Transportation: Today, while walking to my flat, I spotted something white hanging... - FML

By Anonymous - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, while walking to my flat, I spotted something white hanging over the handle bar of my parked bike. It was a very used diaper. FML

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The smell detective is on the case

The end of the road

Trip Advisor says no

By State

Today, my best friend asked me to be the best man at his wedding. I had to decline because the bride's family has deep prison gang ties and I'm a correctional officer. FML

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By BroadcitySF - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was mugged while changing my tampon. The mugger took everything, including the fresh tampon. FML

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By B-377 - United States - Sarver

Today, I was walking around my block when a random stranger pulled up next to me. He assumed I was a woman, and started catcalling me. I'm a 34-year-old man with a wife and kids, and my hair isn't even long. FML

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By Michelle - Australia - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend told me that I have the bad habit of not doing the dishes before he has his daily piss in the sink. FML

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By e - United States

Today, I couldn't find my key so I sat against the wall to wait for my roommate to get home. I fell asleep. When I woke up a few hours later, I could hear her inside. She chose not to wake me up and let me in. FML

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By SnurklesMcGee - Canada

Today, I learned I don't have to spend Valentine's Day alone. My parents invited me along on their date. FML

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By :( - United States - Montevideo

Today, my parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" are a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything. I was baked during the entire conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right. FML

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By petpeeeve - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in our relationship and it was great. He drove me back to my house and walked me to the door, then instead of kissing me goodbye he patted me on the back. Twice. FML

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By dancer_2014 - United States

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

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By happyturtle - Croatia

Today, someone stole my umbrella. It was pouring heavily, and I was using it at the time. FML

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By crosseyed - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning a table. As I passed her, she looked up and smiled at me. Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes and smiled back. She looked hurt and continued working. Later, she served me my lunch. She was actually cross-eyed. FML

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By lovecrisis247 - United States

Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML

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By getmoneyab - Mexico

Today, I went to Cheese Cake Factory for dinner. There was this hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML

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By Ain't going nowhere - United States - Chicago

Today, I politely asked a coworker to stop sticking his chewed-up gum to my desk. It's now 10:57 pm and my tires are slashed. FML

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By ew - United States - Titusville

Today, someone told me that my initials really fit my personality. I took it as a strange compliment, until I realized my initials spell "ew". FML

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By EmBAREassed - United States

Today, I was walking around Walmart feeling pretty good about myself as I received numerous looks from guys in passing. All of a sudden a man approached me to tell me that my dress was extremely see-through. And, since I was wearing a thong, he and everyone else could totally see my ass. FML

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By fmlfmlfml - Canada

Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML

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By hexphoenix - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at my job, a couple became angry with me because I charged them for an extra ranch they'd ordered, as I'm supposed to. When I explained how it says in the menu how any additional sauces are an extra charge, she said nastily, "That's okay, we'll just take it out of your tip". FML

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By mandinga - United States

Please?

Today, my husband asked me for permission to have an affair with his hot secretary. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I had a volleyball game against our rivals. I hit myself in the face with the ball 3 times, fell flat on my face against the court, and later had an asthma attack with no inhaler in sight. We lost the game. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I have a cold and need to blow my nose all the time. The problem is that every time I blow my nose, I get a nosebleed. When I breathe through my mouth, I have a coughing fit. So I have to choose between not breathing, coughing up mucus or blowing blood. FML

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By whateven333 - United States - Gibsonia

Today, I told my cousin that I would gladly help him through the loss of my aunt. That is until he started flirting with me. FML

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By denied - United States

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend in the hallway of our school, and once we got to his class, I leaned in for a kiss. Surprising me, he leaned away, and I asked what was wrong. He told me he's glad we're going out, but just doesn't want anyone to know. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Ramon

Today, my leadership class was trying to decide who would run the kissing booth in our local carnival. Someone suggested me, to which the director replied, "We'd never make any profit with her." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally figured out why my mechanic was so cheap; he wanted to sleep with me. After I politely declined, he charged me regular price plus extra for "humiliating" him. He's 60. I just recently turned 18. FML

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By workworkwork - United States

Today, after working for over ten years at a dead-end factory line, I told my friends I was going to take some business courses and land myself a real job. All they've done since is laugh, mock me, and say that if Clinton couldn't fix the economy, I have no chance. FML

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By spanishteach - United States

Today, I told my students that I would be absent tomorrow because my wife was giving birth. They burst into applause... not to congratulate me on the new baby. FML

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By misc - Netherlands

Today, while in Holland, I lost the bag with my passport, debit and credit cards, license, and camera. I froze my accounts and filled out the paperwork for a new passport. My bag was found the second time I went to the police, with everything in it. Now my accounts are frozen for the 3 weeks I'm here. FML

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By Dr_JF - France

Today, I told myself: "Go on you big geek, go outside, get some sun, get your ass away from in front of your PC, go for a walk". I finally muster the courage to leave my house. Without my keys. I've been in an internet cafe for four hours. FML

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By Depressed - United States - Collierville

Today, I got a call from the head of my school dance committee saying that the dance was cancelled and the services originally hired were still expecting to be paid. The reason the dance got cancelled? One of the girls on the committee's parents wouldn't let her buy her dream dress. FML

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By Lonely - United States

Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML

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By Amberizzle - United States

Today, it is my three-year-anniversary with my boyfriend. I asked if he had planned anything for us, and he said yes. My parents volunteered to watch our daughter, I got all excited, and apparently our "plans" are to watch a football game. What do I get to do? Make sandwiches. For him. FML

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By future walmart employee - United States - Clarendon Hills

Today, I had my first job as a wedding planner. I'd spent a year making sure everything was right. After the wedding my friend comforted me by saying, "You had to have known it wasn't going to be perfect." I knew that it wouldn't be perfect, but I had expected the groom to at least show up. FML

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By fastfingers409 - United States

Today, at a concert, I noticed a cute keytarist in one of the bands. After they got off stage, I asked their bass player if she was single. He replied, "actually, she's married," holding up his left hand, he continued, "to me." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called the guy I've liked for a long time and told him how I felt. He didn't say anything except for "hello." After I spilled my feelings, I hear "Haha, just kidding I'm not here right now! Call me back later!" FML

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By Failsafe - United States - Newark

Today, I worked up the courage to ask out the girl I liked. I got her a nice bracelet for her birthday and asked her on a date when I gave it to her. "Aww, you're so sweet!" was the response to the gift. Her response to the date proposal? "Wait, you aren't gay?" FML

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By lastinclass - Canada - Vancouver

Today at camp, we were choosing teams for capture the flag. It's embarrassing to be chosen last, but today I learnt it's even more embarrassing to not be chosen at all. FML

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By mybad - United States

Today, a customer brought her kids into the store where I work. I like to make people laugh so being my usual joking self I kidded "Why aren't those kids in school?". She didn't laugh when she said that their house burned down the night before and the kids had no clothes to wear to school. FML

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By thathurt - United States

Today, while shopping at Wal-Mart, a guy grabbed my butt. When I turned around to slap him, he shook his head, said "Nice ass but such an ugly face", then walked away. I've never been told I'm ugly before. FML

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By M to the line - France

Today, I lied and said I was late for work because my car's tire was flat. Two hours later, some of my friends came in and said something along the lines that "We should do brunch every saturday, (like this morning) it was awesome!" in front of my manager. FML

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Top comments

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#6455912 - Saturday 7 November 2015 15:12

At least you didn't step on it while wearing flip-flops.

By mads_nicole | 19

#6455921 - Saturday 7 November 2015 15:17

Really? Who does that...?

COMMENTS

By team_hale | 11

#6455893 - Saturday 7 November 2015 15:00

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

balake_fml | 8

#6455935 - Saturday 7 November 2015 15:45

Well I liked it

By alexanderavatar | 24

#6455895 - Saturday 7 November 2015 15:00

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

tj4234 | 35

#6456000 - Saturday 7 November 2015 17:47

Good to know. Thanks for telling us...

By shay_serendipity | 29

#6455896 - Saturday 7 November 2015 15:01

That's disgusting. Is it that hard to dispose of it in a trash can, people? Geez.

Reply

marko1596 | 23

#6456107 - Saturday 7 November 2015 20:33

Clearly it was done with intent to bother the owner lol but it still doesn't make it right

By Kieranr10 | 23

#6455897 - Saturday 7 November 2015 15:01

If it was very used wouldnt it be brown and not white.

Reply

ShowMeKay | 20

#6455969 - Saturday 7 November 2015 16:53

It's used on the inside. The outside still remains white.

Reply

lexiieeex3 | 32

#6455975 - Saturday 7 November 2015 16:59

Not if its fresh my friend.

By iBanana | 17

#6455902 - Saturday 7 November 2015 15:04

Well.... Did you wear it?

Reply

UhHuhHoney | 20

#6456020 - Saturday 7 November 2015 18:44

Wtf?

Reply

pauliegon | 18

#6456130 - Saturday 7 November 2015 20:58

Who has that as their first thought after reading this?!

Reply

Sandsh8rk | 36

#6456532 - Sunday 8 November 2015 8:10

My profile picture sums up my reaction to #5's comment...

By gogo44444 | 28

#6455903 - Saturday 7 November 2015 15:05

Ok op, who did you piss off?

By rachelthelime_fml | 29

#6455907 - Saturday 7 November 2015 15:07

Least you didn't step in it in flip flops like the other FML user

By A07 | 48

#6455908 - Saturday 7 November 2015 15:08

People who throw trash out of their house instead of in the trash bin are ignorant fucks and need to get their shit together.

Reply

doge_ram | 16

#6456009 - Saturday 7 November 2015 18:18

clearly they left their shit on a bike instead of getting it together

By tibtak_fml | 10

#6455909 - Saturday 7 November 2015 15:10

Maybe the person could not find a trash and figured you are a sort of environmentalist for riding a bike so you would trash it for him/her

Reply

rikkirauha | 20

#6456093 - Saturday 7 November 2015 20:19

Ooh, that person has a bike, which clearly means they are an environmentalist, so I'm sure they won't mind touching my child's shitty diaper and throwing it away. It's for the environment.

Reply

tibtak_fml | 10

#6456196 - Saturday 7 November 2015 22:36

exactly!

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#6455912 - Saturday 7 November 2015 15:12

At least you didn't step on it while wearing flip-flops.

Reply

Brandon1337 | 29

#6455983 - Saturday 7 November 2015 17:08

Maybe the one with flip flops tried to get back at the person who did it to her and got him instead

Reply

jlang917 | 14

#6456013 - Saturday 7 November 2015 18:23

I was just gonna write that??

Reply

rabid_otaku | 29

#6457310 - Monday 9 November 2015 14:49

That was another FML, wasn't it?