Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside... - FML

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 16:35 - United States - Calhoun

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

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Out of it

Mixed signals

Ant life

By Anonymous - 2/10/2017 19:30 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me so I walked up to her and asked if everything was okay. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 03:10 - United States

Today, a repairman woke me up so he could change the filter in my furnace. This would have been fine, except he didn't wake me up until he was already in my room, where I was sleeping naked. FML

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By username - 19/5/2015 06:45 - United Kingdom - Leatherhead

Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM or anything like that, it's just in case she gets bored and wants me to stop. FML

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By anonymous - 13/2/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I cracked a rib coughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, I got a completely random boner at a coffee shop, five seconds before two attractive women asked me to stand up and take their picture. FML

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By Mike - 15/12/2010 11:57

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML

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By Joe - 3/4/2011 07:33 - Australia

Today, I went with my beautiful fiancée to tell her Grandmother, who's a bit senile, that we were engaged. Her response: "I know he's very nice, but think about the chubby little ugly children he'll give you". This was followed by a recollection of her ex-boyfriends who would've fathered attractive kids. FML

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By Not his SunShine anymore - 10/7/2016 23:04 - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over something that happened 5 years ago. We've only been together for 2 years as of this July. FML

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By coolguy - 6/11/2012 05:15 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2014 20:55 - United States - Gardner

Today, I got my wedding photos back. The only decent picture of my husband and me together also featured a fat guy in a crop top behind us. FML

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By bear92 - 19/6/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML

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By hungry - 12/2/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I had an eating problem because I've been eating less. I only started eating less because she told me I ate too much. FML

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By Rohirus - 7/6/2012 23:09 - Sweden

Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML

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By 919191 - 18/8/2014 13:26 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML

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By pappy - 3/5/2019 13:00 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my friend asked me if I flirted with any girls during our shift. I said, "No, not any I could think of." He then told me there was a note on my windshield that said, "Call me" with a phone number on it. After my shift, I went to my car excited and read the note. It was just a penis. FML

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By Darwin_Award_Winner - 7/6/2012 12:10 - United States - Beaumont

Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML

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By godhatesme - 26/1/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, at work I got a message from some dude trying to flirt with me. While I was cracking up and making fun of him with my friends, I get a message from him saying look directly behind you, and there he was staring at me. FML

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By pist off - 5/3/2018 19:00

Classy.

Today, I felt rain on my face. I looked up and saw a man peeing off a hot air balloon. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2012 23:12 - Canada

Today, I hooked up with my ex-girlfriend, after she confessed to still being in love with me. I logged into Facebook after she left, only to find her status set to "I think I just made a big mistake." FML

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By sailinggsoul - 2/8/2019 00:01

Today, I bought a box of tampons and went to the store restroom to insert one. I then put the box inside my purse. On my way out, I got stopped by security, who yelled at me to empty my purse. He grabbed my bag, spilling the tampons everywhere. Apparently, he thought I was stealing. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2019 22:02

Right Said Fred

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing the "I'm too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…" song before we had sex. Now, every time we have sex, that song is going to be in my head. FML

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By CRC - 23/11/2011 15:38 - United States

Today, a freshman set off the fire alarm in my dorm at 2 a.m. He tried to microwave Easy Mac without adding water. I had to stand outside for 45 minutes while the firemen moved the noodles to the sink and ran cold water over them. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2018 19:00

Heart = Broken

Today, I got my lady bits waxed for my man with a little heart-shaped landing strip. Later, as he removed my panties, he crinkled his nose and stated, "It looks like Donald Trump." FML

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By whovian221b - 25/8/2015 22:46 - United States

Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By ouchies - 5/5/2011 02:38 - United States

Today, I had to call the doctor to go and have them remove a tick that had got stuck to my man-parts while fishing. The receptionist laughed, she thought I was prank calling. FML

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By chairlee - 7/11/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, I stepped on a piece of glass and sliced my right foot open. Hobbling to get my first aid kit, I tripped and stepped on a pair of heels, and sliced my left foot open. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2016 18:24 - United States - Mission

Today, I lost my virginity. We'd both waited until marriage, so I thought it'd be nice and romantic. Nope. He slipped it into my ass and claimed he didn't know which hole was the right one. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, I had a surprise birthday party thrown in my honor. All of my friends and family had been invited, and all of the details were perfect. Who threw the party for me? My ex-girlfriend who I dumped last week for "not being thoughtful enough." FML

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By hedayk - 15/5/2015 20:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML

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By me - 24/4/2014 15:32 - United States - Paris

Today, my Spanish teacher imitated the sound of a coffee grinder, and then said in Spanish, "OK, all of you do it." I did it, thinking everyone else would too. I was the only one in the class who'd understood the Spanish part. FML

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By edgyasfuck23 - 13/5/2016 17:09 - United States - Blairsville

Today, I was hiking with my uncle. We were going down a slope, and I kept slipping. He jokingly pushed me just as we approached a big drop. I ended up with three fractured ribs. FML

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By anonymous - 14/2/2011 13:45 - United States

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend how sleeping with another person is cheating. It's been three days, and almost as many fights. He still doesn't get it. FML

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By FirstDaddy - 16/6/2014 21:38 - United States - Southfield

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2016 13:21 - Netherlands - Ottersum

Today, I got a heads-up that my boss suffered a death in the family, but was coming into work anyway. I thought he'd be depressed, but it seems he deals with grief with anger instead. I found that out when he yelled at me, threatening to rip my spine out my ass over a typo I made in a report. FML

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By MikeMoosey - 30/12/2009 18:00 - United States

Today, while pumping gas, I stopped to think about what a failure my life is, and how badly I've treated people in my past. While deep in thought, I accidentally pulled the gas pump out too far and covered myself with gasoline. FML

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By Ahhwtf - 18/8/2009 11:47 - United States

Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML

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By headdesk - 25/6/2014 05:41 - United States - Kaneohe

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/11/2010 21:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was ambushed by a very angry beaver. FML

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By Cassidy Bowen - 16/6/2012 05:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I decided to not wear makeup for the first time. My boyfriend asked me if I got punched in the face. FML

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By ghostyyy - 24/7/2010 23:21 - France

Today, my sister was on television. It would have been great if she weren't being handcuffed for burglary. FML

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Top comments

By blackdoritos | 7

#6123866 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:51

Did you at least say thank you

By Shawn2095 | 18

#6123865 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:50

You can tell a lot about someone by their person hygiene & bathroom etiquette.

COMMENTS

By Shawn2095 | 18

#6123865 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:50

You can tell a lot about someone by their person hygiene & bathroom etiquette.

Reply

nchic01 | 17

#6123910 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:10

agreed. just be normal people!

Reply

AriettaX | 15

#6123926 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:25

maybe he was talking about his bag!

Reply

PennyLane27 | 32

#6123955 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:57

#1- and their nuts!

Reply

iLike2Teabag | 27

#6124012 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:29

Oh. Do normal people not compliment each other's sacks?

Reply

razoray9 | 21

#6124143 - Friday 21 November 2014 4:05

I thought everyone complimented each other at the urinal

Reply

PresidentNorth | 16

#6124197 - Friday 21 November 2014 5:10

Why couldn't you be any more perfect mister teabag. This fml really goes out to you! You the real mvp.

By blackdoritos | 7

#6123866 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:51

Did you at least say thank you

Reply

Murilirum | 23

#6123881 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:54

I can't help but feel like OP also has poor bathroom etiquette, no 'thank you'?

Reply

PennyLane27 | 32

#6123953 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:55

On the plus side, OP, you have a nice set of low hangers!

Reply

StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6124165 - Friday 21 November 2014 4:35

I don't know why OP was trying to sack it to him for giving him a compliment...even if it was weird. Some people don't have the same inhibitions unfortunately. Just don't shake his hand.

By giantsfan2010 | 23

#6123867 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:51

This is why I always go pee in the stalls....

Reply

twistedgrifter | 8

#6124030 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:44

#3 and that's why the seats always have piss on them.

Reply

SirMichael | 13

#6124042 - Friday 21 November 2014 0:58

@39, not if you lift the seat before you pee.

Reply

wallamanut | 14

#6124681 - Friday 21 November 2014 20:03

or if you, ya know, actually aim into the toilet.

By RA91 | 26

#6123868 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:51

That's just uncalled for -_-

By ojskyguy | 8

#6123871 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:51

At least he was impressed.

By devildog562 | 33

#6123880 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:53

At least you have a nice sac. Better then "omg is that a prune?" Breach of man code, plus his dirty dick hand is touching the bathroom door.

Reply

Astrum14 | 24

#6123913 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:13

If he showers regularly, his dick is probably cleaner than the door is. Do you have any idea how dirty doors are in a public restroom?

Reply

devildog562 | 33

#6123935 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:30

If he doesn't wash his hands, his hygiene probably isn't good.

By namine120409 | 40

#6123882 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:54

That's just all around disturbing. I mean at least he didn't pee ON you but still.

Reply

Llama_Face89 | 33

#6124159 - Friday 21 November 2014 4:32

In some circles that's a turn on. XD

By natalinagan | 9

#6123883 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:55

There's a video where they're doing this as a prank

Reply

Guatican | 6

#6126727 - Monday 24 November 2014 5:11

whaaa... no way.. *proceeds to YouTube*

By Devindelon | 17

#6123886 - Thursday 20 November 2014 22:56

At least you were complimented.

By Im2Shy | 16

#6123903 - Thursday 20 November 2014 23:07

It's stories like these where I'm SO glad I'm a female...I love the privacy of the women's bathrooms.

Reply

tooyoungtooold | 11

#6124220 - Friday 21 November 2014 5:52

How do you like it when you really really really have to go and there's a line coming out the door? To every gender their own pros and cons

Reply

thes7274473 | 19

#6124535 - Friday 21 November 2014 16:34

I would wish I was born female if psychopathic menstrual anger wasn't hereditary in my family...