Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my... - FML

By So so close to clean - 8/2/2017 10:00 - United States - Warren

Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML

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Headache

Business savvy

A beautiful truck decoration

By Anonymous - 4/7/2015 01:45 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was at a restaurant where the host is an attractive guy with only one arm. I was with my family, so I didn't want to be too obvious when checking him out. It seems like I was, though, because he came over and told me it was rude to stare at his arm. FML

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By williebees - 28/11/2012 17:43 - United States - Huntsville

Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 22:50 - France

Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML

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By hannah - 15/9/2012 22:16 - New Zealand - Timaru

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

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By LondonKitsch - 26/6/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2020 17:02

Late bloomer

Today, I’m at the age where I should be married or in a committed relationship and having kids. Instead, I’m STILL single. I haven’t had a first date or a first kiss. If any of that changes, luck and time aren’t going to be on my side because biologically I won’t be able to have kids. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2019 22:00 - France

Classy

Today, I've got two family members over to stay. So far, I have found a dirty Q-Tip, a nasty toe nail and had to clean up period blood from toilets, bin, and the floor. FML

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By Lulu - 16/7/2017 00:30

Today, the first day of my 4-day weekend, I fell off my scooter. I'll have to spend the rest of my vacation bandaged and away from water. I'm on a beach. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2010 14:29 - Canada

Today, I was the only girl in my lab class. The instructor was learning our names. When he came to me, I went to say "mine will be easy" and it came out as "I'm easy." FML

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By ohmygod - 20/6/2013 05:49 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML

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By IGOTIT - 5/9/2013 07:24 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML

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By pandabear - 12/2/2010 19:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I got an alert from Facebook that it was my very popular and attractive classmate's birthday. I decided to be sweet and write "Happy birthday" on her wall, only to notice it wasn't there a few minutes later. I rewrote it again and it disappeared. After three attempts, I took the hint. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2015 13:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML

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By bh2000 - 29/5/2020 17:00

Pay up

Today, I'd purchased a ticket for the train on my mobile app. Some idiot pushed past me on his way out and in the process makes me drop my phone, ruining it. A conductor then came to check my ticket and I got fined 150 dollars. FML

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By Mortifiedcharityworker - 1/5/2014 20:10 - Austria

Today, I didn't pay enough attention while sending a music file to be used in a powerful video my class-mates and I made about the Syrian civil war. Instead of a moving classical track, viewers were shown graphic scenes of devastation to the tune of Gangnam Style. FML

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By KornyKid - 21/2/2016 08:01 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today, I got a new cat for my birthday. It ate my bird right when we got home, then it ran away. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2015 04:16 - United States - El Cajon

Today, my psycho landlord threatened to take me to court if I don't pay my rent on time this month. I'd totally understand if he weren't my father-in-law, and if the reason I didn't pay on time before was because of hospital fees I'd incurred for an emergency appendectomy. FML

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By Vandrefalk - 1/3/2012 00:09 - Norway

Today, I got myself an organ donor card, just to feel wanted. FML

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By Screwed - 1/5/2017 14:00

Today, I was informed that- despite an already skeletal staff- my supervisor is leaving the company. Tomorrow. FML

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By Female - 22/1/2013 23:16 - Australia - Elsternwick

Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum". I'm only 26 years old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2013 16:42 - United States - Englewood

Today, I had to go to therapy for my fear of cats. All the way there, my girlfriend kept making cat noises and scratching at me. FML

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By brittrus - 8/5/2015 13:44 - Canada - Milton

Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML

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By burned_away - 19/8/2009 18:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend was leaving for work. From the other room I heard him call out, "see you soon beautiful." Touched, I went to give him a parting kiss. He stopped me and said, "I was talking to the cat." FML

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By TomPom - 25/11/2008 06:54 - France

Today, in one of the corridors at university, I was pretending to have passionate sex with one of my lecturers to make my mates laugh. She happened to walk by just at that moment. She reminded me when my next exam is; she will be marking me. FML

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By huj - 25/9/2010 21:49 - United States

Today, I was on an airplane, riding in first class for the first time in my life. The man next to me turned to me just before takeoff, stared at my chest, and said that he hoped there would be severe turbulence. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/12/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my lawyer threatened to sue me because I can't afford his bill, which he sent to me after getting me out of a lawsuit. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, a man tried to rob the winery I worked at by knife-point. I managed to scare him off by throwing a bottle of wine at him. My boss fired me because I broke a $25 bottle of wine. FML

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By 12693 - 24/10/2012 17:35 - Australia - Perth

Today, there was a horrible smell in my kitchen. I tried to find the source, but failed and had to leave for the day. That night, my brother informed me that the smell was coming from a dead mouse stuck in our toaster. FML

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By Username - 21/4/2011 18:30 - United States

Today, I came home to find that all my porn magazines have been "censored" with a black sharpie. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I was working a haunted house. I have a really good spot where I hide and scare people. This really hot guy was walking up, and I jumped out and screamed. He punched me in the face. FML

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By bad karma - 21/11/2011 14:34 - United States

Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML

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By photonut13 - 15/7/2010 10:52 - Canada

Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML

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By rani - 2/2/2013 22:34 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML

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By Mezzlegasm - 10/7/2009 08:20 - United States

Today, I was talking to my good friend's girlfriend. She mentioned being afraid of losing her job. Because she was still a teenager, I jokingly said, "oh, like you're responsible for a whole family." She is. FML

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By shwasted - 22/2/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML

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By Elizabeth Ann - 21/9/2018 14:00

Today, after months of planning, I finally got my first tattoo: my cat's paw print. I love it so I showed my friends pictures. One said it looks like poop and the other said it looks like I have a disease. FML

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By Nnn - 11/7/2019 12:00

Today, my coworker came to my desk, so I greeted him with a smile, and said, "Hello friend." He then told me that we are not friends, and that he hates when I say that. Oh, OK, sorry for trying to be nice. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2011 21:10 - Lebanon

Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2014 08:21 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I spent six hours at the ER. Why? My husband dared our seventeen-year-old son to recreate a 'Jackass' trolley-hedge diving stunt at the local supermarket. What wasn't on my groceries list was a broken arm, fractured wrist, whiplash and cuts and bruises. FML

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Top comments

By Hollerz88 | 1

#7406779 - Wednesday 8 February 2017 18:22

How old are you to need encouragement and admiration for an act as basic as vacuuming your own room? This FML frightens me a bit.

By onceuponatime456 | 16

#7406726 - Wednesday 8 February 2017 16:26

If that is the worst thing to happen to you, you have nothing to whine about. Definitely NOT an FML.

COMMENTS

By itssnotfunny | 24

#7406721 - Wednesday 8 February 2017 16:16

You didn't mess up your room, you just put everything on display. Like a museum or some shit.

By Bartek0600 | 4

#7406724 - Wednesday 8 February 2017 16:23

:/

By onceuponatime456 | 16

#7406726 - Wednesday 8 February 2017 16:26

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Bingo_Bango | 13

#7406735 - Wednesday 8 February 2017 16:53

My sentiments exactly.. life's gonna hand you some way bigger curve balls than a vacuum cord mate! Consider yourself lucky!

By Hollerz88 | 1

#7406779 - Wednesday 8 February 2017 18:22

How old are you to need encouragement and admiration for an act as basic as vacuuming your own room? This FML frightens me a bit.

By arandomperson97 | 18

#7406787 - Wednesday 8 February 2017 18:34

You needed words of encouragement for a simple task that you should do naturally? Wow.

By WhatHappenedToIt | 22

#7406802 - Wednesday 8 February 2017 19:09

this poster may have some sensory issues regarding loud noises and vaccums can be loud. my son doesn't like the sound our vaccum makes so he goes in his room.

Reply

Core5555 | 9

#7407044 - Thursday 9 February 2017 3:31

Does *anyone* enjoy the sound?

Reply

liennahs | 5

#7407076 - Thursday 9 February 2017 5:39

If he has an electric razor, your theory is most likely false.

By Cynical_1 | 26

#7406839 - Wednesday 8 February 2017 20:15

Were the words of encouragement "Vacuum your damn room or else...!"?

By draghkar | 16

#7406856 - Wednesday 8 February 2017 20:41

If you're old enough to shave, figuring out how a vacuum works should not be that difficult.

By ChefEPL | 8

#7406878 - Wednesday 8 February 2017 21:14

You need encouragement to vacuum and to admire the results? Do you get a cookie afterwards?

By growlyboy | 2

#7407002 - Thursday 9 February 2017 1:10

You needed encouragement to vacuum????? Wtf is wrong with u