Miscellaneous: Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Calhoun

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

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Spooky

Bad news

Doomed

By purpletrout - United States - Lansing

Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got him to sleep, I tried to go to bed. My husband is now snoring, farting and taking up my side of the bed. I desperately need some sleep. FML

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By fishtacos - United States - Fontana

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML

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By fuckinghicks - United States

Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML

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By GiWi - Ireland

Today, I asked my boss a simple question about a problem I was having with a project I am currently doing. He replied: ''You don't worry your sweet little ass about it babe". My boss is my girlfriend's father. Nice. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was shopping in a store and an employee was mopping the floor. She mopped all around where I was standing then told me to wait until the floor dried to move. I had to go to the bathroom. FML

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By greasyhair - United States

Today, I finally figured out why my 5 year old daughter washes her hair everyday. It's because she doesn't want to have "yucky greasy" hair like her mommy. FML

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By massachusettsan - United States - Monomoy Island

Guitar Porn

Today, I got the same feeling in my chest when I orgasmed as when I hit a hard section in Guitar Hero. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only person that remembered was my creepy stalker. FML

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By steffansk1997

Today, I had an appointment with the CEO of a big company about a game I'm going to make for them. The first thing I did after sitting down was to throw my coffee all over his desk. FML

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By Ceej - United States

Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML

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By veevee - Australia

Today, I noticed my dishwasher wouldn't turn on. After shelling out $120 call-out fee, I was a little miffed when the technician walked in, pressed the 'unlock' function and walked out again. FML

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By poopiter - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML

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By Chicagoillinois - United States - San Francisco

Today, my step-dad explained to me why he doesn't need to wash his body. He condescendingly said, "Well when you shampoo your hair, the soap runs down your body and cleans everything." He's 37 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kokomo

Today, at work, my boss made me go outside and wash people's cars for free. I work at Verizon. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the love of my life, who I've been going out with for two weeks only, asked me out because he lost a bet. Apparently I'm the punishment for not being able to eat 10 hot dogs. FML

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By DogDoingScience - Czech Republic

Today, I ran into my father. He was drunk and singing in the street. At 1:25pm. FML

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By BloodyMarry - United States

Today, on the drive to church, I got a nosebleed. Not so bad, until I sneezed and splattered myself and my fiancé with blood, snot, and eventually tears. FML

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By fuckendog - Australia - Virginia

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pomona

Today, I held the door open for someone and he said, "Thank you!" I said, "Thank you!" back. FML

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By HatedbyBras - Netherlands

Today, I tried to take off my girlfriend's bra. When I finally unhooked it, it snapped back and hit me in the eye. FML

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By dancer_2014 - United States

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

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By virginkiller - Singapore

You learn something new every day

Today, my girlfriend revealed to me that she has primeisodophobia. What is primeisodophobia, you may ask? Well, it's the fear of losing your virginity. FML

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By urinanalysis - Canada

Today, I went to get blood and urine tests done before work. As I was attempting to aim into the cup, I lost balance and slipped. I ended up peeing on my sleeves and my pants. I was late for work and I smelled like pee. FML

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By janae

Today, I discovered that I am pregnant. I questioned my boyfriend and he admitted to not using a condom because he thought we were just doing "practice sex". FML

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By Jota

Today, I was doing a job interview on Skype when my roommate decided to reboot the wireless router because "the internet was too slow". The interviewer didn't bother calling again. FML

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By tooflufoschool - United States

Today, I was in bed sick from pneumonia. I asked my boyfriend to nuke a can of soup for me. He said "in a sec, let me finish this game" and continued to play on his Xbox for an hour. Starving, I crawled out to make soup. When I sat down to eat, he paused the game and asked "you didn't make me any?" FML

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By KathleenSchuler - United States

Today, I took a week off work because my father passed away. I was at the funeral home making arrangements when I overheard the owners complaining about how their insurance agent had left them to fend for themselves. I'm their insurance agent. FML

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By unfriendlyskies - United States - Central Falls

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

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By catdog552 - United States

Today, while I was studying for an exam, my younger sister came home extremely drunk and threw up all over herself and her bed. I later got grounded for not setting a better example. FML

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By jobless

Today, I received a rejection e-mail from a potential employer I interviewed with. I asked for some feedback and they said I didn't seem interested. I had showed extensive interest, even brought up some of the company's recent events, and literally said, "I'm very interested in this position." FML

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By arrestedgun - Canada

Today, I went to a dollar store with a couple friends to buy cap guns to play with. We were having a lot of fun with them, and took them onto a bus. 5 minutes later, three cops got on, handcuffed us, and sternly talked to us about the dangers of guns. We got arrested for toy guns. We are 17. FML

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By Greenskies - France - Corneilla-del-vercol

Today, I was talking to my boss at the end of an awesome internship. He said he was really satisfied with my work, and that he had considered hiring me. Turns out he decided not to because I smile too much and it unnerves him. FML

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By

Today, I found out I'm going to have to come into the office on yet another weekend to plow snow. This wouldn't be so bad, if I actually got paid to work weekends. FML

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By bloody good time

Nosebleed

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I have ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML

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By Are you f*cking kidding me - United States - Denver

Today, I was on my bike. As I'm rolling through an intersection, some asshat in a pickup runs the red light and hits me. Instead of getting out and helping me, the guy hops out, takes a look at me lying in the street, steals my hat and drives off. That was my favorite hat. FML

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By Bjax

Shame on you!

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML

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By sounfair90 - United States

Today, I felt left out that all my friends are getting married or have great relationships and my boyfriend won't commit. I made a facebook up and pretended to talk with this really cute guy I made up. Today, I found out that my boyfriend is gay... he started hitting on my made up facebook guy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me while we were at the pool. He seemed shocked that I wasn't crying. A slim girl in a bikini walked past and said, "Don't worry, fat people are used to it." FML

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Top comments

By blackdoritos | 7

#6123866 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:51

Did you at least say thank you

By Shawn2095 | 18

#6123865 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:50

You can tell a lot about someone by their person hygiene & bathroom etiquette.

COMMENTS

By Shawn2095 | 18

#6123865 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:50

You can tell a lot about someone by their person hygiene & bathroom etiquette.

Reply

nchic01 | 17

#6123910 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:10

agreed. just be normal people!

Reply

AriettaX | 15

#6123926 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:25

maybe he was talking about his bag!

Reply

PennyLane27 | 32

#6123955 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:57

#1- and their nuts!

Reply

iLike2Teabag | 27

#6124012 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:29

Oh. Do normal people not compliment each other's sacks?

Reply

razoray9 | 21

#6124143 - Friday 21 November 2014 4:05

I thought everyone complimented each other at the urinal

Reply

PresidentNorth | 16

#6124197 - Friday 21 November 2014 5:10

Why couldn't you be any more perfect mister teabag. This fml really goes out to you! You the real mvp.

By blackdoritos | 7

#6123866 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:51

Did you at least say thank you

Reply

Murilirum | 23

#6123881 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:54

I can't help but feel like OP also has poor bathroom etiquette, no 'thank you'?

Reply

PennyLane27 | 32

#6123953 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:55

On the plus side, OP, you have a nice set of low hangers!

Reply

StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6124165 - Friday 21 November 2014 4:35

I don't know why OP was trying to sack it to him for giving him a compliment...even if it was weird. Some people don't have the same inhibitions unfortunately. Just don't shake his hand.

By giantsfan2010 | 23

#6123867 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:51

This is why I always go pee in the stalls....

Reply

twistedgrifter | 8

#6124030 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:44

#3 and that's why the seats always have piss on them.

Reply

SirMichael | 13

#6124042 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:58

@39, not if you lift the seat before you pee.

Reply

wallamanut | 14

#6124681 - Friday 21 November 2014 20:03

or if you, ya know, actually aim into the toilet.

By RA91 | 26

#6123868 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:51

That's just uncalled for -_-

By ojskyguy | 8

#6123871 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:51

At least he was impressed.

By devildog562 | 33

#6123880 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:53

At least you have a nice sac. Better then "omg is that a prune?" Breach of man code, plus his dirty dick hand is touching the bathroom door.

Reply

Astrum14 | 24

#6123913 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:13

If he showers regularly, his dick is probably cleaner than the door is. Do you have any idea how dirty doors are in a public restroom?

Reply

devildog562 | 33

#6123935 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:30

If he doesn't wash his hands, his hygiene probably isn't good.

By namine120409 | 40

#6123882 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:54

That's just all around disturbing. I mean at least he didn't pee ON you but still.

Reply

Llama_Face89 | 33

#6124159 - Friday 21 November 2014 4:32

In some circles that's a turn on. XD

By natalinagan | 9

#6123883 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:55

There's a video where they're doing this as a prank

Reply

Guatican | 6

#6126727 - Monday 24 November 2014 5:11

whaaa... no way.. *proceeds to YouTube*

By Devindelon | 17

#6123886 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:56

At least you were complimented.

By Im2Shy | 16

#6123903 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:07

It's stories like these where I'm SO glad I'm a female...I love the privacy of the women's bathrooms.

Reply

tooyoungtooold | 11

#6124220 - Friday 21 November 2014 5:52

How do you like it when you really really really have to go and there's a line coming out the door? To every gender their own pros and cons

Reply

thes7274473 | 19

#6124535 - Friday 21 November 2014 16:34

I would wish I was born female if psychopathic menstrual anger wasn't hereditary in my family...