Today, while waiting for the bus, I googled walking directions...

By getoffthephone - United Kingdom

Today, while waiting for the bus, I googled walking directions to my destination, in case I had already missed the bus. I was so absorbed in my search that I missed the bus. FML

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Transportation

Dangling modifier

Instadrama

This is fine

By homeless4Christmas - New Zealand

Today, I flew my wife, myself and three kids to pay a surprise visit to my parents who were going to be alone for Christmas. When we arrived, we found out they decided to go on vacation. We have nowhere to go. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Cloquet

Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML

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By Nothingonyou - France

Today, it was my birthday. But instead of a decent surprise, my friends decided to smash a cake on my face and unhook my dress, while taking a video of it. In a public shopping mall. FML

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By ILoveFML - United States

Today, my boyfriend was talking with his friends about how long girls take to get ready (hair, make-up, etc.). I said, "I never spend a long time getting ready..." He then looked at me and said, "maybe you should." FML

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By Smile No More

Today, I was wondering why I was getting strange looks all day at work. When I got to a mirror after my shift, I noticed a booger hanging out of my nose, which was visible only when I smiled. My job involves greeting people all day with a huge smile. FML

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By Username - France

Today, my boss told me that I'd confessed my love to him last night when he'd held my hair back as I puked. FML

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By "syd_the_kidd_9707"

Today, I went in my car to a very important job interview. I was out of gas, so I had to get some on the way. When i was done pumping, I went to get back in and the door handle broke off on the driver's side. Then I blew a tire on a piece of metal. Needless to say, I lost my chance. FML

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By Kelly

Today, I discovered that my 17-year-old daughter received several weird deposits from Paypal. I checked her phone to discover that she had changed the password for the first time in years. Fearing drugs, I confronted her. She broke down and confessed to selling rare digital Pokemon on eBay. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Castle

Today, a student turned in homework she copied off an online answer key. The wrong key. My students are too stupid to cheat right. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after my check cleared for my half of the $1000 deposit on our new apartment. FML

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By soccercrazed1520 - France

Today, I was taking a warm shower when someone in my house flushed the toilet, making the shower extremely hot. In my rush to get out so I wouldn't get burned, I slipped and knocked a tooth out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at the urinal doing my business, my trousers fell all the way to the ground. As I bent down to pull them back up, my boss walked in the bathroom and thought I was mooning him. FML

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By hellishome

Dad priorities

Today, as he was going out, I asked my father if he stop by the store and buy some tampons for me and toilet paper for the house, because we have been out for the last 5 days. He came home with a 30-pack of beer and cigarettes instead. I just started my time of the month and we have no more money. FML

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By peachass - Australia - Melbourne

Today at work, a woman decided to use the changing room as a public toilet, to wipe the urine with the clothes she tried on, then leave the mess along with her soiled underwear and a used maxi pad for me to clean up. FML

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By nazooer - United States

Today, I thought I was going to my doctor for a yearly check-up. My father had actually tricked me into therapy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started college after a night out. I'd got tipsy at the club and started dancing with a cute guy. He asked for my number. I didn't want to give it to him, so I gave him a rejection number. Guess who's the new professor for my bio class? And yes, he recognized me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns and it hurts to sit. FML

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By eww. - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

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By Debra2005 - United States

Today, I adopted a dog from the local shelter. I put the dog in the car and he was shedding everywhere, but I was ok with that because he was my dog. As I pulled into the parking lot, the dog began to poop in the backseat of my car. When I got him out of the car, he ran off. $100 for him to poop and run away. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

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By sickandtiredofit - United States

Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML

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By Derpina - United States

Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML

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By IronMonkey - United States

Useless tools

Today, I work for a company that sells a leading brand of condoms. They give away free condoms to employees at the office. I haven't gotten laid since I began working here. FML

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By slumber party for two - 6/8/2020 08:02

Just BFF things

Today, my best friend came to visit from out of state. We had lunch, painted our nails and fell asleep sipping wine and watching movies. It was a perfect girl’s day. My boyfriend is now irrationally angry, because according to him it’s not fair that I can have a girl sleep over and he can’t. FML

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By fatass - United States

Today, I had a great workout and was feeling really good about my body. Until I sat on my desk, and broke it. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, at work the police were looking over video footage of an incident earlier in the day where a car had slammed hard into another one in the carpark. My manager came into the kitchen and asked if I wanted to come see it to for a laugh. The car that got hit was mine. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, UPS delivered my kinky sex toys to my ex-husband. Apparently the delivery went wrong so they sent it to the last known address. He called to say he got my "package" and I had to go pick it up. FML

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By doesntkissalot - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Dentyne gum commercial came on and stated that the average person spends more than 20,000 minutes kissing. I've spent less than three. FML

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By ghgfd - Canada - Barrie

Today, I went to the store to pick up some feminine products. As I was paying, the male cashier looked at me sympathetically and asked if it was my girlfriend's time of the month. I'm a girl and was buying them for myself. FML

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By notquitejuliet - United States - Gibsonia

Today, I decided I wanted to bleach my hair, so I asked my mother for help. Apparently, something went wrong, because clumps of my hair started falling out. Now I'm half blonde and half bald, and my mom is just laughing at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was having computer problems, so I let my friend have remote access to fix them. We were video-chatting on Skype at the time, and so he thought it'd be hilarious to load hardcore porn in my browser the moment he saw my mom enter the room from behind me. I'm now grounded. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was outside eating my lunch when an old man pulled his pants down and took a dump on the sidewalk next to me. FML

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By Cora - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. His response was, "Thank god, finally." FML

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By JBK06262009 - United States

Today, I was informed by my boss that he has been stealing quarters out of my change bowl to pay for his bus rides. He makes six times the amount I make. FML

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By KMO - United States

Today, I decided to take a peek in my fiancé's vow book to see how far he's got. The only thing in there was the lyrics to a song from the movie Shrek. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I caught two kids passing notes to each other in my class, so I told them to see me afterwards. When one of the kids eventually came up, I noticed he was crying. He looked up at me and sobbed out, "I was trying to make my first friend!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the airport to catch a plane. It was very crowded at the gate and there was nowhere to sit except for a flat metal bench, so I sat on that. Turns out I was sitting on a luggage scale, so my weight was displayed for everybody to see. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad let me borrow his phone while I wait for mine to get back from the shop. I guess he forgot to pass the news along, because within 4 hours I'd received a picture of my mom's tits. FML

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By tessykins - United States

Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "Don't lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming." I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn't think I cut myself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I was driving home. I desperately needed the bathroom, so I was speeding a little bit. A cop pulled me over and gave me hell. He said he'd heard my story a hundred times and didn't believe me. I couldn't hold it and ended up marinating in my own piss while he ran my plates. FML

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Top comments

By therealjc_fml | 14

#6247726 - Monday 30 March 2015 17:40

Did you not hear it pull up right in front of you?

By rallison22 | 22

#6247719 - Monday 30 March 2015 17:38

At least you knew where to go...

COMMENTS

By rallison22 | 22

#6247719 - Monday 30 March 2015 17:38

At least you knew where to go...

funsizedliz | 15

#6248165 - Tuesday 31 March 2015 2:52

At least they can wait for the next bus.

By ihavenolifehaha | 16

#6247720 - Monday 30 March 2015 17:38

Wait for the next one then?

By keiNan_fml | 35

#6247721 - Monday 30 March 2015 17:38

Wouldn't have missed the bus, if you were focusing on the bus than google.

Ozzien | 26

#6247940 - Monday 30 March 2015 20:53

Thank you for clarifying the obvious.

By WallyQ | 18

#6247722 - Monday 30 March 2015 17:38

A little exercise never hurt!

BigxXxDeal | 14

#6247760 - Monday 30 March 2015 18:04

and we know the people that downvote this are the obese ones

myanichole | 22

#6247944 - Monday 30 March 2015 20:56

#15 there's a lot of people who aren't obese, but still unfit, unhealthy, and just lazy.

BoyWhoCriedwoof | 5

#6248335 - Tuesday 31 March 2015 9:04

Just like me :)

By Count_Sekcpants | 13

#6247725 - Monday 30 March 2015 17:39

Well now you're ready to have missed the bus

By therealjc_fml | 14

#6247726 - Monday 30 March 2015 17:40

Did you not hear it pull up right in front of you?

IWishIWasObama | 12

#6247942 - Monday 30 March 2015 20:54

If the bus stop is anywhere near a light then there would be a lot of vehicles stopping and going- including other busses.

doodlecloud | 26

#6247960 - Monday 30 March 2015 21:32

Or if OP was the only one there and didn't signal, it might have just driven past them.

amzee96 | 18

#6248136 - Tuesday 31 March 2015 1:52

Some places you have to hail the bus, they don't stop otherwise.

By MattM95 | 16

#6247727 - Monday 30 March 2015 17:40

Well I guess today seems like a fine day for a walk.

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#6247782 - Monday 30 March 2015 18:29

*single thundercloud appears over OP's head*

By lennon_ | 16

#6247730 - Monday 30 March 2015 17:40

No "Wheels on the bus" song today.

By sstahpp | 33

#6247740 - Monday 30 March 2015 17:43

On the bright side..at least you didn't waste your time with the search. Exercise can only do good!

By Emzinatorbot | 26

#6247746 - Monday 30 March 2015 17:44

And you didn't hear the bus drive by?