Transportation: Today, while waiting for the bus, I googled walking directions...

By getoffthephone - 30/03/2015 09:19 - United Kingdom

Today, while waiting for the bus, I googled walking directions to my destination, in case I had already missed the bus. I was so absorbed in my search that I missed the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 692

You deserved it 26 158

Transportation

Best teeth in the game

Mother of the year

Stay safe out there

By anon - 29/08/2012 04:52 - United States - York

Today, I was giving a tour of my boat to a man who seemed interested in purchasing it. Everything was going great. That is, until, the motor stopped running in the middle of the ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 429

You deserved it 3 100

By say dump him and i'll kill you - 29/12/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Soham

Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 603

You deserved it 4 071

By Anonymous - 24/10/2014 17:49 - United States - Lake Mills

Today, someone stole my coat. I can only imagine their surprise when they find the $3,000 engagement ring I bought earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 057

You deserved it 3 877

By Discouraged despite my effort - 15/12/2016 18:27

Today, I told my future MIL that we couldn't see her on Christmas because I have to work that day passing out gifts to elderly patients, but that I would call off work to travel to see her any day after. That isn't good enough, so she asked my fiance to spend Christmas without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 162

You deserved it 801

By Anonymous - 27/09/2012 02:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 088

You deserved it 2 791

Sharing is caring

By blackrose - 08/08/2021 02:01

Today, I ran into an old friend of mine at the store. All was going fine, until she showed me her new fiancé. My now ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 73

By Ineedjustice03 - 25/03/2011 11:55 - Singapore

Today, I had to dig into my savings to help my parents pay for their divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 645

You deserved it 4 171

By post-loss - 06/06/2017 18:00

Today, in my excitement to make some new cards for the postcard exchange I take part in, I apparently spilled my bottle of glue directly into the bag that contains my entire postcard collection. I didn't notice until several hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 597

You deserved it 573

By LawSchoolBoi - 30/04/2019 00:00

Today, I told my roommate she had to pay $55 to replace a piece of the oven she broke. She told me I was being selfish and decided to illegally break our lease because I was, "making her feel unsafe." Now I not only have to pay for the oven repair, I also have to pay her next two month's rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 103

You deserved it 179

Ménage à nope

By 3somer - 20/08/2017 04:29

Today, I received a text from the woman with whom my boyfriend and I recently had a threesome. After years of fantasizing, I finally experienced what it was like to be with another girl. Now we also get to experience what it's like to have gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 849

You deserved it 4 818

By useyourownbed - 18/09/2012 20:06 - United States - Byron

Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 759

You deserved it 2 470

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, I was having some intense sex with my boyfriend. I was wailing so loud that my neighbors decided to call the police on us. According to them, it sounded like I was "being tortured to death". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 156

You deserved it 38 134

By notworthy - 25/01/2010 09:32 - New Zealand

Today, I found the Christmas 'newsletter' my mom sends out every year to our extended family and friends that details our activities and achievements of the past year. I wasn't mentioned once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 155

You deserved it 3 560

By goodmorning - 07/09/2014 13:45 - United States - Nashville

Today, I was eating a bowl of cereal and noticed something float to the top. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a mouse turd. I had already eaten half the bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 637

You deserved it 4 437

By Anon - 28/01/2019 06:00 - United States - West Jefferson

Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 466

You deserved it 219

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 18:10 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 035

You deserved it 4 147

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, I pretended to drunk text some friends. When in all reality I was sitting home all alone. I don't know what's worse: that I pretended that I was social and drunk, or that the friend I said I was with was actually with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 125

You deserved it 52 302

By lol - 25/01/2012 15:54 - Canada

Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 024

You deserved it 30 304

Almost made it

By anon9876542 - 20/08/2009 11:02 - Australia

Today, I drank 1.5 litres of water. I didn't go to the bathroom for 9 hours. During my one-hour trek home on public transport, I was busting to pee but I managed to hold it. Walking 200 metres from my bus stop to my house was agony, but I still held it. When I got to my front door, I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 066

You deserved it 45 370

By ohhelllllno - 20/04/2009 10:05 - Canada

Today, the $300 ring my boyfriend gave me for my birthday slipped off my finger... into the toilet. I had to sift through my own poo to get it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 069

You deserved it 19 687

By xxxkkxxx - 29/07/2011 15:37 - Hong Kong

Today, my parents took me on a plane ride for a vacation in Hong Kong. What they didn't tell me was that the "vacation" is extended for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 731

You deserved it 3 320

Clerks 3

By Anonymous - 12/03/2021 15:30 - United States - Brunswick

Today, at my store, I had an old man violently accuse me of charging him for an extra pack of 99¢ Mounds candy yesterday. He held up my line for 10 minutes, fighting me about it. I didn't even work yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 43

A cashier's life

By amy - 16/10/2013 21:52 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, as I worked as a cashier, two girls came up laughing. I smiled as I rang them up, asking what had made them laugh so hard. One looked me dead in the face and said, "You." They then both walked away, laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 722

You deserved it 3 961

By Stress - 24/02/2010 00:56 - United States

Today, I was feeling really stressed so I bought some nice stress relieving lotion. When I got home, I took it out of the bag and accidentally dropped it (not realizing it was made of glass). The bottle shattered into pieces and I even cut my finger on one piece. So much for relieving stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 217

You deserved it 4 502

They are that good

By m…… - 22/08/2021 18:01

Today, my daughter cried because she went to Sonic and they were out of tater tots. When I say she cried, I mean actual tears fell from her eyes. She’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 160

By Bandking - 17/03/2014 21:48 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 109

You deserved it 5 458

What a wuss

By Furbabies - 10/05/2021 06:01 - Canada

Today, a few few friends, along with my long-time crush of mine came over to my house so we could finish a school project. As soon as he stepped into my house, he went pale, turned heel, and refused to step foot in my house. Why? Because the bison taxidermy above my fireplace scares him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 395

Oh hey how are you?

By Shelly - 13/06/2011 02:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I pulled over to have sex in his mother's car. It was going great until I leaned back onto the horn, waking up our whole neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 044

You deserved it 46 076

Holy stereotypes, mom!

By BtoTheRtoTheTTK - 19/02/2017 14:00 - United States - Winter Haven

Today, at a mall, my mom accused me of lying about being gay, just because I said I don't like shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 123

You deserved it 502

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 20:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I introduced my dad, who is a surgeon, to the TV show House. I thought it'd be a good bonding experience. How wrong I was. He spent the whole time yelling about the "insane" medical inaccuracies, then lectured me about my crappy taste in TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 023

You deserved it 10 103

By Treats For Days - 19/07/2013 13:54 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 044

You deserved it 26 509

By Project-Mayhem - 02/12/2009 10:57 - United States

Today, my family went to the Christmas tree farm, and cut down the perfect tree. When we got home we put the kids down for a nap and took some time to relax. We went out to the truck to bring the tree into the house, it was gone. Someone stole my Christmas tree from my driveway in broad daylight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 410

You deserved it 5 809

By Jonas - 06/06/2012 05:00 - United States - Wimberley

Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 308

You deserved it 4 201

Toxic masculinity

By BigGinge - 10/07/2021 22:01

Today, I'm depressed. After trying to talk to my boss about it, twice, as it has been affecting my work, I've been told to, "Stop thinking about it" and to, "Man up." He has also told me to come to him with any problems I'm having, and to be honest with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 136

By jen - 16/01/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a couple of friends and one of them tells a funny story about how he filled a condom with syrup and put it in his friend's mouth while he was asleep. Me with my big mouth starts to say, "Condoms taste na--" and stopped myself as everyone started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 720

You deserved it 27 785

By Anonymous - 05/04/2019 18:00

Today, I realised how little my husband trusts me after I told him I was pregnant and the first words out of his mouth were, “Is it mine?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 421

You deserved it 400

Time to run

By sad day - 21/06/2020 17:04

Today, my dad planned his wedding to his mistress for literally the day after his divorce from my mom becomes final. My dad says he’ll be devastated if I don’t go, while my mother will feel betrayed if I do. I’m not sure who to hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 113

By TriangularBanana - 06/05/2016 21:45 - United States - Cypress

Today, a girl stole my heart. She also stole my wallet, phone, and keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 003

You deserved it 1 570

By ohcrap - 02/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 409

You deserved it 16 073

By mediocreboobs - 18/02/2009 22:31 - United States

Today, I was home alone tanning in my backyard which is fairly secluded. I took my top off and laid there for awhile before I looked over and saw the UPS guy standing at my gate with a package because nobody answered the door. I looked horrified and he said not to worry, he'd seen better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 375

You deserved it 8 820

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Top comments

therealjc_fml 14

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Monday 30 March 2015 17:40

Did you not hear it pull up right in front of you?

rallison22 22

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Monday 30 March 2015 17:38

At least you knew where to go...

rallison22 22

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Monday 30 March 2015 17:38

At least you knew where to go...

funsizedliz 15

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Tuesday 31 March 2015 2:52

At least they can wait for the next bus.

ihavenolifehaha 16

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Monday 30 March 2015 17:38

Wait for the next one then?

keiNan_fml 35

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Monday 30 March 2015 17:38

Wouldn't have missed the bus, if you were focusing on the bus than google.

Ozzien 26

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Monday 30 March 2015 20:53

Thank you for clarifying the obvious.

WallyQ 18

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Monday 30 March 2015 17:38

A little exercise never hurt!

BigxXxDeal 14

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Monday 30 March 2015 18:04

and we know the people that downvote this are the obese ones

myanichole 22

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Monday 30 March 2015 20:56

#15 there's a lot of people who aren't obese, but still unfit, unhealthy, and just lazy.

BoyWhoCriedwoof 5

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Tuesday 31 March 2015 9:04

Just like me :)

Count_Sekcpants 13

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Monday 30 March 2015 17:39

Well now you're ready to have missed the bus

therealjc_fml 14

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Monday 30 March 2015 17:40

Did you not hear it pull up right in front of you?

IWishIWasObama 12

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Monday 30 March 2015 20:54

If the bus stop is anywhere near a light then there would be a lot of vehicles stopping and going- including other busses.

doodlecloud 26

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Monday 30 March 2015 21:32

Or if OP was the only one there and didn't signal, it might have just driven past them.

amzee96 18

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Tuesday 31 March 2015 1:52

Some places you have to hail the bus, they don't stop otherwise.

MattM95 16

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Monday 30 March 2015 17:40

Well I guess today seems like a fine day for a walk.

SystemofaBlink41 27

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Monday 30 March 2015 18:29

*single thundercloud appears over OP's head*

lennon_ 16

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Monday 30 March 2015 17:40

No "Wheels on the bus" song today.

sstahpp 33

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Monday 30 March 2015 17:43

On the bright side..at least you didn't waste your time with the search. Exercise can only do good!

Emzinatorbot 26

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Monday 30 March 2015 17:44

And you didn't hear the bus drive by?

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 47

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 138

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 46

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