Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I noticed I spend so much time with my cats that I tend to hiss at things that scare me or that I don't like. I'm turning into a cat. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20274) - you deserved it (9424)

On 09/27/2015 at 11:07pm - animals - by DSCC - United States (Ohio)

DSCC's comment about their FML

Op here I happen to take regular showers and I have a boyfriend I've been with for 5 years so just because I may be a crazy cat lady does not mean I am single or smelly have a good day sir :)

See all the comments including 10 other original poster's reactions

Today, my cat still loves me too much. He schedules his dumps for when I'm doing my makeup in the bathroom so he can stay with me. I either have to suffer the noxious odor or be late for work. This is a daily thing. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20654) - you deserved it (3115)

On 09/24/2015 at 1:53pm - animals - by oh_lordy_me (woman) - United States (Illinois)

oh_lordy_me's comment about their FML

OP here! I would love to move his litter box but in a one bedroom apartment it's pretty useless, unless I want the smell in the bedroom or living room/kitchen! As for shutting the door, I probably should! Took me a little while to realize what he was doing, since this is a recent habit of his. The little turd (pun intended) used to chill with me as I was getting ready and him meowing outside of the door is annoying as hell.

But, yeah, all in all, I vacate the premises for a few minutes, light a candle and all is good :)

See all the comments

Today, my married life pretty much consists of punching myself in the penis until my libido goes down, since my wife has physical ailments that prevent her from even wanting to have sex. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27554) - you deserved it (3011)

On 09/24/2015 at 7:49am - intimacy - by scoobysnarks (man) - United States (North Carolina)

scoobysnarks's comment about their FML

OP here.

Look, there are LOTS of choices I *could* make, many of which have been offered here. There's nothing inherently wrong in a lot of the suggestions - they're just not suggestions I'm interested in following, honestly.

I love my wife. I don't love anyone else; finding another outlet or a replacement for my beloved just isn't something I'm interested in.

It's not that she's unsympathetic, necessarily, as much as it's just not something she can do or address; she has her own issues, and they're a big deal to both of us. I can't talk to her about it, because of her issues - it's just too much pressure on her, and I'm not willing to put that on her. I'd far rather bear the burden of my own problems than put them on her.

Thanks for the empathy and comments.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, my boss interviewed a prospective employee, my ex-girlfriend. My psycho ex, a kleptomaniac, thinks she's qualified to be a Security Guard. Her background check agrees. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22250) - you deserved it (1420)

On 09/23/2015 at 2:44pm - work - by wandering_soul - United States

wandering_soul's comment about their FML

OP here! Seeing how the background check was clear, I guess the year and a half she spent locked up in an asylum was sealed. She's genuinely psychotic, and it's not some bad breakup kind of hate.

As for the job, she was denied based on the results of her MMPI(a psych evaluation test), which were not disclosed. When I applied, I hated that thing, but now I'm kinda glad we have to take it.

See all the comments

Today, I got fired from my nannying job because one of the mom's several boyfriends mentioned that he found me attractive. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25358) - you deserved it (1479)

On 09/22/2015 at 1:25pm - work - by meghancuma - United States (Virginia)

meghancuma's comment about their FML

OP here, her kids were the best. That's the worst part of losing the job.

See all the comments including 4 other original poster's reactions

Today, my boyfriend and I got in a fight about which is better: Star Wars or Lord of the Rings. We aren't speaking. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20395) - you deserved it (9126)

On 09/22/2015 at 1:18am - love - by amburrjade - United States (Texas)

amburrjade's comment about their FML

Hi guys! I'm the OP :) I'm 19, and my boyfriend's 20. I thought LotR was better, personally. To be fair, I've only seen one of the Star Wars movies, and he's only seen half of one of the LotR movies, so we were both a little biased. This was last night though, and by the morning, it was forgotten. We're all good now. Thanks for your comments! :)

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my boyfriend cooked us a romantic dinner using the oven. The oven he recently hid $3,000 in for safekeeping. We essentially just spent thousands of dollars on a casserole. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21439) - you deserved it (11866)

On 09/21/2015 at 8:35pm - money - by Lucachoo (woman) - United States (California)

Lucachoo's comment about their FML

So yeah, storing money in the oven is a terrible idea. My bf (we'll call him Huck because he's a dumbass) is a bit paranoid and insisted on hiding the money somewhere where burglars couldn't find it. I told him it was fine since our nearest neighbors are a couple miles away but he insisted so I just gave up. Didn't realize that idiot would hide the cash in the oven then have a huge brain fart and use the oven to cook. We aren't complete idiots though, we do keep our life savings in the bank. The reason Huck put money in the oven was because we live on a farm that's a bit distant from the nearest major bank. We keep some money on hand in case something breaks and we have to fix it or make repairs and such. It's quicker when we have the money on hand. Otherwise we'd have to spend a couple hours driving to the bank, buying supplies, then coming back. Also while money does burn at 451 degrees, 451 degrees is the auto-ignition point of paper (the temperature that paper catches fire without being exposed to an external flame). So if the air temperature was 451 degrees the money would have burned but Huck put the money at the bottom of the oven, right on top of the hot metal burner thingy (I don't know what it's called) and that metal thing gets red hot. But yeah, Huck realized his stupidity after the oven finished preheating and managed to save some of the money though a third of it still burned to some degree. I'm still pretty pissed regardless and kinda feel like shoving Huck into the oven as well. The fact that he was trying to be nice by cooking dinner is the only thing preventing me from completely going apeshit on him. The first thing I'm making him do is go to the bank and try to replace the money. And he will never be in charge of safekeeping money ever again.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, the nicest present I received for my 18th birthday was a free razor in the mail. It was then stolen by my mom. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23686) - you deserved it (1593)

On 09/20/2015 at 9:58am - misc - by ezrocks4u - United States (North Carolina)

ezrocks4u's comment about their FML

Hi, OP here. To give some context, I got a few t shirts for my birthday. My birthday was a month ago(thanks for the birthday wishes!) but only found out about the fact that my mom stole said razor a day ago, because I saw the package addressed to me in the trash. Needless to say, it is too late to steal back.
I had posted another birthday FML(from the actual day of) never got posted. Got locked outside of my car in the rain for 3 hours, couldn't afford a locksmith, and missed my birthday dinner.

See all the comments

Today, I got a mosquito bite on my wrist. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I am pretty sure mosquito bites are not supposed to start crawling up to your armpit while swelling. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24509) - you deserved it (1564)

On 09/20/2015 at 3:11am - health - by Severus_Snape_ - United States (California)

Severus_Snape_'s comment about their FML

Wow, this is the first time one of my FMLs have been accepted! I googled whatever was happening on my arm, and I think 26 may or may not be right. According to the internet, if should go away in a few days, and it was a spider bite. But ever since I was a kid, I've always attracted some weird bug bites, but this has never happened to me before. Unfortunately, I am the type of person that will twist my wrist and still just say that I'm fine. Like that time where I threw up twice when I was 11 years old and still insisted that I was well enough to go to school, only to be sent back home when I threw up again. I applied some type of cream thing on the bite, and it has gotten better. It'll probably go away in a few days. Hopefully.

See all the comments including 4 other original poster's reactions

Today, I found my diamond earring, which had gone missing. The vet had to surgically remove it from my dog. Despite having made the voyage through the dog's digestive tract, the earring is more expensive than ever. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20276) - you deserved it (1775)

On 09/19/2015 at 6:43pm - animals - by IamHM (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

IamHM's comment about their FML

Bingo! He's a black lab. And apparently likes shiny things.

See all the comments

Today, my girlfriend told me she has decided to become a stay-at-home mom for our dog. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23962) - you deserved it (2759)

On 09/18/2015 at 5:24pm - misc - by connorcaffery (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

connorcaffery's comment about their FML

A little background info.
I've been with my girlfriend for four years- She is not the type to make me work while she does shit all.
We did have a long talk about this. She is just very stressed out as she is not here for 3 days out of the week because she makes a 2 hour commute to and from university every week and when she is here she works. She is just stressed and tired and feeling guilty about not spending enough time with our dog pepsi. She is not lazy, and certainly not a bitch just struggling keeping up with all aspects of her life right now. Thanks to all the nice and supportive comments we both appreciate them. :)

See all the comments

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic and trick me into missing my flight, so he could spend another day with me before I have to return to Asia for work. There is nothing romantic about spending 2 hours trying to sort out a new international itinerary with Delta's automated menus. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24419) - you deserved it (2151)

On 09/17/2015 at 10:37pm - love - by ak47nd (woman) - China (Liaoning)

ak47nd's comment about their FML

Hi, this is OP. To be fair, he did fly me out to visit him and put a real effort into making the week we had together great. That said, after I did manage to fix the flight back, I think he was scared I was going to kick him in the balls for that stunt for most of the extra 24 hours we had together. But the makeup sex was great and I barely managed to make it back in time for work obligations, so bf is EXTREMELY lucky :) And we have a new relationship rule of not fucking with travel arrangements. Sigh.

See all the comments

Today, while playing with a group of kids at the school where I work, I heard an immense rip. I looked down and recoiled in shock as I noticed a gaping maw in my pants stretching from my ass to my left kneecap. I had to finish the rest of the day and walk home like that. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20540) - you deserved it (1752)

On 09/17/2015 at 11:40am - work - by TheNewGuy03 (man) - Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

TheNewGuy03's comment about their FML

I wish I wore my sky blue Wii boxers for that momentous occasion, then. I am filled with regret.

See all the comments including 5 other original poster's reactions

Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: