Today, while walking through the halls of my high school, me... - FML

By Anonymous - 25/4/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, while walking through the halls of my high school, me and my boyfriend shared a quick kiss. A young teacher walks by and tells us to stop due to Personal Display of Affection rules at our school. She then looks at my boyfriend and tells him he could do so much better. FML

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Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Rich people problems

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By sonotsuave - 4/3/2019 06:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was tutoring. When my kids were finally working on their own, I stood in my classroom’s doorway to talk to my boss sitting outside about upcoming work. Suddenly, one of my students sitting directly behind me let out the loudest fart ever. I think my boss heard and thought it was me. FML

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By steph - 20/4/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I wanted to change out of my bikini for the ride home from the beach. There wasn't a bathroom near, so I went to change in front of a suburban, parked far away from all the people. I took off my suit, hear the car's horn honk, only to find that the car was completely packed with old men. FML

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By I hate Walmart???? - 24/2/2014 09:36 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I went to the self-checkout line at Walmart. When I tried to pay, the cash wouldn't go in, so I stood there trying to cram money into the thing that's supposed to take your money. What I didn't realize was that there was a sign up top that said: "No Cash. Cards Only." FML

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By badluckryan - 25/9/2012 13:38 - United States - Uxbridge

Today, I received a drunken prank call from a girl I didn't know around 1am. I don't know what's sadder, that I carried out the conversation for 30 minutes, or that this was the first girl to call me in over a year. FML

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By Danielle - 10/6/2012 19:19 - Canada - Aldergrove

Today, it's day two of my family's camping trip. Despite the weather, bugs, and portapotties, we were doing okay, until the can opener broke. My husband is stubbornly insisting that we live off cereal and peanut butter for another five days. FML

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By mobster - 26/7/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, while doing aerobics in my room, I started doing really powerful Knee Highs. My cell phone fell out of my pocket while doing one knee high. As I looked down, I kneed myself in the face. I spent the next couple hours in the emergency room while the doctor told everyone my story. FML

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By Till We Pass Out - 3/10/2015 15:30 - United Kingdom - Halifax

Today, I was pushing so hard to take a number two that I ended up passing out. FML

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By - 20/1/2017 09:25

Today, I finally received my new computer in the mail. I was so excited, I kissed the box. The truck driver definitely noticed. FML

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By ringrash - 14/1/2016 06:17 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I finally went to the doctor's office to have a small patch of acne on my stomach looked at. Since it was in an almost perfect circle and abnormally sensitive, I was worried it could be ringworm or some other sort of skin infection. It turned out to be an infection alright. Herpes. FML

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By oh my dad - 13/2/2013 16:45 - United States - Florence

Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2012 08:24 - Australia - Bairnsdale

Today, I faked my age to win a colouring competition. I just turned 19. FML

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By systeminitiated - 2/5/2009 04:55 - Canada

Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML

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By Username - 16/9/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, I went to lunch with my sister. As the waitress was bringing our food, she dropped it on the floor. She apologized and brought us new food. After we finished eating and I looked at the bill, I noticed she'd charged us twice. FML

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By jobless - 10/4/2015 06:28 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, my boss fired me by locking me out of my workplace after I went out to throw out the trash. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 14:00

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

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By sailorpete - 30/6/2019 02:25

Today, I got fired from the job I've only had for a week. Between paying for a physical, my own background check and uniforms, I paid more money to start working there than I'll get from my one and only paycheck. FML

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By feeling fed up - 25/4/2017 17:00 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, I spent hundreds of pounds buying my best friend concert tickets to see our favourite band, complete with a meet and greet. I drove over very excited to pick her up to take her. She had already left. With her boyfriend. FML

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By revalc - 16/8/2009 04:35 - Canada

Today, I'm having my housewarming party and had prepared food, drink and games for all the 19 confirmed guests on Facebook. I waited till 11 but nobody showed up. I checked Facebook again and realized I had accidentally put tomorrow as the party date. I have to work the whole day tomorrow. FML

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By xYumix - 17/11/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I was late for an interview. Going into the elevator, a man ran up to the doors but since I was late, I pressed the "close" button. When I arrived to the office, the secretary asked me to wait. The boss walked in to interview me. The man whose face I closed the elevator doors on. FML

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By weirdome23 - 26/4/2011 09:45 - United States

Today, my "friend" told me I was weird and irritating. Yet she has an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter, hates people in general, and has a Facebook for her cat. Yeah, I'm the weird one. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2017 20:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, at my first day of work at a new job, I got stuck in the elevator going to the parking garage. I have claustrophobia about both elevators and parking garages. They said this never happens. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2009 11:23 - United States

Today, I finally got a chance to try out my vibrator. I've never orgasmed before with a guy, so I thought there was no hope until my friend gave me the vibrator for my birthday. It was going amazing, better than sex. I was literally 2 seconds away from climaxing when the battery suddenly died. FML

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By zarko - 14/2/2017 14:00 - Croatia - Zagreb

The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one!

Today, I created myself a Dropbox folder named "Traffic fines". FML

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By BadatDIY - 16/11/2009 14:04 - United Kingdom

Today, the maintenance workers finally came to my apartment to fix the shower-head that kept falling off the wall. I was annoyed because they had replaced it a few weeks ago and since then, it'd been a problem. They went into my bathroom, turned the shower head around, and left. FML

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By HornyWife - 13/6/2020 02:02

Out of order

Today, I'm on my honeymoon. My husband and I cannot consummate our marriage, because his penis has an open wound due to… vigorous masturbation. FML

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By annoyed - 23/9/2010 09:59 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' place to visit. My ex-boyfriend's photo is on the fridge, but there aren't any photos of my husband or any of our wedding photos. FML

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By dumbass - 6/9/2012 06:46 - United States

Today, I sprained my ankle trying to prove that I can walk in high heels. FML

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By Chelsea - 20/7/2009 05:54 - United States

Today, during some previews before the new Harry Potter movie, a guy stood up and led the audience in an enthusiastic and rather successful chant "H-A-R-R-Y!". Minutes later when I attempted to do the same thing, I was pelted with half-full bags of popcorn, freezing sodas, and booing. FML

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By anonymous - 20/6/2013 01:09 - United States - Houston

Today, I helped an elderly lady put a bookshelf in her car. She then thanked me by hitting me with her car as she drove out of the parking lot. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 09:53 - France

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

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By bluedevil26 - 3/3/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in a few months. Once she finished, she handed me the mirror and asked, "How does it feel to look human again?" FML

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By pikachu_43 - 21/3/2015 15:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, because I thought I was about to have an asthma attack, I had a panic attack. Then, the panic attack caused me to have a real asthma attack. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2017 22:00 - United States - Newark

Who's a good boy? Not you.

Today, while walking my dog in a cemetery, she stole a stuffed animal off a child's grave and began to play with it. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, I was at QuickTrip. As I was leaving, I passed a woman who was saying "stay" very sternly through her open driver's side door. I smiled as I passed, saying "Your dog wants to follow you huh? I've been there." She glared at me and said "No. That's my son. He's mentally challenged." FML

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By Jograd - 25/9/2012 17:13 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my roommate decided to turn off all appliances in the house to "save" electricity. This included the refrigerator. FML

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By Stumanji - 29/12/2010 11:42 - United States

Today, I found out my reward for topping three of the four employee performance charts was a paycut. FML

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By FMLdude - 18/8/2013 23:23 - Australia - Bexley

Scammed

Today, I accidentally hit an elderly man while driving. The police came, and five minutes later I was told that he confessed to walking in the middle of the road to get hit and claim compensation. He was fine, but I still got charged for hitting a pedestrian. FML

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By mel - 25/3/2016 13:20 - United States - Smithville

Today, the guy I buy weed from invited me to have Easter dinner with his family, since I've nowhere else to go. FML

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By I hate my brother - 20/3/2016 18:53 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I just came back from Afghanistan after a 9-month tour, and my brother asked, "How many towelheads did you kill?" He then acted offended when I smacked him upside the head. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2009 05:42 - France

Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML

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Top comments

By actonthat | 0

#143248 - Sunday 26 April 2009 2:25

I feel like you probably meant "Public Displays of Affection."

(Though, I'm torn over whether or not it should be capitalized. Meh.)

By SherriffBacon | 0

#143243 - Sunday 26 April 2009 2:24

That sucks, forget that teacher. Most of them don't know what the hell is going on anyway,

Comments

By SherriffBacon | 0

#143243 - Sunday 26 April 2009 2:24

That sucks, forget that teacher. Most of them don't know what the hell is going on anyway,

Reply

v8rax | 0

#2301935 - Wednesday 6 April 2011 6:07

smack a hoe

By alex_vik | 0

#143247 - Sunday 26 April 2009 2:25

Follow the rules.

By actonthat | 0

#143248 - Sunday 26 April 2009 2:25

I feel like you probably meant "Public Displays of Affection."

(Though, I'm torn over whether or not it should be capitalized. Meh.)

Reply

aleasucks | 0

#3157105 - Monday 22 August 2011 6:46

Reply

iBiteRoses | 22

#3449037 - Tuesday 18 October 2011 7:51

It is capitalized generally, if I'm not mistaken... idk

Reply

feven | 32

#5753579 - Wednesday 13 November 2013 21:21

Mehh.

By nickk_v | 0

#143251 - Sunday 26 April 2009 2:26

haha wow that sucks.
but it's true.

By MukyDaCookie | 0

#143257 - Sunday 26 April 2009 2:27

PDA not A-OK!
Its too bad that he realised now that he can do better, you probably worked really hard to get him to think you were all he could get. Ah well, 5 minutes on the knees and he won't leave ;)

Reply

Dr_Awesome654 | 24

#6672337 - Tuesday 16 August 2016 2:50

It is so clear that you are single

By qwertyuiop8989 | 0

#143259 - Sunday 26 April 2009 2:27

it's PUBLIC YOU DUMBASS!! not personal.

By esagalyn | 0

#143260 - Sunday 26 April 2009 2:27

This can't be true. I find it very difficult to believe that a teacher would say that.

Reply

chelzy | 0

#1206522 - Sunday 8 August 2010 5:25

my teacher gave me the bird once. it was funny. I threw an egg at his car the next day. he knew it was me, but didn't really care. oh, and u should come to my school. teachers don't bug u about PDA. they just use the sound grenade on you.

Reply

marisalee | 0

#3630491 - Thursday 24 November 2011 16:44

My teacher told us that of any of us got fat, no one would like us. He also tries to hook up students. He's strange

Reply

Kathts7 | 12

#5849328 - Wednesday 5 February 2014 12:34

My biology teacher decided to tell my brand-fixated class that the fleece sweater I was wearing was made of pure trash :/

By akeep5 | 0

#143265 - Sunday 26 April 2009 2:28

there are rules to that in your high school??
people practically have sex in the hallways of my school....
its disgusting
anyways FYL that really sucks

By walkemskies | 0

#143270 - Sunday 26 April 2009 2:29

its public not personal
lol stupid

Reply

rcbarnes | 24

#4112809 - Friday 2 March 2012 3:49

I wonder who originated the error, the OP or the teacher...

Reply

yellowaholic | 25

#5598847 - Friday 26 July 2013 12:04

It's*

By spannerxox | 0

#143271 - Sunday 26 April 2009 2:30

slash her tyres

Reply

idkhaha | 4

#5025043 - Wednesday 10 October 2012 5:07

It's tires. Learn to spell

Reply

coming back in the future | 30

#6157078 - Monday 29 December 2015 10:25

Actually both are accepted.