Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I realized I could make more money being on welfare than I can at my current job. FML

#21462514
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20019) - you deserved it (1622)

On 08/30/2015 at 10:09am - money - by Silver_Jet - Canada (Ontario)

Silver_Jet's comment about their FML

Op here didn't login to post because I didn't think it would get published. I want to clarify a few things. #1 I'm not on welfare. #2 I work part time but my employer doesn't want me to get another job. #3 I work overnight shifts for below minimum wage. #4 I needed a college diploma to get this job.

See all the comments

Today, I found out that the medicine I've been taking for my headaches is responsible for my headaches getting even worse. FML

#21461347
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20398) - you deserved it (1637)

On 08/27/2015 at 1:50pm - health - by desbuhbear - United States (Tennessee)

desbuhbear's comment about their FML

Hey guys! Op, here. I didn't think this would get published! Thanks for all your comments. They made me feel better and definitely made me laugh! Just to follow up a bit, I'm no longer taking that medication and I have a neurologist appointment soon to see if they can help me with the pain! Thanks again!

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, on my daughter's 9th birthday, I have to let her know that her dog died in his sleep overnight. Happy birthday. FML

#21461306
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23459) - you deserved it (1291)

On 08/27/2015 at 11:36am - kids - by JDCH_99 - Canada (Ontario)

JDCH_99's comment about their FML

OP here -- we told her. We didn't have a choice. She was devastated and will be for some time. She's spent considerable time at farms, so she gets the whole cycle-of-life thing but it's different when there is an emotional connection. There won't be any dogs in the near future. Maybe in the spring we can talk about adopting a rescue dog.

See all the comments

Today, I planned on telling the girl I like that I have feelings for her. What I didn't plan on was having a panic attack and whispering "I really like you!" super creepily and immediately saying "bye" and running away in shame. FML

#21460927
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20662) - you deserved it (3351)

On 08/26/2015 at 12:14pm - love - by Afroman720 (man) - United States (Utah)

Afroman720's comment about their FML

So I asked her if I could have a redo because I was wayyyyyyyyy too nervous, and so I was able to tell her I like her without the running away and such this time! No update on how she feels about me though...I didn't wait for a response cause I had to leave work in a hurry to make it to school on time haha. One step at a time right?

See all the comments including 4 other original poster's reactions

Today, I've reached the point in my life where the "Apply to affected area" label on acne cream essentially means I need to take a bath in the stuff. FML

#21460776
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21318) - you deserved it (1694)

On 08/26/2015 at 12:33am - health - by Whiteheads - United States (Texas)

Whiteheads's comment about their FML

OP here, I made an account to reply. To clarify a bit, I'm 19, so I've been dealing with acne for a while and have my face pretty well under control. I said I need to take a bath in acne cream because it's mostly my shoulders and back, and no amount of washing and scrubbing seems to help. Thanks for the funny comments and advice :)

See all the comments

Today, my cousin's husband argued adamantly that the Earth doesn't rotate, and treated me like an idiot when I explained why he was wrong. Not even a video from space of the Earth rotating convinced him. This idiot is a teacher. FML

#21460521
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25896) - you deserved it (1559)

On 08/25/2015 at 1:33pm - misc - by Schizomaniac (man) - United States

Schizomaniac's comment about their FML

Thankfully he's only a PE teacher. Not to discredit PE teachers, but at least he is not in a position to actually provide information to students.

This guy is an absolute nutjob. These are real claims he has argued in the past:
-evolution is a lie (no surprise)
-dogs are more intelligent than chimpanzees
-our most sophisticated equipment can't see outside our galaxy (lol)
-humans are the only animals that rely on fruits and vegetables for food

And many, many others. He's the type of person to argue with a chef because he read a cookbook. It's sad.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I spent an hour trying to sleep before work, but I couldn't because my two dogs wouldn't stop barking. Completely pissed off, I finally went and told the little fuck nuggets to shut the shit up. I was then immediately knocked unconscious by the burglar in my house. FML

#21460266
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22359) - you deserved it (14442)

On 08/24/2015 at 10:02pm - animals - by SilentSin - United States (Georgia)

SilentSin's comment about their FML

OP here. I just wanna clear things up. I work third shift and go to college full time, so yes, I do take naps every now and then before work (usually right after classes), and the two dogs I own are a Pomeranian and a chihuahua terroir, both of which are two very small breeds of dogs. So for those saying that dogs are meant for protection, yeah, not these. Pomeranians are very defensive of their territory, so no matter who or what my Pom sees or hears outside, she'll bark like crazy. The chihuahua usually does the same thing; they bark even when they hear me open the garage door. No, I never heard the intruder break in and yes, I have trained the dogs both to silence the barking but only on command. So since they were in a different room than me, I went and commanded them to silence, and yes I didn't think there was a burglar in the house because like I said earlier, these dogs bark at EVERYTHING. Being distracted by the dogs, I did get KO'd but it wasn't for too long. I woke up only minutes after, called police and managed to catch the thief, so it's all good now. I hope this clears things up and that y'all have a fantastic day!

See all the comments

Today, my date came to pick me up for a date. As I was getting into his car, a large blister on my foot burst. My foot is now swimming in a pool of hot, liquid pus. FML

#21460198
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21908) - you deserved it (2664)

On 08/24/2015 at 6:35pm - health - by Szaszaspasz - Canada (British Columbia)

Szaszaspasz's comment about their FML

Hi! It's the OP. The blister formed earlier in the day because of a new pair of running shoes I was breaking in. The blister didn't seem too bad, but it got filled up as the day progressed. As I got into the car, it burst. I never let on because my shoes were not open-toes. The date was great, we went to Pizza Hut, but I got tomato sauce on my outfit. I'm a klutz FML

This was in 1990. I was too nervous to run back up to my barracks and do something about the blister. I was 19 at the time.

See all the comments including 4 other original poster's reactions

Today, a homeless man asked me for some change. Not having any cash, I gave him a gift card for the restaurant I work at. When I got home I realized I gave him my credit card. FML

#21459916
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22544) - you deserved it (12845)

On 08/24/2015 at 12:18am - money - by ealovan - United States (Iowa)

ealovan's comment about their FML

op here. it's always cool when your FML gets posted because in a weird way it makes the situation a little bit better lol. just some clarification, i started this job a little over a month ago and when i went to the orientation, they gave us $15 dollar gift cards. it was after a 9 hour shift when this sweet old man asked for some change. i remembered i had this gift card in my wallet for a month now and figured he would benefit from it more than i would. i was tired and it was dark outside, but i should have payed more attention. once i realized this mistake i quickly went back to my work, and luckily he was still there. he was very sweet and figured i handed him the wrong card, i gave him the right card and now everyones happy. i'm just glad it was him because god knows what any other person would have done with it.

See all the comments

Today, I was at a concert and the performer told everyone to wave their phones in the air. I threw my hand up and then a huge woman caught my iPhone and disappeared into the crowd. FML

#21459682
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18950) - you deserved it (6183)

On 08/23/2015 at 1:39pm - misc - by AlicefromIreland - Ireland

AlicefromIreland's comment about their FML

What happened was when we were told to wave the phones in the air I flung my arm up a bit too fast and my phone flew out of my hand and this "huge woman" (in talking morbidly obese, bundles me out of the way and snatched my phone from the air. I never saw her or the phone again...

See all the comments

Today, the nine year old girl I was babysitting got the hiccups, so I told her to drink some water upside down to cure them. She ended up vomiting on the floor. FML

#21459488
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17688) - you deserved it (9985)

On 08/22/2015 at 11:13pm - kids - by emily074 - United States (Oregon)

emily074's comment about their FML

Hi, OP here (:
A little more explanation on this story: I've been babysitting this girl for two years, so we have a very strong relationship. We always joke around with each other, and she often says I'm her best friend. So she wasn't just a random girl I was looking after for the first time.
Growing up, my parents' go-to cure for the hiccups was to drink from the far side of a glass while bent over, and it worked almost 100% of the time for me and my brothers with no incidents. The girl I babysat had heard of the method, so when she got hiccups, she agreed to try it. As you read, it didn't go well, but was laughing afterward because it did indeed get rid of them.
To all those saying that the method was dangerous, it might be, but it's just a sip of water. She was completely fine afterward, and even if it had gone wrong, an EMT lives next door. I obviously won't advise this method again for her, but it's not like she would've died. Her parents were understanding about the incident and were chuckling about it by the time I left. Don't take this story too seriously. I'm babysitting her again tomorrow and her parents say she's excited for me to be back!

See all the comments

Today, even after explaining to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about my breasts because they're slightly misshaped, he still persisted with begging me for a tit pic, saying he would still see me as beautiful. I gave in and sent one. He responded with "LOL WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSSSEE." FML

#21459438
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19905) - you deserved it (13674)

On 08/22/2015 at 9:21pm - love - by YourAverageFckUp - United States (Virginia)

YourAverageFckUp's comment about their FML

OP here. First, thanks for all the support and funny comments :) no, my face wasn't in the picture. He said he did it to lighten the mood. He apologised and then surprised me by showing up at my place with flowers and chocolate to make up for it. Happy ending after all!

See all the comments

Today, I came home from a stay at my girlfriend's place. My little brother stepped on my bag and accidentally switched my vibrator on. I told him the buzzing sound was my electric toothbrush. He went to the bathroom and came back with the toothbrush. He won't stop asking what's in my bag. FML

#21459270
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21523) - you deserved it (4185)

On 08/22/2015 at 10:59am - intimacy - by dannidoll93 - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

dannidoll93's comment about their FML

OP here, clearing a few things up. This actually happened a couple of years ago before I moved out but thought it would make a fun FML. The girlfriend and I are both female. I had unpacked the rest of my bag (including my toothbrush) when I got home but was waiting until everyone had cleared out of my room to put the vibrator away. :) I just did my best to avoid his questions until he forgot! I'm enjoying all the comments :D

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: