Miscellaneous: Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Calhoun

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

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Taking stock

Deadbeat

Compassionate dad, huh?

By Anonymous - Canada - Montr?al

Today, my band and I played at our first ever real gig. Our drummer turned up high out of his damn mind. After ruining our act with his godawful performance, he screamed "HELL YEAH!" then ran and dove off the stage into a nearly non-existent audience. We were told to never come back. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my manager cussed me out for being unable to keep a customer happy. That "customer" was a senile old twit who had wandered away from his carer, thought our shop was his living room, and demanded to know who replaced all his furniture. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found our that my crazy ex, who, after our break up, said to me, "I'm setting my life to make yours hell" has befriended my current girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from an angry parent telling me that I'm teaching her son and the other children in the class "wrong philosophies". This was all because I explained to the class that Michigan is divided into two parts. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs in the door. FML

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By lonelyguy - Puerto Rico

Today, I invited my crush to come and spend thanksgiving dinner with me and my family, she agreed but asked me if she could bring her friend. Turns out her "friend" was actually her boyfriend and they drank all the expensive wine I bought. FML

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By Angel - United States - Charlotte

Today, the guy I'm dating took me to a dinner party at a couple's house. Halfway through dinner, I realized they were having the dinner party for the sole purpose of introducing him to their recently single daughter. FML

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By itscalledaphonecontractretards - United States

Today, I'm so broke, I resorted to breaking into my old apartment complex to do my laundry in the basement for free. FML

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By Unknown - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple seconds later and played video games instead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I went in for an interview for my first ever job. Just seconds after meeting the boss, I slipped on the linoleum floor. I was wearing a skirt. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boss told me that people from work have been complaining about me. Apparently, I'm not doing part of their jobs for them, and the other manager sometimes does. FML

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By fuckyouharddad - United States - Sacramento

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

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By Unwanted - Australia

Today, I was in a car with my house-mate and friends after a long day of studying, when we pulled up at our place. Thinking that we were all going to hang there, I waited for everyone to start getting out. No one did. Turns out they were just waiting for me to get out so they could then leave and go out together. FML

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By analeis - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I was vomiting after an evening of drinking. My boyfriend was kind enough to hold my hair back while I spewed chunks into the toilet. Apparently he got bored though, because his hands made their way down to my boobs, which he started jiggling while singing Jingle Bells. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview at a local business with the owner who was man, and the manager who was a woman. I thought I did pretty well because I heard the manager whisper so, as I was walking out. Then I heard the owner whisper "no fat chicks." FML

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By Still Dry - United States

Today, I went to a water park, and the fee to get in was $39.95. Once I got in I was really thirsty, so I got a soda and then I hear over the intercom that the park is closing due to a clog in the cleaning system. I paid 43.67 for a soda. FML

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By anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend was about to sneeze. To avoid getting his new tablet wet, he chose to sneeze right into my face instead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got pulled over for drunk driving. This is the second time its happened. I was completely sober both times. FML

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By Jasmine - United States - Sacramento

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I noticed he looked uncomfortable. When I asked what was wrong, he asked when the last time I shaved was. I answered, "I shaved my legs this morning." He shook his head and said, "No, I meant your face." FML

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By NotThatButton - United States - Missoula

Today, I accidentally deleted my landlord's pictures of his child's graduation, girlfriend, daughter and vacation when he asked me to delete a video off his phone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my pads were not in fact "big band-aids" and that he should probably remove them from his legs. FML

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By Baby Bethy - United States

Today, I went to bed at noon after having driven 11 hours from Washington to Maine. I missed my flight due to a delayed plane, and was told there were no open flights the next 2 days. I'd been driving my $200 rental car for 1.5 hrs when the airport told me, over the phone, that there was in fact a flight available. FML

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By PeeEverywhere

Today, I woke up to my husband peeing on the floor. He managed to pee in two open clothes drawers and on the pants I was going to wear to work tomorrow. Before I left earlier he promised he wouldn't get smashed tonight. FML

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By getoffthephone - United Kingdom

Today, while waiting for the bus, I googled walking directions to my destination, in case I had already missed the bus. I was so absorbed in my search that I missed the bus. FML

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By backseatbusted - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate in the backseat of his car, when a police car pulled up behind us. My mom later told me that intimacy was fine, just not in a car. We were in the car because she told me that intimacy was fine, just not in her house. FML

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By siciliano12594 - United States - Harrison

Today, I learned that last week, the UPS man gave my package to my neighbor for safekeeping. It was over five-hundred dollars' worth of merchandise. My neighbor left for Canada on Saturday. FML

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By Eyefreshener - United States

Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML

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By whateven - United States - Allentown

Today, my boss "borrowed" my prescription sunglasses off my desk. She crashed her car because they made her dizzy, and thinks I should pay for the damages. FML

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By Keldar - United States

Today, at the gas station I work a lady called wanting to know the "password" and if I was okay. Thinking it was a prank I hung up. A couple of minutes later she called back, this time asking if I could see the cops outside and telling me I'd be alright. I saw four of 'em. I'd hit the silent alarm by accident. FML

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By Sbfreak510 - France

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work and I put on yesterday's jeans. While at my meeting an employee asked me if 'that' was mine and pointed to something on the floor next to me. Which was yesterday's underwear. FML

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By Pants-Girl - Canada

Public surprise

Today, I was out walking downtown. A woman walking behind the thought that my pants were hanging too low. She came over to me and yanked my pants up. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I was fired from the restaurant I work at because I missed my shift. I missed it because I was in the hospital for food poisoning from the meal I ate at work last night. FML

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By me - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML

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By overlandparkmommie - United States

Today, I was so totally stressed out at work that I took my car into the park and reclined my seat and shut my eyes. Soon I noticed the soothing sounds of raindrops on my car and I felt a little better for once. I opened my eyes to see that a bunch of birds had crapped all over my car. FML

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By Ilikeurfmls - 6/9/2020 05:05

Delusions

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents I think I'm suffering from schizophrenia. They refused to discuss it after telling me, "It's all in my head." FML

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By upsetandannoyed - United States

Today, my friend set me up with a cute guy who is very germaphobic. So, I spent 4 hours cleaning my apartment. 2 minutes into the date, I sneezed. He politely told me he wasn't feeling well and left. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had to politely nod and say "Ah okay..." as my grandpa told me that he's not racist; he just doesn't think it's right for black men to associate with white women. He's well aware that my boyfriend is black. FML

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By lovehurts - United States

Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I recieved a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three foot range. FML

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By skinny & doomed - 6/6/2021 20:01

No pain, no gain

Today, after two full months of trying to gain weight, I haven’t gained a single pound. Instead, I now have severe and irreversible digestive problems from overeating. FML

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Top comments

By blackdoritos | 7

#6123866 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:51

Did you at least say thank you

By Shawn2095 | 18

#6123865 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:50

You can tell a lot about someone by their person hygiene & bathroom etiquette.

COMMENTS

By Shawn2095 | 18

#6123865 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:50

You can tell a lot about someone by their person hygiene & bathroom etiquette.

Reply

nchic01 | 17

#6123910 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:10

agreed. just be normal people!

Reply

AriettaX | 15

#6123926 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:25

maybe he was talking about his bag!

Reply

PennyLane27 | 32

#6123955 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:57

#1- and their nuts!

Reply

iLike2Teabag | 27

#6124012 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:29

Oh. Do normal people not compliment each other's sacks?

Reply

razoray9 | 22

#6124143 - Friday 21 November 2014 4:05

I thought everyone complimented each other at the urinal

Reply

PresidentNorth | 16

#6124197 - Friday 21 November 2014 5:10

Why couldn't you be any more perfect mister teabag. This fml really goes out to you! You the real mvp.

By blackdoritos | 7

#6123866 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:51

Did you at least say thank you

Reply

Murilirum | 23

#6123881 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:54

I can't help but feel like OP also has poor bathroom etiquette, no 'thank you'?

Reply

PennyLane27 | 32

#6123953 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:55

On the plus side, OP, you have a nice set of low hangers!

Reply

StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6124165 - Friday 21 November 2014 4:35

I don't know why OP was trying to sack it to him for giving him a compliment...even if it was weird. Some people don't have the same inhibitions unfortunately. Just don't shake his hand.

By giantsfan2010 | 23

#6123867 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:51

This is why I always go pee in the stalls....

Reply

twistedgrifter | 8

#6124030 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:44

#3 and that's why the seats always have piss on them.

Reply

SirMichael | 13

#6124042 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:58

@39, not if you lift the seat before you pee.

Reply

wallamanut | 14

#6124681 - Friday 21 November 2014 20:03

or if you, ya know, actually aim into the toilet.

By RA91 | 26

#6123868 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:51

That's just uncalled for -_-

By ojskyguy | 8

#6123871 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:51

At least he was impressed.

By devildog562 | 33

#6123880 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:53

At least you have a nice sac. Better then "omg is that a prune?" Breach of man code, plus his dirty dick hand is touching the bathroom door.

Reply

Astrum14 | 24

#6123913 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:13

If he showers regularly, his dick is probably cleaner than the door is. Do you have any idea how dirty doors are in a public restroom?

Reply

devildog562 | 33

#6123935 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:30

If he doesn't wash his hands, his hygiene probably isn't good.

By namine120409 | 40

#6123882 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:54

That's just all around disturbing. I mean at least he didn't pee ON you but still.

Reply

Llama_Face89 | 33

#6124159 - Friday 21 November 2014 4:32

In some circles that's a turn on. XD

By natalinagan | 9

#6123883 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:55

There's a video where they're doing this as a prank

Reply

Guatican | 6

#6126727 - Monday 24 November 2014 5:11

whaaa... no way.. *proceeds to YouTube*

By Devindelon | 17

#6123886 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:56

At least you were complimented.

By Im2Shy | 16

#6123903 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:07

It's stories like these where I'm SO glad I'm a female...I love the privacy of the women's bathrooms.

Reply

tooyoungtooold | 11

#6124220 - Friday 21 November 2014 5:52

How do you like it when you really really really have to go and there's a line coming out the door? To every gender their own pros and cons

Reply

thes7274473 | 19

#6124535 - Friday 21 November 2014 16:34

I would wish I was born female if psychopathic menstrual anger wasn't hereditary in my family...