By Mew - United States

Hard pass

Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71089

You deserved it

4075

Favorite

Hospital

Work

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Gas giant

Modernity

By exiebestie - Australia - Perth

Today, my ex-best friend, who I haven't spoken to in a year because of how obsessive she got, posted a picture of herself with dyed brown hair and glasses. We look like twins. Even I thought it was me. Some people are commenting that I look beautiful. School starts tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14084

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1431

Favorite

By PangolinScholar - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks

36237

You deserved it

4299

Favorite

By divorcee - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I got back to work. Last week, my divorce was finalized and my last name is, once again, my maiden name. Since I'm a teacher, all my students will remember me by my ex-husband's last name. I get to be reminded every day that my marriage failed until everyone memorizes my maiden name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27995

You deserved it

4057

Favorite

By 800z - United Kingdom

Today, I biked 15 km to my girlfriend's house in really heavy rain to surprise her. Turns out she's on holiday in Spain, and hadn't bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37404

You deserved it

4597

Favorite

By nikkrissa_04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58909

You deserved it

12078

Favorite

By LD619 - United States

Today, I gave my ex-girlfriend two concert tickets to show her I still care about her and want to win her back. She sold them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14558

You deserved it

44439

Favorite

By beekeke45 - United States

Today, I had to dig up my twin boys birth certificates for baseball registration. Turns out I had been calling both of them by the other twin's name for eight and a half years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20684

You deserved it

67482

Favorite

By brittney242 - United States - Stow

Today, while at a night club, I was wearing a brand new outfit that I absolutely loved. I was enjoying myself until I felt something wet drop onto my head and body from above. It was puke from a drunk guy in the V.I.P. section. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8539

You deserved it

631

Favorite

By nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares - United States - Allen

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33223

You deserved it

9077

Favorite

By what the fuck, mate - Australia

Today, I started working my crappy, minimum-wage retail job at a local electronics store. An hour into my shift, my boss sent me to scrub out a discount bin, after some drunk cunt in his teens staggered into the place yelling, and puked his guts into it. What a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21361

You deserved it

2547

Favorite

By Steve - United States - Lake Charles

Self-service

Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31672

You deserved it

17026

Favorite

By RensM - New Zealand

Today, I went to the movies. I was seated next to a woman who talked through the film and said: "Awwww" every time she saw a primate. I went to see 'Rise of Planet of the Apes'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38124

You deserved it

3099

Favorite

By Anon - United States

Today, the girl I had a crush on for the past few months called me and wanted to tell me something. Excited, I agreed and we went out to dinner. She wanted to tell me she had been secretly seeing 'someone' for the past six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28199

You deserved it

3666

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I asked my boss to pay me for the only 2 sick days I had taken in 6 months, but he didn't want to. I reminded him that it's the law now in Germany, even for part-time work, so he said OK. Two hours later, he fired me. One week before my probationary period was up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1864

You deserved it

519

Favorite

By singkong duleng

Today, I told my mom that my wife and I got her a birthday present, but she won't be getting it until April. That instantly pissed her off, cussing us out calling us cheap worthless selfish bastards. I was about to surprise her that she's finally going to be a grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3782

You deserved it

372

Favorite

By Unloving - United States

Today, a man proposed to me in classic style on one knee. Unfortunately, I have been telling this man for the last two months that I don't even want to date him. He thinks I'm playing hard to get and is not giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35914

You deserved it

5000

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I finally got a job so I could stop missing out on going out with my friends every weekend. Turns out I work only Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, and there's no way around it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23356

You deserved it

4806

Favorite

By one_BAMF - Canada

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. How? I went to a party with some friends and they each bet me $20 I couldn't lick my elbow. I guess I proved them wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10349

You deserved it

42071

Favorite

By mister_pinky - United States - Portland

Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44380

You deserved it

8348

Favorite

By CPD - Canada

Today, I made a half-hour bike ride to the movie store, only to realize I'd forgotten my money. I made the ride back home, grabbed my money, went back to the store, paid, then made a second ride home. I got home exhausted, and opened the case. They gave me the wrong movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36203

You deserved it

6129

Favorite

By surefeelslikelove

Today, my mum was filling out a reference for me as I work in the family business. When it came to naming two of my strengths, she asked me what to put as she couldn't think of anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28245

You deserved it

4703

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 17:01 - Australia

Professional

Today, I sent an email to a private escort, only to later realise that I sent it off my work email. FML

I agree, your life sucks

225

You deserved it

1540

Favorite

By Flubber - Australia

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was there as well as her boss, and a few other managers and directors. We started discussing politics in the context of our latest project. I tried to say "erratic election". I almost succeeded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27431

You deserved it

5807

Favorite

By Charlie - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend of four months home for dinner to meet my parents. The first thing my mom says to her? "Oh my God, you're real!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41416

You deserved it

4891

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I yet again heard a friend say "YOLO" as if it's a word. It was so annoying that I had to restrain myself from punching him in the face and offering him the chance to suck on one of my turds, since apparently "YOLO." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22854

You deserved it

5760

Favorite

By antsgomarching - 6/10/2020 17:01

Freak Scene

Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I felt an itch on my arm. Then another. Then another. I finally looked to see what was going on, only to find a bunch of ants crawling in my bed. They were somehow getting in through the closed window. Guess I’m done sleeping tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1140

You deserved it

Favorite

By queenariii - United States - Atlanta

Today, I'm stuck in a ramshackle house that my aunt bought and moved everyone out to. Only one bathroom works, and she won't let us flush it because the house keeps flooding. Four people are stuck here with just one toilet filled with poop and urine, while she's been staying at a friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11866

You deserved it

1023

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to be very naughty and placed her underwear in my backpack. I wish she had told me, because it slipped into a folder that contained my project data for my professor. So, after class, I got sent to the Dean of Students' office to talk about sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39181

You deserved it

3287

Favorite

By Dispute - Canada

Today, I was driving home from a long day at work fixing people's electronics. When I got home, I got a call from work saying I needed to go back and help a customer with their TV again. When I got there, after an hour of driving, I realized I'd accidentally kicked the power cord out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26435

You deserved it

5943

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my dad decided I was too hairy and taught me to shave. This would be a great bonding experience if I weren't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21785

You deserved it

2335

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32404

You deserved it

2539

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband of three years told me he only proposed to me because his favorite football team was winning and he had been drunk. I had our second child three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

93315

You deserved it

5307

Favorite

By no new apartment for me - United States - Hagerstown

Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51598

You deserved it

4197

Favorite

By Sh.H - United States

Today, before a big formal banquet, I went tanning because I wanted to look good in my cocktail dress. I got out of the tanning bed only to realize that I had left my socks on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11761

You deserved it

55794

Favorite

By Anonymous - Sri Lanka

Today, my parents used my going away party as a cover up for my sister's surprise party. I didn't know until they brought out the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44255

You deserved it

3343

Favorite

By kikinemo - United States

Today, I was telling my cousin about my boyfriend, who plays guitar and sings very well, has dark hair, and wears girl pants. After telling her these things, she's quiet for a moment before she looks at me and says, "So... You're dating a Jonas brother?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

10922

You deserved it

43552

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I bought a rather unique shirt for my boyfriend, planning to give it to him for Christmas. He showed up wearing the same shirt. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8410

You deserved it

656

Favorite

By ihatemylife - United States

Today, I had to remind my roommates of the importance of wearing clothing at all times in the common living area. My roommates are my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38226

You deserved it

6041

Favorite

By vcarder - United States - Newton

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21927

You deserved it

42940

Favorite

By itsover - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via facebook. I don't even have a facebook. My friends had to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39398

You deserved it

3365

Favorite

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Top comments

By DarkMirror | 0

#266298 - Thursday 4 June 2009 20:08

o.O

I think the only thing you can say in that situation is "Oh shit!"

By yer_maw | 0

#266257 - Thursday 4 June 2009 20:03

SCORE!!!! ahaha kiddin on, that's disgusting

COMMENTS

By sarahbella_13 | 0

#266253 - Thursday 4 June 2009 20:02

Gross!

Offspring_fml | 27

#614797 - Sunday 11 October 2009 6:36

Yeah, this reminds me of Southpark. o.O

tampabayfan | 22

#966496 - Tuesday 23 March 2010 2:25

I reply to comment one

hellokittywhore | 0

#1126272 - Friday 23 July 2010 1:42

hehe I remember that from south park. but all I gotta say is. O_O. ewwww poor you

Poepiepiesie | 3

#1424087 - Saturday 18 September 2010 21:52

Yup gross idk how this ever could be an YDI.

shaagy2760 | 13

#5222536 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:30

Dam man your life sucks!!!!!

By yer_maw | 0

#266257 - Thursday 4 June 2009 20:03

SCORE!!!! ahaha kiddin on, that's disgusting

K410 | 18

#5648650 - Thursday 29 August 2013 7:00

Shit so that episode on South Park can happen in real life then

By ravemz | 0

#266261 - Thursday 4 June 2009 20:04

That's horrible. :(

armyofficerwife | 0

#3589655 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 19:05

This seems more like a f her life. Poor woman had crap backing up into her stomach. It's your job to take care of things like that. I don't think she deals with this every day.

By lilmun | 0

#266264 - Thursday 4 June 2009 20:04

hehe I hope u had extra clothes

By blueBerrytaco | 0

#266276 - Thursday 4 June 2009 20:05

Yum how was it

Ngage953 | 10

#5863853 - Thursday 20 February 2014 16:35

You are a sick bastard.

By moomoo88 | 0

#266282 - Thursday 4 June 2009 20:06

Grosssssssss!!!!

Go wash yourself!

By Talia070 | 0

#266283 - Thursday 4 June 2009 20:06

DeLiCiOuS .

By maggie_gxx | 0

#266288 - Thursday 4 June 2009 20:07

urghh sounds like something from a House episode!

alexomAnexo | 0

#927432 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 4:10

No, in House the only thing that happens is a bunch-a people get seizures. Not hatin' on House, I watch the show.

By rosebud_fml | 0

#266292 - Thursday 4 June 2009 20:07

God that's horrible. Was the person ok?

By DarkMirror | 0

#266298 - Thursday 4 June 2009 20:08

o.O

I think the only thing you can say in that situation is "Oh shit!"