Today, while watching a movie with my girlfriend, I had to go... - FML

By Idiot - United States

Today, while watching a movie with my girlfriend, I had to go to the bathroom. As I returned, I thought it would be cute to jump over the side of the couch and land next to her. I accidentally landed on her arm and broke her wrist. It wasn't as cute as I expected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14769

You deserved it

38614

Tweet

Share

Caught red-handed

RIP in peace

Join in the fun

By Noname - Ireland

Today, I found the family's pet hamster under my mattress, he's been missing for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32838

You deserved it

3162

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Belgium - Gent

Today, I was verbally and physically attacked in a public pool, because I was swimming in what a grandma claimed was her part of the pool. Since I'm a very tolerant person, I calmly tried to talk some reason into the elderly lady. The lifeguard had to come to protect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23713

You deserved it

1756

Tweet

Share

By NoColor - United States - San Francisco

Today, my little sister decided to color-in my favorite black-and-white comic book. It was worth over $200. When I told my mother, she said, "Oh that old thing? I thought it was a stupid coloring book you were too stupid to color." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43394

You deserved it

4276

Tweet

Share

By cthulhu help me - United States - Cabot

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32517

You deserved it

2803

Tweet

Share

By toosmall

Today I got a $60 parking ticket for not paying the $2.50 pay-to-park fee. I checked my bank records, which proved that I'd paid the fee, for the correct space too. The problem is the ticket is too small to contest in traffic court. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12631

You deserved it

885

Tweet

Share

By DogStew

Pumped-up Tanks

Today, at work I had to spend 2 hours cleaning up stinky toilet water. Why? Because yesterday, I forgot to turn on the septic tank pumps. The tank overflowed, and so did all the toilets. My boss is not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

593

You deserved it

1752

Tweet

Share

By Noname - Canada

Today, I danced with a girl until the bar closed. We went back to my place. She had a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54763

You deserved it

10199

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out how acidic some of the chemicals I work with are. After a chemical shower, minor burns, and having to throw away my clothes due to a biohazard, I had the pleasure of running across the parking lot to my car, wearing only a lab coat around my waist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18330

You deserved it

2300

Tweet

Share

By Aw522 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was cutting the grass, it was really hot and I fainted. I woke up to see my mom standing over me. I thought she was going to freak out and call an ambulance. Instead she said, "Good, you're up. Now you can finish." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28707

You deserved it

2505

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend got scared of a fly, freaked out, and accidentally punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32134

You deserved it

4123

Tweet

Share

By wtfseriously - United States

Today, my mom and I had an argument about my laziness. We did this as I was eating uncooked rice because I didn't want to have to walk to the kitchen and put it into the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8430

You deserved it

78322

Tweet

Share

By Jimbob - 28/9/2020 17:01 - United States - Austin

Facts, feelings…

Today, I went on a first date. It started out OK, but halfway through he began "debating" me, talking just like Ben Shapiro. I thought he was joking, or at least satirising the worst way you could talk during a date. I was wrong; he was serious. I'm still not sure what set him off, but I couldn't get a word in edgeways in after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1111

You deserved it

129

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was performing in the musical 'Cabaret'. I was playing a Nazi soldier, swastika armband and all. Someone thought it would be funny to take my real clothes while I was on stage. I had to walk a mile back my house with my costume on. Someone threw eggs at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54335

You deserved it

5578

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend down the street and a really hot guy walked past with no shirt on. While distracted by his hardened stomach muscles, I promptly walked into a pole, then became single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16740

You deserved it

72038

Tweet

Share

By Pelly - Belgium - Kasterlee

Today, my grandma told everyone I'm using steroids and amphetamines, all because she mistook my protein powder and vitamin pills for drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12788

You deserved it

1009

Tweet

Share

By BaconBreathBlonde - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27909

You deserved it

7680

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10247

You deserved it

1109

Tweet

Share

By ihatelaura - United States

Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32030

You deserved it

5550

Tweet

Share

By anon - 16/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Hinesville

Unconditional support

Today, my girlfriend told me she'd support my decision to stay in, or get out of the military, so I renewed my contract...... She broke up with me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2116

You deserved it

277

Tweet

Share

By nikki - Greece - K

Today, what I thought would be a romantic sleepover with the guy I like quickly turned into hell on earth when his girlfriend showed up. I had to scale the fire escape in my underwear so I could get back to my car in one piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11850

You deserved it

36315

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me she was bored. During sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36780

You deserved it

22581

Tweet

Share

By Grounded - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going on a date tonight. She laughed and didn't believe me. When I tried to convince her it was real, she got mad and grounded me for lying. I had to cancel the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41138

You deserved it

3770

Tweet

Share

By littl3storm - 24/4/2020 23:00

Time for the ER

Today, my brace broke and due to Covid-19, I can't get it fixed for another month and a half. Four brackets have come off, the wire is sinking into my gum, giving me tooth and jaw pain. I can't eat and I'm spending excessive amounts of money on pain relief. The cause of all this? A cheese pasty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1673

You deserved it

224

Tweet

Share

By anon - United States - Chappaqua

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40067

You deserved it

5749

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my dad ate my pet rabbit two years ago. He said he ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53235

You deserved it

4160

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I had to drive down to my parents' house. On they way down, I needed to fill up on gas but unfortunately I'd forgotten my wallet at home with all of my cash and credit cards. I then had to call triple A and explain to them in all seriousness how I ran out of gas at the gas station. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17101

You deserved it

3285

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at my 6-year-old son's birthday party, I had to explain to my boyfriend that it's not okay to use condoms as party balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32787

You deserved it

6310

Tweet

Share

By lanu - United States

Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29984

You deserved it

2561

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out my girlfriend only gets aroused after watching Jersey Shore and will only have sex immediately after an episode. I think the worst part is, I'll take what I can get. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32016

You deserved it

6014

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/6/2020 02:00

Notification sound

Today, I farted during a Zoom call in front of our client. I thought mic was muted. My Team Lead had lot of things to say to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1057

You deserved it

702

Tweet

Share

By crippy - United States

Today, I came home from a knee surgery. I asked my mother to get me a glass of water. She replied, "You can get it, you're not crippled. Oh wait, yeah you are" and laughed hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30886

You deserved it

3044

Tweet

Share

By deadgrass - United States - Middletown

Heavenly Shower

Today, I discovered that the stream of water that periodically falls onto the ground outside my apartment window isn't actually water. The guy above me regularly pees out of his window onto his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25603

You deserved it

1920

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Jose

Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24861

You deserved it

2710

Tweet

Share

By Bwberry

Today, I spent hours hand-painting an awesome design on a gift for a friend. My husband was supposed to assemble it when I finished, but when I stepped back to admire my work, he informed me that the whole thing was sideways. He watched me paint it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3161

You deserved it

424

Tweet

Share

By anon - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47960

You deserved it

3101

Tweet

Share

By fml - United States

Today, my mom tried to diagnose my sickness with advice she'd gotten from a dog magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28004

You deserved it

2355

Tweet

Share

By Lennie Mcfish - 9/4/2020 14:00

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Today, while at a party, my extremely drunk crush came up to me and told me she had a crush on me. She then wanted to have sex with me while she drunk, but since she was under the influence I didn't. Later, when I told her about it, she say denied the fact that she likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2389

You deserved it

358

Tweet

Share

By Cowan - Belgium

Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor... who is a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23798

You deserved it

125059

Tweet

Share

By wurtabang - United States

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30355

You deserved it

3083

Tweet

Share

By Judiee - United States

Today, I was introduced to my boyfriend's family at their family reunion for the first time. As I sat on the couch, his 4-year old sister comes in and jumps onto my lap. For a moment I was happy to think his sister liked me, only to hear her say "You're fat! I like fat things." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56542

You deserved it

5727

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By SP63_fml | 0

#507944 - Saturday 22 August 2009 23:32

It's a good thing your wrist didn't break, because that's all the action you're going to be getting for a LONG time.

By CFR | 0

#507933 - Saturday 22 August 2009 23:29

Not really cute, no... so how pissed is she?

COMMENTS

By pikachu_01 | 0

#507924 - Saturday 22 August 2009 23:27

Aww, that sucks dude. Ouchh...

Reply

F_U_GUY | 0

#507926 - Saturday 22 August 2009 23:28

Gay

Reply

LMAO58 | 0

#507976 - Saturday 22 August 2009 23:46

quite

Reply

HahaYDI | 0

#508042 - Sunday 23 August 2009 0:14

...why add that end part, it was funny until that last sentence, that just ruined it.

Reply

NEWTROLLINTOWN | 0

#508094 - Sunday 23 August 2009 0:41

I replied to #1 to get higher up, it was totaly worth it.

Reply

ScoobyDoo22 | 0

#508099 - Sunday 23 August 2009 0:44

I'm honored

Reply

NEWTROLLINTOWN | 0

#508106 - Sunday 23 August 2009 0:47

Good, you should be.

Reply

chih | 0

#817253 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 2:00

new sentence. epic...
-.-

Reply

NicoleIAm | 0

#873804 - Saturday 20 February 2010 1:08

Haha I laughed at the last sentence.

Reply

flakes_fml | 0

#972362 - Thursday 1 April 2010 3:05

ydi for using the bathroom

By ispeakart | 0

#507931 - Saturday 22 August 2009 23:29

suckss

By CFR | 0

#507933 - Saturday 22 August 2009 23:29

Not really cute, no... so how pissed is she?

Reply

OneOnJuanAction | 22

#6594109 - Sunday 1 May 2016 20:09

Probably a lot

By AmpulexCompressa | 0

#507934 - Saturday 22 August 2009 23:30

These are the sorts of things you practice beforehand.

By chippa | 24

#507938 - Saturday 22 August 2009 23:31

Hahah, sucks, man. Be more careful next time. ;)

By aznboytellem | 0

#507940 - Saturday 22 August 2009 23:32

sing her a song. and she'll feel better :P
and also kiss that booboo of hers. :D

Reply

repyourcliche | 0

#508046 - Sunday 23 August 2009 0:16

Was that a euphemism?

Reply

natsumosam92 | 0

#515246 - Wednesday 26 August 2009 0:51

a euphemism is when you make something that is offensive, less offensive

By chinolatino | 0

#507941 - Saturday 22 August 2009 23:32

Not very cute... sorry.

By SP63_fml | 0

#507944 - Saturday 22 August 2009 23:32

It's a good thing your wrist didn't break, because that's all the action you're going to be getting for a LONG time.

Reply

kahru1 | 9

#4998328 - Wednesday 3 October 2012 8:51

you sir, deserve more thumbs up...thumb ups? upsy thumbs? positive feedback

By GGnoRe | 0

#507948 - Saturday 22 August 2009 23:33

You fail at being Ninja >:(

Reply

fatema_is_effed | 0

#508794 - Sunday 23 August 2009 6:16

#10 explains everything im thinking.

By ElMundio87 | 0

#507960 - Saturday 22 August 2009 23:37

Here's a rule of thumb: if you think something that you do is "cute", it probably isn't