Today, while working as a receptionist at a health clinic a woman... - FML

By Tay - 17/2/2012 01:29 - Australia

Today, while working as a receptionist at a health clinic a woman came to settle her account. Before she left, she held out her closed palm and asked if I could put something in the bin for her. I held out my hand and watched many bits of chewed fingernails land in my palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28432

You deserved it

2708

Tweet

Share

Boozehound

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Trust

By Betty - 17/3/2010 18:26 - United States

Today, I went in for a doctors appointment. When I got on the scale, I was really excited to see that I'd lost ten pounds since the last time I weighed myself at the gym. The doctor then severely lectured me on the fact that I had gained twenty since my visit last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26369

You deserved it

9235

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/11/2018 05:00

Today, I met an old friend, who accidentally revealed he once met my wife in a club. They were both drunk and she let him have anal sex with her for a fiver in a club toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4170

You deserved it

322

Tweet

Share

By rejected - 28/3/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

156711

You deserved it

28754

Tweet

Share

By KarlwithaK - 19/5/2009 03:29 - United States

Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML

I agree, your life sucks

79810

You deserved it

4146

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/9/2011 09:55 - United States

Today, I paid a repair man $65 to come to my house and fix my washer. He walked in, looked at the washer, bent over and removed a large steel bolt with a bright red tag sticking out the side saying "Remove before use." He then looked at me and said "all fixed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10117

You deserved it

44499

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/5/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12953

You deserved it

58850

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/6/2015 19:58

Today, I wore flip-flops to work. Just as I walked onto the elevator, they made a sound very close to that of a fart. About 10 seconds later, some asshole let out a silent but deadly fart, earning me a bunch of disgusted looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27344

You deserved it

4684

Tweet

Share

By maisie - 22/11/2018 22:00

Today, while at a family gathering, I sat down in a chair and it broke. Embarrassed, I picked myself up and sat down in another chair. That one broke too. I'm now the "fat girl" of the family despite weighing 90 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2878

You deserved it

226

Tweet

Share

By Sad.To.Be.Me. - 13/1/2012 23:56 - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a World of Warcraft commercial came on. He turned to me and said, "Yeah, I'd choose the Horde over you any day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28433

You deserved it

4418

Tweet

Share

By Broke as hell - 7/4/2020 23:00

Hangry

Today, after being robbed last week, I had no money to go to the store for food. Instead, my dinner consisted of two Tums chewables in tropical fruit flavors. After not eating all day, I thought they actually tasted pretty good. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1871

You deserved it

130

Tweet

Share

By jessmess - 1/8/2012 16:44 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, I went to do the laundry at my hotel. I had just enough money for my two loads. After getting frustrated with the washer taking two of my quarters and giving no credit, I took the clothes out. The washer then locked the door shut and started without my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27067

You deserved it

4756

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/7/2012 19:09 - United States - Littleton

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26379

You deserved it

3460

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/9/2009 09:01 - Mongolia

Today, I spoke to my dad for the first time in over a year. I've been volunteering in Mongolia, I have no running water, freeze my ass off everyday and communication with anyone who speaks English is scarce. One of the first things my father said to me was, "out of sight, out of mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36373

You deserved it

3686

Tweet

Share

By paperbagofdoom - 29/5/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, while working at a certain California theme park in full costume, I was approached by a kid in line, who looked at me and exclaimed, "Hey look, its Indiana Jones!" which felt pretty amazing. His sister, who was maybe seven years old, glanced over at me and said, "No, he's way too fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43555

You deserved it

5107

Tweet

Share

By guest - 1/4/2011 21:33 - United States

Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51922

You deserved it

6648

Tweet

Share

By Anon. - 1/3/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

20519

You deserved it

90558

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/4/2012 14:14 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I had a conversation about how Victoria Beckham ate fruit salad for her birthday, as if it was an important subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8415

You deserved it

24728

Tweet

Share

By newlyneurotic - 3/9/2017 07:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, I finally got the hearing aids that I've needed for years. My dog quickly learned that if he quietly sneaks up behind me and barks, it'll scare the hell out of me. It's now his favorite game. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3965

You deserved it

318

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/7/2013 23:19 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54393

You deserved it

6031

Tweet

Share

By bym5052 - 15/7/2011 00:28 - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. I side swiped the truck next to me merging into another lane. He was in my blind spot. It was a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27739

You deserved it

14466

Tweet

Share

By "Mel Hahn" - 17/9/2017 16:00

Today, I walked out of my boyfriend's house to see my car window smashed in and my steering wheel cover stolen. I was only staying at his place because there had been a rash of vehicle break-ins in my neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3609

You deserved it

249

Tweet

Share

By Sad Nerd - 2/4/2014 08:20 - United States - Glendale

Today, I discovered that the laser disc player I used to have was not in fact a laser disc player but a Pioneer Laseractive. Broken ones sell on eBay for $200 and working ones sell for around $1000. I sold a working one for less than $100-worth of credit at a second-hand store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38413

You deserved it

18287

Tweet

Share

By embarrassed - 20/12/2010 14:51 - United States

Today, I slipped at work while putting out a "wet floor" sign to make sure the customers didn't slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27916

You deserved it

6517

Tweet

Share

By creeper-status - 5/5/2016 17:37 - United States - Irvine

Today, I made a new friend at my college campus, which was great, until I added him on Facebook and he started liking posts from 3 years ago, asking if he could be my "dirty little secret" because he knows that I have a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12013

You deserved it

950

Tweet

Share

By PerfectBoyfriend - 7/6/2016 16:38 - Belgium - Reet

Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16195

You deserved it

1892

Tweet

Share

By day001313 - 7/4/2012 04:32 - United States - Albany

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26770

You deserved it

3318

Tweet

Share

By :^( - 7/12/2013 17:30 - Bahrain - Isa Town

Today, a lady told me that I should sue whoever screwed up my "nose job" so badly. This is the nose I was born with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44064

You deserved it

3184

Tweet

Share

By idiotfriend - 16/6/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I rented some movies in attempts to cheer up my best friend. Her husband just died a few weeks ago in a helicopter accident. I was in a rush and didn't read the descriptions of the two films, one was about a plane crash where all the passengers died. She cried through the entire movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11681

You deserved it

87504

Tweet

Share

By fifthtimesacharm - 26/4/2011 15:03

Today, it's hot and sunny, and a customer asked me how I was, I responded by saying "It's a hot sunny day. Who doesn't love the sun?" He responded by telling me he had just had three melanomas cut out. I guess I did find someone who doesn't like the sun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28789

You deserved it

5499

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/6/2019 02:00

Today, I was feeling sick so I decided to lay down. As soon as I did, I felt the sudden urge to throw up, so I ran to the bathroom. When I bent over the toilet to throw up, my glasses fell in along with my vomit. Before I had a chance to retrieve them, I threw up again. And again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1770

You deserved it

116

Tweet

Share

By sickofthisshit - 2/7/2016 16:43 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I nearly got written up for "publicly humiliating" a coworker. All because I left a note in the restroom asking whoever keeps peeing all over the floor to please be considerate of other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14094

You deserved it

1002

Tweet

Share

By picklemonger - 8/3/2020 16:00 - Canada

Spinning out and miserable

Today, for the first time ever, I had a bout of vertigo in the middle of a mall. It went so very nicely with my crushing loneliness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1224

You deserved it

113

Tweet

Share

By gymnasticscoach - 25/3/2009 04:45 - United States

Today, a kid I coach on a regular basis was talking to me about what I did outside of work. After we were done with the conversation, she told me with a straight face that I need to get a life and get a boyfriend. She's 10. And she's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57821

You deserved it

9914

Tweet

Share

By marryinghimanyway - 29/8/2013 02:21 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I announced my engagement. My mother's response was to freak out and demand that I postpone my wedding indefinitely. Why? My younger sister caught the bouquet at a wedding last year, so "she has to get married first!" My sister has been single for 3 years and showers once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53792

You deserved it

2919

Tweet

Share

By Jammy238 - 1/2/2010 05:27 - France

Today, I was taking my dogs for a walk, then it started to rain, and the wind went mad. I ran for cover in the trees near a bridge, slipped and fell into a river. I was soaking wet and my boots were full of water. Then to get back out of the river, I had to use stinging nettles as hand holds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28568

You deserved it

3634

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/10/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party in front of my boyfriend. Smugly satisfied, I said "Well, you're too late for that." My ex looked at me with irritation and said "I'm talking to him!" and gestured to my boyfriend. They'd been "best friends" since middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17133

You deserved it

36509

Tweet

Share

By dino317 - 27/2/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, after many weeks of talking to this guy over the phone for hours on end and establishing that we both had feelings for the other, we met in person. He saw me, got an "emergency text," and hasn't talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31015

You deserved it

5495

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/3/2015 13:43 - United States - Orlando

Today, I had a dream that I was making pancakes. I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27597

You deserved it

4735

Tweet

Share

By that violates the Geneva conventions - 5/8/2016 09:33 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my boss ordered me to read the Twilight series in order to determine if they are "appropriate" for his daughter to read. I'm a 25-year-old bank teller, and I definitely don't remember this in my job description. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15318

You deserved it

970

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/4/2013 07:24 - United States - Duncannon

Today, the McDonald's in my town ran out of fries. I was the one who had to tell all the angry customers we had no more fries in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39260

You deserved it

3967

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By badass243 | 6

#4046354 - Friday 17 February 2012 8:50

you should thrown em down and yelled "AW HELL NO"

By TinyEMT | 6

#4046353 - Friday 17 February 2012 8:50

That's beyond disgusting. -_-

Comments

By TinyEMT | 6

#4046353 - Friday 17 February 2012 8:50

That's beyond disgusting. -_-

Reply

nic7973 | 23

#4046370 - Friday 17 February 2012 8:53

that's just plain feral! So wrong!

Reply

indielove | 13

#4046553 - Friday 17 February 2012 9:35

You should have dropped your hand and looked at her like "I'm not picking that up"

Reply

iloveweed69 | 7

#4047072 - Friday 17 February 2012 14:04

I'd throw them at her face :-)

Reply

JustinComments | 3

#4047254 - Friday 17 February 2012 16:02

43 - So would number 4.. Hours before you wrote it.

Reply

iloveweed69 | 7

#4047324 - Friday 17 February 2012 16:28

48 - LOL @ you. Chill :-)

Reply

valalvax | 13

#4048497 - Friday 17 February 2012 20:18

That's why I always hold the trash can out for them, even if I can see it, only need to have something covered in slobber touch your hand once to avoid touching the shit

By badass243 | 6

#4046354 - Friday 17 February 2012 8:50

you should thrown em down and yelled "AW HELL NO"

Reply

sinking_fish | 12

#4046634 - Friday 17 February 2012 10:11

"So I threw it on the GROUND!" :)

Reply

lebronesque73091 | 12

#4048077 - Friday 17 February 2012 18:30

34- That's hilarious :)

Reply

sinking_fish | 12

#4048829 - Friday 17 February 2012 21:56

58- :)

Reply

jheinz33 | 3

#5064086 - Sunday 21 October 2012 3:20

Happy birthday to the ground!

Reply

grimpeeper | 13

#6121261 - Monday 17 November 2014 22:16

"Welcome to the real world jackass!"

By Torch15 | 9

#4046355 - Friday 17 February 2012 8:50

omg that was me!

Reply

sammyf89 | 13

#4046541 - Friday 17 February 2012 9:28

So you're a woman in Australia not an 18y/o male in Canada?

Reply

cosmosis | 12

#4046933 - Friday 17 February 2012 13:11

With a name like Torch anything is possible!!
Flame ON!!

Reply

JustinComments | 3

#4047246 - Friday 17 February 2012 16:00

42- Flamer would have made for a better joke.

By DontClickOnMe | 28

#4046359 - Friday 17 February 2012 8:51

Eww, I would've thrown them at her face.

Reply

SecretMe00 | 5

#4048898 - Friday 17 February 2012 22:15

First thought: "What the fuck?!!!!!!!"

By tygerarmy | 35

#4046361 - Friday 17 February 2012 8:51

Eww, that's nasty.

I'd have gave them back.
Or thrown them at her, depending how secure my job is.

By xFreexHopex | 0

#4046362 - Friday 17 February 2012 8:52

Fyl =3

By CharlieShe | 2

#4046364 - Friday 17 February 2012 8:53

If you didnt react or slightly made a discusted face, you are a jedhi. Just sayin

Reply

japtch | 15

#4046721 - Friday 17 February 2012 11:09

A what?

Reply

girl112891 | 7

#4046854 - Friday 17 February 2012 12:24

Two words: star wars!

By babygirlx24 | 5

#4046366 - Friday 17 February 2012 8:53

Ew, I would have dashed them in her face. Fuck outta here dirty bitch

By aliadnan708 | 6

#4046372 - Friday 17 February 2012 8:53

Should've told her to open her other hand cuz u have a surprise for her in ur hand

By menechiann | 0

#4046378 - Friday 17 February 2012 8:54

For OH&S issues get them to come around or just pull out the bin for them. That's just disgusting and very inconsiderate of her.
I used to work at a medical center and the amount of times people expected me to throw their dirty tissues in the bin was ridiculous.