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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I went to an ATM intending to withdraw $150. I approached the machine, inserted my card, typed in my pin and followed the prompts. When my card came out, I removed it, put it in my pocket and drove off. FML

#21359094
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26411) - you deserved it (19799)

On 02/19/2015 at 8:29am - money - by kaailin - Australia (South Australia)

kaailin's comment about their FML

Hi guys, OP here. To clarify, it wasn't a drive through ATM, I walked back to the car before the money came out. Also to those asking how I managed to do such a careless thing - I had just had a stressful day at work on the closing shift so my mind wasn't with it. I'm lucky I have a loving family that can support me until my next pay day. And I hope I just hope the money ended up in hands that needed it more than myself.

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Today, I pulled a muscle in my right shoulder and can barely move my arm. My friends keep asking if I'm sure it wasn't from jerking off too much. Truth is, I pulled it by playing on my computer too much. FML

#21358741
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24729) - you deserved it (7032)

On 02/18/2015 at 10:14am - health - by Pleonasm (man) - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Pleonasm's comment about their FML

I hold my mouse in an awkward position and my elbow floats in the air, putting the weight on the shoulder. If I play for too long, it aches.
But it started when I used a machine to work out and hurt my shoulder doing the butterfly press I think.

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Today, I went out to dinner for my mom's birthday. I'd planned for a nice restaurant which is always packed, so I'd called for a reservation. When we got there, the hostess tried to turn us down because no one ever takes their mother out to dinner anymore, and that I was a fraud. FML

#21357480
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31773) - you deserved it (1913)

On 02/16/2015 at 5:38pm - money - by jesterinperil - United States

jesterinperil's comment about their FML

OP here. We eventually got into the restaurant with our original reservations, after contacting management. My mother and I tried to not let the hostess spoil the night. The rest of the staff was wonderful and I don't think we'll be seeing much more of that hostess for a long time.

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Today, after 3 hours of sleep, I had to rush to my grandmother's house because she fell and couldn't get up. An embarrassed, half-naked old lady, a very wet rug, an ambulance and a trip to the hospital later, and she still refuses to use her cane and walker. I hope I'm not this stubborn when I'm old. FML

#21357228
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32235) - you deserved it (2466)

On 02/16/2015 at 9:22am - health - by CatLady4Lyf (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

CatLady4Lyf's comment about their FML

OP here~ Yes, she's okay, no injuries, and for those of you saying, "Get life alert" - She already HAS life alert but refuses to wear it...Her stubbornness has no limits. She would rather have her family worry and put her life in jeopardy than lose her pride and "independence". We're gonna see about in-home care so that we don't have to worry all the time. Thanks for all the support~ :) I can only hope that one day my grandmother comes to her senses, what little she has left.

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Today, as a reward for finishing all my work in maths, I was told I could leave early. Apparently, later on, the class had a random attendance inspection. I didn't know about this until I received a detention for not being present at that class. My teacher had completely forgotten about me. FML

#21355220
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31332) - you deserved it (2518)

On 02/13/2015 at 7:09am - work - by lizzie57 (woman) - United Kingdom

lizzie57's comment about their FML

Hi, OP here. Thanks for the comments, so happy this got published and the maths jokes made me laugh :) to people questioning the random attendance inspections - my school has really bad attendance generally so we get them to try and scare us into coming more. I did talk to my teacher and he spoke to the office and explained the situation and they let me off :) so alls well that ends well I suppose. I was just a bit annoyed at my teacher forgetting me! But bless him he was very apologetic. Anyway, thats me explained :)

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Today, while watching a clip of the show "16 and Pregnant" on YouTube in my room, my mom yelled from the kitchen that dinner was ready. Without skipping a beat, I yelled back, "I'm pregnant!" I'm a guy. FML

#21355174
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20217) - you deserved it (22054)

On 02/13/2015 at 3:40am - misc - by TheKingKen (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

TheKingKen's comment about their FML

Ha! OP is so dumb. His tiny brain can't even function properly :D

But just to clarify some things, English is my second language. We rarely speak English at home. In my native language, saying "I'm pregnant" and "I'm full" (because I already ate at the time) sounds similar enough for me to confuse the two phrases if I don't pay enough attention :D

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Today, I introduced my dad to my girlfriend. He looked her up and down and said to her, "Beggars can't be choosers. Am I right?" FML

#21354853
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28970) - you deserved it (2177)

On 02/12/2015 at 5:40pm - intimacy - by CheeseTacos - United States (Illinois)

CheeseTacos's comment about their FML

Hey everyone! OP here.
Thanks for the support. :) some of these posts made me chuckle a bit.
I did stick up for her and made him apologize. It was uneasy the rest of the night but I don't regret it. Bye!!
P.S It was towards me. He was in fact calling her a "beggar". Hope I cleared some things up!

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Today, my boss refused to give me vacation time for my wedding and honeymoon because she didn't have a honeymoon and because of that apparently neither should I. FML

#21354364
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29692) - you deserved it (1870)

On 02/11/2015 at 8:44pm - work - by bingalingading (man) - United States (Michigan)

bingalingading's comment about their FML

op here! Turns out I sorta kinda went over her head about it and now my vacation time has been approved! Of course said manager wasn't happy, but of course I went to HR about it and they seemed to have taken care of it. So starting June 22nd I will be on a cruise with my lovely wife!

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Today, my manager accused me of stealing $20. I didn't do it, but since she said she was going to call the cops, I gave her some of my own money. She still called the cops. FML

#21353327
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31178) - you deserved it (5020)

On 02/10/2015 at 10:53am - work - by Epic_failz - United States (Wisconsin)

Epic_failz's comment about their FML

There are no cameras in that place...at all, its stupid as hell, but there is not a single camera in there.

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Today, I was awoken by the sound of my pet lizard eating my other pet lizard. FML

#21351614
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32992) - you deserved it (3123)

On 02/07/2015 at 5:34pm - animals - by Duckzy - United States

Duckzy's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here. I just wanted to say a few things, first off, I was awoken by the sound of the lizards running around in their habitat, not by cries or crunches or whatever. Secondly, the lizards were the same size and opposing genders so I was told to put them together by the person who sold the lizards to me. Lastly, unfortunately by the time I got to them, the other lizard (Female in case you were wondering) was already half inside of the other's stomach.

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Today, I called my boss a "fucking retard" for doing something insanely stupid, only for him to find out 5 minutes later that I did exactly the same thing. I'll never hear the end of this now. FML

#21349850
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12475) - you deserved it (38326)

On 02/04/2015 at 6:35pm - work - by 11Karma11 (woman) - United Kingdom

11Karma11's comment about their FML

Hey. I'm the OP. I just signed up for an account - probably should have done that before I posted the FML. Anyhoo, my boss and I get on well and we make a habit of insulting each other.
I work in a convenience store and my boss had over-ordered the chilled products, so he was trying to rearrange the fridge in the stock room to make everything fit. As I walked past, I noticed that there was a rather big box of cakes (which obviously don't need to go in the fridge) so asked him if he put them there. Which is when I started hurling insults at him! Of course, it became apparent a few minutes later that I'd also put a box of tortilla wraps in there!
I don't know why I called him the "R" word. I haven't used it in years. I dropped any words that I found offensive from my vocabulary when I had my daughter. It's just being in a different environment, where the banter with the other staff is a bit more offensive than in the rest of my life. Good fun though!
And of course I said it to his face, I would never, and have never said anything behind his back that I haven't already said to his face at least half a dozen times!
And, I obviously deserved it!

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Today, I was talking to my friend in Spanish because he understands it better than English. We were in the middle of a discussion about a TV show when some guy from our school ran up, spat on my shoes and screamed, "I SPEAK SPANISH, STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!" and ran away. FML

#21349840
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31189) - you deserved it (2685)

On 02/04/2015 at 6:11pm - misc - by marigoldcobain - United States (Texas)

marigoldcobain's comment about their FML

Knock knock! Who's there? You're a dumbass. I'm OP and he already knew English pretty well, he just doesn't excel in it. Let's also just keep in mind I live in Texas and we were only having a casual conversation. The purpose wasn't to help him understand the English language, it was just to have a normal conversation. I don't think continuing conversations in his first language will make him automatically forget his second.

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Today, my fiancée told me about her new diet. Apparently, she is only going to drink water and tan in a tanning bed so she can photosynthesise. She thinks this will help her lose weight, since she doesn't have to eat anything. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

#21349782
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32028) - you deserved it (6172)

On 02/04/2015 at 4:42pm - love - by lucas90 - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

lucas90's comment about their FML

Hey, I'm the OP!
In all fairness, she and her friends were wasted, and I was the designated driver.
She didn't remember any of this the next day, and actually found it quite funny. She's not dumb. Sorry to dissapoint you.
And to the people that pointed out my typo - yes I'm MARRYING a her. English isn't my first language and I was exhausted when I wrote this. :)

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