Animals and Kids: Today, while using a doorless restroom at the beach, a pack of... - FML

By somanybirds - United States - Jacksonville

Today, while using a doorless restroom at the beach, a pack of seagulls rushed into my stall, followed by a group of kids chasing them. I guess the noise from tearing open a pad sounded enough like a bag of chips for them to think there was food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4713

You deserved it

307

Tweet

Share

Sorry…

You tried

Dementia or hate? You decide

By Anonymous

"At least you've got a job" - Mr. Missingthepoint

Today, I drove an hour to work, did nothing for 8 hours, drove an hour back, and then studied for 4 hours. This has been happening for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1374

You deserved it

261

Tweet

Share

By Today - United States

Today, I had to play Paper, Rock or Scissors and beat my boyfriend in order to get him to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35232

You deserved it

6571

Tweet

Share

By during - United States

Narcissism

Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56281

You deserved it

7303

Tweet

Share

By silenceisgolden

Train guy

Today, a guy on the train was using his phone really loudly, asking Siri to call a bunch of people, or using voice command to do the most menial things. He was really, really noisy. It's only after I couldn't stand it any more and asked him to be quieter that I noticed the white cane next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

588

You deserved it

1753

Tweet

Share

By eggman 583 - United States - Massapequa

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was, "trying to change her." A week ago I asked her to stop talking to the 6 guys that have all previously asked her for nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12485

You deserved it

1163

Tweet

Share

By Fat man pube - 29/3/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Letting yourself go

Today, after months of isolating and shielding, suffering through the isolation of having caught COVID and letting my hygiene, diet and exercise programme go to shit, I can officially say my pubes are now longer than my penis, but it’s ok because my belly now hangs over my belt so I can’t even see it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

675

You deserved it

577

Tweet

Share

By missmisfit - Canada - Montreal

Today, I gave my puppy a treat for finally doing his business in the grass instead of on the patio. He later puked it up all over the patio. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23961

You deserved it

3301

Tweet

Share

By QuicksilverMaximoff - United Kingdom

Today, I was rudely stopped in the park by a woman screaming at me for being a slut for having a baby so young. She got so worked up that she started swearing. Not only was I just babysitting for a friend, I am unable to get the toddler to stop swearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46807

You deserved it

3099

Tweet

Share

By ThisIsAgony - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my little sister is having a friend spend the night. Our rooms are right next to one another and the walls are thin. We are now entering the fourth hour of a singing contest so off-key that it should be illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45791

You deserved it

3604

Tweet

Share

By lastalittlelonger - United States

Bragging

Today, I received a text from my boyfriend telling me how much I wore him out the night before, from all the sex we were having. We had sex for two minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25540

You deserved it

3128

Tweet

Share

By devinchi - United States

Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33216

You deserved it

8172

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/9/2020 00:30 - United States - Savannah

Boundaries

Today, I woke up to my step-mother taking a shower in my bathroom. Of course, this would be fine, if my bathroom wasn't connected to my room and closet, or that I live in an apartment in their back yard, built before she moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1323

You deserved it

120

Tweet

Share

By Takuma - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21529

You deserved it

94924

Tweet

Share

By NewlyChildaphobic - Ireland

Today, I was minding a 6-year old boy. He begged me to take him somewhere. I rang his Mum, and she said I could. He picked to go to McDonald's. He ordered chicken. After his meal, he told me he was vegetarian, and wanted to try some meat while his Mum wasn't around. I got the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38590

You deserved it

4326

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - India - Mumbai

Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26035

You deserved it

1819

Tweet

Share

By hahahehehohohoo - United States

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

323205

You deserved it

58401

Tweet

Share

By RescuePups - United States - Waterford

Sneaky Bitch

Today, my 8-week-old foster puppy pooped on my backpack as I was getting ready to go to work. In the 10 seconds it took to grab cleaning supplies, another foster dog ate my homemade breakfast sandwich off the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3252

You deserved it

774

Tweet

Share

By

No chance

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1462

You deserved it

854

Tweet

Share

By Brian - United States

Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21503

You deserved it

64442

Tweet

Share

By FML1994 - United States

Today, my family was discussing the new rules of the house we are moving in. They told my sister she couldn't have any boys in her room. They didn't tell me I couldn't have any girls in my room. Even my parents think I can't get a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44194

You deserved it

4960

Tweet

Share

By Julie is in pain - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I had eight teeth removed in preparation for getting my braces fitted. My winter break will now consists of barely being able to sleep or eat, tasting blood, and looking like a goofy-ass chipmunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26099

You deserved it

2449

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, while doing a project on income, my teacher told me there are no houses in Japan. I told her I lived in Mitaka for 3 years and that I lived in a house there. She told me I was bullshitting. So much for quality education. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6755

You deserved it

368

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house. We were looking at her dad's guns, and I was explaining gun safety and how you should never put your finger on the trigger. I then shot a hole in the floor of her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7347

You deserved it

44766

Tweet

Share

By awkardtaco

Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2537

You deserved it

215

Tweet

Share

By meepdaleap - United States - Newport News

Today, I stepped out of the kitchen to yell at my kids for running in the house. I had just mopped the floor, and did not want them to fall. I fell while yelling and twisted my ankle. At least they know it's dangerous now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44243

You deserved it

9547

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I got stung by a bee. On my eyelid. I'm allergic so it's swollen up so much, I can't even open my eye. Tomorrow is the first day of a new prestigious school. I either have to go to school wearing an eye-patch or walk around looking like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48665

You deserved it

3304

Tweet

Share

By MrsRockyHorror - United States

Today, I seriously considered labelling myself as 'in a relationship' on Facebook, even though I haven't been in one since '92, so I can hide just how desperate I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30097

You deserved it

7673

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - France - Paris

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend. He claimed that it's because he's an agent fighting the Mafia, and he doesn't want to put my life at risk through reprisal attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25546

You deserved it

2597

Tweet

Share

By FenRackety - Canada

Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54634

You deserved it

5754

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23289

You deserved it

1693

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, my son turned 8. We watched as he unwrapped a $55 Nerf gun, extra 'bullets', new shoes and a school bag with his favorite TV character on the front and a action figure inside. As he finished he looked me straight in the eyes and says, "That's great ma, but seriously what'd you get me?". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36690

You deserved it

12041

Tweet

Share

By bcf1234 - United States

Today, I waited in line at Subway. There were two people in front of me. The first lady had seven sandwiches and the second lady had four. So after patiently waiting, I ordered my sandwich, only to have my credit card declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26535

You deserved it

12077

Tweet

Share

By Godhelpme - United States - Houston

Today, in a last ditch attempt to get away from my psycho coworker, I made my boss transfer me to another branch in the district. My coworker was immediately moved to that branch, because we "work well together". FML

I agree, your life sucks

50204

You deserved it

4667

Tweet

Share

By Roger Quimble

Today, after taking a refreshing shower, I found out that due to a newly-built platform, people in the apartment underneath can see right into my bedroom. While I was standing there completely naked, some guy smiled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1816

You deserved it

231

Tweet

Share

By idontevenlikebuttsthatmuch - United States - Mesa

Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that says "Cowboy butts drive me nuts." I've driven that car to work every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31319

You deserved it

4190

Tweet

Share

By R - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my teacher called a friend and me out of class and told us we had been reported for plagiarism because our answers to a problem were nearly identical, and he said that I shouldn't have shared my work. This for an assignment where significant marks were awarded for collaborating with peers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16792

You deserved it

1416

Tweet

Share

By mikey09 - United States

Today, was my first day at my new job, which requires you to wear a special shirt. Come to find out, they only have medium sized shirts. I am an XL. They demanded I wear the shirt anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34542

You deserved it

9263

Tweet

Share

By Jim

Today, during PE I got hit in the face with the ball. Everyone cheered because we got 5 extra points. No one asked if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28329

You deserved it

4281

Tweet

Share

By James

Windows 2019

Today, a group of angry women stormed my boss’s office, complaining I was harassing them and peeping through their windows. I'm a window washer, and these women never buy curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1739

You deserved it

102

Tweet

Share

By . - Germany - Neuwied

Today, I had to hide some Oreos inside my bra to motivate my husband to get close to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18135

You deserved it

1852

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By awildwhisper | 30

#7444070 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 14:37

This is why all bathrooms need doors and locks...

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7444083 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 15:07

That must have either been a really noisy pad or those gulls had really sharp ears because the last time I checked, pads did not sound like bags of chips.

COMMENTS

By joeyl2008 | 29

#7444062 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 14:34

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

Cali | 54

#7444159 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 17:21

...was that a really bad attempt at a joke?

By awildwhisper | 30

#7444070 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 14:37

This is why all bathrooms need doors and locks...

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7444083 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 15:07

That must have either been a really noisy pad or those gulls had really sharp ears because the last time I checked, pads did not sound like bags of chips.

Reply

awildwhisper | 30

#7444195 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 18:18

well they do have sharp hearing

Reply

Isa_fml | 20

#7444391 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 0:05

They're birds, I imagine any kind of plastic crinkling is going to make them think "FOOD!"

Reply

Glowworm56 | 25

#7444423 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 1:15

Sadly, I can easily imagine them all going "MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!" XD

By wickedgetz | 29

#7444252 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 20:11

Kids these days have great hearing.

By GIJoefan | 6

#7444282 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 20:44

Silly birds!

By kimiirenee | 17

#7444295 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 21:07

if you're at the beach, why not use a tampon so you don't end up with a bloody diaper on?

Reply

TaoShaman | 24

#7444324 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 22:24

Not everyone can or wants to. And what do diapers have to do with anything? They're not the same thing. People go to the beach without getting in the water all the time.

By Isa_fml | 20

#7444378 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 23:52

Doorless restroom? The fuck?

By Ray_of_midnight | 22

#7444406 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 0:36

Do you look like Tippi Hedren?

By PaulieXP | 16

#7444592 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 11:13

When they saw it wasn't food, did they run so far away?

By EbyKat | 16

#7444890 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 21:14

Time to switch to menstrual cups.