Animals and Kids: Today, while using a doorless restroom at the beach, a pack of... - FML

By somanybirds - United States - Jacksonville

Today, while using a doorless restroom at the beach, a pack of seagulls rushed into my stall, followed by a group of kids chasing them. I guess the noise from tearing open a pad sounded enough like a bag of chips for them to think there was food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4700

You deserved it

307

Tweet

Share

Mother of the year

Walk on the wild side

Boozehound alert

By masterfail - United States

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6444

You deserved it

19693

Tweet

Share

By CrimsonAmaryllis - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, after two and a half hours of travel, it was finally my stop on the train. I politely waited for a group of women to get off first. They took so long to move that the train doors closed. I shouted at one through the door to call the conductor. She watched and smiled as the train departed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39370

You deserved it

4134

Tweet

Share

By waitthatsnotme - United States

Today, after dating my girlfriend for about a month she decided to change her Facebook status to taken. When I saw the update I immediately clicked "Like." Then I looked up and saw I wasn't the person she had put herself in the relationship with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53150

You deserved it

5515

Tweet

Share

By Wobblefat

Today, I was watching porn when I found a lookalike of my soon-to-be sister-in-law. She's attractive, so I enjoyed watching her getting it on by herself. Needless to say I did not finish as I saw another "lookalike" entering the room. I have now seen my brothers erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11844

You deserved it

4281

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while on my daily jog, I passed a very attractive girl. While passing her, she yelled "hey cutie". Trying to look cool, I tried turning around without stopping. I then fell off the curb and severely sprained my ankle. She caught up to help but was laughing the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14921

You deserved it

40366

Tweet

Share

By cheezeits - United States

Today, my long-distance girlfriend asked me if she could see someone else on the side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36079

You deserved it

6811

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, after not showering with my boyfriend in 3 months, he called me in to the bathroom and asked me to shower with him. After getting excited and ripping my clothes off, I get in and he asks me to wash his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4595

You deserved it

851

Tweet

Share

By Hotdamnthisismyjam - Canada

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest ugliest man at the table looks me over then stares at my chest. He then starts to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50999

You deserved it

6580

Tweet

Share

By drano - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier at my job. A guy came up with a cart full of stuff and it took me 10 minutes to ring it all up. When I told him his total, he felt his pockets, said "Oh shit I forgot my wallet!" and walked away. He left about 15 bags worth of things for me to put back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46834

You deserved it

3274

Tweet

Share

By Never Going Back To The Doctor - United States

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65267

You deserved it

12305

Tweet

Share

By dm206 - United States

Today, I decided that I was going to get my front license plate put back on my car after two years of having it off. In these two years I somehow never got pulled over for it, as it is illegal to drive without one in MD. On my way there, I got pulled over for not having a front license plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18104

You deserved it

51734

Tweet

Share

By omgreally91 - United States

Today, I spent an hour photoshopping my face onto super skinny models as inspiration for a diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11540

You deserved it

30263

Tweet

Share

By coffee girl - Canada

Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33229

You deserved it

2426

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/2/2021 17:02 - United States - Herndon

That was quick

Today, my husband told me he doesn't see me in a sexual light. Too bad we've only been married for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1072

You deserved it

81

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I started to put my hands down his pants and jokingly said, "Sorry, I'm not very good at hand jobs." He replied, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1783

You deserved it

694

Tweet

Share

By dinosaucer - United States

Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34162

You deserved it

3530

Tweet

Share

By ThirdWheelHell - United States - Farmville

Today, I had a date with a guy. We ran into our gay friend at the theater, who insisted on coming along. My date was pissed, but I couldn't turn our friend away. Afterwards, my date texted our friend, mad because he crashed the date. Turns out he isn't gay. And only crashed it because he likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12898

You deserved it

3478

Tweet

Share

By caphis - United States

Today, I got a cross-country job promotion. I decided to plan my Going-Away-Forever party, and bought a pack of 100 invitations. After mailing them out to all my friends, I have 92 left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59896

You deserved it

13112

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - New Haven

Today, the new manager at my workplace left early in a panic, exclaiming, "My grandma had an accident! I need to see if she's okay!" I was left in charge of the bar once again. This is the sixth time this week his grandma has had an "accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32069

You deserved it

2644

Tweet

Share

By Neednewfriends - Australia

Today, I found out that my "friends" only invite me to their parties when they need a designated driver. Apparently I'm "not fun" because I don't drink, which "ruins the party". FML

I agree, your life sucks

22314

You deserved it

2650

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Orillia

Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29506

You deserved it

2279

Tweet

Share

By smileytheface - United States

Today, my car got stolen. While I was standing ten feet away from it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28664

You deserved it

7156

Tweet

Share

By .... - United States - Geneva

Today, my boyfriend went to work instead of going to my father's funeral. He works at home and chooses his own hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38450

You deserved it

3385

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend of 3 years believes sex before marriage or even me just jacking off is a big no, doing online strip-shows for money is a big yes for her. Both times that I've proposed, she claimed she isn't "ready" for marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49454

You deserved it

9484

Tweet

Share

By straightlyconfused - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my car broke down and had to be towed to the dealership. Normally, this would be just unlucky but I work with kids and we had been fundraising for charity. I am now sitting at the dealership with my hair coloured purple, red and blue and in ridiculously high pigtails while people stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23181

You deserved it

2604

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I got to meet the guy that I have been talking to over a dating website. We were having a great time, at least until I managed to randomly fall asleep in front of him. I spent the rest of the day sending text messages trying to explain to him that I suffer from narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10139

You deserved it

1019

Tweet

Share

By nerp - Canada - Toronto

Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18933

You deserved it

2651

Tweet

Share

By ninnang - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48945

You deserved it

3492

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34721

You deserved it

7648

Tweet

Share

By courtnayy - United States

Today, I got proposed to. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and we have 2 kids. It was perfect, except it was my ex-boyfriend who proposed to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50557

You deserved it

5973

Tweet

Share

By dempasi - United States - Utica

Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14537

You deserved it

2493

Tweet

Share

By KismetSiren - United States - Hoffman Forest

Today, I told my mother I got engaged. Her reply was a great heaving sigh, followed by ,"OK… So how's work going?" She showed more excitement last week when my brother managed to properly make Kraft macaroni. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9687

You deserved it

654

Tweet

Share

By allergyface - Canada

Today, I was talking to my parents, when all of a sudden my dad starts freaking out and asking my mom how I got this really bad allergy on my face. My mom just laughed, and then I had to explain to him that it was just my acne. The worst part is, he was dead serious the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27489

You deserved it

2452

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my little sister put on some black eyeliner on my eyes. About half an hour later, my eyes started to hurt. Eyeliner never hurt for me; so I went to the bathroom to check it out. My sister wasn't using eyeliner. It was a black watercolor pencil. Now I have black bits inside my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29204

You deserved it

6306

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I came home sick. After a while I received a text message. I thought it was a sweet 'how are you baby?' from my boyfriend. It wasn't. He sent: 'Hey, I'm going to work now. Please do not disturb. Thank you!' FML

I agree, your life sucks

25988

You deserved it

5966

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was changing my clothes with my dog in the room. As I took off my shirt, he looked at me, ran into the corner, and threw up. Well that's a confidence booster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27599

You deserved it

2774

Tweet

Share

By Shotacon - United States - Woodbury

Today, while using the leg press at the gym, some guy thought he could use more weight than me since I look really young. He hurt himself. He then blamed me and tried to get me kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21031

You deserved it

1277

Tweet

Share

By thinkimquitting - Australia - Yarraville

Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31915

You deserved it

2558

Tweet

Share

By Hareega - United States

Today, I took my first day off in 3 weeks just so I can sleep in. The office secretary woke me up at 7.12 am with a page wishing me a nice day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30453

You deserved it

3955

Tweet

Share

By hugadyle - 18/4/2020 14:00

Getting some action

Today, I took a trip to the library's public computer section to get some important work done. After a bit of work, I went to stretch only to see that the man next to me was watching some adult films on his computer and discreetly touching himself. I still had 58 minutes of computer time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1480

You deserved it

146

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By awildwhisper | 30

#7444070 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 14:37

This is why all bathrooms need doors and locks...

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7444083 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 15:07

That must have either been a really noisy pad or those gulls had really sharp ears because the last time I checked, pads did not sound like bags of chips.

COMMENTS

By joeyl2008 | 29

#7444062 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 14:34

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Cali | 54

#7444159 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 17:21

...was that a really bad attempt at a joke?

By awildwhisper | 30

#7444070 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 14:37

This is why all bathrooms need doors and locks...

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7444083 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 15:07

That must have either been a really noisy pad or those gulls had really sharp ears because the last time I checked, pads did not sound like bags of chips.

Reply

awildwhisper | 30

#7444195 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 18:18

well they do have sharp hearing

Reply

Isa_fml | 20

#7444391 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 0:05

They're birds, I imagine any kind of plastic crinkling is going to make them think "FOOD!"

Reply

Glowworm56 | 25

#7444423 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 1:15

Sadly, I can easily imagine them all going "MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!" XD

By wickedgetz | 29

#7444252 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 20:11

Kids these days have great hearing.

By GIJoefan | 6

#7444282 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 20:44

Silly birds!

By kimiirenee | 17

#7444295 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 21:07

if you're at the beach, why not use a tampon so you don't end up with a bloody diaper on?

Reply

TaoShaman | 24

#7444324 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 22:24

Not everyone can or wants to. And what do diapers have to do with anything? They're not the same thing. People go to the beach without getting in the water all the time.

By Isa_fml | 20

#7444378 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 23:52

Doorless restroom? The fuck?

By Ray_of_midnight | 22

#7444406 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 0:36

Do you look like Tippi Hedren?

By PaulieXP | 16

#7444592 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 11:13

When they saw it wasn't food, did they run so far away?

By EbyKat | 16

#7444890 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 21:14

Time to switch to menstrual cups.