Today, whilst holding a hand rail on a packed bus, I was rubbing...

By FingerBang - 21/10/2009 06:32 - Australia

Today, whilst holding a hand rail on a packed bus, I was rubbing my hand along, and playing with, what I thought was a join in the metal. It was an old woman's finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13028

You deserved it

34021

Favorite

Miscellaneous

That'll be Kevin in accounting

Deep-seated resentment

Incognito browsing

By hhaghigh - 14/3/2020 00:08 - United States

Blending Nemo

Today, I was draining the water from my fishbowl out into the kitchen sink. The fish was still in it and decided to go with the flow, literally, right into the garburator. I was too scared to stick my hand down there to save it; instead I panicked and turned the garburator on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

370

You deserved it

2343

Favorite

By RhiannonMuh - 9/9/2016 20:01 - Germany - Starnberg

Today, I was on a date with a guy I really like. Everything went well, and then he wanted to kiss me. As he leaned towards me, I got slightly panicky and ducked out of the way, causing him to headbutt the car behind me. Now we know why I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14317

You deserved it

2940

Favorite

By inder - 25/2/2011 16:03 - United Kingdom

Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49605

You deserved it

4705

Favorite

By alicia - 20/12/2012 22:45 - Canada - Montreal

Wanker

Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46113

You deserved it

11930

Favorite

By bald&ugly - 19/10/2019 02:00

Empathy City

Today, after losing all my hair to chemo, I finally felt brave enough to go out without a wig or a headscarf. I expected some weird looks. I didn’t expect a woman in a store to point to me and tell her daughter, “See what feminism does to women? She’ll never have a husband, I bet!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

2236

You deserved it

116

Favorite

By justgreatgirl - 11/6/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, I found out that even after a really bad break up and the fact that I left him for someone else, my parents offered my ex-boyfriend to join us on a one week family vacation. He agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34203

You deserved it

13458

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/10/2018 03:00

Today, I found out why my husband is suddenly uninterested in sex. Apparently one of the secretaries at work has finally turned 18, and it's pretty much an open secret among his coworkers that they fuck anywhere from 2 to 5 times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6911

You deserved it

421

Favorite

By Noname - 21/2/2009 07:34 - United States

Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12083

You deserved it

58127

Favorite

By Brooke - 9/8/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, my skin was turning black, and I believed I was reacting to a spider bite. I spent 4 hours waiting in an emergency room in the middle of the night, paid a $100 copay, and missed a night with my boyfriend just to have a doctor wipe dye from my brand new black jeans off with alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10855

You deserved it

56724

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/8/2010 05:24 - United States

Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9184

You deserved it

41936

Favorite

By thicklysettled - 20/7/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I was talking to the girl I've liked for 2 years. We were assigned partners for a History project so we were going to work on it at my house. When she asked me for directions, I told her I lived on Woodcock Road. She yelled slapped me and stormed off. I was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57415

You deserved it

3362

Favorite

By Shamdog48 - 11/4/2011 15:08 - United States

Today, I went to work at a chemotherapy clinic. After explaining to a patient about the risks and benefits of chemotherapy for his underlying metastatic lung cancer, he asks is it OK to smoke during chemotherapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34732

You deserved it

3714

Favorite

By noname - 20/3/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went on Facebook to find that my little brother had messed with my profile. He wrote on my status that I'm a piece of shit, I have no life, and several other nasty and perverted things. Underneath, it said 26 of my friends liked this. I'm new to Facebook. So far I have 26 friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61212

You deserved it

8251

Favorite

By jojolee68 - 28/2/2015 19:53 - United States

Today, I'm stuck in a taxi cab while the driver listens to a radio show about sex fetishes. Can't wait to look him in the eye as I pay him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28790

You deserved it

2777

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/8/2011 22:38 - United States

Today, as I was making instant hot chocolate from the hot water dispenser in the break-room at work, a coworker informed me that it was industrial "recycled" wastewater that was only supposed to be used for washing tools. Thanks. I've only been doing that every day for the past 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30982

You deserved it

5228

Favorite

By Jammy238 - 1/2/2010 05:27 - France

Today, I was taking my dogs for a walk, then it started to rain, and the wind went mad. I ran for cover in the trees near a bridge, slipped and fell into a river. I was soaking wet and my boots were full of water. Then to get back out of the river, I had to use stinging nettles as hand holds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28588

You deserved it

3637

Favorite

By Lespoon - 25/2/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my mom drove my family to the desert for a themed family photo. We had to wear big frumpy old western-looking clothes in 115 degree weather. Hot and agitated, I muttered, "This is the ugliest thing I've ever had to wear." My mom, looking hurt, replied, "That's my wedding dress." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20131

You deserved it

28962

Favorite

By No-Sleep Nellie - 7/7/2015 13:26 - United States - Waterloo

Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26799

You deserved it

1692

Favorite

By whatthehell - 24/4/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that second hand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67170

You deserved it

3733

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/2/2010 19:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a class presentation, when I suddenly sneezed so hard I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38777

You deserved it

4095

Favorite

By sassman - 1/12/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I was in class. I am an older student going back for my PhD. I was kicked out of class for "sassing" my instructor for telling him he was wrong about what took place at an event I was actually present at. My instructor is a 22 year old TA. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46589

You deserved it

4258

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/6/2016 23:29 - United Kingdom - Cannock

Today, thanks to the unholy power of autocorrect, I told my mother-in-law that "crispy dick" is on the menu tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12597

You deserved it

1617

Favorite

By Jess - 27/10/2015 20:16

Today, I called a doctor's office for a referral. I was in public, so when she asked me what type of issue I had, I mumbled that I had a vaginal issue. After painstakingly having to repeat this several times, she said she was asking what kind of insurance I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23679

You deserved it

4398

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/3/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man she's apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

123079

You deserved it

5328

Favorite

By Water Daughter - 13/10/2013 05:51 - United States

Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44099

You deserved it

4507

Favorite

By didntevenknow - 13/8/2012 15:06 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14479

You deserved it

37806

Favorite

By Cody - 6/7/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML

I agree, your life sucks

14845

You deserved it

53371

Favorite

By girlie - 4/3/2009 23:45 - United States

Today, I was in the gym, when i noticed three trainers who worked there staring at me. Thinking that they were checking me out, i turned the speed on the tread mill higher. Finally one of the trainers came over, and asked me to leave until i got a sports bra that actually worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26354

You deserved it

47333

Favorite

By TDCC - 17/4/2011 01:06 - United States

Today, my dog ate a $2,000 check. My credit card bill gets taken out of my bank account tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36190

You deserved it

9959

Favorite

By bitchonia - 28/3/2020 17:00 - Canada

Sign your name across my…?

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he'd think of me getting his initials tattooed over my heart. "That's awesome, babe," he answered enthusiastically. "But could you get them on your ass instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

698

You deserved it

1438

Favorite

By itsplashedeverywhere - 27/10/2015 18:59 - United States - Boulder

Today, I was unfortunate enough to discover what happens when you vomit mid-drink at a water fountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21693

You deserved it

2183

Favorite

By what did I do? - 25/10/2013 11:54 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48089

You deserved it

21324

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/12/2015 18:41 - United States - Flower Mound

Today, I got a gift-wrapped package in the mail from my racist mother-in-law. She's always hated me, so I thought it was a bit strange. Inside was a squirt gun and a note telling me to take my "black ass" for a walk around a police station with it, followed with a smiley face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44542

You deserved it

3299

Favorite

By morgie96 - 19/8/2014 04:11 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, on Facebook, all these parents posted photos of their child's last first day of high school, saying they were so proud as they left for senior year. It was my first day of senior year today, but my parents just gave me a high-five for not doing drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41957

You deserved it

8908

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/1/2013 23:35 - United Kingdom - Somerton

Today, I woke up following one of the worst nightmares of my life. I was sweating, clutching the sheets, and feeling sick to the stomach. I'd been dreaming of my wedding that's taking place next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34710

You deserved it

7135

Favorite

By itchy itches - 23/8/2020 05:05 - United States

Box of magic

Today, my neighbor brought home a box of kittens he found in the park. Instead of calling animal control, he decided to keep them. Besides the incessant meowing throughout the day and night, a massive horde of fleas decided to migrate through his light sockets and into my nice clean apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1347

You deserved it

172

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/1/2015 23:31 - United States - Iowa City

Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34554

You deserved it

4124

Favorite

By imalosertho - 11/6/2014 01:01 - Canada - Truro

Today, I was really hungry at work, and my stomach growled loudly. One of my co-workers heard it and thought it was a cat. Ashamed, I played dumb and we ended up spending twenty minutes looking for a cat that I knew didn't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44870

You deserved it

19344

Favorite

By poopooppachuu - 11/10/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, in the middle of explaining over the phone to my crush how I felt about him, I got a text from his best friend, who was apparently with him at the time. It said, "He doesn't like you, get over it. Stop rambling." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36677

You deserved it

6032

Favorite

By Nate - 6/3/2009 03:25 - United States

Today, we watched a movie in class. Afterwards, the professor asked us what we thought. I raised my hand and said it was pretentious, dull and a really poor example of filmmaking. It was the movie HE spent five years writing and directing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27469

You deserved it

52487

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By reset_button | 0

#631253 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:04

Did she fart when you pulled her finger?

By SmilesAlotXD | 0

#631269 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:18

its 1 thing to accidently do that but another if she didnt stop u ;)

COMMENTS

By _Noon_ | 0

#631252 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:05

Eww, haha. I hope you apologized?

By reset_button | 0

#631253 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:04

Did she fart when you pulled her finger?

NathanKett | 0

#631264 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:15

Did she at least make a joke about it?

liveBabylon | 0

#631782 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 20:08

aahahahhahhahahahahahahahhahhaa BEST FML I've read :)

nazooer | 11

#631913 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 22:18

Kinky

Fother_Mucker | 0

#1201869 - Saturday 7 August 2010 2:52

Did she wink at you?

By IllegalLight | 0

#631262 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:11

H1N1! Don't rub your hands in public places D: For the love of...

By SmilesAlotXD | 0

#631269 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:18

its 1 thing to accidently do that but another if she didnt stop u ;)

_Noon_ | 0

#631279 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:23

So true xD

Skull_300 | 0

#631350 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 13:50

If she didn't stop you, did you caress her ass next? "She was probably a cougar on the prowl!"

By Peroxide | 3

#631275 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:21

"I'm gonna finger bang bang you into my life!!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLS_HARAYZQ

By violette_fml | 0

#631296 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 12:35

[email protected]

Wow, that would've been awkward.

By playfuldesk | 0

#631313 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 13:03

I wanna finger bang bang u into my life, girl u like to fingerbang and it's all right.

cutiepie87 | 0

#632280 - Thursday 22 October 2009 2:21

LOL'D @ FINGERBANG!!!!!!!

By jts2 | 3

#631322 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 13:16

LOL'D.
South Park Reference makes violette and playfuldesk win this entry.

By sometester | 0

#631326 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 13:22

dddd

By TenebrificTurtle | 0

#631336 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 13:35

Did she fingasm?

TenebrificTurtle | 0

#631439 - Wednesday 21 October 2009 15:37

OMG I am just, I don't know what to say... thank you!