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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16510) - you deserved it (65922)

On 11/30/2013 at 2:35am - love - by Ashamed_Sister (woman) - Namibia (Windhoek)

Ashamed_Sister's comment about their FML

He just asked me if he can have something to eat. When I finished the sandwich I realized the irony.

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Today, I was quite drunk so I decided to take a piss kneeling down, so I wouldn't miss. I dropped the toilet seat on my little soldier. FML

#20969940
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32883) - you deserved it (25857)

On 11/25/2013 at 6:22am - health - by Cian_1 (man) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Cian_1's comment about their FML

What else am I to call something that keeps saluting me? ;D

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Today, I realized my wedding ring had fallen off while doing yard work the previous day. Luckily, I only worked in a few areas, so I had high hopes of finding it. That is until a storm came through, blew half a foot of leaves all over the property, and then froze them with sleet. FML

#20968702
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41711) - you deserved it (4605)

On 11/24/2013 at 3:32am - misc - by midnightsun1143 (woman) - United States (Texas)

midnightsun1143's comment about their FML

OP here! The ring had always been so tight that I couldn't get it off, but I guess loosing baby weight combined with the cold weather, my finger shrunk enough. I agree with commenters... I found it extremely odd that I didn't notice... Maybe a case of missing limb syndrome but with a ring? Anyhow, after spending a morning raking the leaves in freezing rain, I FOUND IT! An FML win! (Oh, and #55 sleet does freeze leaves when you live in Texas and the ground is warm enough to melt the sleet but the wind cold enough to re-freeze it. But we can compromise and say we are both right because it has been alternating between freezing rain and sleet for a little while now). WIN!

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Today, my parents grounded me for being "addicted" to drugs because I've been taking pain meds every four hours. I had my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday, and my face is badly swollen. FML

#20968232
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41284) - you deserved it (2178)

On 11/23/2013 at 6:56pm - health - by lauren_crewd - United States (Alabama)

lauren_crewd's comment about their FML

This is the OP here, my parents are incredibly worried about me taking the medicine because two of my three brothers are recovering drug addicts. I was visiting a friend who called my brother to come pick me up because I kept falling asleep mid-conversation as a side-effect to the medication. My parents assumed I was abusing them because of their past experiences with my brothers. They're incredibly understanding about the pain, but they're just scared.

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Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML

#20967686
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36866) - you deserved it (5737)

On 11/23/2013 at 5:48am - misc - by meesmees - United States (Maryland)

meesmees's comment about their FML

Though Ed, the homeless man, was actually very nice to talk to, I'd rather not be felt up

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Today, after having my sinuses draining for a couple days, my ma stopped by for a surprise visit. Upon discovering the trash can full of used tissues, she called my pastor grandfather to talk to me about the chronic masturbation problem I don't have, but that everyone now thinks I have. FML

#20967574
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38107) - you deserved it (2412)

On 11/23/2013 at 1:05am - misc - by Thors_Hammer9999 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Thors_Hammer9999's comment about their FML

Hi no I wasn't stuffed up anymore, my sinuses will drain twice a year, once in the spring and once in the fall for about two or three days, I also tend to suffer from sinusitis and sinus infections. She showed up the day I was finally cleared up and was just loafing around the house. While I'd kept thinking I needed to take the trash out because it was gross just sitting there, but I wasn't expecting company, like I said she stopped by for a surprise visit. I was able to clear things up with my Grandpa, the man knows me better then anyone and he was just checking in on me out of concern because as he said "it didn't sound like me." It was also my idiot brother who spread it around after overhearing my ma conveying the story to my dad later that day. I have had several facebook messages and phone calls asking about it but most of the people who know me are aware of my sinus issues, especially after last spring when my sinuses got infected because of them and my face was all swollen....We're all still trying to figure out how my mom is surprised by it....Idk, guess she figures I'll grow out of it eventually. Finally while I have taken some good natured ribbing about it all and probably will for a while yet my mom has gotten it even worse and is incredibly embarrassed about it all....maybe it's enough so next spring she'll remember my sinus issues for once.

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Today, my obsessive ex, who recently cut my phone line to stop me from talking to my boyfriend of three years, got a job at the same restaurant where both my boyfriend and I work. FML

#20964615
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46079) - you deserved it (3008)

On 11/20/2013 at 3:05pm - work - by georgiaswish (woman) - United Kingdom

georgiaswish's comment about their FML

Just to clarify, when I say he 'cut the phone line', I don't mean he stopped paying (I pay for it myself), I mean he physically CUT the lines leading to my phone. And yes, I do have a mobile phone, but I can't use it too much or I'd get a massive bill at the end of it. And I've just started the process of legal action but, as my ex-boyfriend never tired of telling me, they're 'just a bit of paper'

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Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML

#20964512
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53206) - you deserved it (18929)

On 11/20/2013 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by clodius (man) - United Kingdom (North Lanarkshire)

clodius's comment about their FML

Hi, OP here.
I genuinely didn't think this would be published but here we go.
Yes on that night I was extremely drunk and she was drinking heavily too, and I mean heavily.
I didn't notice the huge bump because
1) I was shitfaced
2) She hid it extremely well.
Anyway after talking to a few people it seems that this woman has been going around for the past 7 months sleeping with people and saying they are the dad.
I have nothing wrong with people having sex when they aren't in a relationship but don't try and pin point your baby's dad on some bloke. It is wrong on so many levels.

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Today, my cat has figured out that while I'm good at sleeping through her nagging in the early morning hours, I will unfailingly wake up for my baby. FML

#20963043
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35362) - you deserved it (3483)

On 11/19/2013 at 1:59am - animals - by kittyboo_is_me (woman) - Slovenia (Maribor)

kittyboo_is_me's comment about their FML

No need to get rid of the cat, she's good to both my baby and my older son and I have absolutely no fears regarding her and the kids. I still have no clue how she does what she does, I assume she either meows in their room long enough to wake up the baby or she paws him through the rails of the crib until he wakes up.

She has food available at all times, so that's not an issue (and she's really thin btw). Pretty sure she just wants to go outside to do whatever it is cats do at night (roam, hunt, interact). I might have to try the dark room suggestion though, thanks for reminding me - it was the only thing that got her to stop peeing all over the house. That or throwing her out of the house at night altogether, nevermind the cold. Sleep is precious, especially with a baby in the house.

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Today, I turned 30. While all my friends are getting married, furthering careers and having children, I'm still sat around being as immature as I was as a teenager. I'm going through a classic case of premature age-jaculation. I laughed for 10 minutes after coming up with that. FML

#20962459
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19431) - you deserved it (34185)

On 11/18/2013 at 6:39pm - misc - by crixon42 (woman) - United Kingdom

crixon42's comment about their FML

OP here, love all you guys who appreciate the pun, and don't you all worry I do not live at home, I have a job and am not a serial sponger.

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Today, I realized I need to start hitting the gym, when my boyfriend actually utilized my love handles during sex. FML

#20962225
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38875) - you deserved it (9283)

On 11/18/2013 at 3:14pm - intimacy - by ericabearr - United States (Texas)

ericabearr's comment about their FML

Yes I am aware that "that's what they're there for." I personally do not want them there. They make me self conscious. I'm choosing to go to the gym on my own and not for my boyfriend. He tells me I'm beautiful regardless of how I feel about myself. Maybe he can fun something new to grab onto though! Haha! Thanks for the comments though y'all! :)

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Today, while swimming in the ocean, I felt some sand under my wedding ring. I took it off for a second, and got hit by a huge wave. My ring is now lost somewhere in the ocean. FML

#20961838
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27543) - you deserved it (35900)

On 11/18/2013 at 4:14am - misc - by smiley1014 (man) - United States

smiley1014's comment about their FML

I guess I didn't put on the FML that I am a male. My wife told me that she wants me to wear my ring (except during work, which is Aviation and we're not allowed). I told her I wasn't comfortable wearing it in the ocean, and she said I had to anyway. After losing my ring, my wife bought snorkel equipment and I spent an hour diving for it until the sun set. My wife and I have been married for 5 years, and we both got a laugh out of it, and we purchased another ring the next day in a Hawaiian market that now has a story and more meaning than the first ring.

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