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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I ate a wonderful meal, after which I fell asleep on my couch and had a dream that my husband was passionately kissing me. I woke up to realize it was actually my cat licking bits of food out of my teeth. FML

#21373952
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28060) - you deserved it (3924)

On 03/13/2015 at 5:45pm - animals - by laureri - United States (New Jersey)

laureri's comment about their FML

Hey OP here! To answer some questions, my husband does not have a sandpaper tongue, that would be awful! I didn't have huge bits of food just your regular after food residue. I usually do brush after meals but the itus was strong and I immediately fell asleep after the meal. And yes I brushed, mouthwashed, and flossed immediately after I woke up with a cat tongue in my mouth!! Repeatedly I might add. My cats are beggars, they will do almost anything for table food apparently licking my teeth is fare game. The comments made me laugh, so thanks guys. Cheers!

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Today, after weeks of oral pain and hundreds of dollars in dentistry fees, we found the culprit: a popcorn kernel that floss was unable to remove. FML

#21373831
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30534) - you deserved it (21)

On 03/13/2015 at 2:36pm - health - by iAlissa - United States (California)

iAlissa's comment about their FML

There was indeed lots of blood. It was lodged so deep between my molar and my wisdom tooth that they essentially had to surgically remove it. :(

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Today, one of the guys I work with ran his finger down the back of my shirt and said, "Just checking to see if you're wearing a bra today". FML

#21373754
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33679) - you deserved it (2740)

On 03/13/2015 at 11:04am - work - by SteamyPenguin (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

SteamyPenguin's comment about their FML

Thanks for all the comments, I wish I would have had the guts to carry out half of them. This ’Today’ happened a few years ago when I was much less confident. He was a senior Doctor and a renown pervert. I have been reminded of it because a woman has been in the news lately saying that sexisim is rife in the medical profession and that if we want to get ahead we should just shut up and put up with it. I don’t want to get into it any further, but it brought back some unpleasant memories as a young health professional. Believe it or not, this one one of the minor pervy things that he did. I had a series of badges in the shape of different animals with my name on it, and he would comment on it whenever I wore them saying things like ‘Cat on a mountain’ or ‘Tiger on a mountain’, the mountain referring to my breast. I loved those badges, and spent quite a bit of money on them, from then on I could not wear them without thinking I was doing something wrong. Honestly there were so many different incidents that you block them out.

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Today, I received a phone call from the counselor at my son's preschool, requesting that I come pick him up. He was barking incessantly at his classmates. And when they asked him to stop, he growled. FML

#21373271
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27659) - you deserved it (3298)

On 03/12/2015 at 4:50pm - kids - by misfitunfit - United States (California)

misfitunfit's comment about their FML

Op here, definitely looking into a new program for him! At first this one seemed great but now I realize they're super uptight.

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Today, I was walking my dog. Suddenly, my insane neighbor who loves dogs a bit too much comes over and asks to pet my dog. I say OK, thinking that if I watch her, she won't do anything. I turn around to make sure no cars are coming and when I turn back, she's trying to steal my dog. FML

#21373073
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35517) - you deserved it (3111)

On 03/12/2015 at 10:07am - animals - by teecrafter2038 - United States (New York)

teecrafter2038's comment about their FML

Hey it's op here,

Thanks for commenting so quickly. I'm not really sure if this is gonna work but whatever.

To give a bit more detail, I live in a cul-de-sac and my dog wasn't on a leash because we were right by my house. My dog is a pug and he fits into my neighbors arms. I didn't call the police but I am going to keep a leash on my dog from now on. I heard my neighbor might be moving so I am just going to hope for the best. Oh and I am pretty sure she can't afford to buy/rescue a dog. I am not really sure.

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Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes the day before and still had bad razor burn. My doctor told me I had "dicken pox" and was prescribing me with shaving cream. FML

#21371826
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27097) - you deserved it (6363)

On 03/10/2015 at 12:45pm - health - by parkoursam - United States (Illinois)

parkoursam's comment about their FML

Thanks for the advice lol

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Today, my ex-boyfriend asked me to homecoming, in front of the whole school, knowing I have social anxiety. I was forced to say yes to not seem like an asshole. Now I can't back out. FML

#21371675
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (183) - you deserved it (6009)

On 03/10/2015 at 4:03am - love - by TooMuchAnxiety (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

TooMuchAnxiety's comment about their FML

For everyone asking why we broke up, its because he was very manipulative and downright abusive behind closed doors. I can't back out because i'm afraid of what might happen if I do.

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Today, I noticed that whenever I don't give the homeless guy around the corner some money, my side mirrors get stolen. FML

#21371304
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92) - you deserved it (2214)

On 03/09/2015 at 5:22pm - misc - by nohobo (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

nohobo's comment about their FML

OP here. Only the reflective glass parts get stolen and it takes 10 seconds and a screwdriver. Dealership ones are sold on the black market for half price, though I got the cheap chinese plastic ones and those go missing too. Out of spite I think, since they have my plate number on them and are worth nothing. The police won't do anything, it's a common theft; they told me to get better insurance -_- . Car alarm wouldn't work either, the thief would be gone by the time I arrive. They got stolen 3 times, all nights after I didn't give the guy anything. And the guy is pretty much harassing me now. Like coming to my car to offer to carry my bags or opening my door (creepy, right?). I tried to firmly but politely tell him to leave me alone but nada. Gonna report him for harassment and if he comes near me again he'll get a face full of pepper spray, since that's probably the only way he'll understand.

Sorry for the wall of text, and thanks for your supportive/funny comments, they've made my day :D

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Today, at an important statewide band performance, my mom stayed in her seat, silent, while everyone else gave a standing ovation. FML

#21369954
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27436) - you deserved it (2527)

On 03/07/2015 at 2:05pm - work - by jesterinperil - United States

jesterinperil's comment about their FML

OP here. First off, yes this was my performance. We'd been preparing some of the hardest pieces on the selection list for three months and had to perform them in front of the toughest judges in the state. We received a standing ovation and the top score possible, but it really hit hard when I saw my mom sitting there idly. We were all enjoying our results within the band so I tried not to let her negativity bring me down that much, but she could have at least said good job without being asked how we did.

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Today, I didn't get the promotion I interviewed for at work. A guy who's worked here for only two months did. My supervisor's reason: she doesn't think I'm going to amount to anything. I work at Home Depot to pay my way for college. FML

#21369624
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27018) - you deserved it (2332)

On 03/06/2015 at 11:03pm - work - by prewald92 -

prewald92's comment about their FML

OP here just to clarify a few things. The position was just part time supervising other cashiers and making sure they get their breaks on time. I've been with the store two years now but life goes on. As for college I take all my classes online and any classes I have to take on campus I have down to just going one day a week, so I can get hours to take care of my daughter.I was more offended by her comment but she can think whatever she wants.

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Today, my sister and I went to visit my grandma. She looked at my sister and said, "You are just so skinny! You need to eat more cookies!" She then turned to me and said, "You should lay off the cookies!" FML

#21369554
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28717) - you deserved it (4148)

On 03/06/2015 at 9:24pm - misc - by Becca34 - United States (Georgia)

Becca34's comment about their FML

Hey, OP here. My grandmother has NEVER had a filter. My father has told me all sorts of stories from when he was a kid. After I went home, she felt terrible and called my dad to tell him that she was sorry.

My sister, who's really my stepsister, has always been skinnier. So is her mom, sister and brother. It's part of their genetics. I've known them since I was little and think of them as my blood family.

I've had body issues in the past, and that's probably the main reason it hurt so much.

I still love my grandma, no matter what. Thanks for all the nice comments guys!

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Today, during a meal out with my team and bosses, I wasn't drinking. The waiter complained, "If you're not ordering alcohol, how am I supposed to take advantage of you later?" I'm not sure what's worse, the rapey pre-dinner joke or the awkward silence as my colleagues looked on. FML

#21368836
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31682) - you deserved it (2258)

On 03/05/2015 at 7:07pm - work - by pabj208 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

pabj208's comment about their FML

OP here. Thanks for the comments everyone, you'll be pleased to hear that today I did phone up the restaurant posing as 'a member of the girl's team' (which is technically true), as I didn't want to identify myself.
I can take a bit of banter as much as the next person, and although I'm sure it was meant as a joke, it certainly crossed a line. I thought I'd say something to his manager in case he repeated his actions to someone less capable of standing up for themselves than me! You never know who he might try it with again...
The (female) owner was horrified and said she was furious with the waiter, who had apparently worked there for 20 years. She'll be having a chat with him later on and offered me and 'the girl' (also me!) a free pizza each. I don't think I'll be taking them up on the offer!
Oh, and my team were lovely about it- after the shocked silence they all agreed that he crossed a line and were very supportive :)

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Today, during a family game of "Cards Against Humanity," I had to explain to my mom what queefing is. FML

#21368616
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27601) - you deserved it (5972)

On 03/05/2015 at 11:30am - misc - by lulinator (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

lulinator's comment about their FML

OP here. Yes, I'm aware (NOW!) that it isn't a "family game!" My sister-in-law brought it to play after our family dinner. None of us had ever heard of it before. My mom is very innocent, so hearing her have to read out some of the lines was probably the best part of the game. She was crying from laughing, my brother got a nosebleed from laughing, and I almost threw up. I also had to explain to my dad what "road head" is. Poor guy.

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