Work: Today, while working in a customer service call center, a customer...

By mynameisnotstupid - Germany - Munich

Today, while working in a customer service call center, a customer berated me for using a fake name. He said my name is "too stupid" to be real and that no sane person would ever use it. It was my real name. FML

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Work

Rock, hard place

Catch 22

Send virtual hugs

By AtLeastTheyreClean - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after hours of protesting and tantrums, I finally got my kids to clean their rooms. They're all really proud of themselves and enjoying all the extra space. I'm stuck with the three extra loads of laundry they found in there. FML

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By Christoams - France

Today, I was putting a new lightbulb in when my wife walks into the room and says "you can't see a thing, i'll turn the light on for you". And she did. FML

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By RIP - United States

Today, my mom came over to me and whispered something in my ear. I didn't hear it and assumed it was a joke, so I started laughing. Turns out my aunt died. FML

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By jgdgjyfg - United Kingdom

Today, my dad taped a picture of me to the fridge with "Do not feed the she-beast" written on it. FML

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38084

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By Andrea Trevor

Today, I woke up at 5am to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML

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4027

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By uninspired - United States

Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

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27287

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By chrono19 - United States - Bremerton

Today, I got a birthday package from my parents. It was all the stuff I'd forgotten there when visiting a month ago, along with some other things I'd left behind when I moved out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'd just finished cleaning the bathrooms at work when I saw a young boy go in. Of course, I thought nothing of it until I had to use the bathroom myself ten minutes later. The kid had taken a shit and missed the toilet completely. FML

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By luciazee - Peru - Lima

Today, after having spent years staying in school, working hard to achieve good grades, and avoiding all the bad kids, my mom accused me of having no direction in life and complained about how I haven't given her a grandchild yet. I'm 19. FML

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57884

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By anon

Today, my wife and I got into an argument. She ran out, yelling. Later, at work, I felt guilty, so I picked up some flowers and a card. When I presented them to her, she looked puzzled. I made the mistake of reminding her about our argument. She is now mad at me, again. FML

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1876

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By shittyhall

Today, someone shat liquid poo in the hallway at work. Right. Outside. The bathroom. Another foot and they could have used a toilet instead of the carpeted floor. FML

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4205

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By littl3storm - 24/4/2020 23:00

Time for the ER

Today, my brace broke and due to Covid-19, I can't get it fixed for another month and a half. Four brackets have come off, the wire is sinking into my gum, giving me tooth and jaw pain. I can't eat and I'm spending excessive amounts of money on pain relief. The cause of all this? A cheese pasty. FML

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1699

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2020 22:49 - Canada - Toronto

Classic canine move

Today, I was walking my dog when another dog barked at him. My dog ran, pulling me with him. I fell to the ground in pain, with my hand still holding the leash. FML

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885

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By themcdave - United Kingdom - Cranfield

Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed, and sat down to eat breakfast... I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal. FML

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25498

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By Anonymous - United States - Allendale

Today, just so my family would think someone might actually be interested in me, I bought myself roses and attached a secret admirer card to them. My plan would have worked if I hadn't forgotten to take the receipt off the kitchen counter. FML

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By STOP - Australia - West Hoxton

Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML

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71148

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By tonedef - United States

Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML

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By 00anon00 - 2/7/2020 02:01

Animalistic

Today, I was fired from my local animal shelter. I was a volunteer and am currently in school for veterinary technology. My education made the paid staff at the shelter feel threatened. FML

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1576

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By Weirdo - United States

Today, my family took me to a steak house. I went for an eight minute bathroom break, coming back to an empty table. They ordered dessert, and left me the bill. I'm a vegetarian, and it's my birthday. FML

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38835

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By JCruz411 - France

Today, I talked to my ex on AIM after not speaking to her since we broke up two years ago. The conversation lead up to her asking how I feel about her. So I poured my heart and soul out to her, because I still love her. She immediately logged off. FML

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By Stung - United States

Today, the weather was nice so I decided to eat outside. I quickly found out that my new, expensive hair conditioner attracts bees. Lots of bees. FML

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46990

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 20:00

Compassion

Today, my mum screamed that there is nothing wrong with me, after I literally coughed up blood in front of her. This all started over me getting my medications delivered to our house, as I’m not allowed out due to Covid-19 as I’m high risk. FML

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1990

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By Woody - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML

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2570

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Today I saw a picture of my ex giving her new boyfriend an extremely familiar ring. Upon zooming in, I realized that it was the engagement ring i gave her that she claimed to have had stolen from her home... FML

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2648

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By Anonymous

Complicated relationship

Today my girlfriend of three years broke up with me. Why? She wasn’t sure about the relationship anymore. She seemed pretty sure though, seeing she was on Tinder less than 2 hours after, thanks to the 3 different friends that all called me about it. FML

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1923

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By Skidmark Sally - United States - Las Cruces

Today, while working at the daycare, I had to clean the entire place. During the next four hours, I scooped up three human teeth, a rotten log of shit, a tire iron, a condom wrapper, and a yogurt that expired in 2003. I only cleaned the place a week ago. FML

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By tinypenis - United States - Jamaica

Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

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33774

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By phonemenace - United States

Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML

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33670

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I got a new skin cream for my acne. I tested it on a small patch of skin just to make sure I wasn't allergic. I was, and the reaction didn't stay on that small patch of skin. My left arm is now almost entirely covered in a horrible rash. FML

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20856

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By skc - United Kingdom

Today, I gave myself a facial with one of those masks you leave on for a while. I busied myself by tidying my room while it dried and eventually forgot all about it. I finally remembered about it after I answered the door to the postman. Not embarassing enough? I'm a guy. FML

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29316

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By sad - 1/10/2020 16:06 - United Kingdom

Never trust Facebook

Today, I left a gift on my colleague's desk, with a note saying I liked him. He brought it over and handed it back, and told me he's married. His Facebook says he is single. FML

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By awkwardpanda

Today, I performed for the first time at someone's wedding. When the music started, I heard a click. Slowly, I felt my strapless bra drop lower and lower due to my non-existent breasts. The hook on my bra had broken at that very moment on stage. FML

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7747

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By bitchimgay - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML

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By oh dear - France

Today, my daughter threw a can of hairspray into the fireplace because she saw someone do it on YouTube. FML

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44201

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By alli67

Today, I went to the doctor's with my pregnant sister, only to find out she still weighs less than me. FML

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31369

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 mins, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said "So do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray everynight that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML

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By Anonymous

Looking for another one!

Today, I finally got a Christmas gift, a calligraphy set, for my father that I have been looking for for a month. My dad came home happily with the same calligraphy set today, saying that he surprised himself for Christmas. He got it cheaper than me. FML

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2030

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By lovedoesnotexist - Belgium

Today, my long-term girlfriend broke up with me because my hair "falls out" and I "will definitely be bald soon", even though it's not that bad. The same girl who I supported through her chemotherapy and gave her promises that I would stay with her no matter how she looked. FML

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37376

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By oh gee, you don't say - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML

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23917

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By Anonymous - United States - Burlington

Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 seconds off her record swim time. When I asked her how she did it, she replied, "Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can." She's just been taking her time all these years. FML

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Top comments

By slingerslasher | 24

#6562134 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:18

I'm so sorry, Mr. Dick Long.

By totallynotemily | 25

#6562132 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:18

What is your name?

COMMENTS

By totallynotemily | 25

#6562132 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:18

What is your name?

Diarrhea_Volcano | 29

#6562170 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:47

Mr . White

Dave_Davington | 33

#6562174 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:48

I'm guessing Mike Hunt.

thatguy240 | 27

#6562176 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:54

Ben dover

ThuNDeY | 23

#6562178 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:55

You're damn right it is.

LostInTheZone11 | 28

#6562181 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:58

Better than Mr. Pink.

h00tzForOsi | 20

#6562197 - Saturday 19 March 2016 2:30

Seymour Asses

Animeisthebest1 | 14

#6562305 - Saturday 19 March 2016 7:35

Francis

Addiepop | 17

#6562355 - Saturday 19 March 2016 8:48

Anita Pea

LyricaSilvan | 29

#6562371 - Saturday 19 March 2016 9:08

Nova Caine?

Summaria | 10

#6562462 - Saturday 19 March 2016 14:25

I guess it's something like "Suq Madiq" or seeing as it comes from Germany maybe Alfons Hettler

O_B_A_M_A | 15

#6562604 - Saturday 19 March 2016 19:09

Mike hawk

rachelthelime_fml | 29

#6562771 - Saturday 19 March 2016 23:21

Eileen Dover

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6562777 - Saturday 19 March 2016 23:34

Gaylen Faggitt?

No, seriously. Some poor guy really was given that name as a child. Dafuq is wrong with parents?

SnowxSakura | 17

#6562844 - Sunday 20 March 2016 1:18

Haywood Jablome

uhmhaicats | 14

#6562879 - Sunday 20 March 2016 2:59

Ajax.?

IDontKnowaName73 | 17

#6562939 - Sunday 20 March 2016 5:01

I commend you for your whovian-ness

adamqwertyuiop | 7

#6563321 - Sunday 20 March 2016 19:52

Mike litoris

realjojo | 11

#6563764 - Monday 21 March 2016 7:22

Biggus Dickus?

nodai | 13

#6564017 - Monday 21 March 2016 15:39

Stan Lee, that or Tony Stark. Jemima Maple?

Xenolythic | 14

#6570939 - Wednesday 30 March 2016 23:45

66 it's Francis

By slingerslasher | 24

#6562134 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:18

I'm so sorry, Mr. Dick Long.

friedpwnadge | 25

#6562171 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:47

Fuck I accidentally down voted. please regard the above comment as having two more upvotes than it appears to have.

slingerslasher | 24

#6562212 - Saturday 19 March 2016 3:08

I appreciate it, Zoidberg

MothaTeresa | 18

#6563092 - Sunday 20 March 2016 12:42

Hugh G Rection

By redscarf_fml | 8

#6562135 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:19

Sorry OP. I'm sure your name isn't stupid, just not the common names the guy was used to

By Farklez | 23

#6562143 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:23

Too bad, Hugh Jass.

WD_Stevens | 22

#6562541 - Saturday 19 March 2016 16:33

"Hello, this is Hugh Jass."

Demon_of_Light | 27

#6562563 - Saturday 19 March 2016 17:05

Cook Pu? Is that you?

By Kaoticwolf | 17

#6562144 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:23

hugh janus

By Tomryan279 | 10

#6562146 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:24

Don't worry the she just jealous her names isn't as cool as yours!!!

By Youtube_Troll | 12

#6562148 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:28

I hate when people do things like this. My name is really easy to say so is my mothers families, but every time we go anywhere people say our names out loud and pronounce them like they have never read a book.

Talis99 | 26

#6562179 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:57

Okay, but what name? I work in a call center, too, and it's easy after they show you how to pronounce Aluwhalia and Kamaharenthy and Sengkeyomxay, but not to look at.

By Halfass | 8

#6562151 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:30

Some people are just so insensitive. Cheer up, Satan Johnson.

By PotatoesAndCake | 26

#6562155 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:31

And your name is...? We need a follow-up

By kylo_117 | 17

#6562156 - Saturday 19 March 2016 1:32

I'm sure things will look up for you Ben Dover