Work: Today, while training a new employee, I had to run after a naked... - FML

By Awkward - 22/08/2013 23:50 - United States

Today, while training a new employee, I had to run after a naked guy chasing a hooker at the hotel I work at. I made him go back to his room, while she offered me a good time for 300 bucks. The trainee left and hasn't come back yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 561

You deserved it 3 136

Good kid

Statutory

I'm not that old!

By eeh - 07/05/2009 14:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 592

You deserved it 103 277

By Fatnlonely - 20/08/2019 12:00

Today, at a pool party, I had forgotten to bring a swim suit, so I went in in my bra and shorts. After everyone screaming and telling me to put my shirt back on, I asked, "Why? It's the same as a bikini." My best friend told me it was because no one wanted to see me topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 627

You deserved it 408

By corasmom - 27/07/2011 18:09 - United States

Today, I learned that my daughter's gerbils are not afraid of the vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 826

You deserved it 10 514

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 16:19 - United Kingdom

Today, the highlight of my day was someone prank-calling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 799

You deserved it 5 480

By soawkward - 26/01/2012 19:09 - Canada

Today, I passed out in the shower with my boyfriend. He just left me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 953

You deserved it 5 126

Let's not get too committed

By Just a Bro - 13/06/2021 03:31 - India

Spicy

Today, it was the third time a guy high-fived me after sex. The other two guys gave me a fist bump. Is this a universal thing, or am I just one of the bros? FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 194

By polebitch49 - 14/03/2014 20:45 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 928

You deserved it 7 432

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 04:10 - France

Today, I was bored so I got my little brother's toy spaceship and a teddy bear, went to my room and started flying them around, having dog fights, making explosion noises and humming epic orchestral music. My mom opened my bedroom door, showing our new hot female neighbour around the house. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 035

You deserved it 38 244

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 05:39 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I accidentally texted my mother instead of my drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 778

You deserved it 54 529

By Xpresss - 02/02/2009 10:39 - United States

Today, I came into work with a new hair cut and so far everyone has asked me If I lost a bet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 769

You deserved it 3 554

Bullshit excuse

By Anonymous - 27/09/2021 08:00

Today, my girlfriend recently dumped me because she's serious about her career (temp secretary) and needs a man who’s also serious about his career. I’m an area manager for 6 hotels, making almost six figures. I found out she's now dating a very low level weed dealer. Serious career. Sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 125

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 16:37 - United States - Middletown

Today, during a soccer game, some utter moron got the bright idea of trying to score a goal from his side of the field. I sarcastically made a big show of just barely stopping the ball, and nailed it off to the side. The ball hit a kid so hard in the head that he had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 764

You deserved it 4 983

By KMilly - 01/05/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I rolled down the windows in my car. When I tried to roll up the passenger side window, it was stuck. Rain was coming so I freaked out and brought it to the dealership to get it fixed. The man pushed the child safety lock button and the entire garage erupted in laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 386

You deserved it 62 445

By bbbbb - 14/10/2012 05:29 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I slipped on a crayon a little girl threw on the floor, causing me to drop the tray of water I was carrying, making me spill it all over her. After getting cussed out by her mom, I was fired for making a customer unhappy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 216

You deserved it 1 882

Crashtony Cartano here

By Anonymous - 05/11/2020 23:03

Today, my husband sped my car up to 80 in a 30, and almost crashed, which would have killed us both. What did I do to set him off? I played a song he didn't like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 126

By Flipside - 02/05/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, as I was driving home, I saw a woman get hit by a car. I immediately parked on the side of the road to assist her. I called an ambulance and stayed with her until they came to get her, comforting her all the while. When I returned to my car, I found a parking ticket in my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112 590

You deserved it 6 430

One law for thee…

By Jules - 03/03/2021 14:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my country’s health minister said on TV, "Stay home! Don’t travel, don’t meet people!" The same evening, he drove to another state to have dinner with a group of people who gave money to his political party. He had taken a COVID test before. It came back positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 100

By iailwkrb - 26/02/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 742

You deserved it 27 909

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 03:25 - France

Today, I was so bored, I sewed my name into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 519

You deserved it 13 843

By e - 02/12/2010 09:24 - United States

Today, I couldn't find my key so I sat against the wall to wait for my roommate to get home. I fell asleep. When I woke up a few hours later, I could hear her inside. She chose not to wake me up and let me in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 385

You deserved it 4 306

Gag reflex

By banananana - 25/09/2019 20:00 - Switzerland

Today, my dentist applied a paste on my teeth to make them more resistant. It tasted so disgustingly like artificial banana that I had to throw up. I'm not allowed to brush my teeth, drink or eat for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 181

By Nafypoo - 21/11/2018 22:00

Today, I was playing competitively for my clan in a tournament. Money is involved, and I was doing quite well until my girlfriend up and turned the PS4 off because I wasn't "paying enough attention" to her, despite being on a holiday with her for the previous 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 389

You deserved it 898

I've just got one of those faces

By Eric Rivera - 29/01/2021 23:01 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, while walking to the corner store, I noticed a car full of teenage girls. As I got closer to the store, one of them who was still getting in, says, "Hurry, here comes a pedo!" I turned to look and see who they were talking about, but there was no one behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 100

Memory low

By emma - 24/12/2020 05:02

Today, while my mom was explaining the house rules surrounding the towels, I took out a notepad and began taking notes. She snatched it away and threw it across the room. I need the notes or else I’ll forget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 144

By foreveravirgin - 15/08/2012 19:07 - United States - New Orleans

Spicy

Today, I found out that instead of going on a date with a girl I've liked for months, I'm going to be forced to have lunch with my grandmother tomorrow. Instead of losing my virginity, I will get to be interrogated about why I'm single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 616

You deserved it 7 264

By owwie - 13/02/2010 20:11 - United States

Today, it snowed in South Carolina for the first time in 10 years. It snowed eight whole inches! I was so excited, I yelled for my kids and ran outside to build a snowman. I ran out to the steps and slipped on ice. I woke up in the hospital with a bad concussion. The snow had all melted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 515

You deserved it 6 060

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 23:58

Today, while on my driving test, the guy told me to pull over and do a U-turn. A few minutes later, he asked me to do another one. After the test, he said I'd failed because the second U-turn was illegal, and I should have refused to comply. I didn't know they're even allowed do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 011

You deserved it 5 507

By Tejanoswhy - 18/12/2015 18:16

Today, I found out why my history grade is so low: the kid in front of me takes my homework, writes his name on it, and passes it off as his own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 701

You deserved it 1 807

Good boy

By Johndoe - 30/10/2021 20:00

Today, my dad called my by the family dog's name, and stared at me blankly as if struggling to remember my name when I was annoyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 126

By Mr.no contacts - 31/03/2013 07:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that for some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except for four, and they are doing their best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 523

You deserved it 5 717

By Anonymous - 13/05/2017 02:00

Today, while on vacation, I got fired for not working a shift I wasn't scheduled for. Even after texting my boss a copy of my vacation approval letter, she still fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 937

You deserved it 323

By taintedlover - 13/05/2014 21:31 - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 040

You deserved it 7 539

By suckstobeme - 12/04/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?", she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163 653

You deserved it 10 695

By mel - 25/03/2016 13:20 - United States - Smithville

Today, the guy I buy weed from invited me to have Easter dinner with his family, since I've nowhere else to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 310

You deserved it 5 236

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 21:31 - United States

Today, I was outside, eating a sandwich, when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me. Upon making eye contact, he grabbed the rest of my sandwich and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 834

You deserved it 5 003

By AquaKelly - 24/12/2014 01:48 - United States - Newark

Today, I set a trap to catch a mouse that ran across my foot. Not only did the trap shut on my finger twice, but I watched the mouse run over the trap without it snapping shut. I guess I have a new roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 760

You deserved it 4 734

By Perpetually F-ed. - 17/01/2009 14:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, my younger brother and my parents were in my dorm room. When I wasn't looking, my brother opened the top drawer of my dresser (where I had a tube of half-used lube) and asked out loud: "What's Astroglide?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 249

You deserved it 9 276

By Anonymous - 27/09/2016 21:29 - United States - Fairfield

Today, two months into my new marketing job, I presented my first webinar live to over 300 people. Half the audience complained about the horrible sound quality, saying all they could hear was a Mickey Mouse squeaky sound. Turns out it wasn't the sound quality, it was my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 335

You deserved it 995

By Anonymous - 25/02/2015 11:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my friends that I'd gotten a paid position to cover a worker's bereavement leave for the next three weeks. They then called me an insensitive bitch for 'profiting from someone else's misfortune'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 537

You deserved it 2 844

By badidea - 23/12/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, someone nearly hit me with their car, so I flipped them the finger. They turned back around and tried to run me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 681

You deserved it 10 069

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

TheOnlyKittyKat 15

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 9:18

Pfft! That trainee is a pussy! If he can't handle a pimp or his hoes, he's gonna have a hard time dealing with the real world. On an unrelated note: who would pay over 50 bucks for stinky, used up, mystery vagina?

\ 28

Friday 23 August 2013 9:15

Welp, time to find a new trainee.

Comments

\ 28

Friday 23 August 2013 9:15

Welp, time to find a new trainee.

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 9:37

Why do that when OP can easily just go to the trainees house and confront him why he left. I'm positive OP has his address somewhere filed.

\ 28

Friday 23 August 2013 9:41

#22 - if that really were a common practice, I'd be very, very scared.

TheCanucklehead 22

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 9:48

So 22 wouldn't leave a job where there's naked people chasing hookers...

RoboCunnilingus 23

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 11:10

Grand Theft Auto V... For real.

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 11:57

Yikes, here I thought leaving was the trainee's choice. And if that's a normal night, a good choice. You should be able to leave without being confronted.

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 15:06

Op has a potential trainee in front of him. The hooker has spent a lot of times in hotels, she has drive, the ability to get the Jon done, deal with all types of people, and can run a business.

TheCaramelKing 11

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 17:20

Or a new hotel

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 21:41

If the hooker wound up missing too, then I think I know where the trainee went.

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 9:16

I don't think he got hooked on the whole idea of the job.

Send a private message

Sunday 25 August 2013 2:40

Not to the extend he would want to run to

TheOnlyKittyKat 15

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 9:18

Pfft! That trainee is a pussy! If he can't handle a pimp or his hoes, he's gonna have a hard time dealing with the real world. On an unrelated note: who would pay over 50 bucks for stinky, used up, mystery vagina?

\ 28

Friday 23 August 2013 9:19

Better question: who would pay any money at all for that?

graceinsheepwear 33

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 9:21

It was obviously a john, not a pimp, if he was naked.

\ 28

Friday 23 August 2013 9:22

You can get that for free here in SoCal. All you have to do is wear an Obey snapback and skinny jeans.

TheOnlyKittyKat 15

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 9:24

@5 A man with a mid-life crisis? A desperate guy? A politician with a boring sex life? @10 Sometimes a producer needs to test out his own product.

graceinsheepwear 33

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 9:31

I am curious as to how you came up with 50 bucks as a cut off. You might get a blow job from somebody on a slow night for that, but don't kid yourself that there isn't decent money to be made in flesh. I'm not saying I condone it, I'm just saying...

cuppycakeslove 20

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 9:18

Don't expect him to come back

DDCA 24

Send a private message

Saturday 24 August 2013 8:40

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 9:19

Hopefully that's not a daily occurrence, although as a trainee that must have been a very bad first impression.

\ 28

Friday 23 August 2013 9:37

Maybe that was grounds enough for him to leave suddenly...

UnluckyGenius 21

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 9:19

I wouldn't come back either. The hooker has a good head for business though.

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 9:19

Best first day of training ever!

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 9:21

naked hooker chasers these days ...

flockz 19

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 9:23

she probably got laid.... off.

twinkiefeets 17

Send a private message

Friday 23 August 2013 9:24

If I were the trainee I'd run away too. Burger King sounds better than that.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 9

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 16

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 1 967

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 190