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25096) - you deserved it (7721)

On 04/24/2015 at 6:38pm - misc - by Bullet4MyChemaMo - Ireland (Cork)

Bullet4MyChemaMo's comment about their FML

Hi guys, it's OP! Didn't expect this to get published.

1. I meant trousers, not underwear. In Ireland, pants almost never means underwear. (Ireland is very different to the UK in terms of grammar use, vocabulary etc.) For the record, I was wearing underwear too!

2. I'm very, very close to my boyfriend's family as we've been together for a long time, and it's not unusual for me to chill in his house while he's at work. I feel completely at home there, as I am expected to by his family. When this FML happened, I had been asleep after staying over, and lazily threw on my boyfriend's sweatpants to go downstairs.

3. I was actually trying (and failing) to multitask by holding almost-boiling tea, my laptop, blankets, and a pair of shoes. The positioning of the objects in my arms made it physically impossible for me to set it all on the floor and pick it back up, and BF's dad had already seen everything by the time I would've pulled my pants up.

Everyone laughed about it after the initial embarrassment wore off, thankfully we all see the funny side!

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Today, I found out that, given the correct velocity, a used condom can actually fly through a tiny window and slap you on the leg. I also found out that when you go to the window to yell at the perpetrator, they might have more ammunition. FML

#21398653
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31722) - you deserved it (3199)

On 04/23/2015 at 6:45pm - intimacy - by Attacksloth (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Attacksloth's comment about their FML

OP here. I was at a university, so like all schools, sex is fairly common here. I actually don't know if the contents were... legit sperm, but it seemed like they had the correct colour and, regrettably, consistency, judging by the shit left on my leg. It didn't look like pudding or mayonnaise or anything edible. Right now I'm just talking myself into a sense of security by telling myself that nobody in their right mind would actually be that disgusting.

The second one missed me, because I saw them chucking it, so I ducked out of the way. Luckily I had extra pants from the gym so I just changed into those, and I refused to touch the condoms until a janitor came in with some heavy duty gloves. I don't think it was an act of revenge, because I haven't really talked to people much this year - I'm either with my wife, exercising alone, or researching alone. The boy who threw them was with a girl and they were both laughing. I memorized their faces, so if I see them on campus, they can receive some "polite Canadian justice".

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Today, teachers were pulling students out of class to announce valedictorian, salutatorian, and other awards for graduation. I got pulled out of class by one of them, and I got a little excited since I wasn't expecting an award. It was to tell me that my sister was staying after school. FML

#21398650
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26965) - you deserved it (2992)

On 04/23/2015 at 6:41pm - misc - by midnightxshadow - United States

midnightxshadow's comment about their FML

For those of you thinking my grades must be awful, I have straight As and am a top student in my class. There are a few people I know above me, which is why I didn't expect to get an award. A girl can hope, right? When I got home, my boyfriend made me my own award so I couldn't be happier.

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Today, while going down on my boyfriend, I must have gotten a little too enthusiastic because I ripped my tongue's frenulum. We then awkwardly went into the bathroom. While he was washing the blood off his penis, I was hung over the toilet bowl puking because blood makes me woozy. FML

#21398255
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27566) - you deserved it (4088)

On 04/22/2015 at 11:50pm - intimacy - by cookies1616 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

cookies1616's comment about their FML

(Heyyy, girl who made the post here! Had to make an account to reply). No, neither of us have piercings and neither of us know why it happened. While my boyfriend was searching on the internet for what exactly we should do, he found some guy who said he ripped his while eating a pear. I'd like to think I'm less of an idiot than that guy.

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Today, I learned that before you tell a blonde joke, you should make sure that your high school's 6'8", 275-pound, blond quarterback isn't standing behind you. FML

#21397994
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18009) - you deserved it (23531)

On 04/22/2015 at 3:20pm - misc - by Owww1 (man) - United States (Arizona)

Owww1's comment about their FML

he's a guy

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Today, I learned that before you tell a blonde joke, you should make sure that your high school's 6'8", 275-pound, blond quarterback isn't standing behind you. FML

#21397994
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18009) - you deserved it (23531)

On 04/22/2015 at 3:20pm - misc - by Owww1 (man) - United States (Arizona)

Owww1's comment about their FML

Why did the mirror have holes in it? A moron kept trying to shoot himself.

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