Miscellaneous: Today, whilst holding a hand rail on a packed bus, I was rubbing...

By FingerBang - 21/10/2009 06:32 - Australia

Today, whilst holding a hand rail on a packed bus, I was rubbing my hand along, and playing with, what I thought was a join in the metal. It was an old woman's finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 042

You deserved it 34 065

Miscellaneous

Hiding from the drama

Empathy lives

Broken heart

By suchagoodholiday - 05/10/2015 09:57 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I've been in Bali for 12 days. We have done nothing but sit around because my whole family is sick, and they won't let me do anything because it's supposed to be a "family vacation". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 884

You deserved it 1 766

By Anonymous - 16/01/2013 06:42

Today, I was the last person in line for going on the bus. Incidentally, I was right behind a guy way taller and wider than me. When he got on the bus, the bus driver immediately shut the door behind him. I was left outside chasing after the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 807

You deserved it 2 392

By Anonymous - 12/05/2018 20:30

Today, my child told me when she makes enough money to support herself, she's never going to speak to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 794

You deserved it 1 118

By leosmom - 25/11/2018 03:00

Today, I used a glue stick instead of my Carmex lip balm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 1 228

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 00:17 - United States

Today, I realized my mom cares more about Kurt's bullying problem on Glee than she does for mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 963

You deserved it 4 111

By Tiff676 - 16/08/2009 04:31 - Canada

Today, I was working at the theater as an Usher. A man comes up to me and gives me his ticket. At the same time, he takes a sip of water and suddenly felt the need to sneeze. The water came out from his nose and landed all over my face. I was covered with his mucus and had to wish him a good movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 884

You deserved it 2 667

By ktinanic - 30/12/2011 17:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, severing all forms of communication but one: Words With Friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 028

You deserved it 3 055

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 03:27 - United States - San Ramon

Today, my leadership class was trying to decide who would run the kissing booth in our local carnival. Someone suggested me, to which the director replied, "We'd never make any profit with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 855

You deserved it 3 050

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 17:17 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 402

You deserved it 7 167

By Anonymous - 30/05/2015 07:28 - United States - Plainview

Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 901

You deserved it 3 304

By anon - 29/01/2015 18:32 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I woke up after taking the new sleeping pills I was prescribed for my insomnia. I slept for 12 hours and had 5 missed calls from my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 141

You deserved it 2 843

By liz - 08/03/2010 01:46 - United States

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 541

You deserved it 2 580

By TooShort - 03/05/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, I walked into a restaurant with my parents to celebrate my Mom's birthday. They immediately got a kid's menu and crayons out for me. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 314

You deserved it 8 600

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 16:00

Today, I got told that I have a dainty sneeze. It was the closest thing I've had to a compliment I've had in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 137

By I Know How to Pick'em - 16/11/2015 12:25 - Canada - Beaverton

Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 233

You deserved it 2 570

Doggy Wants A Bone

By Oh man... - 01/08/2017 06:30 - Australia - Perth

Today, I began my ritual of my afternoon wank. As I was about to finish, I noticed my dog staring at me from across the room. We shared a longboard stare as I came, and I can't look him in the eyes the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 963

You deserved it 4 920

By UnderConstruction - 04/05/2012 14:34 - Canada - Pickering

Today, I wrecked my car and got rushed to the emergency room. While strapped to a gurney, a nurse reached in my back pocket, grabbed my wallet and pulled the velcro keeping my wallet shut. The entire room immediately started laughing as condoms and loose change went flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 359

You deserved it 4 260

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 18:27 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 245

You deserved it 48 336

By Anonymous - 04/07/2012 16:40 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and sister fooling around in the shower together. Supposedly, she was sleepwalking, and he was trying to wake her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 593

You deserved it 3 274

By bass - 22/09/2009 01:50 - United States

Today, I got a call from a prominent orchestra asking me to play with them. They were especially interested because I'm still in high school. I called to accept only to find out that my mother had already declined the offer for me because I "only" have a 3.7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 391

You deserved it 2 889

By Yulia - 09/03/2009 10:09 - United States

Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 024

You deserved it 5 192

Soon…

By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 17:01

Today, my 16 year-old nephew gave me advice on how to get laid. At age 30, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 261

By muffin - 10/05/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I wanted to look really good for my date. I was a little self-conscious, so I decided to use Nair on my upper lip just in case I had a female mustache. Unfortunately, it turns out I'm allergic to Nair. Now I DO have a mustache. A rash mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 877

You deserved it 16 558

By Jaymz - 26/06/2018 15:00

Today, I went to my son's final band performance. I also have a busy toddler, so I ended up watching most of the performance in the hallway on a tv monitor. In the middle of the awards ceremony, my toddler pulled the fire alarm. Everyone had to evacuate the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 285

You deserved it 2 260

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 19:36 - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 571

You deserved it 23 010

By Anonymous - 03/10/2012 16:29 - United States - Santee

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 898

You deserved it 5 377

By melons - 03/07/2013 09:09 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 023

You deserved it 5 291

By Anonymous - 06/06/2019 04:05

Today, my husband told me that for our anniversary he will be watching the UFC fight, because it is, "one of the biggest events ever and he just can't miss it." Apparently, our one-year wedding anniversary is not as important. To add to it, he said we should watch it together. Very romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 603

You deserved it 549

By Gabby125 - 19/09/2010 02:54 - United States

Today, I got back from a three week trip in the Alaska back-country. I survived climbing fatally steep mountains, white water rafting in a freezing glacier river, and a near bear attack. Despite all that, a badly thrown frisbee managed to split my eyebrow in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 581

You deserved it 4 282

By thefailure - 02/08/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 015

You deserved it 16 666

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 07:20 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, telling him he needed to be more responsible, and stop relying on me for everything. When I told him to leave, he told me he needed some gas money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 480

You deserved it 5 615

By Umidknickname - 17/06/2017 16:00

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going away for the weekend to go clubbing with his mates. I would be fine with it, except the mates he's going with already tried to get him to cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 836

You deserved it 475

By lyfisdyno - 12/09/2013 00:16 - United Kingdom - Malvern

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 768

You deserved it 73 916

By Anonymous - 27/01/2010 02:28 - France

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 796

You deserved it 30 627

By Anonymous - 12/09/2013 05:18 - United States

Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It's a self-propelling mower so it's easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn't have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor's pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 830

You deserved it 7 015

By Anonymous - 20/01/2015 00:45 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 15 year old sister asked which animal rice comes from. She believed every word when my mum told her it's harvested from tiny cows in Asia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 528

You deserved it 2 782

By theJoblessArchaeologist - 13/04/2017 05:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, as within the last couple of years, my dream job is only accepting applications from students continuing their degree in the fall. Literally, people with half degrees can get what I can't get with a full degree and experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 257

You deserved it 304

By st00pid - 04/03/2011 06:07 - Canada

Today, I found out that if you see a picture in your boss's office of a extremely good looking, big breasted woman kissing him on the cheek, not to comment. Because that extremely good looking, big breasted woman, just might be his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 568

You deserved it 44 980

By benz1369 - 12/05/2016 22:22 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while stocking the green beans at work, I picked up a "leaf" which turned out to be a grasshopper. I screamed so loud, my coworkers now think I'm crazy. This is only my second week here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 073

You deserved it 1 538

By paula434 - 05/12/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, I gave a speech at a charity event in part to help with my shyness. Nobody told me I was standing on top of an air vent. It went on. My skirt flew up, revealing my underwear to 90 people. Nobody remembers the content of my speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 503

You deserved it 4 010

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:04

Did she fart when you pulled her finger?

SmilesAlotXD 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:18

its 1 thing to accidently do that but another if she didnt stop u ;)

_Noon_ 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:05

Eww, haha. I hope you apologized?

reset_button 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:04

Did she fart when you pulled her finger?

NathanKett 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:15

Did she at least make a joke about it?

liveBabylon 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 20:08

aahahahhahhahahahahahahahhahhaa BEST FML I've read :)

nazooer 11

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 22:18

Kinky

Fother_Mucker 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 2:52

Did she wink at you?

IllegalLight 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:11

H1N1! Don't rub your hands in public places D: For the love of...

SmilesAlotXD 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:18

its 1 thing to accidently do that but another if she didnt stop u ;)

_Noon_ 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:23

So true xD

Skull_300 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 13:50

If she didn't stop you, did you caress her ass next? "She was probably a cougar on the prowl!"

Peroxide 3

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:21

"I'm gonna finger bang bang you into my life!!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLS_HARAYZQ

violette_fml 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:35

[email protected] Wow, that would've been awkward.

playfuldesk 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 13:03

I wanna finger bang bang u into my life, girl u like to fingerbang and it's all right.

cutiepie87 0

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Thursday 22 October 2009 2:21

LOL'D @ FINGERBANG!!!!!!!

jts2 3

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 13:16

LOL'D. South Park Reference makes violette and playfuldesk win this entry.

sometester 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 13:22

dddd

TenebrificTurtle 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 13:35

Did she fingasm?

TenebrificTurtle 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 15:37

OMG I am just, I don't know what to say... thank you!

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 875

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 1 078

Doggy Wants A Bone

Soon…

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